Love Is Blind Part 15

Adrian grimaced, then turned to Clarissa, who was squinting around at his entry. It was a dark blue-and-slate color scheme, which suited her perfecdy, making her stand out in her cream-colored dress. She looked as if she belonged in his home.

"Do not even bother to glare, Jessop. He is obviously too taken with his fiancee to pay any notice. I fear my son is quite useless, and will continue to be for quite some time-at least until after he has married our lovely Clarissa. Do you not think she is lovely, Jessop?"

"Quite lovely, my lady," Jessop agreed.

"They, will give me beautiful grandbabies, do you not think?"

"Most a.s.suredly, my lady."

Spotting the blush that rose on Clarissa's face, Adrian turned a glare on the speakers and said, "We are present and listening, you know."

"So, you do hear me on occasion," Lady Mowbray commented dryly, then slid her hand through Jessop's arm. She led him up the hall, saying, "Come along, my good man. We shall go see what Cook has managed to whip up to save the day. Adrian is really quite fortunate to have staff as clever and quick as all of you. No matter what crises arise, you all handle them with the greatest aplomb-and I must say it always impresses me."

Adrian rolled his eyes as he listened to his mother b.u.t.ter up the butler. Still, within moments the whole household would be killing themselves to please her, and not one person would be upset at the chaos into which they'd been thrown by unexpected guests.

"I am sorry if we are causing a fuss," Clarissa said quietly. "We need not stay for tea if-"

"Nonsense," Adrian interrupted. He stepped forward to draw Clarissa into his arms, only to pause as his mother called over her shoulder, "Show her around your home, Adrian. It will be hers soon, and she should at least know something about it before she comes here to live."

Letting his arms drop to his sides, Adrian sighed and took Clarissa's arm to lead her to the staircase. "I will show you upstairs first."

"If you are not down in a quarter hour, I will come looking for you," his mother's voice floated back as she disappeared into the kitchens with Jessop.

Adrian grimaced as he led Clarissa upstairs. The wedding was only a day away; surely there was no longer a need to observe the proprieties?

CHAPTER TWELVE.

Clarissa woke up early, realized it was her wedding day, and simply couldn't get back to sleep. She lay in bed for a few minutes drinking excitedly about the day ahead-and the night-then recalled her new spectacles. Sitting up abrupdy, she retrieved them from the small detachable pocket she usually wore under her skirt and popped them onto her face.

A little sigh slid from her lips as the world came into focus. Most of the time everything around Clarissa was a blur, and her head was slightly achy from squinting. Her spectacles might not look good on her, but when she was wearing them the world around her certainly iooked better.

It had been difficult not to wear them, not to scream with joy to everyone that she could finally see. However, she still felt it was better to keep them a secret until Adrian formed a tendre for her.

If he formed a tendre for her, she thought. Clarissa bleed. And it will hurt as you would expect. But if you are very lucky, he will finish quickly and leave you alone to sleep and weep in privacy. I somehow doubt Lord Mowbray will be so considerate."

Leaving behind the mess she'd made, Lydia turned to the door and opened it. As she walked out, she said dryly, "Enjoy your wedding night."

Clarissa watched the door close, then moved weakly to sit on the dressing table chair. She didn't seem able to tear her gaze away from the pie. The barely golden, almost white crust was stained with-and soaking up- the red juices of the smashed fruit. The truncheon still stood up out of it, proud and hard.

"d.a.m.n," she breathed. Clarissa had sworn to herself that she would not allow Lydia to upset her, but this was... well, it was upsetting.

"My lady?"

Clarissa turned at Joaq,'s voice, and stared at her maid's blurred image that slipped into the room. "I saw your stepmother leaving as I approached. Is everything all right?"

"I..." Clarissa paused and cleared her throat, then promptly forgot what she'd intended to say. She asked instead, "Do we really have a maiden's veil, and does the man really have to break through it?"

"Well..." Clarissa could hear the reluctance in her voice.

She bit her lip. "It is true, is it not?"

"Well, yes. But-"

"And will there be blood and pain?"

Joan sighed. "My lady, you should not have let Lady Crambray upset you. The first time is painful for most women, but-"

"Most?" Clarissa interrupted hopefully. "Then 'tis not always so?"

"I have heard that some women suffer little in the way of pain," Joan a.s.sured her.

"Heard," Clarissa echoed. "Heard? But do you know anyone who did not suffer pain and bleed?"

"Well..."Joan hesitated, then closed the bedchamber door and approached with an air of determination. "Never you mind. Come. I am sure Lord Mowbray will make it as easy on you as he can. We should get you ready now."

