Just One Last Night Part 9

She didn't get any further before she was lifted right off her feet and into his arms. He kissed her as if there were no tomorrow and she kissed him back in the same way, clinging to him so tightly he could hardly breathe.

Setting her down after a long minute, he drew her over to the sofa and then sat her on his lap. 'Are you sure?' he said softly. 'That all the doubts and fears are gone, I mean?'

He deserved the truth. She touched his face with the side of her palm. 'I want to be,' she said honestly. 'And I know myself so much better now, but I guess to some extent I'm still a work in progress. I was so scared tonight, with Tabitha.'

'Nell, so was I. That's natural.' He kissed her hard on her lips. 'It goes hand in hand with love, the worry and the fear that you'll lose the beloved. It's the other side of the coin, I suppose. But the best side makes it worth coping with the flip side-know what I mean?' He kissed her again. 'And most of the time the best side is uppermost. You had a rough start to life and you developed a defence mechanism to keep people at arm's length so you couldn't be hurt and you couldn't hurt them. I understand that. And then I came along and everything changed. If things had been different with Matthew you would still have had to face the fact, sooner or later, that you needed to unearth some of the issues you'd buried way deep inside. But it would have happened slowly, more naturally.'

'But the miscarriage did happen. Matthew died.' It still hurt as much as ever to stay it and she wondered if that would ever change. But the nature of the grief had changed subtly over the last weeks. It was still as intense but more bearable because the crucifying guilt had gone. She could mourn her perfect, exquisite little boy without feeling she had to punish herself every second of every day.

'Yes, he died.' There was a wealth of emotion in Forde's voice. 'And there will always be regrets, especially because with an accident of that nature there are so many ifs and buts in hindsight. You aren't the only one who blamed yourself. I knew you weren't too good that day. I could have stayed home with you. What does work matter compared to you and our son? And Janet had her own self-reproaches too. She wished she'd stayed with you while you ate and then brought the tray down, but none of us knew.'

Melanie nodded. How many times had she longed to turn back the clock until the morning of the accident so she could have done things differently? Too many to count. She had relived every minute of that fateful morning until she'd thought she was losing her mind. It had to stop. Once and for all, it had to stop. She had to be strong for this baby and for Forde, and for Matthew too. He had a right to be remembered with pa.s.sionate love and devotion, and, yes, with a certain amount of pain too, but the memory of her precious baby son had been in danger of being marred and destroyed by her corrosive guilt.

'He was so beautiful,' she whispered through her tears.

'And so tiny.' Forde's voice was husky. 'He weighed nothing at all in my arms.'

She rested her forehead against his as their tears mingled, but for the first time since Matthew had died they were healing tears. After a long time when they just held each other close, she said softly, 'I love you. I have always loved you and I always will. I want you to know that. You are the other part of me, the better part.'

'Never that.' He kissed her fiercely. 'You are perfect in every way to me, never forget that. And I will never hurt you, Nell. I might get it wrong at times, I might even drive you crazy now and again but I will never hurt you. We will have our children-' he rested his hand on her stomach for a moment '-and grandchildren too, G.o.d willing, and grow old together. How does that sound?'

'Pretty good.' She smiled dreamily at him but then her stomach spoilt the moment by rumbling so loudly that Forde chuckled. 'I can't help it,' she protested. 'I haven't eaten for hours and I'm hungry again.'

'How about if you go and get ready for bed and I'll bring us up some supper?' Forde suggested. 'And tomorrow we have a lazy morning. Breakfast in bed, maybe even lunch in bed.'

'You missed out elevenses.'

'That too.' He grinned at her, feeling slightly lightheaded that the last nightmarish months were over. He had come here this afternoon with no expectations beyond that they might share a meal together before he drove home. He'd hoped, of course. Hoped that Melanie seeing Miriam might have made a difference, that with the baby coming she would see it had two parents who loved each other and shouldn't be apart, but he hadn't known how long it would take before she conquered her gremlins. But it was Christmas after all, a time of miracles ...

