Off Limits Part 5

"Because I've deserted. I'm AWOL."

"The recons think you're MIA, not AWOL."

"I won't pick up a rifle and kill again, Alex," Jim explained. "I'll refuse.And when I do that, they'll put me in the brig and throw the key away. Maybeyou don't understand that marines hate deserters. There's no tolerance forthem."

"You can tell them you're a conscientious objector. They can't throw you injail for that."

He caressed her cheek. "My sweet, naive gal. You're acting like hill folk now,you know that? I didn't realize how dumb I was about the world until I gotinto the Marine Corps. Back in the hills of Missouri, we're isolated andprotected. A lot of what goes on in this world, we don't hear, see or evenknow about. You don't understand the military mind, Alex. Deserters andconscientious objectors are seen as one and the same. No, if I turn myself in,they'll probably give me ten years hard labor busting rocks at FortLeavenworth. I'd rather take my chances of surviving here in Nam than live infour closed walls. I'm a country boy, and I need fresh air and freedom ofmovement. I'd die in prison-I know it."

Alex said nothing. She had so much to digest, and her feelings were raw andsensitized toward Jim's plight. As she lay back down, she asked, "When do weleave for the marine firebase?"

"In a couple of days, with any luck," Jim answered. He tucked the blanketaround Alex and gave her a long, searching look. Finally, he rasped, "How canyou not hate me for what I did?"

She reached and gripped his hand. "Because you did it in self-defense, Jim.You're no more a killer than I am."

His mouth curved slightly. "You're bunny fluff," he teased in a strainedvoice, but relief flowed through him. More than anything, Jim had fearedtelling Alex the truth. It confounded him that she didn't hate him, that hecouldn't see accusation or remorse in her eyes for what he'd done.

Exhausted by the marathon session, Alex closed her eyes. The grip of Jim'shand gave her strength, gave her continued hope. "I'm so glad I know you," shesaid, her voice trailing off into sleep.

How long Jim sat holding Alex's hand after she fell asleep, he didn't know.Her hand was so small and white against his own. He marveled at Alex'sinherent beauty as she slept. Why didn't she hate him? Were his own emotions,his own horror over what he'd done, twisting everything so he didn't seecorrectly?

Stymied, Jim found no answers-just a lot of time on his hands to think aboutthe sordid situation.

The earth shook. At first Alex thought it was in her nightmare-the joltingcrash of the helicopter. But then she was dragged out of sleep to feel theground beneath her tremble like a dog shaking off fleas. She gasped. It wasdark. Blindly, she groped to find Jim. Her flailing hand was caught by his.

"Easy," Jim rasped, his voice thick with sleep. Dragging himself out of hisp.r.o.ne position, he sat up and gathered Alex into his arms.

"My G.o.d, what is it?" she cried, clinging to him.

"B-52 strikes," he muttered. They were close. d.a.m.ned close. Automatically, Jimplaced them both against the wall and pressed Alex against him to protect heras much as possible.

"B-52's?" Her voice was high, off-key with terror. The ground bucked andshuddered in wavelike movements around them. Several chunks of rock and dirt fell from the ceiling to the floor of their tunnel.

Tarnation! "Yeah, they must be doin' some saturation bombing in this area.It's all VC-held, so it makes sense."

The ground groaned, and dirt sifted over them. Jim cursed softly.

"Come on," he urged, "we gotta get outta here before we're buried alive!"

Fear shot jaggedly through Alex as he hauled her to her feet. Dizzy, shegripped his arm as he led her toward the exit hole. More dirt avalanched downon them. The pounding and reverberation were increasing in intensity andpower. Alex felt Jim's hands go around her waist.

"Climb through," he ordered in a rasp, and lifted her off her feet.

Blindly, Alex groped for the jungle floor with her right hand as she waspushed through the camouflaged entrance. Biting back a cry of pain, shestruggled up and out of the hole. The brush scratched at her face, snaggingstrands of her hair. Her breath came in sobs as she got to her knees andcrawled away from the opening so Jim could escape. Her eyes widening, Alex sawthe sky light up with huge tentacles of fire. The shrieking whistle of thebombs carried through the darkness. The horizon lit up again and again, as oneload of bombs after another exploded into the jungle.

"Alex!"

