Absent Shadows: Destiny Part 17

'Okay. I'll wait for you, of course,' I answered, still feeling incredibly edgy and wanting all this to be behind us.

Sam looked at me with concern. I'm sure he took my agitation to be entirely because of the planned encounter with Zunios. 'Please, don't go behind my back and ask Michael if you can help tomorrow. I don't want you there. I don't want you hurt, and I don't want to have to worry about trying to protect you either. You understand that, don't you?'

'Yeah, of course I do. But you need to promise me something. Promise me you'll come get me the moment it's over, all right? No matter how it turns out. Promise me.'

'I promise that, if I can, I'll come see you the moment it's over.'

'If you can? Uh, sorry, but that's not good enough. I want you to promise. I don't want you getting ... hurt ... or anything.'

'I'll do my best, you can count on that. But enough of this. It's a beautiful day and you came here for a run. So run. Enjoy the beautiful morning.'

I watched as he walked over the crest of the hill toward Michael's. He was trying so hard not to be too serious, and I loved him for that. I could tell he was concerned about my feelings, and yet his whole existence could depend on the outcome of tomorrow night.

I did a few stretches then started off at a medium jog, picking up speed gradually until I was at my top speed as I ran past the spot where I'd dug up the gun. The girl was gone, or at least she wasn't showing herself.

I kept running, doing several more laps than usual. Eventually I exhausted myself physically, but even so, my mind was still racing.

I wanted to believe that I'd done the right thing. I wanted to believe that this girl, like those three that Elizabeth had spoken to, had been able to let go and leave this place. I wanted to believe that's how it worked. But the look on her face still haunted me.

Sam arrived right at five, as he said he would, but something was different. Perhaps it was determination that I saw on his face ... or battle readiness. There was no hint of a smile, and he looked ... distant. I tried to lighten the mood by cracking a few jokes, but he didn't laugh. He just looked down and refused to make eye contact with me.

Fear started to overwhelm me. Maybe he blamed me for this after all. If he hadn't met me-if I hadn't been a distraction-maybe none of this would have happened. Or was it something else? Maybe it was worse than that. Maybe he was just getting bored with me-this stupid human that could never really be a part of his life.

As we walked along, Sam kept his distance, walking a bit further away from me than usual, and even though I'm sure we would have looked exactly the same as we had any other day, I knew there was definitely something wrong.

I kept trying to convince myself that he was just nervous. That was the most likely thing, right? I mean, who wouldn't be nervous in his situation. In just over twenty-four hours his entire existence could be changed forever. He could be killed. And so could Crystal and Michael. I couldn't even bring myself to think about what would happen if they lost. Surely they wouldn't lose. This was what Michael and Crystal did all the time, right? And this time, they'd have the help of Tom and Sam, and Erranase, and Henry and Elizabeth-not to mention all the other ghosts. No, they'd be fine. They had to be fine. It couldn't end any other way.

When we got to the apartment building, I asked Sam if he'd like to come up to say h.e.l.lo to Debs. Maybe together she and I could take his mind off things.

'How about we just go for a walk ... along the water,' he said, pointing toward the old docks.

'Sure,' I replied, fearing the worst. Was he about to tell me he didn't want to see me anymore?

The cold wind whipped around, sending my hair flying in all directions. Sam reached over and brushed a few strands away from my eyes, and when I looked up there was a deep frown on his face.

'What is it, Sam? Are you nervous about tomorrow? Is it confirmed? Have you heard?'

'No, nothing's confirmed yet. Erranase will contact Zunios tomorrow. We'll know then. If it's on, I'll head out with Tom again, for more ... training.'

The way he said 'training' was odd. Of course they were brus.h.i.+ng up on their fighting skills. It made sense.

'Okay, sure,' I said, trying to sound casual even though my heart was racing.

'And how was work? Was Michael there? Did he seem okay?' asked Sam, his voice tight and anything but calm.

'Yeah, he was there. He seemed fine-no different than always.'

'That's good.'

There was definitely something bothering him. He wasn't one for making small talk, and he was lousy at it.

'Can I do anything? I mean ... to help, you know?'

Sam stopped, and turned to face me, looking me squarely in the eyes-only this time, there was nothing calm in the way he looked at me.

'You should stop seeing me. In fact, you should book a flight back to California, and get out of here before this goes any further.'

My worst fears had come true. He didn't want me around anymore. I swallowed hard, my head spinning. Then a hopeful thought surfaced ... was he just trying to protect me from whatever might happen tomorrow?

'What are you saying? I'm not leaving, not yet anyway. We haven't ... talked about ... this,' I stammered-not prepared for this particular conversation. 'I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm not leaving early. If you don't want to see me anymore, just say that ... is that what you mean?'

