The Saddest Girl In The World Part 18

Edna looked up. 'School is one of the issues I should like to discuss before we look at the dates of the introduction.'

'Go ahead,' Joyce said.

'Donna is doing so well at her school,' Edna said, 'I should like her to stay at the same school for her last year there. I realise it isn't local to you, Marlene, and the social services are prepared to provide an escort if you can't manage the school run. I appreciate it's, what, twenty miles from you?'

Marlene nodded thoughtfully. 'I would like to take Donna to school for at least some of the time so that I am in contact with the school. But it would be too much for me to take her and collect her each day, as well as my part-time job.' Which was perfectly reasonable. Marlene paused then looked at me. 'Does Donna still help at the breakfast club?'

'Yes, she really likes it. She has to be there at eight fifteen.'

'How about if I take Donna each morning,' Marlene said, looking at Edna, 'and the escort brings her home? I can go into work after I've dropped her off.'

'That's fine with me,' Edna said. 'I think it's a good arrangement.'

'Thanks,' Marlene said. 'That would help me a lot. And presumably when Donna leaves her junior school at the end of the year, you won't mind her going to a local secondary school? We have a very good one only five minutes away.'

'Not at all,' Edna confirmed. 'Indeed, it's important Donna does go to a local school, so that she can make new friends in your area.'

This was agreed, and minuted by Lisa.

'Contact,' Edna said, looking at us all. 'Since the final court hearing this has been reduced to one a month, which has been much better for Donna. From now on it will go to three times a year as per court order. Cathy,' Edna said turning to me, 'there will be no more contact while Donna is with you. The next one will be in December, after she's left you and is settled at Marlene's. Donna will still be seeing her brothers at school, and she doesn't want to see Chelsea at present.'

I nodded.

'Marlene,' Edna said, now turning to her. 'My colleague, Valerie, is taking over the case. She will arrange the date of the next contact nearer the time. It will be supervised and the venue may be changing. Valerie will be in touch once the move is complete.'

Marlene nodded and made a note in her diary.

'OK, that's all from me,' Edna said. 'Other than to say congratulations, Marlene.' Edna was congratulating Marlene on becoming Donna's new 'mum'.

'Yes, congratulations,' everyone added, and I smiled at Marlene.

'Thank you,' she said, embarra.s.sed. 'I have Donna's room ready. It's lilac, with pine bedroom furniture. You said she liked lilac, Cathy.' Marlene looked at me.

'Yes, indeed,' I said, surprised, for it had been one small comment I'd made at the previous meeting when I'd described Donna's likes and dislikes. 'It sounds lovely.'

'Great,' Joyce said. 'Now all we have to do is move Donna into her new room.' Everyone laughed. 'Marlene, did you bring some photographs of you and your family for Edna to show Donna?' Joyce asked.

The photographs would form part of Donna's introduction to Marlene and her family, and they were an important first step. Edna would show them to Donna that evening, talk her through them, and then leave the alb.u.m with her, so that when the introductions began Donna would already be partially familiar with what was to be her new family and home.

Marlene bent down and delved into her handbag on the floor beside her chair. She took out a little photograph wallet, which she propped open on the table so that we could all see. 'This is my house,' she said pointing to the first page; then, slowly turning the pages: 'my lounge, my kitchen, my garden, and my cat, Harris. This is Donna's bedroom, and this is my immediate family.' The last photo was of a group of ten or more adults and children, all smiling and waving for the photo. They were arranged on and around the sofa in Marlene's lounge and had obviously adopted their best poses for the camera. 'We had a bit of a laugh taking this,' Marlene said with a smile.

'I can imagine,' Edna said. 'Can you tell me who these people are so I can tell Donna?'

Marlene angled the alb.u.m towards Edna. 'This is my sister and her husband,' she said pointing. 'This is my brother and his wife, and their children. These are my two cousins and their partners, and this is Kerry, the niece I mentioned who is the same age as Donna.' Marlene was divorced, so there was no husband in the photo.

'What a lovely family,' I said.

'Thank you.' Marlene smiled and, closing the alb.u.m, pa.s.sed it to Edna.

'Thank you very much, Marlene,' Edna said. 'This will help me a lot when I see Donna.'

And while it was a clearly a lovely family Donna would be going to, I felt what had become a familiar surge of regret and sadness that my own lovely family was soon going to be one short.