"But-"

"My lady," Joan interrupted. "Do you wish to marry him or not? Would you really prefer to marry Lord Prudhomme or someone of his ilk? Because I a.s.sure you that I do not think Lord Prudhomme would at all concern himself with your comfort or well-being."

"Nay," Clarissa agreed, then stood with a sigh. "Let us get me ready then. I am to marry today."

She felt, a distinct lack of enthusiasm, and she knew it was reflected in her voice. She had been looking forward to the night ahead until Lydia's little talk; she'd thought it would be like the night in her room, when Adrian made her toes curl and her heart beat rapidly and excitement had coursed through her like water in a river after a hard rain. Now she knew it would involve pain and blood, and she was suddenly very sorry she'd been born a woman. After all, surely it was better to be the truncheon than the pie.

The priest was old and stiff, and looked no more pleased to be there than Clarissa felt at the moment. It had turned out to be a cold, rainy day, unusual for the middle of summer. Clarissa couldn't help but think it wasn't a good portent of what was to come.

"Clarissa?"

She glanced around, startled by Adrian's murmur, and frowned. Everyone seemed to be looking at her. At least, it appeared that way from what she could see.

"Do you ..." the priest began in weary tones that suggested he'd done this once or twice already.

"I do," Clarissa interrupted quickly, embarra.s.sed to have been caught daydreaming at such an important time. Then she realized what she'd said, and sighed to herself. In truth, she was no longer sure she wanted to "do" anything. Not if it meant Adrian was going to truncheon her pie.

Too late to worry about that, though, Clarissa supposed. She'd accepted her fate and now Adrian was doing the same; and it was as good as done. She was Lady Clarissa Montfort, wife to the Earl of Mowbray. And she didn't need to ask if he wished to truncheon her. It seemed rather obvious he would.

"I now p.r.o.nounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

The words had barely registered before Adrian turned her into his arms and kissed her. Clarissa remained stiff under his embrace, her mind a ma.s.s of confusion. As little as eight hours ago she'd been excited and happy at the thought of marrying him. Now all she could think of and see when she closed her eyes was that club smas.h.i.+ng that pastry.

Adrian must have noticed her reticence, for he pulled back from the kiss and peered at her with a frown of concern. Clarissa forced a smile in an effort to try to rea.s.sure him; then everyone seemed to move at once. There were scrolls to sign and congratulations given, and then she found herself bundled into a carriage and heading to her home. Her father's home, she corrected herself. It was no longer her home. From now on, her home was with Adrian.

"Shall we go?"

Clarissa glanced up sharply from the drink she'd been clenching. She knew her eyes were wide with alarm. This was the moment she'd been dreading since arriving at her father's for the wedding celebration.

Biting her lip, Clarissa turned to glance around the crowded room. Surprisingly enough, while she'd been shunned by nearly everyone since her arrival in London, the wedding party had turned out to be a large one. There were, of course, Lady Mowbray and Adrian's cousins, Mary and Reginald, as well as her own father and stepmother, but then there were also Lord and Lady Havard, Lord and Lady Achard, Lord Prudhomme and his mother, and several people whose voices she recognized but whom she wouldn't know on the street if she could see them, because she'd never glimpsed them close enough to make them out. Aware that she had yet to answer Adrian's question, Clarissa swallowed, tried for a cheerful smile ... and failed miserably. Her voice was a mere squeak when she asked, "So soon?"

She thought she saw Adrian's eyebrows rise, but his voice was quiet as he said, " 'Tis quite late, Clarissa.

Searing midnight."

She knew that wasn't late for a ball, but this wasn't a simple ball. It was their wedding party. Still, she tried desperately: 'Yes, but everyone is still here. Should we not stay until the last guest leaves? After all, the party is for us."

"Clarissa," Adrian said patiently. "It is tradition that the bride and groom leave first. Everyone is waiting for us to go."

"Oh, I see." Unable to think of any way to further delay the departure, Clarissa reluctandy put her drink down. "I should collect my things."

"The servants took them during the ceremony," he said gently.

"Oh... Well, Joan-"

"Joan is there too," Adrian said. "Come, we should say good-bye."

"Oh." Sighing, Clarissa allowed him to lead her first to her father and Lydia, then to Lady Mowbray. It all seemed to be moving terribly fast. The next thing Clarissa knew, she was bundled into the carriage. She sat tense and anxious in the corner, her mind consumed with what was to come.

Adrian was just as quiet in the opposite corner, but she could feel his eyes on her. Clarissa knew her behavior was disturbing him, and she racked her mind for something to say to ease the tension. Anything. But her mind was filled with the image of the truncheon smas.h.i.+ng into the pie, and the red juice spilling out.