He hesitated before answering, and I found it hard to keep breathing as I waited for his response.

'Our relations.h.i.+p ... you know it can't end well, don't you? I'll never age. This is it for me, a.s.suming that I don't get destroyed tomorrow that is. But you, well, you'll mature into a beautiful woman, more beautiful every year. At first our age difference may not matter, but eventually you'll tire of me.'

'Sam, what's brought this on all of a sudden? I know you're worried about tomorrow, so please, let's talk about this another time, when you're more relaxed-when we can both think clearly.'

'I am thinking clearly; more clearly than I've done for quite some time in actual fact.' He sighed heavily. 'Look, Lili, I've seen it all before. I've seen it happen with Tom, over and over again. Girls are attracted to his roguish charm and good looks. But then they grow up, as humans always do, and his charm wears off. They evolve, he doesn't. It will be the same for us. You'll tire of me, sooner or later, and you won't want to be with me.'

'Me? Not want to be with you?' I couldn't believe he'd even think that.

'Yes. You'll grow up. For now, there's this romantic notion of being in love with a vampire, but it won't last.'

'Sam, I started falling for you well before I knew you were a vampire. My attraction to you had nothing to do with that.'

'Is that what you think? I don't. The attraction was because of what I am, whether you knew it for what it was or not.'

'No, Sam, that isn't true ... it can't be true ...' but as soon as I said the words I doubted them. The attraction had confused me. The logical side of me hadn't wanted to get involved with anyone-let alone someone that didn't 'mix well' with people.

'You know I'm telling the truth, don't you?'

'Well, maybe at first. I mean ... I don't know. But my feelings for you now, they're based on who you are, not what you are. Please, don't ever doubt that.'

He looked at me with such sadness in his eyes that it nearly broke my heart. 'I don't know if we can ever be sure of that.'

'Well, I'm sure of it. I know that I'll grow old, and you won't. And it will hurt, one day, when we have to part. But that doesn't have to be now.'

'Lili, I've never felt this way about anyone. Not before I was changed, and definitely not since. I can't imagine existing without you. But you, you're so beautiful, and vibrant, and ... you need to meet someone who can give you all the things you deserve in life. You're going to want children and grandchildren. And you'll want someone who will grow old gracefully with you, who will smile and take your hand as you gaze at your grandchildren playing in a park. You deserve all those things and so very much more. You deserve someone that I can never be, not even for you.'

The pain on his face nearly broke my heart. I struggled to find words that would make him happy again.

'Sam, none of that means anything ... if it can't be you, I don't want it. Please don't worry. We'll work something out-there has to be a way. I won't be the one leaving you. I'll grow old, whether gracefully or not, but I won't leave you.'

'You may think that ... now ... but you don't understand. You've never really come to grips with what I am.'

'I know exactly what you are, Sam. You are the most wonderful, thoughtful, caring, protective, not to mention attractive, man that I've ever met. I couldn't ask for anyone better than you. He wouldn't exist.'

'You don't understand,' he said, his voice trailing off. He looked out over the water for what seemed ages, then finally turned to me and spoke quickly. 'Lili, I've killed humans today-with Tom.'

I looked at him, and I tried to keep my face calm, but I'm sure my eyes widened a little. It was just so unexpected, that was all.

'They were bad men. Tom had been following them for a few days. They were selling drugs to school children. I'm not sorry. They will not be missed by society. But Lili, they were humans, and I drank their blood.'

'I see.' I was taken off guard, but I wasn't angry, or afraid. 'It's okay, really.'

'No, it isn't okay. You must hate me now. And there is nothing I can do about it.'

'Sam, I could never hate you. I love you. Nothing can change that. Not now. Not ever.'

He gathered me up in his arms, and held me tight, and it felt as if he were afraid the wind would carry me away if he let go.

'I love you too, and I don't ever want to lose you. I'm sorry about today. Tom says it will sharpen my senses, and make me stronger for the fight tomorrow, should it come to that.'

'If it makes you stronger, then I'm not sorry. I'm glad you've done it. I want you as strong and quick witted as possible. I want you to come to me tomorrow night, when it's all over, and tell me again that you love me.'

'I will tell you I love you every day, until the day you die, or the day you ask me to stop-whichever comes first.'

The relief I felt was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. My worst fears hadn't eventuated, but instead, Sam had sworn his own love for me. Sam loved me. That was all that mattered.

He released me, and we walked hand in hand back to the apartment. It was nearly seven now. If all went to plan, in twenty-four hours, he'd be waiting by his tree. And I'd be waiting too ... pacing no doubt, waiting for him to come back to me.

* CHAPTER EIGHTEEN *.

