Big Trouble Part 15

The first person Matt saw, when he reached the foyer, was Arthur Herk, standing in the doorway. Matt was going to say h.e.l.lo, but the look on Arthur's face-a very unpleasant look, even for Arthur-stopped him.

"Who is it, Matt?" It was Anna's voice, from the living room.

Matt started to answer, but stopped, because he had just noticed, behind Arthur, a short, wide, bearded man lugging a suitcase. Behind him was ... ohmiG.o.d ...

"Who is it?" came Anna's voice again, now rising.

Matt backed around the corner, followed by Arthur and Puggy. Anna, seeing them, said, "Arthur! Who's ... " She caught her breath, and Jenny screamed, as the panty hose-distorted face of Snake came into view.

"SHUDDUP, 'less you wanna get shot," said Snake, brandis.h.i.+ng the gun at Anna and Jenny. They quieted, both staring, horrified, at the hole in the end of the gun. Snake liked that. He liked holding a gun, having this magical thing in his hand that he could just point at people, like a wand, and they did whatever he said.

He studied the two women on the sofa, the kingpin's women. He was pretty sure he'd seen the older one somewhere around the Grove ... Yeah, that was her; she'd walked past him like he was a piece of s.h.i.+t. Tonight would be different.

Snake moved closer to Anna and Jenny; they shrank back on the sofa.

"Lessee what we got here," said Snake. "Mmm-mmm. These are some fine-lookin' women, here. Fme-lookin'." He glanced back at Arthur. "Just like you promised."

Anna looked at Arthur. He would not meet her eyes.

Snake said to Anna, "We gonna have some fun tonight." With his non-gun hand, he reached down and slowly, deliberately, stroked his crotch.

"If you touch my daughter," said Anna, "I swear to G.o.d I'll cut your b.a.l.l.s off."

"Your daughter, huh?" said Snake, looking at Jenny, his hand still rubbing between his legs. "That right? She's a young thing? Can't leave her momma?" He raised the gun and aimed it right at Anna's face, and he could see in the way she looked at it that, despite her tough talk, he owned her. As long as he had the magic wand, he owned everything.

"I touch what I wanna touch," he said. He took his hand from his crotch and reached it toward Jenny, who whimpered and shrank back.

Matt said, "Drop the gun right now or I'll shoot you."

Snake, still aiming at Anna, turned his head and saw the boy aiming a gun at him. It was the JetBlast Junior squirt gun, but it looked real to Snake.

"Don't f.u.c.k with me, kid," he said.

"I swear I'll shoot you, mister," said Matt.

"You shoot me," said Snake, "I shoot your girlfriend." He moved his gun slightly, so it was pointing at Jenny. He was not letting go of his wand.

They stood that way for five seconds, Matt aiming at Snake, Snake aiming at Jenny, n.o.body with a clue what to do next. The silence ended with a crash from the foyer, which was the sound of Eddie, blinded by his panty hose, falling over an umbrella stand. The sound startled everybody, especially Matt, who squeezed the trigger of his JetBlast Junior, squirting a stream of water onto Snake.

"Whoops," said Matt.

Snake, in two steps, was next to Matt, slas.h.i.+ng sideways with his gun barrel.

"Unnnh," said Matt, going down, his hands grabbing his face. Snake knelt and pressed the gun barrel against Mart's ear.

"You f.u.c.kin' punk" he said. "Before I kill you, I'm gonna let you watch what I do to your girlfriend, you hear me? You hear me?" He forced the gun barrel hard into Mart's ear.

"Yes!" said Matt. "OW YES!"

"You better hear me, punk," said Snake. "Eddie! Get in here!"

"Dammit, Snake," said Eddie, from the foyer, "you keep sayin' my name!"

"Never mind that," said Snake. "Get in here and take that thing off your head."

"They'll see us," said Eddie, feeling his way into the living room.

"Don't matter anymore," said Snake, ripping the panty hose off his head. He was thinking like a kingpin now; he had a plan.

Eddie took off his panty hose, brushed some greasy strands of hair out of his eyes, and blinked at the scene in the living room. On the sofa were two women, one he'd ha.s.sled for money earlier that day in the Grove, the other very young, both way out of Eddie's league. In the corner were the two guys they had brought from the bar, the kingpin and the little strong guy that Snake had kicked. On the floor was some kid, holding his face.

Eddie went over to Snake and whispered, "Snake, what the f.u.c.k're you doin'?"

"What we're doin'," Snake whispered back, "is we're gonna tie up these a.s.sholes"-he nodded toward Arthur, Puggy, and Matt-"and then we're gonna have us some p.u.s.s.y"-he nodded toward Anna and Jenny-"and then we're gonna find out what's inna suitcase, and where this guy keeps his real money, and then we're gonna tidy up in here, and then we're gonna go to the Bahamas and we ain't never gonna have to work again."

"The Bahamas?" said Eddie. "Snake, we don't know nothing about no Bahamas."

"We're gonna find out," said Snake. He'd heard they went pretty easy on kingpins in the Bahamas.

"What do you mean, tidy up in here?" said Eddie.

"I mean get rid of the loose ends," said Snake. "Now go find us some rope."

Agent Greer, with John preceding him, came out of the back room of the Jolly Jackal, shaking his head.

"It's not there," he said to Agent Seitz. "They got enough stuff back there to fight a war with North Korea, but no suitcase. Ivan here says he doesn't know what suitcase I'm talking about."

"Is that right, Ivan?" asked Seitz.

John nodded.

"Are you maybe thinking that you could use the suitcase as, like, a bargaining chip?" said Seitz. "Like, we want it so bad that we work out some kind of deal with you, like you tell us where it is, and we go easy on you? Maybe even just deport you back to Russia? Is that what you're maybe thinking?"

