No-One Ever Has Sex On A Tuesday Part 5

Christ where did that come from, she thought. Suddenly I'm a comedian just as I am about to have the conversation from h.e.l.l.

"Very funny," said Matthew. "I a.s.sumed you wouldn't be drinking so I got a mineral water rather than a rum and c.o.ke. But I'll get you something else if you would prefer?"

Katy was immediately thrown. She had not drunk rum and c.o.ke in years. In fact she had forgotten she ever used to drink such a foul concoction. Matthew clearly hadn't.

"Water's fine," she said, taking a sip. "So how are you?" she asked not quite ready to enter hazardous conversation territory.

"Oh you know. Fine, considering. You?" replied Matthew.

"Yeah, OK I guess, considering. You?"

"You already asked me," he said. He looked at her through eyes loaded with a thousand questions. He closed them abruptly before opening them again and shaking his head as if in disbelief at what he was about to say.

"Could it be mine?"

She was shocked. She hadn't expected the question so directly and so quickly. She had imagined plenty of preamble, with them hovering around the real issue for a while, allowing her time to work out how to conclude the meeting. With the absence of time to craft her words, her response was blunt.

"Yes," she said.

He slumped back in his chair. It was out there now. No going back. Solid earth had been ripped from under them in a moment to be replaced by something so shaky, unknown and unchartered that there was no way of knowing even how to begin to take any steps forward.

They sat there for a long time in silence, both lost in their own internal battle of what to say and do next. Eventually the German Shepherd stirred, looked up at them both and, a.s.suming they needed some time alone, got up and ambled slowly back to his owner.

It was Matthew who was finally able to make the first step into their new world.

"When you say yes, do you mean definitely yes? What about the guy at the cla.s.s?"

"That's Ben, the guy I told you about at the reunion. It could also be his. I just don't know, Matthew."

"What have you told him?"

"Nothing. As far as he is concerned it's his. Look Matthew, I found out I was pregnant, did the maths and worked out there was a chance that it could be yours, but surely the fact of the matter is that it's much more likely to be Ben's," Katy babbled. "We only spent one night together for goodness' sake. I was trying to forget what happened between us. Why worry about something that might not be true? I convinced myself that Ben was one hundred percent the father and that was that."

"And what do you think now?" asked Matthew.

"It's easier to forget something when you don't have any reminders. You turning up here means the tiny little doubt I had won't shut up."

Matthew leaned forward and put his head in his hands, covering his eyes. After a moment he started to shake. To Katy's horror she thought he was crying until he finally lifted his head and appeared to be laughing.

"I have absolutely no idea what you find funny about this?" Katy said.

"The f.u.c.king irony Katy," he replied, looking somewhat manic and angry now.

"The f.u.c.king irony that I have been to h.e.l.l and back for the past five years trying to get pregnant with my wife. Her lack of fertility turned her into a miserable cow quite frankly, which is probably why I ended up in bed with you. But, oh joy of joys, finally it works. She's pregnant and almost the woman I married again. My life is back on track then you drop the bombsh.e.l.l that after one, just one night of s.e.x, I could have hit the f.u.c.king jackpot and fathered another child. I guess all my Christmases must have come at once." He slumped back in his chair looking utterly defeated.

"This is no Christmas for me either you know. I didn't plan to get pregnant and not know who the father was."

"So what were you doing then? How come you are pregnant? I admit I am mortified that I wasn't smart enough to use contraception but I figured a woman of your years and experience would have it sorted or have the maturity to ask me to use a condom."

"What on earth is that supposed to mean?" asked Katy angrily.

"That you cannot have been a stranger to that kind of situation and there are no little Katys running around, so I guess you have previously been successful in avoiding pregnancy."

"You make me sound like some sort of slapper," said Katy, raising her voice. She hadn't come here to be insulted. "I don't just sleep with anyone you know. I only slept with you as some sort of revenge for what you did to me all those years ago. Do you think I would have looked twice at you otherwise? You're not exactly lighting anyone's fire anymore, are you Mr. Boring Finance Boy? And yes, I did have it sorted. I was on the pill, but I had been ill and that must have stopped it working. It happens, Matthew."

"I'm not boring," retorted Matthew almost shouting. "We can't all pretend we're still seventeen you know, working in that grown up playground they call advertising. Some of us decide to get married, settle down and make something of ourselves, get a serious job with a future."

"Is that what you think? That I have never grown up? It's a d.a.m.n sight more mature to do a job you love rather than the dull c.r.a.p you must do all day."

"That's b.o.l.l.o.c.ks Katy," said Matthew, banging the table with his fist.

Suddenly they were aware that they weren't alone. The barman was standing right in front of them and the lady in the raincoat was peering from behind his back.