They ate a hodgepodge of a supper, which Forde brought up on a tray for them to share after he'd installed Tabitha and her kittens by the bedroom radiator in the basket. Wedges of bread from a crusty loaf, slices of fragrant ham, some of the canapes and cheeses he'd bought and slivers of the pork pie, and a couple of enormous pieces of Christmas cake. Curled up close to him in her bed with the snow falling thickly outside and Tabitha fast asleep in the basket, her kittens snuggled into their mother's warm fur, Melanie thought it was the best meal she had ever had.

Afterwards, sated and replete, they made love again, slowly and sensually, the earlier urgency gone. She went to sleep lying in his arms as he held her close to his heart, feeling she wanted this night to last for ever. In a few hours her life had changed beyond recognition, and she had felt closer to Forde as they had made love than she had ever done in the past. Maybe it was because they had come through the fiery trial and were the stronger for it, she thought drowsily, or perhaps for the first time she had met him as an equal partner in her mind and emotions and had kept nothing back. Her guard was lowered and her defences were down, and because of that she could set aside every inhibition.

She opened her eyes one last time to check on Tabitha and the kittens, smiling as she saw three tiny shapes busy feeding. Now the kittens' fur was dry it had fluffed up and they actually looked like baby cats. One appeared to have lighter colouring than the other two but as the room was dimly lit it was hard to see them in the half-light. But all three seemed to be doing well, although, of course, it was early days.

They had to live, she told herself, shutting her eyes and nestling into Forde's body warmth. Tabitha had been remarkable and so brave. After all she'd gone through the little cat had to have the satisfaction of rearing her babies.

She already knew she was going to keep Tabitha and all three kittens. Their house in Kingston upon Thames had a large garden just perfect for four cats; she could already picture the kittens playing and chasing each other across the lawns and shrubbery and climbing the trees. And in the summer all four could lie in the sun together or find a cool place in the shade. Tabitha would never know what it was to be hungry again, she vowed as she drifted off to sleep. Or unloved and unwanted. Not while she had breath in her body.

Melanie awoke on Christmas Eve morning to being kissed deeply and pa.s.sionately. She opened heavy-lidded eyes to a room full of white light and Forde, clad in nothing but her kitchen ap.r.o.n, smiling at her.

'Your breakfast tray, ma'am.' He indicated a tray holding a full English breakfast, toast and preserves and a gla.s.s of orange juice on the bedside table. 'Is there anything else madam would like?'

She would never have dreamt in a million years that a fairly ordinary plastic ap.r.o.n could turn into something so erotic. Remembering the events of the evening before, she raised herself onto her elbow. 'Tabitha?'

'Fed and happy and downstairs by the kitchen radiator again with her three offspring, who are all doing extremely well. I had a nasty moment when I first woke up because the basket was empty, but once I'd found her and the kittens in the bottom of your wardrobe snuggled in a jumper and put them back in the basket, she seemed quite happy to accept that's where they all had to stay.'

'In that case there is something else I want.' The ap.r.o.n was swathed around Forde's hips and the way his chest hair arrowed to his navel entranced her. He had never looked more s.e.xy. She opened her arms, winding them round his neck when he bent down to her again and pulling him down beside her on the bed. 'I love you,' she murmured before kissing him hungrily. 'So much.'

'Words don't even begin to say what I feel for you.' He moved back slightly, taking her face between his hands as he stared into the velvet-brown of her eyes. 'You do know I'm never going to let you go again? Whatever happens in the future, whatever it holds, we walk it side by side. Mountaintop or valley, good times and bad, I'm not budging, OK?'

'OK.' She kissed him again.

'And after Christmas I'm taking you home. No argument,' he said softly.

'Me and Tabitha and her brood.' Melanie punctuated each word with a kiss. 'They're ours now. I always wanted pets one day. I just didn't expect to have four in one go.'