Adrian's servants-hers now too, she realized in some deep part of her mind-were all lined up at the door when they arrived home. Everyone was smiling and nodding in greeting, and Adrian officially introduced her to each member of the staff. Clarissa listened to all the names, but forgot every one the minute he steered her to the stairs.

As he started walking her up, she felt as if she were being led to the gallows. Every nerve in her body was screaming with fear and tension, and she tried to sort out what would happen. She almost moaned when Adrian opened a door revealing a bedchamber.

When she hesitated in the doorway, he pushed her gently inside. The door closed softly behind her, and Clarissa turned to stare at it wide-eyed. Her husband hadn't entered with her. She felt her shoulders sag with relief. There was to be a brief reprieve.

"There you are!"

Clarissa stiffened at the sound of Joan's cheerful greeting, and she whirled to see the blurred image of her maid busding forward, all cheer and energy. Clarissa wanted to ask what she was smiling about, but restrained herself.

"Was the wedding lovely? How was the party that followed? Did you dance? Was the food delicious? Cook and the staff worked ever so hard to make everything just right." Joan rattled on as she began to tug at Clarissa's clothing.

Clarissa must have answered, but she couldn't have said later what those answers were. Her head was awhirl as the maid worked, and her panic deepened as each item of clothing was stripped away to leave her more and more vulnerable.

Too soon, she was stripped and bathed, and she found herself in a lacy nightgown and tucked into bed.

"There we are. You look lovely," Joan a.s.sured her, as if she thought Clarissa would care. The maid then wished her good night and left the room.

Clarissa remained frozen where she'd been placed, in the center of the bed, her gaze moving dully around the dark shadows all around. She could not see much beyond the candle on die bedside. After some hesitation, she reached for the small bag she'd removed as Joan had undressed her. The maid had set it on the bedside table, and, reaching inside, Clarissa found her spectacles and perched them on her nose. She peered around at what was now her bedroom.

She had seen it the day before, when Adrian had given her the tour of the house, but then it had been daytime. It had seemed very pretty at the time, what with its red-and-gold color scheme. It looked much different in the glow of candlelight. Dark and gloomy, was her opinion-the red that had seemed so gay in daylight now appeared to her the color of thick blood.

Sighing, she let her gaze return to the bed in which she sat. It was huge, much bigger than her bed at home. At her father's home, she corrected herself again. She was a married woman now, with her own home and staff and husband. The last thought made her grimace, and Clarissa removed her spectacles and tucked them back in her bag to keep them hidden. She then lay back on the bed, contemplating the possibility that if she pretended to be asleep, Adrian might leave off the consummation until tomorrow.

But that seemed the coward's way out, and Clarissa feared that if she did that, it would just leave her to worry and be anxious over it all day tomorrow until the task was finally done. If there was one thing she had learned in her short life, it was that it was always best to get unpleasant tasks over with quickly and get them out of the way. Besides, it would be good to know what she would have to face each night of her life from now on-if she would have to face it each night. How often did husbands wish to consummate? If there was no pain for them and they enjoyed only the pleasure of what she'd experienced the other night, Clarissa feared Adrian might wish to consummate often.

She frowned at the idea: his truncheon in her pie every night for the rest of her life ... ?

It couldn't be like that, Clarissa decided suddenly. Lady Havard and Lady Achard wouldn't have been so eager to have affairs with Lord Prudhomme if it were like that every time. Perhaps it was only the truncheon part that hurt. She already knew that there were things a man and a woman did together that could be quite pleasurable. So it seemed reasonable that only the end part, the actual key-in-the-lock part, hurt.

Clarissa made a face. It seemed a shame to end such pleasure with such unpleasantness, and she found it hard to believe the pleasure made the pain all worthwhile. Still, Lady Havard and Lady Achard had seemed eager to indulge. Come to think of it, she realized, there had been no sign of anxiety about the pain to come in Lady Havard's moans and sighs that night. Of se, Clarissa now understood what Prudhomme had been doing under the lady's skirts and why she'd been sighing and moaning. ...

Clarissa blinked as it occurred to her to wonder if she herself had made the same sounds when Adrian was doing those things to her. She didn't recall mak-ing noise, but then, between the fire and the sensa-Adrian had been causing in her, she'd been a little distracted. She would have to pay more attention the next time, Clarissa decided-then grimaced at the idea of a next time. It would not end nearly so pleasantly. Just thinking of all this made Clarissa glance impatiently toward the dark section of wall where she re-called seeing the door that led to Adrian's adjoining roo m. It was late and had been a long, stressful, and tiring day Clarissa wanted to sleep. Where was her husband? Could he not show a little consideration and get the deed done quickly so that she could rest?