"Look, can you just keep it down. You're upsetting me regulars who have just come in for a quiet drink," said the barman.

"That's right. You're making my dog quite jumpy an' all," said the woman.

They looked over to the bar where the three men were slumped, virtually asleep.

"OK mate," said Matthew quietly.

"And that baby in there int' gonna grow up contented like, if its mum and dad are arguing like cat and dog," added the woman for good measure.

"We're fine," said Matthew quickly. "Thanks."

The barman and the old lady shuffled away, satisfied they had sorted out the posh couple.

"Great, even a daft old bat thinks the baby is mine," said Matthew.

"Look Matthew, this is pointless. You are off the hook, just walk away," said Katy, deciding to put a swift end to this unpleasant encounter. She got up from her seat and found herself stroking her belly protectively as she looked down at Matthew.

"There is a slim chance, a very slim chance this baby could be yours but doing anything about it will only lead to heartache. You have a wife expecting twins. They need you. We have to make a pact to forget the thought of this small possibility and leave it at that. There is no other way. Now, I need a pee and by the time I come out I expect you to be gone." She turned and strode to the toilet without a backward glance. The whole situation had given her a headache and she wanted the thinking and the talking to be over. "Enough," she murmured as she opened the door to the ladies toilet.

Matthew watched her walk away and found himself hoping that she would at least turn around. She didn't.

"It was good to see you," Matthew found himself saying as he gathered up his coat and walked out of the door.

Chapter 9.

"The primary school down the road has an excellent Ofsted report so we're hoping that the head is still there by the time the twins are ready for school. Unfortunately the secondary school we are in the catchment area for is pretty poor so we think we'll have to move before they get to eleven but that gives us plenty of time to check out which the best schools in the area are and where we really want to live."

Katy was staring at Alison open mouthed. She was yet to buy a single nappy never mind do any thinking on schooling. She was actually still in shock that she was sitting there having a normal, well normal-ish, conversation with Alison at all. After her clandestine meeting with Matthew she had called Daniel with the news. The deed was done. It was over. Daniel of course with his eager beaver nose for searching out the flaws in anything Katy did asked immediately what they were going to do about the baby training cla.s.s thing that they were both attending.

"Well I am sure that Matthew and Alison won't turn up again. There's no way Matthew will risk it. He'll make some excuse I'm sure," she said at the time.

"Mmmmm, OK, if you say so," replied Daniel.

"Don't say it like that. Look he has too much to lose. You really think he's going to let his wife get within one hundred yards of me again. He got away with it last time. Letting it happen again would just be plain stupid."

"Really stupid," Katy murmured to herself as she glared at Matthew across the cla.s.sroom. He didn't look like he was concentrating on the group discussion with the other birthing partners about support options during labour. She kept catching him glancing nervously over to her and Alison. The women were supposed to be discussing pain relief but somehow the conversation had wound around to what Alison thought her kids might be doing in eleven years time.

"Another idea for you to consider is a Happy Box," cut in Joan trying to steer the conversation back on track. "A Happy Box is a collection of things that make you happy or smile or relax. Like maybe a favourite photograph or soft toy or maybe even a poem. My husband read a whole poetry book to me when I gave birth to our fourth and it was by far my best birth. Can any of you think of something that could help you in the same way. What about you Katy, what relaxes you?"

"Erm, well I don't get much time to relax really," faltered Katy.

"Come on, there must be something. What about when you're really stressed after a tough day at the office? What's the first thing you do when you get home to unwind?" pressed Joan.

She wanted to say it was to pour an enormous gla.s.s of wine but didn't think it would go down too well. There was one thing she did resort to if she'd had an absolutely terrible day but the mere thought of it made her flush with embarra.s.sment.

"Come on Katy, you can tell us, whatever it is," said Joan gently, placing a rea.s.suring hand over hers.

She looked up and saw that everyone was staring at her expectantly. "I put my Hue & Cry tape on," she said quickly, then looked around the group for approval of her occasional dalliance with cheesy eighties music. "I know it sounds stupid but Looking for Linda just cheers me up for some reason." She went bright red with embarra.s.sment as everyone gave her blank looks.

"Who are you talking about?" Charlene asked finally. "I've never heard of them."

"They were a band in the eighties," replied Katy miserably, knowing that somehow she had really let herself down.

"Oh, I see. That was before I was born," said Charlene proudly. "I didn't think you were that old. I told Luke that I thought Ben was a lot younger than you but he reckoned that Ben just looks young for his age, what with all that sport he does and everything," she said.

Katy was stunned. Her pregnancy fuzzled brain couldn't work fast enough to compute the amount of potential insults there were in what Charlene had just said.

