Am I Boring My Dog? Part 17

86.

Of course, I got the Hyundai before I got Frankie. Who knows what I might do if this book becomes a best-seller and I can afford to upgrade my wheels? According to a study by the American Kennel Club, some 47 percent of dog owners take their pooches into account when buying an automobile. See the reviews on dogcars.com if you're among them. if you're among them.

87.

And in case you don't want to open the minibar, lest its oversensitive sensors charge you for a bottle of something expensive that you didn't actually drink. Yes, I speak from experience.

88.

I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. But that would be a great name for a dog motel with a limited room service menu, wouldn't it? Consider it copyrighted.

89.

This was because, after our first two nights there, the wonderful Polynesian-themed Caliente Tropics motel had been entirely booked with a tiki-lovers conference. Who knew there was so much tiki culture to celebrate beyond umbrella drinks?

90.

Don't worry if you're in the general ballpark, size-wise; no one will humiliate you by weighing your dog. Archie, who is 28 pounds-all muscle, but a bit taller than Frankie-had no problem pa.s.sing muster when Clare and I checked him into an Arizona resort that had a 25-pound limit.

91.

However, the James Chicago Hotel offers an indoor salt.w.a.ter lap pool built especially for dogs, with skinny-dipping permitted (perhaps even required).

92.

One Arizona resort that only accepts dogs who weigh less than 20 pounds presented Frankie with a welcome biscuit that was bigger than his head. If he had managed to get hold of, and consume, the entire thing, I would have had to pay for vomit cleanup.

93.

I received an item with the unfortunate name of "Bon Ton Luxury Pet Disposal Kit," which sounds like something Tony Soprano might have used to dispatch an irritating s.h.i.+h Tzu.

94.

Oddly, some humans don't want to share the actual spa with dogs.

95.

I may have sacrificed easy access to art cinemas by moving from Manhattan to Tucson, but I never have to leave home when Frankie needs to heed nature's call (and Frankie never has to be subjected to doggie diapers while he's still continent). I'm not sure if it's a good or bad sign that I now consider this a reasonable tradeoff.

96.

I'm thinking of the Cooper's Hawk that sometimes swoops into my backyard for a small-bird snack and wouldn't appreciate Frankie's continuous presence. I concede that, in Manhattan, pigeons may be annoying but they generally observe a beaks-off canine policy.

97.

Leaving your dog inside under those circ.u.mstances is a far better idea, but sometimes temperatures fluctuate unexpectedly. And northern breeds may nag you to let them stay outside and play in the snow.

98.

Other animals enter only occasionally, no doubt aware of the fierce dog guarding the premises (the fence around my backyard helps, too). When Frankie first came to live with me, however, a large neighborhood cat decided to check him out. I spotted Frankie walking backward through the dining room into the kitchen, keeping a careful eye on the kitty while trying to elude her. Perhaps it was shame over this early incident that has made him such a vigilant home protector ever since.

99.

You might think that a large dog door would signal the presence of a large dog and thus deter robbers, but that's not always the case, as a homeowner in Shawnee, Kansas, discovered. According to a local news report, after noticing several missing items, Paul Vanlerberg set up a surveillance camera. The video it produced showed that the thieves crawled in through the dog door and helped themselves to liquor, cash, and electronics without rousing the door's intended user. Bad dog! neither weather-tight nor secure. Many newer models, however, remain economical but provide better protection against both the elements and uninvited visitors. Some, for example, have a s.p.a.ce between the two flaps that insulates against the weather. Others offer a simple locking mechanism such as a slide-in plastic panel that allows you to secure the door whenever you like. neither weather-tight nor secure. Many newer models, however, remain economical but provide better protection against both the elements and uninvited visitors. Some, for example, have a s.p.a.ce between the two flaps that insulates against the weather. Others offer a simple locking mechanism such as a slide-in plastic panel that allows you to secure the door whenever you like.

100.

According to pet-supplies-review.com, an "electronic" door usually refers to one that unlocks a flap that your dog may then push open, while "automatic" means a door that swings or slides open itself when your dog approaches.

101.

That's not true of vinyl flooring, for which it's sometimes mistaken. Vinyl uses lots of chemicals in its manufacturing-as opposed to linseed oil, a prime component of linoleum and the source of its name: Linum is Latin for flax, and linseed oil is derived from flaxseed.

102.

For example, that old beanbag chair from your hippie days that you could never bring yourself to throw away (unless your dog is a chewer; then you might actually find out what the chair is filled with). If, however, you redirect your dog to your significant other's favorite lounge chair, it would (correctly) be construed as a hostile act.

103.

Or a facsimile thereof. My friend Karyn puts old sheets or blankets on the couch where her Greyhound, Lily, lounges. Because Karyn knows I'm not judgmental about dog-related untidiness-or untidiness in general-I'm not sure if the coverings are there for Lily's comfort or if they're removed before neater company arrives.

104.

Yes, we're discussing vomit and diarrhea. If you don't get to the former quickly, your dog may resolve part of the problem by eating what he's just upchucked. I was shocked when I first saw my refined little Frankie recycle his discarded food, but I guess he wasn't going to let a little gastric acid keep him from enjoying something he liked the first time around.

105.

Consumer Reports often tests vacuum cleaners for their effectiveness in dealing with pet hair. The 81-model survey published in 2008 made owners of Dyson models, which weren't very highly rated, very irate. They rushed to the defense of their preferred brand on various Internet forums.

106.

Marijuana makes this short list, too, so keep your dog out of the grow room and don't let her get into any pot brownies (a double threat because chocolate is bad for her health, too). Ingestion is the only form of cannabis contact that the ASPCA warns against, but your pup should be discouraged from smoking weed because it's illegal.

107.

Unconditional shouldn't be confused with constant or uninterrupted, however. An interest in food, for example, might distract even the most affectionate of dogs from adoration duty. But dogs don't hold grudges, so you won't experience more than a temporary withholding of affection if, say, you don't deliver dinner in a timely fas.h.i.+on.

108.

A Manhattan judge reduced Trouble's bequest to a mere $2 million after the family contested the will on the grounds that Helmsley was not of sound mind when she wrote it. Be sure to emphasize the unfairness of that decision-in a very lucid fas.h.i.+on. And note that the uncontested bulk of Helmsley's fortune, several billion dollars, was left to animal care charities.

109.

If you need help deciding on a reputable charity, see petplace.com/dogs/tip-on-choosing-a-pet-charity-for-dogs/page1.aspx.

110.

And Frankie wants to know, can I get a loan?

111.

In most business circles, it's still more acceptable to say, "I want to stay home with my children" than to a.s.sert, "My dog really needs me during this crucial furniture-chewing phase."

112.

This theoretically includes the likes of cats and birds, but "pet-friendly" is a nonspeciesist euphemism for what is overwhelmingly an open-dog policy.

113.

It's possible, of course, for the boss to have an unruly and thus annoying dog, but every dog lover knows where the blame lies in that case.

114.