Jerking her head to the left, she saw Jim crawling toward her. "Here..."

"Man, they're gonna level this place! Come on, we gotta move!" Jim pulled Alexto her feet and placed his arm around her waist. She wasn't as strong as hewished, but they had no choice, it was either make a run for it or get blownto bits.

Gasping, Jim held Alex against him as they wove unsteadily through the jungle,the vines, huge leaves and brush slapping at them. He headed north, toward themarine firebase, their only hope of safety. In his hurry to leave the tunnel,Jim had left everything but his web belt behind. They had no food, no water.Luckily, he thought as they struggled through the jungle, the sulfa powderAlex needed to keep the infection down was in a pouch on the belt.

All Jim's focus centered on getting Alex to safety. She deserved a secondchance at life. He knew he didn't. If he died reaching his objective for Alex, it would be an honorable end to his miserable existence. Every time shetripped, he was there to catch her. Only once in that first harrowing hour ofconstant bombing did Alex cry out. Jim knew how she must be feeling, but tohis amazement, she seemed to draw on some unknown resource of incrediblestrength and endurance, somehow matching his demanding pace.

After an hour the B-52 raid diminished into silence. Jim breathed through hismouth, less noisy than breathing through his nose. He brought Alex to a haltand pulled her to him.

"It's over," he rasped near her ear. "At least, for now."

Shaking, Alex leaned heavily against him. "What do you mean? Is there morecoming?"

"I don't know, gal. I don't know." He looked back at the jungle they'd comefrom. It was on fire, flames licking toward the dark night above. "One thing'sfor sure, the VC are lying low right now. It's a good time to travel."

Her mouth dry, Alex looked up. "Wh-where are we?"

Jim's teeth shone white against his glistening, shadowed skin. "Close to thefirebase. I'm taking you home, gal, one way or another. It's just happening alittle sooner than I expected, that's all."

"What about your leg?"

"Sore but usable. How about your shoulder?"

"The same," Alex whispered, clutching Jim's damp s.h.i.+rt. Her knees were likejelly, but she didn't want to tell him. Right now, he needed her courage, nother problems. The mosquitoes were thick, biting relentlessly, much worse thanin the tunnel.

"Can you walk?"

"I can try."

"Good." His praise was husky, and he tucked her against him, his arm aroundher waist to support her. "No talking. If you hear anything odd, stop andpoint in the direction the noise came from."

"Okay." Blinking her stinging, smarting eyes, Alex put her full concentrationinto placing one foot in front of the other. Each step jolted her wound, andfresh pain jagged up her shoulder, into her neck and head. The night humiditywas suffocating, the mosquitoes a constant nagging buzz. How Jim had survivedin Vietnam for two years under conditions like this stymied Alex. Freshadmiration for him flowed through her.

Toward dawn, Jim called a final halt. Once an hour, they had rested for tenminutes or so. The jungle wasn't their friend, but it wasn't their enemy,either. Up north, Jim knew, in portions of the I Corps area, the jungle was sothick and matted with vines that it required a machete to chop through it.Here, it was easier traveling, and with his excellent night vision, they hadmade reasonable progress.

"Let's sit down," Jim whispered. He found a place beneath the gnarled, snakingroots of a huge rubber tree to hide from enemy eyes. In the grayish light, hesaw how waxen Alex had become. Once she had crawled into his arms and laid her head wearily on his shoulder, he embraced her carefully.

"Is that wound bleeding?"

"N-no, I don't think so. How are you doing?"

He smiled tiredly and pressed a kiss to the top of her damp hair. "You reallyare a nurse. You're more concerned for me than yourself."

It felt so good to rest. Alex closed her eyes, her hand against his chest."You're my eyes, ears and legs for this journey," she teased. "Why shouldn't Ibe concerned how you're doing?"

Jim laid his head against the smooth trunk of the tree. "You're right. I likeyour common sense, Alex. Just another good point about you, gal."

Alex warmed beneath his praise. As fatigued as she was, she wondered what Jimwould do when they reached the marine firebase. Would he drop her off anddisappear into the jungle? The thought shattered what was left of her courage.Automatically, her fingers tightened in the folds of his damp s.h.i.+rt.

"What's wrong?" Jim asked, stroking her hair.

"I-I'm scared."

"Makes two of us. You're in good company."

