Am I Boring My Dog? Part 16

66.

The longer you have your dog, the fewer you'll have of these, I've discovered. Which is fine. Your new friends will be nicer, smarter, and better looking than the grouches who don't love dogs.

67.

The secured exit, as well as the style or lack thereof, distinguishes crates from doghouses. See Chapter 9 for details on the latter.

68.

Mixed breeds are excellent mult.i.taskers, the short-order cooks of the dog world.

69.

Many games that are organized for dogs (see question 77) simulate job skills, such as sheep herding and sled-carting. In contrast, few of the real and virtual games humans play bear any resemblance to their jobs, except for professional athlete and mercenary.

70.

That said, don't stereotype. Dogs are individuals and may not conform to breed profiles precisely, for better or worse. Size and face shape are often good energy-level predictors for mixed breeds, but be prepared for surprises.

71.

A prerequisite for many exercise-providing games is your dog's proven compliance with the "drop it" command. You don't want your pup getting too riled up or becoming overly possessive of whatever item is being tossed around or pulled on-or eating it. You may not be able to refine the drop site, however, so dress for the possibility of getting drooly items plopped into your lap or onto your shoes.

72.

Those who've been outsmarted by their dogs, as I've often been by Frankie, should not be offended by this statement.

73.

In fact, no one really knows how well dogs can see in two dimensions. But you can bet they would probably prefer Smell-O-Vision to even 3-D TV (a.s.suming you could bet they would probably prefer Smell-O-Vision to even 3-D TV (a.s.suming you could bet they would probably prefer Smell-O-Vision to even 3-D TV (a.s.suming you could get them to put on the special gla.s.ses). get them to put on the special gla.s.ses).

74.

According to Wikipedia, performing with Yanni is one of Bradley Joseph's claims to fame. If you and/or your dog are allergic to New Age music, this may be relevant.

75.

Caveat listener: Although he also has dogs, DogCat Radio founder Adrian Martinez, a former record label president, said he created the station in 2005 because his cat asked him to.

76.

That's a relative term. Dogs are usually the most upset for the first half hour or so after you leave, so a toy doesn't have to be engaging for more than an hour.

77.

On one website, Premier's Tug-a-Jug is touted as being made of bulletproof material. I don't find that very heartening. Yes, these toys help hone intelligence, but not even Frankie would be sharp enough to grab the Tug-a-Jug and use it as a s.h.i.+eld if he were under fire.

78.

As opposed to "I bundle the pack into the elevator," or "I leave them tied up outside, unattended," the correct answer is, "I have my super-reliable a.s.sistant wait with them."

79.

Okay, okay, this is a cla.s.sic case of "blame the dog" when you fart. I can't afford to pay off everyone who knows the truth: Frankie has an adorable prancing gait, like a tiny Lipizzaner stallion, while I'm the big ol' klutz.

80.

In fact, this is likely to be the first time you'll learn the other people's names. One of the implicit rules of the dog park is to avoid showing an untoward interest in the humans. You will be identified as, say, "Bella's mom" or "Hooter's dad." Of course, dog park romances do occur, in which case you will (probably) learn the other person's ident.i.ty. Beware, however, of the dreaded dog park breakup if there are limited off-leash options in your town.

81.

Well, except for the Deliverance- Deliverance-type guys at one campground, but they were exceptions. And my friends had Dasha and Madison, their two semi-large dogs, with them, looking semi-fierce.

82.

I was initially thinking that you could just pull over and have your dog go al fresco, but have since discovered Pup-Head Portable Potty with PupGra.s.s, billed as "Ideal for Boats and RVs! Now your dog can relieve themselves [sic] when they're not able to get to 'real' gra.s.s."

83.

With Pet Airways (petairways.com), which debuted in 2009, your dog flies in the cabin-but not with you. It's a nice concept, but has several limitations, the least of which is the need to coordinate human and canine flights. In addition, only a few routes are currently available and certain breeds are excluded from air travel. (I think they'd behave better than drunk humans, but no one consulted me.)

84.

Dogs have also been known to s.h.i.+ft gears-and even take their owner's car for a short spin. To cite only a couple of recent examples, a Pit Bull left in a vehicle going through an automatic carwash in Pryor, Oklahoma, reversed it into traffic; and a Boxer/Shar-Pei mix drove his owner's idling van into a Long Island, New York, coffee shop. Neither dogs nor humans were injured in these incidents, but the Oklahoma owner had his license revoked-not because his dog was driving but because the police discovered that neither he (nor the Pit Bull) had auto insurance.

85.

You may also get a lot of unwelcome notoriety. While walking along the side of the road, author Stephen King was struck by a minivan. Driver Bryan Smith-who subsequently turned up as a character in one of King's books-claimed he had been distracted by his Rottweiler, who was moving around the vehicle, trying to raid the food cooler.