'We're keeping them all?'

'Of course. Tabitha deserves that.'

'And me?' Forde murmured huskily, enfolding her against him so she could feel every inch of his hard arousal. 'What do I deserve?'

'Everything,' she whispered throatily.

'Well, in that case ...'

He kissed her until she was pulsing with desire, bringing her to fever-pitch time and time again as he stroked and pleasured her, caressing her until she was trembling in his arms.

How had she managed to exist these last long, lonely months without him? she thought wildly. But that was all she had done: exist. This was life; being close to Forde, feeling him, loving him. And it wasn't all about s.e.x, mind-blowing though that was. It was his tenderness, his care towards her, the patience and love he'd shown ever since they'd met. Even when Matthew was taken from them he hadn't blamed her for one moment; putting his own feelings of grief and sorrow aside to comfort her and be strong. She loved him so much ...

She met him kiss for kiss, caress for caress, and when he finally eased her thighs apart she was shameless in her need of him inside her. They moved together as she grasped him tight and close, the sheer exquisite physical pleasure taking them both to new heights. They climaxed together in perfect unity, wave after wave of sweet, hot gratification causing them to cry out their release.

They lay wrapped in each other's arms as they drifted back to reality, the remnants of pleasure taking some time to disperse.

Forde smiled as he traced her mouth with the tip of his finger. 'Breakfast is cold,' he murmured, kissing the tip of her small nose.

'It'll still taste good.' Anything would taste good right now. And then, as she felt the baby inside her move more vigorously than it had before, she caught his hand and placed it on her belly. 'Can you feel that?'

His face lit up. 'I think so. It's just the slightest ripple but, yes, I can feel it.'

'Our child, Forde.' And as she said it she realised the fear had gone ...

CHAPTER TWELVE.

IT STARTED to snow again just before lunch, but Forde had cleared a path to the logs and coal and they were as snug as bugs in rugs in the cottage. They spent most of the day curled up in front of the fire watching TV in each other's arms, eating the provisions Forde had brought and observing Tabitha with her kittens. The little cat was eating like a horse, seemingly intent on making up for lost time, and all three kittens seemed remarkably strong considering the state their mother had been in shortly before they were born.

Mid-afternoon when the snow had stopped and the sky had turned mother-of-pearl with streams of pure silver, they were surprised to hear a knock at the door. The vet stood there, her st.u.r.dy legs encased in green wellingtons and thick trousers and her padded jacket making her appear twice as big.

'I've just paid a visit to a farm not far from here so I thought I'd look in,' she said cheerfully, as though she weren't standing in half a foot of snow. 'How's the patient?'

Melanie made her a hot drink while she examined Tabitha and the kittens, announcing mother and babies to be in remarkably good health considering the odds that had been stacked against them. 'The little ginger one is a tom,' she told them, giving the kitten back to Tabitha, who began to give it a thorough clean. 'And the two black-and-white ones are females. As she seems to be getting on with being a good mother we'll leave well alone at the moment. Certainly the kittens' bellies are full and they don't appear unduly hungry or distressed.'

She downed her coffee as though she had a tin throat and left, remarking as she stepped out into the cold afternoon, 'All's well that ends well, I'm pleased to say.'

Forde held Melanie's hand very tight. 'Yes,' he said quietly. 'All's well that ends well. Merry Christmas.'

They awoke disgracefully late on Christmas Day, having gone to bed early but not to sleep. They had been both playful and intense in their lovemaking, one as eager as the other for the night not to end, until, in the early hours of the morning just before it got light, they'd gone to sleep with their arms round each other.

The morning was sparkling bright and clear, the sky icy-blue crystal and the scene outside the cottage a winter wonderland. In the far distance they could hear the faint sound of church bells ringing, and the world seemed reborn in its mantle of pure white.