John said nothing. But that was, in fact, exactly what he had been thinking.

"Hmmm," said Seitz, frowning. "What do you think, Agent Greer?"

"Hmmm," said Greer, also frowning. "What do you think, Agent Seitz?"

"I think," said Seitz, pausing a moment, "nah." Without moving from the bar stool, he shot John in the foot. He was an excellent shot.

John fell to the floor screaming. He grabbed his shoe, which was oozing blood from holes on both the top and the bottom.

"Don't be a baby, Ivan," said Greer, looking down. "It's just your foot."

"It's what we at the Bureau call an 'extremity shot,' " explained Seitz. "Generally, the victim survives. They don't do so good with what we call a 'torso shot.' "

Greer, bending down to the writhing figure on the floor, said, "What do you think, Ivan? You want to experience a torso shot?"

John, through gritted teeth, said, "I tell you who has suitcase."

Greer looked at Seitz and said, "I love Special Executive Order 768 dash 4."

Roger the dog crouched on the patio, his nose thirty inches from the Enemy Toad. The toad was sitting in Roger's dish, munching on Roger's kibble, and Roger was growling at it. This had been going on for more than two hours, but Roger was not bored. Growling at the toad was a big part of his day.

Roger's head snapped up when he heard the sound of something sc.r.a.ping against the fence at the far end of the yard. The sound meant that there was an intruder, and to Roger, that meant only one thing: There might be food. In an instant he had left the toad and was hurtling through the underbrush, a hungry, hairy bullet.

Eddie couldn't find any rope, so, at Snake's instruction, he went around the living room, dining room, family room, and kitchen and ripped out the cords to the telephones, which Snake didn't want working anyway. He brought the cords into the living room, where Snake had Anna and Jenny still on the couch, and Puggy and Arthur sitting on the floor next to Matt, whose face was red and whose nose was bleeding about as much as the last time he'd been over to the Herk household, when Anna had punched him out.

"OK," said Snake, gesturing at the three men on the floor. 'Tie 'em up."

Eddie, looking uncertain, went over and stood behind Matt.

"What kinda knot?" he asked Snake.

"Whaddya mean, what kinda knot?" said Snake. "Just tie 'em the f.u.c.k up."

"OK," said Eddie, "but I ain't no d.a.m.n Boy Scout. All's I know is the square knot and the whaddyacallit, the bowman. Which one you want?"

"JUST TIE 'EM UP," said Snake. He had decided that, once he got established as a kingpin in the Bahamas, he was definitely going to get a better cla.s.s of henchman.

Leonard, definitely feeling the second order of spaghetti and sausage he'd had for dinner, grunted as he heaved his body over the wall at the back of the Herk property. He dropped to the ground next to Henry, who was peering up into the big tree.

"You lookin' for Tarzan?" asked Leonard. "He's inna house, right?"

"I'm thinking maybe my rifle is up there," said Henry. "Looks like there's some kind of platform up there, where he jumped from."

Leonard looked up into the tree and said, "Why the f.u.c.k would he-OOOM!"

Roger had just given Leonard a traditional hearty dog welcome, which consisted of rocketing headfirst into Leonard's groin, knocking him backward and down.

"Get away from me, dammit!" said Leonard, unsuccessfully trying to fend off Roger, who had detected several residual atoms of marinara sauce on Leonard's chin and was frantically trying to lick them off before some rival dog found them. "Henry, get him offme!"

Henry grabbed Roger by the collar and lifted him off Leonard. This did not cause Roger any physical discomfort, as Roger was basically a large fur-covered muscle controlled by a brain the size of a Raisinet. In fact, Roger was delighted: Another person was here! Maybe this one had food!

"Get down, dammit," said Henry, trying to push the dog away, wondering if maybe he would have to shoot it. Suddenly, Roger's head snapped up. He had detected something that Henry and Leonard could not hear at this distance: the intercom buzzer! Roger knew that sound; it meant somebody was here. And whoever it was might have food. As suddenly as he had appeared, Roger went rocketing back toward the house.

Henry said, "I'm gonna take a look up in the tree." From the ground, Leonard said, "I'm never gonna leave New Jersey again."

Eddie, wrapping the phone cord around Matt's wrists, had tied one knot-he thought it was a square, but it was actually a granny-when the intercom unit in the foyer buzzed.

Everybody looked at Snake. The intercom buzzed again, longer this time.

"OK," said Snake, grabbing Anna by the arm and yanking her roughly to her feet. "You go tell whoever that is to go away. You don't say nothin' stupid or you get shot." He followed Anna partway into the foyer, standing where he could see her and the living room. The intercom buzzed again. Anna pushed the talk b.u.t.ton.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"Miami Police," said a male voice.

"s.h.i.+t," whispered Snake.

The intercom voice said, "This is Officer Kramitz and Officer Ramirez. Can we come in, please?"

Anna looked at Snake, who was pointing the gun at her. "Ask 'em what they want," he whispered.

"What do you want?" Anna said.

"We need to talk to Jenny Herk," said the voice.

Snake whispered, "Tell 'em she ain't here."

"She's not here," said Anna.

There was a pause, then the voice said, "Well, can we come in and speak to you for a moment, ma'am?"

Anna looked at Snake, who again whispered, "s.h.i.+t," and then, "OK, open the gate and let 'em come to the front door."

"I'm opening the gate," said Anna, punching in the code.

"Sounded to me like somebody was telling her what to say," said Walter, as the gate slid open.

"Yeah, I heard that, too," said Monica. "I'm wondering if it was the husband."

"He's the a.s.shole, right?" said Walter.