The Mental Floss History Of The World Part 24

ACROSS TOWN, IN PERSIA...

Like the Ottoman sultans, the Persian shahs found themselves increasingly hemmed in by powerful European armies and navies on all sides. In the late seventeenth century, Peter the Great invaded northwestern Persia to conquer the Caucasus Mountains. The shahs of the Safavid Dynasty also faced internal opposition, led by Afghan tribesmen who rebelled in 1722. To the east, India came under British control, and the British ruled the seas with their mighty navy. The scheming Brits used their navy to put pressure on Persia and extract special trade privileges (standard practice).

Pirates: UP. YAR! UP. YAR!

Buccaneers, corsairs, pirates, privateers, swashbucklers-whatever you want to call 'em, the sixteenth to eighteenth centuries were the golden age of people who sailed the high seas stealing stuff, sometimes a lot of stuff.

In monetary terms, Sir Francis Drake was probably the most successful English privateer. After receiving a Letter of Marque (i.e., permission to plunder) from Elizabeth in 1577, he became the first English sailor to circ.u.mnavigate the globe, stealing a mind-boggling amount of Spanish treasure along the way: Elizabeth's take in 1580 exceeded all her other royal income combined. combined. One of Drake's most lucrative captures, a Spanish treasure galleon nicknamed One of Drake's most lucrative captures, a Spanish treasure galleon nicknamed Cacafuego Cacafuego ("s.h.i.+t Fire"), contained eighty pounds of gold bullion, thirteen chests of gold coins, a gold crucifix, jewels, and twenty-six tons of silver. No wonder Elizabeth knighted him! ("s.h.i.+t Fire"), contained eighty pounds of gold bullion, thirteen chests of gold coins, a gold crucifix, jewels, and twenty-six tons of silver. No wonder Elizabeth knighted him!

Of course you don't really need anyone's consent to steal, and there were literally hundreds of straight-up pirates active during this period. Probably the most notorious English pirate was Blackbeard (15801618), born Edward Teach, who commanded a pirate fleet of four s.h.i.+ps raiding the Caribbean and North Atlantic. To terrify his victims, Blackbeard stuck burning hemp and sticks into his beard and hat, so that "he looked like the Devil." His most famous act of piracy was blockading Charleston, South Carolina, in May 1718, while holding its leading citizens for ransom. He eventually received a royal pardon, but the governor of Virginia had him killed anyway, just to be sure.

GET YOUR SHOVEL!.

Historians estimate that $1$2 billion in pirate treasure may still be buried on Cocos Island, a pirate hideout located three hundred miles south of Costa Rica in the Pacific Ocean.

On the opposite side of the world, in 1695 Henry Avery joined forces with a half-dozen other pirates to capture a fleet carrying wealthy Muslim pilgrims to Mecca for the annual Haj pilgrimage. One s.h.i.+p, owned by the Moghul emperor of India, was said to be carrying between fifty and sixty thousand pounds of gold and silver, countless diamonds, and ivory elephant tusks worth their weight in gold. One witness said Avery-whose pirate career lasted less than a year-stole so much loot in that time he "was likely to be the Founder of a new Monarchy" (not that farfetched, since Avery also captured and married the daughter of the Moghul emperor). Sadly, he was cheated out of his ill-gotten goods by swindlers back home in England.

Bartholomew Roberts, aka "Black Bart," was a dilettante who became a pirate in 1719 "for the Love of Novelty and Change," which might strike some as insufficient motivation. But the Welshman was in fact a stunning success at it, capturing some four hundred s.h.i.+ps in the Atlantic and Caribbean, including the Sagrada Familia Sagrada Familia, a Portuguese treasure s.h.i.+p, altogether worth about $1.6 billion in contemporary U.S. dollars.

In 1721, in the Indian Ocean, John Taylor captured the single biggest prize in history: the Portuguese frigate Nostra Senora della Cabo Nostra Senora della Cabo, carrying gold, diamonds, and other treasure from the Viceroy of Goa, in India. Each of Taylor's crew got forty-two large diamonds on top of what would today be a half-million dollars in gold, altogether valued at about two hundred million contemporary U.S. dollars. The other half, belonging to Taylor's partner, a French pirate named La Buse, is said to be buried on an island somewhere in the Indian Ocean. At his hanging, La Buse threw a sheaf of papers containing encrypted directions into the crowd, with the final words, "My treasure to he who can understand." Modern treasure hunters are still looking.

BETTER THAN AN HMO.

Pirating and privateering could be a high-yield profession, but there's no question it was also a high-risk business. Crew members could expect to lose some body parts on the way-but like modern employers, really good pirate captains were conscientious about compensating them for hacked-off body parts. According to buccaneer Alexandre Exquemelin, who sailed under Captain Henry Morgan, Morgan ordered that "1,500 pieces of eight or fifteen slaves were to be granted for the loss of both legs, the choice being up to the injured man; 1,800 pieces of eight, or eighteen slaves were to be given for the loss of both hands; for the loss of a leg or a hand 600 pieces of eight or six slaves; and for the loss of an eye or a finger 100 pieces of eight or one slave. For the pain of a body wound that needed the insertion of a pipe, compensation was 500 pieces of eight or five slaves. For a permanently stiff arm, leg, or finger, the compensation was the same as for its actual loss."

