The Color Of Her Panties Part 30

Magpie led them to a lovely young woman wearing a serpentine gown. She was standing before a demon in mundane costume, reading a script. "No, I will not do that," she said, facing a blue line which was painted on the ground before her.

"But how else will we get across the river?" the demon asked, reading from his own script. He sounded unconvincing.

"We shall have to find some other way. A princess does not disrobe before a stranger."

"No, no!" an imposing figure of a demon objected. He had gnarled horns and swis.h.i.+ng tail, and fangs that shaped his mouth into a set snarl. "Do not volunteer the information! Make him ask for it."

"But it says here-" the woman protested.

"Not anymore, Nada," the old demon said.

Nada glanced at her script. It seemed that it had changed.

They tried it again. "We shall have to find some other way," Nada said.

"But why?" the mundane demon asked, managing to be just as unconvincing as before.

"Because a princess does not disrobe before a stranger," Nada read.

"But I'm not a stranger! " the mundane demon read.

"We've been together for hours now."

"Oh. Well, in that case-"

"Cut!" roared the fanged old demon. "Never ad-lib! Is your brain full of mush? Follow the script!"

"But, professor, the script doesn't cover everything. Suppose he tries to kiss me?"

The mundane demon stepped forward and put his arms around her, happy to play the scene.

"Then you change into a serpent and slither away," the professor responded.

The mundane demon tried to kiss her. She became a serpent and started to slither. "No, you don't!" he said, grabbing her by the neck. She opened her jaws, about to bite him.

"Cut!" the professor cried. "You must not bite the Mundane. You are not allowed to hurt him. You are supposed to be helping him."

The serpent became the woman again. "But Mundanes are unpredictable,"

Nada pointed out. "How can I predict what he might do if I don't teach him some manners?"

"That's what we're doing now: working out all the variations, so that there can be no surprises. Now take it from the top. You come around the bend and spy the river, which bars the way to your destination."

"Oh, this is all so complicated!" Nada exclaimed, throwing up her hands.

The mundane demon reached out and started pulling up her dress. "Eeeeek!" she shrieked.

"Well, he might try that," the mundane demon said.

"Then let's add a motion to the script," she said furiously. "A punch in the snoot."

"A snake can't punch," the mundane demon pointed out smugly. "She has no fists."

"Then suppose I bite his face off?" she demanded, forming the head of a snake with a huge mouth.

"Take a break!" the professor snapped, evidently fed up.

Relieved, Nada walked away from the river. Magpie chose this moment to approach her. "Nada, you have visitors."

"Just so long as they're not from Mundania," Nada said wearily.

"Oh, no, we're from Xanth," Mela said. "The Good Magician Humfrey sent us to talk with you."

"Why would he do that? I don't know you."

"We don't know. We came to ask our Questions, and he wouldn't answer. Instead he told us to-"

The professor interceded. "Get organized!" he said severely, cowing them all. "First establish ident.i.ties. I am Professor Grossclout, inducted into the direction of this ludicrous charade. This is Princess Nada Naga, one of the leading players in the game and ordinarily a nice person.

"You four are?" His terrible gaze turned to each of them in turn.

"Mela Merwoman.

"Okra Ogress."

"Ida Human."

"Woe Betide."

"Metria, what are you doing here?" Grossclout demanded. "Weren't you banned from the premises?"

The waif turned the biggest, hugest, meltingest, most tearful doll-brown eyes on him. "Please, professor, I want so much to know what's going on."

"Very well," he said grimly. "You will not only learn, you will partic.i.p.ate. As part of that partic.i.p.ation, you will be unable to tell any outside party anything about this project.

"I'm not sure I want to partic.i.p.ate," Metria demurred.

"I don't recall inquiring as to your wants." The professor gestured.

The waif was engulfed in a puff of smoke.

When it cleared, Metria was herself again. "You are enrolled," he said. "You will be one of the list of authorized companions. Let's hope no one chooses you."

"I'm getting out of here," Metria said, alarmed.

"You are reporting to your station for rehearsal," he said. "Magpie! Take her there."

The grandmotherly demoness approached the beautiful young one, who seemed unable to flee. "Come, dear. It is really an interesting project." The two vanished.

"But Metria may not like the role," Nada said.