'Now,' Mary said, 'let's get down to the dates. Edna, you are going to see Donna this evening?' Edna nodded. 'So I suggest Marlene visits Donna and Cathy tomorrow for an hour. It's Sat.u.r.day. Is that possible?' Mary looked at Marlene and me, and we both nodded. 'Then could Donna and Cathy visit Marlene on Sunday for an hour?' Once the introductory process is started it quickly gathers momentum, so that the child isn't left for days in limbo between one home and the next, with time to worry and speculate about the partially known.

'I go to church at eleven o'clock on Sunday,' Marlene said, 'so can we avoid that time?'

I nodded. 'You say the time that would suit you. But I will have to bring Paula and Adrian with me as it's a Sunday.' I looked from Marlene to Edna. 'Is that all right?'

'That's fine with me,' Marlene said.

Edna agreed. 'I should think they will quite enjoy it, and it will be nice for Donna as well.' I was relieved. Once before I'd dealt with a social worker who hadn't wanted my children involved in the introductory visits. Not only had I had to make extensive arrangements for my parents to look after Adrian and Paula, but also the children had felt excluded from the process, which wasn't the best way to say goodbye to a child who had effectively been their brother for nearly a year.

With Edna, Marlene and me making notes in our diaries, and Lisa minuting the dates and times, we planned the rest of the introduction, including three nights when Donna would sleep at her new home, before the move two weeks later. There were days in between some of the visits to give Donna, Marlene and my family time out, and for Edna, Marlene and me to speak on the phone and discuss how the introduction was going, and make any necessary alterations to the timescale. If it went according to plan, then Donna would move on Sat.u.r.day, in two weeks' time. The week after that was the half-term holiday from school and Marlene said she would take the whole week off work so that she and Donna could spend time together before the school routine began again.

An hour later the meeting ended and I drove home, reflective and a little anxious. Although Edna had recognised the need to make sure Donna didn't feel rejected by the move, it was still a monumental step for Donna. She had been with us for just over fourteen months and in many respects if felt longer, so strong was the bond we had formed with her, as I knew she had with us. And while I liked Marlene very much, and had every faith in her ability to successfully parent Donna, I knew it was likely that the move, no matter how well planned, could unsettle Donna, and rekindle some feelings of rejection (and anger) in the short term. But Marlene, Edna and I would have to deal with those as and when they arose.

I met the children from school that afternoon with a heavy heart but careful to keep my feelings to myself. I made dinner and told the children we were eating early because Edna was coming at 5.30 p.m. to see Donna, which didn't seem strange to them, as we always ate early when Edna or the Guardian visited in the evening. But secretly I felt guilty for withholding the information that only I was party to - the real reason for Edna's visit. When Edna rang the doorbell at exactly 5.30 my stomach churned, while the children remained upstairs playing in their respective bedrooms, still blissfully unaware of the true reason for Edna's visit.

'All right?' Edna said with her usual cheerful smile as I opened the front door.

I put on a brave face and nodded. 'Donna is in her room. I'll bring her down.'

'Thank you, Cathy.'

Edna went through to the lounge while I fetched Donna and saw her into the lounge. I asked Edna if she wanted a drink, which she didn't, and I came out, closing the door behind me. Edna had already told me that she wanted to talk to Donna alone first, and I returned upstairs, where I had some talking to do.

'Will you come with me into Adrian's room for a moment?' I said to Paula, poking my head round her bedroom door. 'I need to speak to you both.'

Paula looked at me, wondering what I could want, then put down the doll she'd been playing with and came with me to Adrian's room. I knocked on his bedroom door and we went in. He was still doing his homework, of which there was plenty now he was at the grammar school. 'It won't take long,' I said to him. 'But I have something important I need to tell you both.'

He laid his pen on the table which acted as a desk. 'It's good news, but also sad,' I said, bravely. 'Edna is here to tell Donna that she has found her a forever family. So I'm afraid she will be leaving us.' There was no other way to say it. 'Her new carer is called Marlene. She is very nice and will be visiting us here tomorrow.'

'Oh,' Adrian said, clearly taken aback. Paula didn't say anything but looked as though she was about to cry. I put my arm around her.

'When?' Adrian asked 'If everything goes according to plan she'll move in two weeks.'

'Oh,' Adrian said again, and, picking up his pen, he returned to his school work. This was his way of dealing with loss, and I knew he would want to talk more about it later.