Taylor actually shares the prize for the single biggest haul with Piet Heyn, a Dutch privateer. In 1628, Heyn commanded a Dutch fleet that captured sixteen Spanish treasure s.h.i.+ps from Mexico carrying 11.5 million guilders, also worth about $200 million nowadays. This incredible sum paid the salaries of the entire Dutch army in the United Provinces of the Netherlands for eight months-enabling them to continue fighting the Spanish armies of their Hapsburg rulers (a delicious irony that wasn't lost on the Dutch, who still consider Heyn a national hero).

The Enlightenment: A Cheat Sheet Like the Renaissance, the Enlightenment was a period when self-conscious intellectuals talked alot about what the world was all about. Here's a not-at-all comprehensive cheat sheet on ten of the most important.On s.p.a.ce Galileo Galilei (15641642) "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same G.o.d who endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect intended us to forgo their use." "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same G.o.d who endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect intended us to forgo their use." Credited as the inventor of modern science, Galileo perfected the telescope and used it to observe celestial bodies, including the larger moons of Jupiter (named in his honor). But his conclusion that the Earth moves around the sun clearly contradicted the Bible. When the Catholic Church attacked his theory in 1612, Galileo argued that studying nature actually brings people closer to G.o.d. But Pope Urban VIII was having none of it: under threat of death, Galileo recanted his theory in 1633, conceding that the Earth does not move around the sun. (Although as he turned to go, the proud astronomer muttered to himself, "Still, it moves.") Credited as the inventor of modern science, Galileo perfected the telescope and used it to observe celestial bodies, including the larger moons of Jupiter (named in his honor). But his conclusion that the Earth moves around the sun clearly contradicted the Bible. When the Catholic Church attacked his theory in 1612, Galileo argued that studying nature actually brings people closer to G.o.d. But Pope Urban VIII was having none of it: under threat of death, Galileo recanted his theory in 1633, conceding that the Earth does not move around the sun. (Although as he turned to go, the proud astronomer muttered to himself, "Still, it moves.")Rene Descartes (15961650) "I think, therefore I am. "I think, therefore I am." As Galileo is considered the "Father of Modern Science," Descartes is called the "Father of Modern Philosophy" and the "Father of Modern Mathematics" (by different mothers, of course). After grasping its essential tenets in a dream, in 1619 Descartes created a new discipline called a.n.a.lytic geometry, which allowed scientists to apply mathematical principles to the study of the physical world-laying the foundation for "physics." His interest in the relations.h.i.+p between mathematics and natural phenomena led him to deduce the law of the conservation of momentum, which governs (for example) the velocities of billiard b.a.l.l.s striking one another. He also discovered the laws of reflection and refraction, which describe how light interacts with opaque and transparent objects.Isaac Newton (16431727) "To every action there is always opposed an equal reaction. "To every action there is always opposed an equal reaction." Building on the work of Galileo and Descartes, Isaac Newton made revolutionary contributions to mathematics, optics, and physics. His early studies included measuring the refraction of light with a gla.s.s prism and soap bubbles, from which he correctly deduced that light is made up of tiny particles. His book on the subject, Opticks Opticks, became the European standard after 1715. In geometry, Newton discovered simple formulae for calculating curvature and areas embraced by curves, helping invent calculus. Finally, his formula for gravity relates the "ma.s.s" (size) of any two objects and their positions in "s.p.a.ce" (the distance between them) to determine the degree of attraction between them. This formula accurately predicted the elliptical orbits of Earth and the other planets around the sun.On Grace Baruch Spinoza (16321677) "We feel and know that we are eternal. "We feel and know that we are eternal." A Dutch Portuguese Jew, Spinoza made contributions to ethics and theology that had a huge impact on Christian thinking as well. Drawing on cla.s.sical Greek philosophers, Spinoza said that the entire universe represents a single substance governed by a single set of rules. This single substance is both G.o.d and Nature, meaning that we are part of a larger system, and therefore lack "free will." Spinoza also laid the groundwork for "biblical criticism," openly questioning the truth of the Bible for the first time. A moral relativist who said good and evil are in the eye of the beholder, he was labeled an atheist for his controversial ideas (actually, early atheists were called "Spinozists"), but Spinoza's belief was probably closer to pantheism, which sees G.o.d embodied in the universe.I believe in Spinoza's G.o.d who reveals himself in the orderly harmony of what exists, not in a G.o.d who concerns himself with the fates and actions of human beings.-Albert Einstein Immanuel Kant (17241804) "Live your life as though your every act were to become a universal law. "Live your life as though your every act were to become a universal law." After Baruch Spinoza scandalized Europe's religious elite, turning many against the Enlightenment, Immanuel Kant helped resolve the conflict by creating a way for reason and logic to co-exist with G.o.d-or, more specifically, with morality. His philosophy was based on the belief that human beings are fundamentally unable to know whether G.o.d exists; nonetheless, they remain moral animals who try to use reason to understand the world. Kant appealed to reason to defend systems of morality because they are useful to mankind-not because "G.o.d said so." The "good" exists in and of itself, Kant believed, separate from and independent of G.o.d, and we must embrace our moral duties regardless of punishment or reward in the hereafter.Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (17701831) "The history of the world is none other than the progress of the consciousness of freedom. "The history of the world is none other than the progress of the consciousness of freedom." Hegel believed that abstract concepts or "ideals" drive history, which is central to understanding philosophy, since what people consider "true" has changed over time. In fact, Hegel said that the course of history actually reveals the divine plan-G.o.d's purpose in creating the universe. According to Hegel, history unfolds as a "dialectic," or dialogue, between clas.h.i.+ng ideals. In his model, a first idea (thesis) is challenged by a second idea (ant.i.thesis). The two sides reveal each other's contradictions, giving birth to a new idea combining them (synthesis). This synthesis eventually takes its place as a new thesis-the starting point for another round of debate and development.On the Human Race Thomas Hobbes (15881679) "The condition of man...is a condition of war of everyone against everyone." "The condition of man...is a condition of war of everyone against everyone." Still one of the most controversial political philosophers, Hobbes presented a "materialist" worldview stripped of religion and morality, arguing that law and order, peace and tranquility, all rely on armed force alone. Drawing on Machiavelli, in his book Still one of the most controversial political philosophers, Hobbes presented a "materialist" worldview stripped of religion and morality, arguing that law and order, peace and tranquility, all rely on armed force alone. Drawing on Machiavelli, in his book Leviathan, Leviathan, Hobbes said that mankind's natural state is disorder and conflict. This can be stopped only if everyone agrees through a "social contract" to give up their personal right to commit violence, yielding it to the state. Otherwise, crime, vigilantism, and even civil war will result. (Not coincidentally, Hobbes wrote during the English Civil War.) Although he claimed to believe in G.o.d, like Spinoza, Hobbes was accused of atheism, as G.o.d had almost no place in his philosophy. Hobbes said that mankind's natural state is disorder and conflict. This can be stopped only if everyone agrees through a "social contract" to give up their personal right to commit violence, yielding it to the state. Otherwise, crime, vigilantism, and even civil war will result. (Not coincidentally, Hobbes wrote during the English Civil War.) Although he claimed to believe in G.o.d, like Spinoza, Hobbes was accused of atheism, as G.o.d had almost no place in his philosophy.John Locke (16321704) "The end of law is not to abolish or restrain, but to preserve and enlarge freedom. "The end of law is not to abolish or restrain, but to preserve and enlarge freedom." Like Hobbes, Locke was also concerned with the "social contract," but he differed with Hobbes on several points. According to Locke, two related principles ruled humanity both in its natural state and in contemporary society: the right not to be harmed, and the obligation not to harm others. Unlike Hobbes, Locke believed that humans are essentially rational and benevolent beings, although of course they could be selfish, too. The primary purpose of government is to protect private property, which is acc.u.mulated through individual labor. When it functions properly, it allows men to engage in commerce, which increases the total wealth of society.Jean-Jacques Rousseau (17121778) "Man is born free, and everywhere he is in shackles. "Man is born free, and everywhere he is in shackles." Also concerned with the "social contract," Rousseau took a rather different view from Hobbes and Locke. He believed that mankind's natural state, before exposure to culture or society, was fundamentally good-others called this ideal the "n.o.ble savage"-because he was self-sufficient. But society made men dependent on other men, introducing a corrupting influence; Rousseau condemned government for the same reason. As a remedy, he suggested a new social contract in which human beings renounced violence and hierarchy by common consent, forming a truly equal society. However, he opposed representative government, believing that laws should be made directly by the people, as in Athenian democracy.On the Tax Base Adam Smith (17231790) "No society can surely be flouris.h.i.+ng and happy, of which the far greater part of the members are poor and miserable. "No society can surely be flouris.h.i.+ng and happy, of which the far greater part of the members are poor and miserable." The inventor of the word capitalism capitalism and the founder of economics, Adam Smith said that labor, not land or gold, is the key to producing wealth. He also said that the laws of supply and demand regulate the prices for specific goods. When demand is high, prices rise, drawing more producers into the market; this leads to compet.i.tion, which eventually causes prices to fall again. In the long run, he felt that a truly "free" market, without government interference in prices, would lead to the most efficient economy possible. Thus Smith was a pioneering advocate of free trade. This cut against the grain in England, which clung to a "mercantilist" policy imposing tariffs and other price constraints to protect domestic industry from foreign compet.i.tion. But it proved very popular in the American colonies, which resented mercantilism (foreshadowing!). and the founder of economics, Adam Smith said that labor, not land or gold, is the key to producing wealth. He also said that the laws of supply and demand regulate the prices for specific goods. When demand is high, prices rise, drawing more producers into the market; this leads to compet.i.tion, which eventually causes prices to fall again. In the long run, he felt that a truly "free" market, without government interference in prices, would lead to the most efficient economy possible. Thus Smith was a pioneering advocate of free trade. This cut against the grain in England, which clung to a "mercantilist" policy imposing tariffs and other price constraints to protect domestic industry from foreign compet.i.tion. But it proved very popular in the American colonies, which resented mercantilism (foreshadowing!).

