Kate Burkholder: Gone Missing Part 22

"Someone who is devout." I toss out the first thing that comes to mind, playing off his question, brainstorming. "Someone who disapproves of the way these young people are living their lives. Someone who believes they should be punished." I look at Tomasetti. "Frank Gilfillan and the Twelve Pa.s.sages Church."

"Is he trying to punish them? Recruit them? Or redeem them?"

"Maybe all three."

"So the fact that these Amish teens are confused about their religious beliefs makes them vulnerable. That's a benefit to Gilfillan. That's how he finds them."

"Maybe Annie King refused to be recruited," I venture.

"That could fit," Tomasetti says.

"I'm starting to like Gilfillan for this." I find myself wanting to return to Buck Creek with him in the morning, so I can be there when they execute the warrant. But I can't leave with Sadie missing. Not when the last missing girl turned up dead.

An image of Sadie flashes in my mind's eye. I see her as she was that day on the bridge in her skimpy tank top, with her long brown arms and reckless, engaging smile. Sadie with a can of beer in one hand, a cigarette in the other. Sadie rolling around on the ground and throwing punches with the abandon of a born street fighter.

"Tomasetti, I don't want to lose this girl," I say quietly.

"I know."

"Sadie is..." I don't know how to finish the sentence. I almost said "special," but I know in my heart she's no more special than the others. All of them are someone's daughter or son or brother or sister. All of them are loved.

"We'll get him," he says.

"She's hard to handle. She won't acquiesce." I stare at the whiteboard, but I no longer see the words. "She might not have much time."

"Kate, we're doing everything we can."

That's one of the things I admire about Tomasetti; he'll never prop me up with false hope. He'll never make promises he can't keep, no matter how desperately I need to hear them.

He crosses to me. "I know what you're thinking."

I smile, but it feels crooked on my face. "That I wish I wasn't on the wagon?"

He's standing so close, I can smell the remnants of his aftershave, feel the heat radiating from his body against mine. I see the five o'clock shadow on his jaw, the capillaries in eyes that are red from lack of sleep and too many hours on the road.

He frowns, but not in a serious way. "You're beating yourself up because you're not out there looking for her."

The urge to argue is strong. But I don't. Mainly because he's right. "Do you want me to lie down on the sofa so you can ask me how I feel about that?"

"I know this is going to be a stunning revelation for you, Kate, but you and I need sleep and downtime, just like everyone else."

"You're not trying to tell me we're human, are you?"

He offers a wan smile, but his eyes remain serious. "I wish I could tell you we're going to go out there tomorrow and find her and bring her home. That we're going to get this guy. We both know it doesn't always work out that way."

When I look away, he puts his fingertips under my chin and guides my gaze back to his. "The one thing I can tell you is that we're doing our best. That's all anyone can do. That's got to be enough."

I don't intend to reach for him. But one moment, I'm standing there, feeling shredded and unbearably guilty. The next, my arms are around Tomasetti's shoulders and his mouth is fastened to mine. The power of the kiss makes my head spin. My body surges to life with an intensity that shocks me. I'm caught in a flash flood and tumbling out of control....

He grasps my biceps, and then my back is against the wall. His mouth trails kisses down my throat. His hands fumble at my belt and my robe falls open. His hands find my b.r.e.a.s.t.s. I hear myself gasp as callus-rough palms brush against sensitive skin. I'm having a difficult time catching my breath.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, a tiny voice shouts a warning. It tells me anything that feels this good can't possibly be real or true or lasting.

I don't listen.

He's got the robe off my shoulders when I realize if I don't stop this right now, we're going to have s.e.x either on the floor or on my desk, neither of which appeals.

I sidle right. Tomasetti follows and we stumble down the hall and into my bedroom. Dropping my robe on the floor, I draw back the covers and get into bed. Clothes rustle as he works off his s.h.i.+rt and steps out of his trousers.

And then he's sliding into bed beside me. The familiar rush of what I can only describe as joy fills me when he puts his arms around me. My worries about Annie King and Sadie Miller and the case that has refused to come together fade into the background. And for a short time, we shut out the rest of the world. We take refuge in each other's arms and this safe harbor we've built.

I wake, to find Tomasetti standing beside the bed, naked, his hair still wet from a shower. I have no idea how long I've been sleeping.

"What are you doing?" I ask, stretching.

"I've got to go," he whispers. "Go back to sleep."

"What time is it?"

"Almost five. I'm late."

But he climbs into the bed beside me. I snuggle against his shoulder, reveling in the solid warmth of him, the feel of his arm around me, the smell of soap and aftershave and his own distinct scent.

"There's never enough time," he says.

"You're always sneaking away in the middle of the night."

"Not by choice. I've missed you."

Surprised by the seriousness of his tone, I raise up on an elbow and look at him. "Same goes."

"We could make this a little more permanent."

Shock rattles through me with such force that for an instant I can't speak. "What do you mean?"

He surprises me by laughing. "For G.o.d's sake, Kate, don't look so terrified."

I feign punching his shoulder. "I'm not."