Leaving Adrian to his school work, I took Paula's hand and we returned to her room. 'Shall we play with your dolls while Edna is with Donna?' I asked, thinking this might be a good distraction.

She nodded, and I sat on the floor in front of her doll's house next to Paula, and she picked up the 'mummy' doll she'd been playing with when I'd interrupted. The doll was about three inches high and one of a set of four - two adults and two children. It was the epitome of the 'perfect' mum, with hair drawn into a neat bun and a white ap.r.o.n covering her knee-length floral dress. In one hand she carried a rolling pin, suggesting she was a very accomplished cook, or possibly as Adrian once said (to Paula's horror) it was to 'wallop the kids' with.

'Does Donna have to go?' Paula asked presently in a little voice, walking the mummy doll into the house.

'I'm afraid so, love. You remember like Jasmine did?' Jasmine had stayed with us for six months the year before and been found adoptive parents.

'Will Donna phone and see us sometimes?' Paula asked.

'Yes, I'm sure she will. I have met her new carer, Marlene, and she will help Donna to stay in touch.' Although in truth a balance would have to be drawn between Donna keeping in contact with us and bonding with Marlene and her family.

'Can I see where she's going to live?' Paula asked, giving me the 'daddy' doll.

'Yes, you will on Sunday. We're all going for a visit.' We wouldn't be meeting any of Marlene's family on our first visit: that could have been overwhelming for Donna. The first visit was for Donna to see her new home; meeting Marlene's extended family would come later and gradually over the two weeks.

I stayed in Paula's room, playing with her and the doll's house, although in truth my heart wasn't really in it, and I didn't think Paula's was either. Paula played the 'mummy', and her perfect mummy doll washed the pans in the tiny doll's house sink, and made the little beds, while I, the less than perfect daddy doll, stood watching her, although I did take the dog for a walk and put the garbage out when asked. Every so often Paula stopped her role playing and asked if Donna was all right, and what was Edna telling her.

'I'm sure she's fine, and Edna will be telling her lots of nice things about Marlene, and Donna's new home and family.'

'We're a nicer family,' Paula said defensively, and I smiled.

Nearly an hour pa.s.sed before I heard the lounge door open and Edna call from the hall, 'Cathy, could you join us now, please.'

'I won't be long,' I said to Paula. Standing, I gave her a rea.s.suring kiss on her cheek, and I left to the sound of Paula telling the mummy doll that she was the 'nicest mummy in the world', which I hoped reflected on me.

In the lounge Edna and Donna were sitting side by side on the sofa. Donna was holding the wallet of photographs that Marlene had prepared for her and given to Edna that morning. It reminded me for a moment of when Donna had first arrived - Donna and Edna together on the sofa. Although of course now Donna wasn't sitting dejectedly, shoulders hunched forward and arms folded into her waist as though protecting herself, but was upright and confident. I sat on the other sofa.

'Donna and I have had a nice long chat,' Edna said. 'And she is looking forward to meeting Marlene when she comes here tomorrow. Donna knows that it will be a bit strange for everyone to begin with, and that she can talk to you about her feelings.'

'I'm sure we will be talking a lot,' I said, smiling at Donna. She wasn't exactly smiling, but didn't seem unhappy, more deep in thought.

'Would you like to see my photographs?' she asked me after a moment.

'Yes please, very much.'

Edna winked at me knowingly. 'I'll leave you to it then. I'll be off now and I'll phone on Monday.'

'Fine,' I said. 'Donna, I'll just see Edna out then we'll look at your photographs together.' I smiled again at Donna and she smiled back.

I went with Edna to the front door. 'It appears to have gone well,' I said quietly.

'Yes, it did, bless her. She's so eager for you to see the photographs, I didn't let on you'd already seen them. But I've told her you've met Marlene and you like her. It's important for her to know that you approve.'

'Yes, thanks, Edna.'

We said goodbye and I closed the front door. Edna was a highly experienced and dedicated social worker, and also very sensitive to children's feelings. I didn't know what exactly Edna had said to Donna, but whatever it was had left Donna in a very positive mood. When I went into the lounge she was still poring over the photographs, eager to show me.

I sat beside her and watched as she carefully turned the pages, describing what was in each picture. When we came to the photograph of her bedroom her eyes lit up. 'It's lilac,' she exclaimed, as doubtless she had done when she'd first seen the photo with Edna. 'It's my favourite colour.'