SO LONG, AND THANKS FOR ALL THE...

Best Takeout Ever [image]

China is one of the oldest civilizations on earth, so it may come as a surprise that the deliciously spicy Szechuan style of southwestern China is actually a pretty recent invention. That's because one of the most important ingredients, the chile pepper, didn't arrive in China until the seventeenth century.Like potatoes, corn, tomatoes, and avocados, chile peppers hail from the Americas and were unknown in China before European colonization. Diego Alvarez Chanca, a physician who accompanied Columbus on his second expedition to the New World, brought chiles back to Spain in 1494. Chiles likely spread to Asia when the Spanish conquered the Philippines in 1521-perhaps bringing the spicy pepper along to cover the taste of food that spoiled during the long ocean voyage.From the Philippines, it was a short hop to China via Asia's busy trade routes. Chiles probably arrived first in the southern province of Guangdong, before spreading inland to Hunan province. (Hunanese cuisine is also famously spicy.) Then migrating Hunanese peasants probably brought the pepper to Szechuan province with them.

MAD ABOUT MUD.

Tea and tulips weren't the only Asian imports that drove Europe wild. Chinese porcelain was another favorite, so valuable in fact that it was called "white gold." Porcelain is special because it uses a specific type of clay, kaolin, colored with rare pigments that are found in only a few places in China. Light pink or "rose" porcelain was invented during the reign of the powerful Qing emperor Kangxi, who ruled between 1662 and 1722. Of course, the Europeans tried to rip off the secrets of porcelain-making, and again, it was the clever (read: greedy) Dutch who led the way. Potters in the Dutch city of Delft produced a pretty good approximation of porcelain, though of course it wasn't the real thing. "Delftware" is still being made.

To tell the truth, the Chinese of Szechuan province were already obsessed with spicy food: before the chile arrived, they were enjoying a native pepper with a citrus-y flavor, called the "numbing pepper." Still, the American chile revolutionized Szechuan cuisine-which became an American favorite hundreds of years later. In the interest of drumming up business for Chinese restaurants, here's a short list of delicious Szechuan-style dishes that use chiles: Kung Pao Chicken, General Tso's Chicken, Twice-Cooked Pork, Ma-Po Tofu, Spicy Eggplant, Szechuan Beef, and of course "Bang Bang" Chicken.Yes, you can go eat...the book will be here when you get back.Tea Time Through the medieval period and Renaissance, the English national beverage was beer. It wasn't until the seventeenth century, though, that they discovered the mildly stimulating effects of Chinese tea (though anyone who visits an English city between the hours of dusk and dawn can testify that beer is still going strong).The Dutch were the first to bring tea back to Europe from China, and it quickly became popular among the upper cla.s.ses in Holland, where the exiled heir to the English throne, Charles II, was hanging out. Charles got hooked, and when he became King of Great Britain, he married a Portuguese princess, Catherine of Braganza, who was also a tea fanatic. Between them the new royal couple made the drink all the rage back in England.England's national tea addiction drove imports from forty thousand tons in 1699 to eleven million tons in 1785-and the government gave the companies who imported tea incredible powers to keep the magic herb flowing. Originally Parliament granted the tea monopoly to the John Company, allowing the corporation to coin its own money, pa.s.s laws, raise armies, make alliances, declare war, and conquer foreign territory. Then, in 1773, Parliament pa.s.sed legislation incorporating the John Company into the East India Company-which became even more powerful.By the mid-eighteenth century, the British were spending so much money on tea that it triggered a financial crisis, as all of Britain's silver was going to China to pay for the national addiction. So the British hit on a sensible solution: hooking the Chinese on an even worse addiction. From the 1750s on, the British promoted opium use in China, deliberately encouraging ma.s.s addiction among the Chinese. Soon the cases of silver flowing west for the opium balanced the cases of silver flowing east for the tea, and all was well again (except for Chinese society falling apart).Location, Location, Location Accurate sea navigation was impossible for most of human history because there was no way to know where, exactly, you were. It was easy enough to figure out one half of the equation: captains calculated what lat.i.tude they were on (i.e., how far north or south of the equator) by using an instrument called a quadrant to measure the distance between the sun and the equator at "high noon." But on the same line of lat.i.tude, the sun's path is identical wherever you go, meaning it's no help for determining longitude (how far east or west you've come).The key to figuring longitude, it turns out, is time. Imagine you are traveling west from a certain point on the equator, with a reliable clock that you don't change as you travel: by the time you moved five "time zones" to the west, you would observe that "high noon" came at 5:00 p.m. according to the clock you brought with you (rather than 12:00 p.m.). Since the Earth measures twenty-five thousand miles at the equator and revolves once every twenty-four hours, you could determine that you had moved about five thousand miles to the west.But it was impossible to tell time at sea with old-fas.h.i.+oned pendulum clocks, because the constant up-and-down motion threw off the pendulum's swing. It took a terrible tragedy to get a better way of telling time. On October 22, 1707, five British s.h.i.+ps under the command of Admiral Sir Cloudesly Shovel (you can't make these names up) ran aground less than a day's journey from home port, killing almost two thousand men. In response, Parliament promised a reward of twenty thousand pounds to anyone who could build a reliable mechanical clock that worked at sea-without a pendulum. a pendulum.The call was answered by an eccentric inventor and craftsman named John Harrison, who took twenty-one years to produce his first clock. The bra.s.s and wood timepiece, weighing seventy-two pounds, was a meticulous piece of work, amazing everyone with its accuracy and beauty. Harrison's key contributions were his obsessively fine crafting of gear wheels, and his hand-wound spring system for powering the clock.But Harrison didn't claim the prize right away. A perfectionist, he took twenty more years to build progressively smaller and more accurate versions of it. The fourth timepiece, produced in 1759, was an easily transportable pocket watch. After sending it on a round trip to Barbados with his son William to test its accuracy, Harrison finally went to the Board of Longitude to claim his prize-but was refused!It turned out that the Board of Longitude was under the control of a stubborn-okay, idiotic-royal astronomer named Nevil Maskelyne, who was convinced that longitude could be determined through astronomical observations. Parliament finally intervened, going over the royal astronomer's head to pay Harrison ten thousand pounds for the invention. Still, they owed John Harrison a lot more. So, in a brilliant PR move, his son William sent a clock to King George III, who was known to have an interest in astronomy and navigation. George asked Parliament to pay the rest of the prize money to Harrison. It's good to have the king on your side.Gin and Juice Believe it or not, gin began as medicine. It was invented in the early seventeenth century by Dr. Franciscus de la Boe, in the Dutch town of Leiden. The word gin gin comes from comes from genever genever, the Dutch word for the juniper berry, which gives gin its distinctive taste.Although it was a Dutch invention, gin was an even bigger hit in Britain (surprise, surprise). In 1660 the diarist Samuel Pepys wrote of curing a minor illness with some "strong water made with juniper," indicating that the beverage still had a medicinal use. But before long the Brits were drinking gin just to get drunk. They've been doing it ever since.Gin was to eighteenth-century London what opium was to China: a cheap, highly addictive drug that destroyed poor communities with astonis.h.i.+ng speed. To get an idea of just how alcoholic London was during the gin craze, consider that by the 1720s about one out of every four households was involved in making making gin. Gin was sold in bottles with rounded bottoms, so once you opened a bottle, you couldn't set it down; you had to finish it in one sitting (and they did). gin. Gin was sold in bottles with rounded bottoms, so once you opened a bottle, you couldn't set it down; you had to finish it in one sitting (and they did).The government tried to intervene in 1736 with the Gin Act, but this just drove production underground, to illegal stills that were dangerously unreliable: illegally made gin could cause blindness, and like modern meth labs, the stills had a nasty habit of exploding."English Riding Coats"