He sobers, looks away, then finally meets my gaze. "I found a house," he says. "In Wooster. It's old and big, with four bedrooms and a barn. It's set on a couple of acres with a pond and lots of trees."

The statement hits me like ice water splashed in my face. "Wooster?" I repeat dumbly as my brain struggles to sift through the implications.

"It's less than an hour from the Richfield office. An easy commute for me. And thirty minutes from Painters Mill."

"You want to buy a house?"

"I want to live with you," he says firmly, but he's watching me carefully. "The house doesn't matter, Kate. It doesn't matter where we live. We can rent. Whatever you want."

"That's a big step, Tomasetti."

"It is. But we have something good." His expression softens and he kisses my temple. "You look like you're about to bolt."

I try to laugh, but my throat is too tight. "I didn't know you were thinking about ... moving in together."

"It would allow us to spend more time together." He shrugs. "Less commuting for me."

"More time for s.e.x," I say with a laugh.

"There is that."

I stare at him, trying to digest everything he's just laid on me. Admittedly, there's a part of me that's excited and flattered at the prospect of living with this man who is such a big part of my life, a man I admire and am wildly attracted to. But another part of me is terrified it would change things, bring something unwanted to a relations.h.i.+p that's good the way it is.

Knowing Tomasetti has enriched my life in ways I never imagined. In ways I never believed possible. I'm a better person because of him. I try harder because I know he will judge me, and I can't bear the thought of not measuring up. In a world that's stingy with friends.h.i.+p and trust, I've found a deep well of both with the most unlikely of sources.

I've never been in love, but I'm pretty sure I've found that with Tomasetti. I love him every way a woman can love a man. I love the part of him that is damaged and complex and difficult.

Does he love me? He's never said the words. He's never given me any indication as to the seriousness of his feelings for me. But is that proclamation some kind of unspoken prerequisite to shacking up? I don't know the answer to that, either.

What I do know is that three years ago, Tomasetti went through a horrific ordeal when his wife and children were murdered. He's come a long way since. He's recovered as much as a man can after something like that. But is he ready to love another woman?

"You're thinking awfully hard," he says.

"I'm trying not to screw this up."

"Nothing to screw up," he tells me. "Either you want to live with me or you don't."

"It's not quite that black and white," I tell him. "We're in a good place right now. I don't want to ruin that."

Leaning close, he brushes his mouth against my cheek and slides from the bed. "You don't have to decide in the next ten seconds. I have to go."

I watch as he steps into his trousers, jams his arms into the same s.h.i.+rt he wore the night before. "Tomasetti-"

"I left the rental parked in your driveway." He doesn't look at me as he b.u.t.tons the s.h.i.+rt and cuffs. "I'm going to need the Tahoe."

"Keys are on the counter by the fridge." I sit up, find my robe at the foot of the bed, and slip it on.

"Go back to sleep." He starts toward the hall.

"Tomasetti." I follow him, barefoot, knotting the belt as I go. "We need to talk about this."

I catch him in the kitchen just as he snags the keys off the counter. "I get it, Kate. It's okay."

"I'm terrible at this," I blurt. "I'm a coward."

"No you're not." He opens the door, pauses with his back to me. "On both counts. I have to go."

"I need to know if we're okay," I say.

"We are," he tells me, and closes the door behind him.

CHAPTER 17.

I arrive at the station just before 7:00 A.M. Mona is sitting at the dispatch station with her headset around her neck and a grape Popsicle sticking out of her mouth. She's wearing a pink-and-red-striped s.h.i.+rt with a black skirt that's barely long enough to cover her ... equipment. Black-tipped fingernails move deftly over her keyboard. She did something with her hair, but I can't put my finger on exactly what.

She glances up when I walk in and smiles. "Morning, Chief." She hands me a ma.s.sive stack of pink message slips. "Sorry. They've been piling up since about six."

"You looked different yesterday," I tell her as I page through messages.

"Hair." She indicates her head. "Added some burgundy."

"I like it."

She beams. "Any news on the Miller girl?"

"Hoping something will break today." I start toward my office, mentally reviewing all the things I need to get done, but an afterthought stops me and I turn back to Mona. "Are you busy?"

"If you can call a Popsicle busy, I'm swamped."

I start toward her desk, pulling my notepad from my pocket. "Can you research something for me?"

Her eyes light up, and I forgive her for the miniskirt. "I'd love to."

I reach her desk and flip through my pad. Finding the sheet I'm looking for-a page on which I've written down the names of everyone involved with the disappearances-and I tear it from the pad. "Take these names and hit a few search engines. See what pops."

"You looking for anything in particular?"

"A written confession on some blog would be nice," I mutter.

She hefts a laugh. "That might be just a tad optimistic, Chief."

I motion toward the paper in her hand. "Some of the people on the list aren't directly related to the disappearances, but I still want to look at them." Sometimes those are the people whose names eventually make their way to the top.

"Tax records?" she asks.

"Sure. Anything you can think of."

"When do you need it by?"

"Yesterday."