Bayou Rouges: Dirty Part 21

He placed his palm on his chest and stared at her canopy. "My mom got sick. She weighed less than a hundred pounds." He turned and narrow, intense brown eyes met hers. "She had a heart attack and died." His eyes closed tightly. "I was twenty-one. The police came and arrested my father. The charges against him were negligent homicide and various drug charges."

He laid on her bed, eyes closed tight for several minutes. When he opened them, she saw the added moisture. "He'd shot my mom up with heroin and when her heart stopped he was too drugged to notice. He didn't call for help. I found her the morning after." Lazily he blinked and thick, dark lashes bushed his cheeks. "I'm glad it was me that found her and not one of the girls."

She rolled into his side and kissed his cheek. His arm closed tightly around her. On her bed, in her childhood room, they stayed fused together for a while.

"I guess Riley's wondering what happened to us, huh?" Sawyer asked.

Courtney wasn't worried. Riley sensed their need to be alone and she was sure they would go undisturbed. His story was only half told. "So your father is out of prison?"

"Obviously. You saw him. I could tell you knew who he was." His voice was raw, gravel-like.

"He's had a hard life, but when I looked closer I could see your eyes were his eyes."

Sawyer's body tensed beside her and he slowly sat up. "Let's get something straight right now...there is nothing I have that is like his, including my name."

His tone was serious, even a little frightening. She sat on the bed with bent knees, her arms hugging her legs. "Your name?"

"I changed our last names to Murphy when I became legal guardian of my sisters. Murphy was my mother's name."

Okay. He may have changed his name and severed ties with his father, but he couldn't change his DNA. "He's still in your blood."

The look he shot her could have killed her. Her chest tightened. "Why would you say that to me?"

"You can't turn your back on who you are-as soon as you turn around you'll realize your shadow is still there."

He roughly scrubbed his face with his hand. "I can turn my back on a life that no longer exists."

"But it does exist. Your father is back now and he wants to know you and his girls."

"They're not his girls!"

She tensed at his yell.

"The court gave them to me because he was unfit to be their father. They belong to me."

He shuddered and it was then she realized he feared losing them.

"I've tried to do my best in rearing them, but they constantly ask about their parents. Everything I've done isn't enough to take the place of a mother and father. That's what they really want. They're constantly asking me why they don't have parents."

Courtney a.s.sumed he'd never told them the story. "They ask because their family is different from what they see everyone else at school has and they're just trying to understand."

"What if they decide they want to live with him instead of me?" Brown eyes filled with tears, begging her for the right answer.

It was crazy-the broken man that had come to the door and asked to speak with Sawyer couldn't care for two children. She doubted his ability to care for himself. Surely he'd been paroled and there was no option for him to take the girls back. Sawyer's hands shook as his body processed the emotion he wouldn't set free. She covered his hands with her own. "You're their father, their brother, their kisser of ouchies, and their provider. They will never forget the sacrifices you've made. If your worry is that in meeting him they would somehow desire to live with him then you can stop worrying now."

"How do you know that? I'm telling you they want a father."

"They have a father in you. What they want are answers. I know you can't see it, but your father isn't someone the girls would trust. That's not going to change."

"Trust?"

"I can't explain it, but when I opened the door to him I almost slammed it shut. His immediate appearance is haunted and lost. It frightened me. He's not here to win them over-he's just trying to heal."

"You think I should have invited him in to dinner?" He was incredulous.

"I didn't say that. I said your father came around looking for closure, for healing. He's battling addiction and loss. You don't have to invite him to dinner, but it would be nice if you would consider speaking to him."

"What the h.e.l.l do you know about addiction and loss?"

"So we're back to that?"

"Back to what?"

"You're treating me like I haven't lived, like I haven't experienced pain, like my opinions and thoughts are of no value because I was raised in a loving and wealthy family."

"It's true. What experience do you have with the struggle of the common man?"

"The poorest man can become a prince if he has a compa.s.sionate heart."

"What the f.u.c.k does that mean?"

She stood. "Sawyer, you are going to be your own pitfall. You're willing to lose everything rather than to bend a little bit. The girls need to know about their father."

"I've given everything I have. I've dedicated my life."

"You've given almost everything. What you haven't given is forgiveness."