The seventeenth century saw the invention of one of history's all-time great prophylactics-the trusty condom, which was originally made from the intestines of sheep. Sheep intestines were elastic and durable enough to survive a great deal of wear, but also thin enough to allow sensation during s.e.xual intercourse.There had been an earlier version of the condom-a small cap of fine linen that fitted over the head of the p.e.n.i.s, invented in 1564 by Italian physician Gabriello Fallopius (who also gave his name to a piece of well-known female reproductive anatomy). Fallopius thought up the linen proto-condom while looking for ways to prevent the spread of syphilis. Whether the condom worked to contain syphilis, let alone prevent conception, is anyone's guess. One nice touch: the cloth sheath was secured with a pink bow, to appeal to women.But back to the cla.s.sic sheep intestine condom: legend long held that if had been invented for King Charles II of Britain by a royal physician, the Earl of Condom, who was responding to Charles's fear of contracting syphilis from one of his many mistresses. Unfortunately, no record of an Earl of Condom has been found-though that doesn't mean the story's not true, as the king would have gone to great lengths to keep it quiet. A more likely derivation of the word condom condom traces it back to the Latin word traces it back to the Latin word condon condon, which means "receptacle."Rumor has it the sheep intestine condom was popular with famous seventeenth-century "players" such as Giovanni Casanova, who referred to it as his "English Riding Coat." And it's likely the "armour" referred to by James Boswell in his London Journal London Journal, relating an encounter on May 10, 1763, in which he picked "up a strong young jolly damsel, led her to Westminster Bridge and there, in armour complete, did I enjoy her upon this n.o.ble edifice."A gross final note: because they were so valuable and hard to make, men lucky enough to have a sheep-intestine condom in the first place would keep them and reuse them-usually without was.h.i.+ng them. Thus the early condoms probably ended up causing as many hygiene problems as they prevented.Big Guns One easy way to make cannons more accurate was to understand how they actually worked. Up to 1638, European gunners believed that cannonb.a.l.l.s moved in a straight line when fired from cannons, until they reached maximum alt.i.tude, at which point they entered a short downward curve of "mixed motion," after which they fell straight to the ground. But then Galileo Galilei (a busy guy, obviously) proved that if there were no air resistance, the trajectory would be a parabola; and in 1674, Isaac Newton came up with a formula explaining how cannonb.a.l.l.s moved that also accounted for air resistance, explaining why the far side of that parabola was "smooshed" in.The manufacture of cannons was also standardized and made more precise during this period. For one thing, the quality of iron used to make cannons improved with the construction of giant blast furnaces. The actual manufacturing process changed, too. Before 1747, all cannons were made by pouring molten metal over a cylindrical clay core, which was knocked out of the cannon's barrel when the metal cooled. This technique left imperfections on the inside of the barrel, which could change the spin of the cannonball in midair. Then the Dutch invented a new technique in which cannons were cast solid-with no clay mold-and then bored out by powerful drills. This resulted in smoother, more accurate barrels.Little Guns Cannons are great for blowing stuff up and killing people from far away, but what happens when you need to kill someone who's much closer? At one time, the best answer European armies could give was "blunderbuss!" The blunderbuss was a primitive barrel-loading gun that could shoot round metal b.a.l.l.s or even gravel, if nothing else was available. The barrel of the blunderbuss (say that three times fast) widened out into a bell shape at the end to make it easier to load-this also made the gun inaccurate.The next step for personal firearms was the musket, which had a straight barrel and an easier loading system. Gunpowder was wrapped up with the musket ball in a paper "cartridge" and driven home with a thin metal rod. Ma.s.s production of muskets became possible with the invention of metal-casting, which allowed gun makers to manufacture standardized gun components from 1700 on. Previously, each gun was its own customized piece of equipment, but now you could trade standard pieces back and forth between guns. This made maintenance a lot easier. The archetypal musket was the "Brown Bess" model issued to British soldiers beginning in 1722, which included a new flintlock trigger that made the gun safer and easier to reload.Now Europe could arm itself to the