"So I said to Luke there's about ten years between them. Am I right?" asked Charlene as if she was asking something as innocent as directions to the corner shop.

Katy still couldn't speak.

"My cousin Amy goes to Ben's school you know," continued Charlene, oblivious to Katy's distress. "She says all the girls think he's dead fit. I told her that I'd met his girlfriend and she told all her mates and they reckon they're all gonna come and scratch your eyes out. But I wouldn't worry, they're always saying stupid stuff like that at that school 'cause they're all thick."

"Which school did you say Ben teaches at?" asked Alison, turning to Katy.

"Castle Hill Comp," replied Katy in a trance.

"I must remember that," said Alison.

"Well, ladies," said Joan cheerfully. "That's just splendid. I'll leave you to think of some other things to go in your Happy Box whilst I go and check on the men."

"So guys how are we getting on here then?" asked Joan.

"Well I reckon if in doubt, offer a banana. Can't go wrong with a banana," said Ben, wielding the one he had picked out of the prop bag of possible things to offer your partner during labour.

"You could be right, but Katy might get sick of bananas after ten hours of labour, so you might need some other options up your sleeve to keep her calm," said Joan. "So who would like to take me through what item you have put next to what picture of the stages of labour?"

Matthew, Ben and Richard looked at each other furtively. Luke stared into s.p.a.ce as he had done for the entire session.

"OK, I'll do it," said Matthew finally.

"Take it steady mate," said Ben winking at Luke. "We don't want you coming over all peculiar like last week again. There are some pretty graphic pictures here."

"I told you it was something I ate. I was awake all night throwing up," said Matthew, whose top lip had broken into a sweat.

"Yeah whatever. Come on then, fire away. There's a truly glorious pint awaiting my presence somewhere," replied Ben, looking at his watch.

Matthew scowled at Ben then presented Joan with his most charming smile.

"So Joan, we thought in the early stages of labour whilst you are still at home that maybe the best thing would be..."

"A banana," cut in Ben. "The perfect snack. Full of energy and nutritious. Athletes swear by them you know."

"Actually Ben, we decided either a bath or a favourite DVD to distract them would be good," said Matthew through gritted teeth.

"But Katy's favourite DVD is The Sound of b.l.o.o.d.y Music. Do you really think I want my child entering the world to the sound of a load of nuns yodelling?"

"It was a goatherd," said Richard.

"What was?" asked Ben.

"It was a lonely goatherd that yodelled in The Sound of Music, not the nuns."

"Well hallelujah, that's all right then. As long as the nuns aren't yodelling I'm absolutely fine that my son will enter the world to the sound of the gayest musical of all time," said Ben.

"Is it a boy?" came out of Matthew's mouth before he could stop it. Katy hadn't said anything about knowing what s.e.x the baby was.

"No idea. But if it is, he needs the right influences from day one. I'm thinking highlights of Euro 96. Shearer, Gascoigne, Seaman, beating Holland 4-1, Pearce getting that penalty, you just don't get any better than that."

"But Katy doesn't even like football," said Matthew. "I mean I'm sure she doesn't, what with her being a woman and everything. No woman really likes football," he added quickly when Ben gave him a slightly confused look.

"Right, come on boys, we're running out of time. A bath or a DVD, whatever the DVD, are both good ideas. Now carry on Matthew please," said Joan.

"Well next we thought it might be a good idea to ring a friend or their mother. Someone who has been through labour and can rea.s.sure them that whatever they're feeling is normal," Matthew ploughed on.

"Look I am sorry to interrupt again but believe me if you knew Katy's mum you wouldn't be calling her to alleviate any kind of pain. She refuses to accept that Katy is pregnant and thinks I've ruined her life. I can practically hear her nostrils flaring whenever I talk to her on the phone," said Ben.

"She was always very friendly to me," said Matthew.

"You've met Katy's mum?" asked Ben confused.

"Well, err, me and Katy were in the same form at school you know. So it must have been at sports day or speech day, or something. Dove Valley was very big on parent partic.i.p.ation," stumbled Matthew.

"Sod that. These days the less we see of them the better," said Ben. "Dennis, who does careers counselling at my school, got head-b.u.t.ted the other week by some lad's dad. This lad said that when he left school he wanted to set up a business importing Thai women to marry British men. Dennis didn't know what to say so he asked the lad if he thought it was ethical to treat women in such a way and commit them to a terrible life, being at the beck and call of sad, old men. Turns out this lad's dad was a sad, old man who'd been married to a Thai bride for eighteen months. A few hours later he marches in and just headb.u.t.ts him. You want danger money to be a teacher nowadays I tell you."

"Which school do you work at again?" asked Matthew.

"Castle Hill Comp," replied Ben.