Forde got up and went downstairs to check on Tabitha and make some coffee, which he brought back to bed after putting the turkey on, causing Melanie to feel deliciously lazy. Her languorous air was abruptly shattered when she saw the small but beautifully wrapped gift next to her coffee and toast, though. She shot up in bed, her voice a wail. 'Forde, I haven't got you anything. You shouldn't have.'

'Yes, I should.' He smiled at her, amused at the very feminine response. 'Besides, I had a slight advantage over you, didn't I? I knew I was coming here. I was going to leave this somewhere for you to find after I had gone,' he added softly. 'I wasn't expecting you to throw yourself on my bosom and beg for my help, nice though that was, I hasten to add.'

'What is it?'

He joined her in bed, handing the little box to her. 'See for yourself, but first-' he took her in his arms and kissed her very thoroughly '-happy Christmas, my darling.'

She undid the ribbon and pulled off the paper before lifting the lid off the box, gasping as she saw the exquisite brooch it held. The two tiny lovebirds were fas.h.i.+oned from precious stones forming a circle with their wings and their minute beaks were touching in a kiss. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. 'Forde.' She raised s.h.i.+ning eyes to his. 'It's so perfect. Wherever did you find it?'

'I had it specially commissioned.' He put his arm round her, kissing the tip of her nose. 'It says what I want to say every day of my life to you.'

The stones were shooting off different colours in the shaft of sunlight slanting in from the window, making the birds appear alive, and as the baby in her womb kicked suddenly Melanie had a moment of pure joy. They were going to be all right, she thought with a deep thankfulness. They had weathered the storm and come out the other side. She could believe it.

It was a perfect Christmas Day. Forde prepared the dinner while they listened to carols and Christmas songs courtesy of Melanie's CD player. He wouldn't let her lift a finger, expertly dis.h.i.+ng up the food once it was cooked, and flaming the plum pudding with brandy and making her squeal with surprise.

Tabitha tucked into her portion of turkey and stuffing with gusto, and when Forde put down a saucerful of cream for the little cat it was clear she couldn't believe her luck. She seemed to have settled with the kittens and hadn't moved her little family again. Melanie hoped it was because Tabitha knew she was safe and secure now.

After lunch, with Tabitha and the kittens fast asleep in their basket in front of the fire in the sitting room, Melanie and Forde built a snowman in her tiny courtyard as the sun began to set in a white sky, sending rivers of red and gold and violet across the heavens. The air was bitingly cold and crisp and somewhere close a blackbird was singing its heart out, the pure notes hanging on the cold air.

For a moment Melanie knew a piercing pain that Matthew wasn't with them. He would have probably begun to toddle by now, she thought, lifting her face to the sunset. He would have loved the snow.

'You're thinking of him. I can always tell.'

She hadn't been aware that Forde was watching her, but now he enfolded her into his arms, holding her tight, as she murmured, 'I would have loved to tell him that we love him, that we'll always love him no matter how many other children we have. That he'll for ever be our precious little boy, our firstborn.'

'You'll be able to tell him that one day and give him all the cuddles and kisses you want, my love.'

'Do you believe that?' She pulled away slightly to look into his dark face. 'Really believe it?'

'Yes, I do.' His eyes glinted down at her in the half-light. 'But for now we're here on earth and we have to get on with our lives and care for and love other children we're given. We are going to become a family when this child is born, Nell, and although the grief of losing Matthew will never fade you will learn to live with it and stop feeling guilty that you can still experience happiness and pleasure.'

'How do you know I feel like that sometimes?' she asked him, her eyes wide with surprise.

'Because I felt the same at first,' said Forde softly. 'I think all parents must in the aftermath of losing a baby or child. It's not only a terrible thing, but it's unnatural too, the wrong order in life. A parent should never outlive its child.'

She leant into him, needing his strength and understanding. 'It will be all right this time, won't it?' she said very quietly. 'I couldn't bear-'

'None of that.' He lifted her chin with one finger, gazing deep into her eyes. 'We are going to have a beautiful son or daughter, Nell. I promise you. Look at Tabitha and have faith, OK?'