teeth and conquer the rest of the world. Yea!The Excessively Good Life You think you know what the good life is? Well, you have no idea. Louis XIV, on the other hand, had some very specific ideas about living well. Requiring fifty years to build beginning in 1661, his crib at Versailles is without question the most splendid, luxurious, and extravagant palace complex in the history of the world.All in all, the Palace of Versailles measures about 550,000 square feet in area, with 700 rooms incorporating construction materials such as marble, crystal, gold, silver, silk, satin, and exotic hardwoods. There are 2,000 windows, 1,250 fireplaces, 6,000 paintings, 2,100 sculptures, 50 fountains, 12 miles of roads, 20 miles of trellises, and a "Grand Ca.n.a.l" with a surface area of 55 acres-all set on about 2,000 acres of parkland and gardens.Originally Versailles was just a small royal hunting lodge that Louis visited as a child-around the time he also witnessed a terrifying rebellion of power-hungry n.o.bles in Paris. As an adult, Louis decided to leave Paris, which he a.s.sociated with fear and insecurity, seeking the comfort and safety of the old hunting lodge outside of town. But knowing Louis, a small, dingy old castle wasn't going to cut it: it had to be nice. Ridiculously nice.In 1682 Louis moved the French government to Versailles permanently, and expansion began in earnest. A local village and church were demolished to make room for more buildings, and Louis abandoned his old digs for the new Appartement du Roi, ab.u.t.ting his personal opera, which could seat more than seven hundred people around a mechanical stage that could be raised and lowered as needed to give the audience the perfect view; a single night in the opera consumed ten thousand handmade candles (a major extravagance).Louis decided he liked to eat lunch in the countryside near a small neighboring village named Trianon, and so he bought the village and demolished it to build a marble "lunch palace," including a giant open pavilion and extensive gardens with statues, topiary sculptures, and fountains. Apparently the Trianon lunch palace was intended to allow Louis to relax, since life in Versailles had become too stressful (the main palace soon filled with aristocratic suck-ups seeking favor with the king).But the sucking-up was actually all part of the king's master plan for maintaining absolute power. Versailles was supposed to be so comfortable that the French n.o.bility would never want to leave-making it much easier for Louis to keep an eye on them. To keep them busy (and out of trouble), he hosted an endless series of banquets, b.a.l.l.s, hunting trips, artistic performances, and the like.Westerns After an awkward period during the initial European colonization of the New World, Native Americans soon realized that horses could work to their advantage, if they could just get their hands on them. They recognized horses' obvious utility for hunting and warfare, and for carrying large loads long distances (before horses, their pack animals had been dogs, which obviously couldn't carry as much).So native warriors stole horses from Spanish corrals, and also tamed wild horses-the descendants of runaways that wandered north from Mexico, roaming the plains in large herds. These were small colonial Spanish breeds, "Pinto" horses, then considered the best in Europe and remembered today as Native American "war ponies." These quick, st.u.r.dy horses spread to Nebraska by 1680, and to the upper reaches of the Missouri River by 1750.Before the arrival of horses, native tribes such as the Sioux and Crow hunted bison on foot-a difficult and dangerous practice, considering that bison are equipped with horns and can run more than thirty miles per hour. Horses allowed hunters to approach their prey quickly and to outrun them, too, if things got ugly. This changed Native American society. Tribes such as the Sioux, Apache, and Comanche are actually fairly recent immigrants to the Midwestern Plains territory. Before the arrival of the horse, they all led more settled existences on the periphery of the plains.But different tribes embraced horses for different reasons. In eastern areas, along the great Midwestern river valleys, tribes such as the p.a.w.nee were more apt to use horses for agriculture. Over time, the nomadic and warlike tribes clashed with their more sedentary neighbors, raiding villages for food, horses, and women.Ironically this breed of Spanish horses, still very much alive in North America, is now extinct in Spain, supplanted by more recent "Arabian" breeds. Similar horses can also still be found in Argentina, where runaways from the original colonial horses interbred with Portuguese runaways from Brazil, giving rise to herds of mixed-breed wild horses called baguales baguales.AND THANKS, BUT NO THANKS, FOR...