'It is,' I said, 'and what a lovely room! Aren't you lucky?'

She nodded happily. 'I'm looking forward to seeing it on Sunday. That's when we visit, isn't it?'

'Yes, love, it is.'

Donna turned to the last photograph, of Marlene's extended family, and told me the names of those people she could remember. When Paula appeared five minutes later, Donna went through the photographs again, pointing out the details in each photo with a more elaborate commentary. When Adrian, having finished his homework, came down for a drink and snack twenty minutes later, Donna went through the photo wallet again.

That night when I went into Donna's room to say goodnight, I thought she looked sad. She was in her pyjamas, sitting in bed waiting for a goodnight kiss. The photograph alb.u.m was closed in her lap. I perched on the edge of the bed and she looked at me with big wondering eyes. 'This time next week, 'she said, 'I shall be sleeping in my new bed for the first time.'

'That's right, love. In your beautiful lilac room with lilac sheets and duvet.' I took her hand between mine.

She thought for a moment, then said softly, 'I'm happy Marlene wants me as a daughter, but it will be a bit strange to begin with, like when I first came here.'

'It will seem a bit strange, yes, because it will all be new, but I don't think it will be like when you first came here, love. Do you remember how you felt then?' She nodded. 'You have come a long way since then, Donna, and I am very proud of you. I know you will be just fine, although we're going to miss you loads.'

'That's what Edna said.' She gave a little wistful smile. 'And we will keep in touch, won't we, Cathy? It's important to me.'

'Of course, love. It's important to us too. We'll all stay in touch for as long as you want, Donna. I promise you.'

She put her arms around me and hugged me tightly. 'For ever, Cathy. You will be my second family when Marlene is my new mum.'

Chapter Twenty-four.

Introductions.

As one o'clock approached the following day, the time Marlene was due, it was difficult to say who was the more nervous: Donna, who was standing behind the net curtains in the front room watching for the first glimpse of Marlene; Paula, who was making regular trips from the front room to the kitchen to update me; or me, wiping the work surfaces as a displacement for my own nervous energy. Adrian was perfecting his 'Mr Cool' image and, aware that Marlene's visit was soon, was in his room listening to his iPod. However, at 1.10 p.m., when I heard Donna's little voice call 'She's here,' followed by Paula's louder cry of 'She's here!' and I answered the door, it was obvious who was the most nervous - Marlene.

'Do I look all right?' she asked, smoothing her hand over her floral patterned dress and adjusting the small gold chain around her neck.

'Of course. You look fine. Come in.' I smiled and touched her arm rea.s.suringly. 'The girls have been looking out for you.'

'I'm so sorry I'm late, Cathy. The traffic was horrendous, I should have guessed it would be busy on a Sat.u.r.day.'

'Don't worry. They would have been watching for you whatever time you'd come. Let's go through to the lounge.' I led the way down the hall to the lounge, at the same time calling, 'Donna, Paula, Marlene is here.' Now the longed-for arrival had happened the girls had gone shy and were hiding in the front room.

'Do sit down,' I said to Marlene. 'Can I get you a drink?'

'No thanks, Cathy. I'm fine. It's a lovely place you have here.'

'Thank you.' I sat on the other sofa. 'Your photographs were a great success,' I said. 'Donna was so proud of them - she must have shown us all at least six times.'

'Were they all right? Thank goodness. I did wonder,' Marlene said, fl.u.s.tered. 'I am pleased.' Although it was a fairly cool autumn day Marlene looked hot and her forehead glistened slightly.

I began making small talk - about the weather and the traffic in the high street; then I told Marlene more about Donna's school. It was better for Donna that we carried on in a natural manner, where there was no pressure on her; she would join us when she felt able. I told Marlene of our evening routine, some of which she could adapt in the first few days after the move to help make Donna feel at home. Then Marlene told me some more about her family. Presently we heard footsteps coming along the hall and Paula and Donna entered the lounge. Paula was holding Donna's hand and leading her, just as she had once led her down the garden in what now seemed a lifetime ago.

'Donna, Paula, this is Marlene,' I said. Marlene stood, and went over and shook Paula's hand, then Donna's. Donna had her eyes trained on the floor, and for the first time since I couldn't remember when, she had her shoulders slightly hunched forward.