She smiled shakily. 'People would think it was stupid to believe because one little cat made it against all the odds, it's a sign for us.'

'I don't give a d.a.m.n what people think.' He pulled her more firmly into him. 'And this is Christmas, don't forget. A time for miracles and for wishes to come true. Who would have thought a few days ago we would be standing here like this, Nell? But we are. We're together again and stronger than ever before. And talking of miracles-' he touched her belly '-one night of love and this child came into being. Now, I know we would still have been together in the long run because I would never have accepted anything else, but this baby was a catalyst for you in many ways.'

His voice was so full of the relentless determination and a.s.surance she'd come to a.s.sociate with the man she loved that Melanie smiled again. 'So you're saying we're part of a Christmas miracle?'

'Dead right, we are.' He grinned, looking up into the sky. 'Look at that. It's specially for us, you know. A true modern-art spectacular.'

Melanie giggled. 'You're crazy-you know that, don't you?'

'For you? Guilty as charged.' He turned her to look at their snowman, who was definitely something of a cross-dresser, having one of Melanie's scarves tied round his neck-a pink, fluffy number with tiny sequins sewn into it-and one of her summer straw hats complete with ribbons and tiny daisies. 'Is he finished?'

'Just about.'

'Then I suggest we go inside and warm up.'

'In front of the fire with a mug of hot chocolate?'

'Possibly.' He eyed her s.e.xily. 'Not quite what I had in mind, though. I was thinking of something more... cosy.'

'More cosy than hot chocolate?' she murmured, pretending ignorance.

'As in one hundred per cent.'

'Oh, well, in that case ...'

'And remember.' He took her cold face in his hands, suddenly serious. 'I love you and you love me. Anything else-anything-comes second to that.'

Melanie nodded. She wanted to believe that. She needed to. And perhaps that was what this was all about: a step of faith. She linked her arms round his neck. 'I love Christmas.'

He kissed her forehead, dislodging her bright scarlet pom-pom hat in the process. 'Best time of the year,' he said huskily. 'The very best.'

CHAPTER THIRTEEN.

MELANIE was remembering the magic of Christmas as Forde drove her to the hospital in the last week of May.

The weather couldn't have been more different. For weeks the country had been enjoying warm, sunny days more typical of the Mediterranean, and James and the a.s.sistant she had hired to help him had been rushed off their feet with work. Business was booming and already her small company had a reputation for excellent reliability and first-cla.s.s results, which boded well for the future. But Melanie wasn't thinking of James or the company as Forde's Aston Martin ate up the miles to the hospital; she was lost in the enchantment of those days when she and Forde had been enclosed in their own isolated world, along with Tabitha and the kittens, of course.

The kittens had grown swiftly into little cats developing distinct personalities of their own. They had named the two little females Holly and Ivy, and the larger boy Noel, and it was a good thing Tabitha was something of a strict mother because the three could be quite a handful. But Melanie loved them pa.s.sionately and because love begot love, they loved her back, even if it was in the somewhat superior feline version of that emotion. Her favourite was Tabitha though. The little tabby was devoted to Melanie in the same way a dog would be, following her about the house and liking nothing more than to lie at her feet or on her lap whenever she could. She kept her troublesome threesome under control by a swift tap of the paw now and again and the odd warning growl when they stepped out of line, but on the whole it was a happy household.

It was Tabitha who was at the forefront of Melanie's mind as she said, 'You made sure the cats were all in before we left?'

'Absolutely.' Forde's voice was indulgent. She had asked him the same question twice before. 'And the TV's off and the back door's locked. OK?'

Melanie smiled at him. She had been in labour for some hours but the contractions had followed no particular pattern and there had been no urgency about them. Then, with a suddenness that had surprised her and panicked Forde, they'd increased dramatically in intensity with considerably less time between them.