A Plantation Nation [image]

Tobacco was an indigenous plant used by Native American tribes in religious and diplomatic ceremonies-the famous "peace pipe"-rather than relaxation, which is how English colonists used it. Native Americans had cultivated tobacco in small quant.i.ties and used it sparingly, but the English, figuring you can never have too much of a bad thing, went whole hog.At first only the wealthy could afford it, but ma.s.s cultivation of tobacco made it much more affordable, leading to widespread addiction in England. This endless demand for tobacco in turn drove the expansion of the Virginia colony, where plantation owners made a fortune on the new addictive plant. Poor colonists hoped to grab a piece of land to raise tobacco, too. In fact, tobacco became so important it was used as money: a man's wealth was estimated in the number of pounds of tobacco he grew per year, marriage certificates were bought with tobacco, and legal fines were paid the same way. People in other professions, including innkeepers and artisans, had to grow a small patch of tobacco on the side just to have spending money if times got hard.Resenting Britain's mercantilist policy, which restricted colonial trade to the mother country, the American colonists weren't above cheating their customers: tobacco was routinely diluted with tree leaves, gra.s.s, and whatever substance maids swept up off the floor of plantation houses. To end the deception, in 1730 the British authorities pa.s.sed the Inspection Act, which established warehouses and regulated tobacco preparation.Tobacco cultivation had a number of ill effects beyond the obvious health risks (which the British already understood by 1604, when King James I issued a "Counterblaste Against Tobacco" calling it a "loath-some and hurtfull" "canker or venime" that is "hurtfull to the health of the whole bodie"). For one thing, tobacco leaches more minerals from the soil than virtually any other crop, resulting in barren fields that farmers have to let sit for years before they can be planted again. Worse, tobacco led to the importation of ever-greater numbers of African slaves to toil in tobacco fields in incredibly brutal conditions.Pa.s.sing the Poppy As addictive as gin and tobacco are, they don't got nuthin' on opium, which ravaged all cla.s.ses of Chinese society beginning in the seventeenth century.Opium is derived from the poppy plant, which is native to South Asia and cultivated today in Iran (Persia), Afghanistan, India, and the "Golden Triangle"-a prime poppy-growing area that straddles Burma, Laos, and Thailand in Southeast Asia. To produce opium, poppy farmers make small slits in the bulb that grows just beneath the flower on the stalk of the poppy plant. Reacting to this injury, the poppy plant produces a white liquid that congeals into a thick, gummy substance on the outside of the bulb. The farmer sc.r.a.pes this substance off and it's then refined into opium in a simple process involving boiling, filtering, and evaporation.Although poppy cultivation has been with us for thousands of years, people didn't begin smoking opium to get high until the fifteenth century, when Persians and Indians recorded the first cases of opium addiction. Like vodka in Russia, by the late sixteenth century opium was a major source of revenue for the Moghul rulers of India, who set aside a large amount of land along the Ganges River and north of Bombay for poppy cultivation. When the British conquered India beginning in the eighteenth century, they were quick to realize the potential of this profitable and incredibly addictive drug.The British paid close attention to pioneering Dutch operations in the mid-seventeenth century. The Dutch made a fortune selling opium to their Indonesian subjects, encouraging their customers to mix the opium with tobacco in clay tobacco pipes, which had just been introduced by the Portuguese.The Dutch merchants paved the way for the British, who kicked the opium trade into high gear in the first half of the eighteenth century. By 1729, Chinese opium addiction had become such a huge problem that the emperor Yung Cheng banned the drug-but it was too late. In 1773, the British established a government monopoly over the sale of opium to counterbalance the flow of silver from Britain to China that paid for Britain's own national addiction to Chinese tea.A Cooked Cook?

Captain James Cook achieved fame for his daring expeditions to map the South Pacific, some lasting for years, during which he cheated death again and again. But the great sailor's luck eventually ran out in 1779, when he ended his days hacked to bits and garnished with pineapple (maybe).Cook began his life a simple farmhand, and ran away to sea as a boy. Before his untimely demise, he covered an amazing 150,000 miles, exploring Polynesia, the north and east coasts of Australia, and the more distant parts of the Pacific Ocean. These fantastic voyages took his crews to both the Arctic and the Antarctic, as well as to North America and Siberia. Cook was single-handedly responsible for filling in the details on approximately a third of the earth's surface-an unbeatable record.These great accomplishments stand in terrible contrast to his awful death. While accounts of his death differ, it seems likely that the Hawai'ian king Terreeoboo, had been plotting to eliminate a man he perceived as a threat. Terreeoboo may have feared that Cook's expeditions would lead to European conquest and colonization. (And he was right.)Fas.h.i.+on Police A great way to demonstrate power is giving other people ridiculous haircuts and forcing them to wear clothing they don't like. During the seventeenth century, Russia and China were both ruled by fas.h.i.+on divas who gave their subjects a simple choice: "Put this on or we'll kill you."In the case of China, the Manchus, who overthrew the Ming Dynasty in 1644, enforced a rather elaborate dress code on penalty of death. The most humiliating rule required Chinese men to shave their heads except for a small patch of hair at the back, which they had to grow long and braid into a waist-length ponytail. Supposedly the ponytail was just that-a reminder of the horses the Manchus had ridden to victory over the Chinese, thus symbolically making the Chinese subjects into pack animals. The Manchus also forced the Chinese to wear robes with long sleeves and low-hanging skirts that impeded physical combat. The Manchu dress code was strictly enforced, under the slogan "Lose your hair or lose your head!" In 1646, after the last native Chinese contender for the throne was captured, scores of high officials from the old Ming Dynasty were executed for refusing to adopt the Manchu-imposed hairstyle. A lucky few managed to escape by shaving their whole heads and joining Buddhist monasteries.In Russia, Peter the Great took it a step further, picking up the scissors himself if his subjects resisted. The involuntary salon visits and new clothes were part of Peter's big program to modernize Russia, which included economic and military reforms. Peter felt "the clothes make the man," and he gave Russia a European makeover that left old-timers in shock. Russian n.o.bles had to shave their beards, and the traditional black robes worn by men in Moscow were banned, replaced by Western-style clothes including waistcoats and knee-length pants. When some n.o.bles refused to shave their beards, he would brutally slice them off himself-sometimes taking a bit of skin too, to reinforce the point. Apparently Peter carried a pair of scissors around with him, and a good number of these royal shearings were conducted in the street on the spur of the moment.Shouting at the Screen William Shakespeare, the greatest playwright in the history of the English language, had to put up with audiences who would probably make a stripper walk off the stage nowadays. While his plays are now considered highbrow cultural experiences, back then they were popular entertainment for a rude, smelly, illiterate, spitting mob who if they didn't like the play-or even just one of the characters-felt quite at liberty to shout and throw things at the stage. After all, they'd paid a penny to get in!The plays were performed at the Globe Theatre, a round three-story playhouse in London's "sporting," or red-light, district, owned by Shakespeare's theater company, the Lord Chamberlain's Men. In addition to prost.i.tution, neighboring venues hosted c.o.c.kfighting and bear-baiting, and pickpockets and scammers were everywhere. But the theater was usually filled to capacity for Shakespeare's plays, which drew more than three thousand people, including a large crowd of "groundlings," who had to stand through the entire performance.Shakespeare's early successes at the playhouse included Henry VI Henry VI in three parts (1590), the in three parts (1590), the Comedy of Errors Comedy of Errors, (1592), Richard III Richard III (1592), and (1592), and Romeo and Juliet Romeo and Juliet (1594). When the first theater burned down during a performance of (1594). When the first theater burned down during a performance of Henry VIII Henry VIII in 1614, another was built on the same spot. Amazingly, no one was injured in the fire, except for one man whose pants caught on fire; he doused them with ale. in 1614, another was built on the same spot. Amazingly, no one was injured in the fire, except for one man whose pants caught on fire; he doused them with ale.