"I shouldn't be the one giving." He huffed out, grumbling down the hall as he walked toward the movie room.

From her bedroom she heard him yell, "Riley, take those clothes off. We need to leave."

Her heart ached for him, for Riley, and for Jess. Riley rushed into Courtney's bedroom in a haze of tears. "I thought I was staying overnight. I wanted to."

"Change of plans. Let's go."

She grabbed her clothes and went into the bathroom to change.

Standing in the hallway he fumed-his fists balled at his sides as he paced. "Sawyer, I promised her after the movie we'd swim and make cookies. Please don't take your anger at me out on her."

"I really hate how you're always telling me what I should do when it comes to them. I did fine for the years before you, and I'll do fine after you."

Now she was spitting-nails-mad! "f.u.c.k you, Sawyer." He had the audacity to look affronted. "I love Riley like a sister. She's my friend. I realize you're hurt and angry right now but you can be a real douche. I can see through your bulls.h.i.+t. Riley can't. Do you really think it's a good idea for you to take her away when you're acting this way?"

He fisted his hands in his hair, letting out a long agonized sigh of frustration as he swiftly took the stairs. Courtney followed after him, running to keep up. He pushed the front door open and continued out to his truck.

She wanted to tell him one last thing. She opened the pa.s.senger side door and leaned into the cab of the truck. He started the engine, but she knew he wouldn't put it in drive until she was safely backed away. "Sawyer, it doesn't have to be complete. The tiniest seed of forgiveness can work wonders." Maybe it wasn't the perfect time to say it, but he needed to know.

"That's great, Courtney. I'll remember that the next time somebody spills red wine on my white sofa, but I don't think you can apply your parable to my situation."

It would have hurt less if somebody had plunged a dagger into her heart. And this is where she'd put her words into action. She'd forgive him for dismissing her even though it hurt like h.e.l.l.

"Please, let me out of here."

Before she backed away and let him go she said, "I love you. I'll be here."

Chapter 12.

Sawyer opened the front door to find Jess exiting the car. Dallas stood nervously holding the door open for her.

"Thanks, Dallas. I enjoyed your robot dance." She placed a quick kiss on his cheek. "I'll call you tomorrow."

She skidded toward Sawyer, barefoot. "Why are you not wearing shoes?"

She held them up to eye level. "These are not shoes, they're torture chambers." He laughed, placing his arm around her.

"Where's Riley?"

"She's at Courtney's."

"And you didn't want to be at Courtney's?"

He regretfully sighed. "I was mean to her. I don't know how to fix it."

"Why were you mean to Courtney?" Her face contorted in confusion at how one could ever be mean to the blonde angel. He hadn't just been mean-he'd been cruel and he hated himself for it.

He sat on the couch, hands laced together in his lap. "I'm pretty upset right now."

"What's wrong?" Her voice was tinged with worry.

"I need to talk to you." He patted the spot next to him on the couch and she reverently sat, Levi curled into a ball between her bare feet.

"How much do you remember about Mom and Dad?"

She grimaced. "I remember you saving us from them."

Was that it? "That's all you remember?"

"No. I remember them yelling and fighting and how scared it made me. And I had a right to be scared, didn't I?"

He was confused by her words. "What?"

"Mom OD'd, didn't she?"

"She had a heart attack."

"Because of the drug use, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Know what, Murph?...once you took us we never again had to worry about if we were going to be fed, cared for, or loved. I don't ever get scared any more. You never yell, swear, or throw things. I love you. Thank you for taking me and Riley. I know what would have happened if you hadn't."

"How can you know all of that?"

She shrugged. "I just figured it out."

"Dad is out of prison."

She had no visible reaction to his words. "How do you know?"

"He was here today. Said he wants to see you."

"Is he still here?" She looked around the room.

"No."

"Well I don't mind. We should all see him together. Maybe go for breakfast something. Courtney could come and be there for you."

"Be there for me?"

"You need someone, and she loves you so much."

"I don't know why. I was pretty cruel to her." He rubbed a finger across his upper lip. How would she ever forgive him for the things he'd said?

"It's understandable. You were emotional."

He chuckled. When had she grown into a compa.s.sionate young woman? "I don't know if she'll come back this time."