"To be sure," the professor agreed. Then he fas.h.i.+oned his set grimace into something very like a smile.

Ida suspected that the Demoness Metria was receiving her just desserts.

Unfortunately such desserts seldom tasted very good.

The professor returned his attention to the three of them.

"Now I happen to know Humfrey," he said. "He is a good man, for a mortal, and he nominally has sufficient reason for what he does. What were your Questions?"

"How can I get a good husband?" Mela asked.

"How can I get rid of Jenny Elf?" Okra asked.

"What is my destiny?" Ida asked.

"Well, no wonder!" the professor exclaimed. "His Answers would be counterproductive."

"That's what he said," Mela confessed. "But I threatened to show him my panty, and then he told us to talk with Nada Naga. So we made a deal with Metria to get here."

"Now it all comes clear. He acted appropriately. Nada, take five."

The beautiful princess looked around. "Take five what, professor?"

Grossclout's eyes rolled up until the smoldering pupils disappeared, then on around inside his head until they returned to the front. "Five moments. Talk to these querents."

"But I don't understand-" Nada said, bewildered.

"Exactly." The professor stalked away.

Nada looked at them, baffled. "We don't understand any better than you do," Mela said apologetically. "We thought you would know what it was all about."

"I hardly know what this is all about!" Nada said, gesturing in a full circle.

Ida, seeing Mela and Nada standing together, found it hard to judge which one was more beautiful. Mela's body was fuller, but Nada's face was prettier.

"Then again Could it be related to our Questions?" Okra asked.

Nada frowned. "A husband? Jenny Elf's riddance? Destiny? I somehow don't think so."

"I really don't want much," Mela said. "Just the most handsome, virile, thoughtful, intelligent prince available.

Nada stared at her a moment. Then she shook herself, as if not quite believing her own conclusion, and turned to the next woman. "Okra, why do you want to be rid of Jenny Elf? She's a nice girl, and surely never did any harm to anyone, especially you."

"She was chosen to be a Main Character instead of me," Okra explained.

"If she goes, then I can be it, and then nothing bad will happen to me, and maybe I'll live happily ever after."

"How long have you been traveling with Mela and Ida?"

"Oh, days! We helped get Mela panted, even."

"Panted! You mean the Good Magician's Question has been answered?

"Yes. Her panty is-"

"Don't tell me. Such things are not good to bruit about.

But I think I'm getting an inkling of the Good Magician's reasoning."

Then she turned to Ida. And stared again.

"Oh, my! I think I do know your destiny."

"You do?" Ida said, delighted. "What is it?"

"But I don't know exactly why the Good Magician didn't tell you. So I think I must not say what I think. The Good Magician always has reasons, and I am afraid to interfere.

"But surely it can't hurt to-"

Nada shook her head. "I don't mean to tease you, Ida, but I'm afraid I must, to this extent. But I believe that my brother, Naldo, may be able to help all three of you and that the reason Humfrey sent you to talk to me was so that I would refer you to him. Indeed, you would have more trouble finding him than you did me. Here, let me see if I can arrange it." She walked to rejoin Professor Grossclout, who was just standing up, aware of the end of her dialogue by some inherent professorish mechanism. Evidently the five moments were up.

"Yes, I will arrange it," the professor said. "Promise them to secrecy, then tell them what you wish." He vanished.

"Secrecy?" Mela asked.

"About this project. Surely you are curious."

"Oh, yes!" Mela agreed, echoed by the other two.

"This is the strangest business."

"Then the three of you must agree not to tell any other person about what you have seen here. If you do that, the professor will not use magic to bind you to secrecy, as he has Metria."

The three exchanged a generous four glances. "We agree," Mela said.

"We are preparing for a marvelous game," Nada said.

"It will be open to Mundanes, who will get to tour Xanth through it.

Each player will be helped by one of us, so that he doesn't get into trouble, such as being eaten by a dragon. If he plays well enough, he can win a magic talent. If he doesn't, he'll be out."

"But what was all that business about swimming or kissing?" Ida asked.

"If I work with a male Mundane, he might get notions about seeing me in panties," Nada explained. "Of course we can't have that. So if we have to cross a river, I won't swim it, unless I change to serpent form.

We're practicing how I can dissuade him, if he gets insistent.