Really, it did now seem to her a good idea to get it over with as swifdy as possible. She s.h.i.+fted impatiendy in bed, then pushed her linens and blankets aside and got to her feet.

Picking up the bedside candle, Clarissa moved carefully toward the wall where she thought the door was, wis.h.i.+ng she could put on her spectacles to find it. Life would be so much easier if she did not have to wait on wearing the things. She certainly hoped her husband came to have a tendre for her quickly, so that she might wear them again. Really, if he realized how much she was willing to suffer for him even in going through with the truncheon-and-pie-ordeal, he should half love her already. Clarissa had no idea how other women put up with it, but she already knew it would not be the joyful part of her marriage.

Blowing a wisp of long hair out of her face, she stretched out a hand to prevent herself from walking into the wall, relieved when she felt a solid surface beneath her fingers. She then moved sideways along the wall until she came to yhe door. Clarissa paused, allowing herself to take a deep breath and build some courage. This was for the best, to get the nasty deed done, she a.s.sured herself. Surely it couldn't take too long? A quick unpleasantness and then she could relax and sleep. Forcing a bright smile onto her face, she found the door handle and turned it.

Adrian rolled onto his side in bed and released a pitiful sigh. Once his manservant, Keighley, had helped him undress and bathe, he'd sent the man away and sat, trying to decide what to do. His instinct had been to go direcdy to Clarissa and consummate the marriage ... and what a pleasant thought that was.

Unfortunately, there appeared to be something wrong with Clarissa. She had seemed perfectly fine and happy about the wedding yesterday, but today, from the moment she had entered the church he'd been aware that something was wrong. She'd been distracted and anxious throughout the ceremony, then quiet and tense through the celebrations, always s.h.i.+fting a half step away when he moved to her side. It was as if she could not bear to be near him. And then, she hadn't been eager to leave and come to her new home.

Adrian wasn't sure what the problem was, and was afraid to ask. He worried that she had somehow seen his face and now loathed being near him. It seemed just like something Lydia would do, borrowing someone's spectacles for Clarissa to wear so she could peer out the window to see exacdy whom she was marrying. If that was the case, the happiness he'd been experiencing, that he had envisioned continuing on in the future, would be lost forever.

Over the last few weeks, Adrian's mind had been constantly weaving dreams and fantasies of a happy home life. A home full of love and laughter, with the cries and giggles of children, Clarissa loving him, her smile greeting him in the morning, her presence to share the long days and nights ...

But now it seemed like all that was slipping away, and the very idea made his heart hurt. Worse, Adrian was afraid to ask her what was wrong. He was also afraid to approach her about the bedding and have her turn from him in revulsion. So, in his cowardice, he'd decided to let her alone tonight. It had been a long day, Adrian had told himself; he would be con- siderate and let her sleep, then see how she was on the morrow. If it had been just the stress of the wedding and moving to a new home, Clarissa should be more cheerful tomorrow, and perhaps he could approach her then. But if not...

Adrian silently cursed the injury that had stolen his looks and left him an ugly beast. He wished he were handsome for her, wished that when she got spectacles, she would still look on him with love and adoration and attraction. He had always felt ten feet tall around her. Until today.

The sound of the door opening interrupted his bitter reflections, and Adrian glanced over his shoulder with confusion. His eyes widened as he saw the connecting door between his own room and Clarissa's open. Candlelight spilled in.

"Adrian?" Clarissa appeared in the opening, squinting. "Why is it so dark? Are you here, husband?"

Adrian had opened his mouth to say yes, but paused at the word husband. Husband. It was the first time she'd addressed him as such, and his heart squeezed in his chest at the t.i.tle. Husband. He was her husband.

And she was his wife, Adrian realized, gaping at the thin, lacy gown she wore. It was sheer and s.e.xy as h.e.l.l, revealing more of her body than it concealed, and more than just his heart was reacting. Her hair had been let down and brushed until it shone. It lay in glossy waves around her lovely face.

"Adrian?"

Clearing his throat, he sat up in bed. "I am here. What are you still doing up? I thought you would be asleep by now."

Much to his amazement, Clarissa looked annoyed.

"It is our wedding night, my lord," she said-as if that explained everything.

Adrian wasn't too sure what it explained, though. It seemed as if she had come in search of him, which he found hard to believe after the way she'd been acting all day.

"I thought you were tired and would wish to sleep uninterrupted tonight," he said uncertainly.

"What?" Clarissa squawked, and there was no mistaking her ire at this news. "You'd make me wait another whole day and evening before we consummate our marriage?"

Adrian blinked. She sounded truly upset. "Well, you were so tense and anxious all day, I thought to show some consideration and-"