Just the trembling touch of his hand upon her hair soothed some of her innertorment. "I want us to live, Jim. Both of us..."

With a sigh, he leaned down and kissed her temple. "You're worth saving, Alex.I'm not."

Tears flooded into her eyes and blindly she turned her head. Sliding her handaround his neck, she brought him down to mold her mouth to his.

A startled groan began deep within Jim as her mouth, warm and seeking, methis. Instantly, the insanity of the world around them ceased to exist. OnlyAlex's questing mouth, her hand around his neck mattered. Inside, his heartexploded with such pain, such relief as he eased her lips apart and tastedher, that it struck him to his soul. Her breathing was ragged, her mouthdemanding and wanting. Shaken by her need of him, he felt the walls he'd beenhiding behind crumble beneath her heated exploration.

He framed Alex's face with his hands, tilted her head back and hungrily slidhis mouth along hers. Fire, cleansing and good, flowed through him as hedrowned in the splendor of her heat. Her mouth was like sweet, hot honey to betasted, savored and absorbed. Jim felt like a thief, stealing life from her,but as the seconds melted together, some small functioning part of hisspinning senses told him, right or wrong, she wanted this as much as he did.

The realization was as startling as it was heart-breakingly beautiful, like astarved animal denied too much for too long, Jim took all Alex could give him.The pain he'd carried since that nightmarish day when Kim was killed dissolvedunder the caress of her hand on his face and neck, her lips sliding reverentlyagainst his mouth. For an instant, Jim felt hope. Hope. Gradually, as theyparted, their brows resting against each other, their noses touching, he feltAlex tremble. So did he. This time, it wasn't out of fear, it was out of suchan overwhelming desire for her that it robbed him of all thought except thefeel of her in his arms.

Of their own accord, his hands moved from her hair, to her face, slender neckand shoulders.

"You're so beautiful, so good and kind." he rasped against her wet lips.

With a sob, Alex lifted her chin. Jim's eyes were narrowed with intensity,with desire. "I-I love you," she cried out softly.

Chapter Six.

Jim's breath snagged. His arms tightened around Alex for just a moment. Andthen, he released her. They sat beneath the lattice-work of roots, with barelyenough headroom for Jim. He closed his eyes. "Gal, you can't love me. It'simpossible." Alex gulped but remained in the safety of his arms. How could shehave fallen in love in a week's time? How? A portion of her was mystified byher blurted admission. As she felt through the mora.s.s of emotions bubblingwithin her, Alex knew it wasn't the wrong thing to say to Jim.

"I said it," she rasped, her voice cracking. "I meant it." Her fingerstightened on his s.h.i.+rt and she could feel his chest rising and falling quicklybeneath her hand. Soon, it would be dawn. Jim didn't want to travel during thedaylight hours, afraid of detection by roving bands of VC.

Groaning softly, Jim pulled Alex away just enough to look down and franticallysearch her gray eyes. What he saw in them was a l.u.s.ter, a wonderful trustingglow. He could never have imagined any woman looking at him like that-andmeaning it. "You're feverish, Alex. You don't know what you're talking about."

"I've only got a grade fever, Jim McKenzie, and I'm not hallucinating! I knowwhat I said."

Gripping her arm, he blurted in panic, "It's this crazy war, the situation,then." Such a huge part of him wanted her admission to be true. Hadn't he beendreaming of Alex in place of his normal fare of nightmares? Hadn't that smallseed of hope that had flared to life deep within him entertained that veryneed-wis.h.i.+ng Alex would love the likes of him, terrible faults and all?

Now, as he stared into her unwavering gaze, his mouth grew dry. He saw Alex'sstubbornness, only this time it was in connection with her feelings-for him."No," he rasped, "you can't mean it, Alex... you can't."

"I do!" Anger flared through Alex, despite her disheveled condition, theconstant fever and the physical hards.h.i.+ps she'd endured thus far. "You'reworth loving, Jim. Don't you see that?"

Muttering a curse under his breath, Jim tucked Alex against him, losing theargument. Joy sheared through him, followed by utter hopelessness. "You love aloser, then," he told her harshly. "Don't hurt yourself because of me, Alex.As soon as I get you to that firebase, I'm disappearin' back into the jungle.I don't dare get caught, or they'll shove me in the brig. I can't stand thethought of goin' to prison. I'd die in those four walls. Just let whatever youfeel for me go. You hear?"