Someone had messed up the bookings so we had an additional school group in, which meant lots of extra kids. But I didn't mind. It meant the day went quickly and left little time for me to worry about Sam and his ... issues. Even when the kids left, the mess that had to be cleaned up was way more than normal. Before I knew it, it was five o'clock and when I headed to the front door Sam was already standing there.

'How's your day been?' he asked. His voice was calm, and I could only think that he was trying to make everything seem ordinary.

'Busy, thank goodness-the time went quickly. So, have you heard? Is everything set for tonight?'

'Yes, exactly as we'd hoped. Tom and I have spent the day preparing and we're as ready as we can be.'

'Do you want me to take a taxi home? I don't mind.'

'No-walking you home will be a nice distraction. Are you ready?'

I picked up my backpack, and threw the straps over my shoulder. 'Ready,' I replied.

He took my hand, and we walked in silence as we headed toward the Docklands. Everything looked more vivid than normal, but it may have been because of the ma.s.sive amounts of adrenaline coursing through my system.

When we arrived in front of the building, we stood at the front doors, and tonight I didn't care who saw us. I stood on my tiptoes and leaned in to kiss him. His arms squeezed around me tightly. There was more urgency in this kiss than normal and I thought we might both be fearful it could be our last.

He gazed into my eyes, and I felt the tension ease. Perhaps Sam's skills were not as powerful as Zunios', but he certainly had the ability to make me relax.

I suddenly had this image of a maiden sending her warrior off to battle, taking her handkerchief and tying it to his s.h.i.+eld. I didn't have a handkerchief, and Sam didn't have a s.h.i.+eld, but I was wearing the locket that my father had given me for my tenth birthday. I took it off, and put it in Sam's hand, closing his fingers around it.

'For good luck,' I said.

He opened his hand, and looked at the simple gold locket. It was heart-shaped, and inside was a picture of my mother on one side, and my father on the other.

'I'll bring it back to you tonight. I should be here by nine, maybe ten; earlier if we're lucky,' he said, slipping the locket into the top pocket of his s.h.i.+rt.

He kissed me once more, then pushed the hair away from my eyes and stared deeply into them. 'Don't worry. Everything will be fine. Trust me.'

Then he opened the foyer door for me and I entered alone. I walked over and pushed the b.u.t.ton for the lift, but when I turned to wave to him he had already disappeared.

I was grateful when I walked into the apartment and found it empty. I thought about how lucky I was that they went out a lot. I wouldn't have wanted to explain my anxiousness to Debs and Ian. I filled a gla.s.s with water, and sat down at the kitchen table to wait.

Time seemed to have slowed to a crawl. Every time I looked at the clock on the oven it seemed to say the same thing. It was five-forty-five. I had several hours to wait before I could expect him to return. My heart pounded ... my breath was shallow. I'd never been so anxious ... ever.

When my phone rang I nearly jumped off the chair. Claire's name popped up on the screen.

'Hi Claire,' I answered.

'G'day,' she laughed. 'How's things?'

'You know, okay. But what about you? No side effects from that tainted drink the other night I hope?' I was grateful for the distraction, even if it might just be for a few minutes.

'No, I'm fine. Just feeling a bit stupid, really ... I mean, he really was being nice ... and it was just going to be dinner. But I'll pay more attention next time. If there is a next time, that is.'

'You know there will be. There will always be a next time,' I replied.

'Hmmm... well, not if my Mum has anything to do with it.'

'What do you mean? Did you get in trouble? Did she suspect something was wrong?'

'No, it's not that. It's just that she's tired of me working at what she refers to as a dead-end job. She wants me to go to uni.'

'Oh, is that all? It's not that bad ... I mean, you'll still have a life and all.'

'Yeah, but where? She secretly applied for me to go to UCLA. She wants me to live with my Dad for a while. I bet she paid a lot of money for this ... you know, to get rid of me.'

'Oh, don't say that. You know she just wants the best for you. She's probably just afraid you'll grow into a fat old secretary if you stay there too long. But I thought your Dad lived in the Bay Area? Has he moved to LA now?'

'Nah, but he has an apartment in LA. He goes back and forth between there and San Francisco. I don't want to go to UCLA. I don't have any friends in LA. And even though I know you'll be in California, it's not like I'll be able to see you every weekend. And well, Tom isn't likely to wait for me, is he?'

So, that was the real problem-Tom. She didn't want to leave him. I knew the feeling ... boy, did I ever.

'Claire ... listen ... Tom may wait for you, but even if he doesn't, LA is full of men just like Tom who will fall over themselves to get your attention. With your looks, and your gorgeous accent, you'll have to keep a separate calendar to keep track of all your dates.'