Alex shook her head. She was trembling from exertion, her legs aching fromtheir forced march. "How can I push something away that's grown so deep withinme? I can't, Jim. Please, give yourself up. The marines don't know you decidedwhat you did. You could go back and-" "No!" The word was ground out between his teeth. Jim placed his fingersbeneath her chin and forced her to look up at him. "Alex, if I went back, I'dgo to prison for a long time. You can't go out in the bush with a marine squadand not carry your share of the load. I'm not going to lie to the corps abouthow I feel."

Exhausted, Alex nodded. "It doesn't change how I feel about you," shequavered.

"Go to sleep," he ordered tightly. "You're stressed, Alex. It's natural tohave crazy feelings at times like this. You don't love me. You just think youdo. Now, go to sleep. We'll start moving again at dusk."

Too weary to argue anymore, Alex nestled her head against his shoulder andclosed her eyes. It occurred to her that loving Jim could be a one-way street.He'd never said he loved her. But that heated, hungry kiss had told her thingshe'd be too wary to admit to her. No, that one melting, soul-searching kisshad bonded them together. Forever.

Alex awoke with a start. At first she was disoriented, the dusk upon her.Then, as she grew more alert, she realized she was sleeping near the trunk ofthe rubber tree, alone. Jim was gone! Worried, she pushed up into a sittingposition and looked around. Night sounds were picking up in volume as shetried to penetrate the lush jungle.

"Alex..."

A scream nearly leaped out of her mouth. Turning, she saw Jim quietly crawlingback through the tangle of roots to where she sat.

"Where were you?" she demanded in a low, unsteady voice.

He grinned and held up some fruit. "Found some bananas for us to eat. They'rea little green, but they'll be okay." Wiping the sweat off his face, he cameand sat next to her. He gave her two of the small bananas, keeping one forhimself.

"No, you take two," Alex protested. "You're larger than I am."

He grinned and handed the fruit back to her. "I already ate two I found."

"Oh."

Jim said nothing, but pleasure flowed through him at the wonder of Alex, shewould share what she had, no matter how hungry she was. As they sat insilence, chewing on the unripe fruit, Jim frowned. Thus far, he hadn't foundanything not to like about Alex. All through the hot, humid daylight, he'dslept restlessly, alert to any change in noise level. Each time he'd rea.s.suredhimself that VC weren't nearby, he'd turned his attention back to Alexsleeping deeply in his arms, and to her unexpected admission.

Stealing a glance at her now-her hair mussed, her face scratched and smudgedwith dirt-a profusion of rainbow feelings rushed through Jim. She was so smalland pet.i.te against his height and leanness as a man. Yet the soft set of herlips, of the pet.i.te chin that balanced her heart-shaped face, spoke eloquentlyof her courage. Alex was the kind of woman he'd dreamed of someday falling inlove with-a woman ruled by a large, generous heart, who might look helplessbut wasn't in the least. After all, the woman he dreamed of taking for a wife would have to be able to survive the harsh demands of Missouri hill life-not for the faint of heart.

"How's your shoulder?" he asked.

"Okay."

Jim smiled slightly and held her shadowed gray gaze. "Alex Vance, you'refibbing."

It was her turn to smile uncertainly. "Yes... well, it hurts. But so does yourleg, I'm sure," she said, pointing to the splints.

"My level of pain is tolerable."

"So's mine."

"You must be feeling better. You're getting feisty on me."

Alex finished the second banana and wiped her fingers along her jeans. "Myfever seems to be gone, at least for now. And I'm not feisty."

A grin worked its way across Jim's mouth. He felt such delight in discoveringeach new facet of Alex. How he ached to share each small discovery with her.

But he couldn't. The feelings he held for her could never be revealed. He hadto protect her from himself, because there was no future for them. Ever."Think we ought to put more sulfa powder on your wound? We're gonna be walkingall night."

She nodded. "Yes."

Jim eased her to the ground and gently removed the bandage. He noticed thatAlex shut her eyes and refused to watch him work over her wound. Taking outthe amber bottle containing the antibiotic, he quickly sprinkled the yellowdust across the injury and wrapped it again.