You say there are good examples to be learned in [plays]. Truly, so there are: if you will learn falsehood...if you will learn to become a bawd, unclean, and to devirginate maids, to deflower honest wives; if you will learn to murder, flay, kill...if you will learn to play the wh.o.r.emaster, the glutton, drunkard, or incestuous person...and, finally, if you will learn to condemn G.o.d and all his laws... -Phillip Stubbes, a Puritan critic, on plays -Phillip Stubbes, a Puritan critic, on plays

While they might throw empty beer bottles and shout insults, the uncouth audiences also let know Shakespeare know what worked by cheering during performances of his plays. Watching Romeo and Juliet Romeo and Juliet, they probably laughed at Mercutio's gags and the naughty nurse, and it's easy to imagine them shouting to Romeo to wait before drinking the poison in the end-to no avail! Unsurprisingly, educated people tended to have a rather different opinion of this popular entertainment. Contemporary critics found Shakespeare's plays bawdy, sensational, unedifying, and without merit. No wonder the Puritans closed the Globe permanently in 1642.But we know who got the last laugh.BY THE NUMBERS [image]

25.

percentage of households in London involved in making illegal gin in the early eighteenth century 14,000.

number of barrels of wine carried by the Spanish Armada 76,000.

price paid, in modern-day dollars, for one rare tulip bulb in Holland during the period of Tulip Fever 40,000.

amount, in tons, of British imports of tea in 1699 11,000,000.

amount, in tons, of British imports of tea in 1785

30.

amount, in tons, of English imports of American tobacco in 1622 10,000.

amount, in tons, of English imports of American tobacco in 1700 1,357.

amount, in pounds, of Indian opium sold by Dutch merchants to Indonesians in 1660

80.

amount, in tons, of Indian opium sold by Dutch merchants to Indonesians in 1685

15.

amount, in tons, of British exports of Indian opium to China in 1720

75.

amount, in tons, of British exports of Indian opium to China in 1773 5,000.

number of African slaves imported by English slave traders to North America in 1685 45,000.

number of slaves imported annually a few decades later 50,00060,000 amount, in pounds, of gold and silver captured by the pirate Henry Avery from one s.h.i.+p owned by the Moghul emperor in 1695

THE AGE OF LIBERATION, FRAGMENTATION, STAGNATION, AND PLAIN OL' NATIONS

(17501900)

IN A NUTSh.e.l.l.

In the second half of the eighteenth century, a wave of revolutions changed the world forever. It began in 1776 in North America, where the colonists kicked out the Brits and established a new, democratic nation with a framework-the Const.i.tution-based on a crazy concept: simple reason.

Taking their cue from the uppity Americans, in 1789, French revolutionaries executed King Louis XVI and tried to establish a new republic on democratic principles-but instead they got a bloodbath known simply as the Terror.

It got even worse (or better, depending on your perspective). Terrified by the popular revolt, the crowned heads of Europe united against France. But the revolutionaries conquered all of continental Europe, for a time, thanks to the brilliance of an ambitious young artillery officer named Napoleon Bonaparte.

But it didn't last. After Napoleon's downfall, Europe's kings vowed to prevent revolution from ever happening again. It was time to stop fighting each other and cooperate against the real enemy: the poor ma.s.ses embracing new, revolutionary ideologies such as "nationalism" and "communism." The kings formed a diplomatic club called the Concert of Europe to crush any new revolutionary movements.

They were galvanized by events in Latin America, where rebels led by Simon Bolivar threw off Spanish rule forever. And they were right to be worried: Bolivar's national revolutions in turn inspired European nationalists to create powerful new nation-states in Germany and Italy, disrupting their careful balance of power.

Meanwhile, well-established Asian empires that could have used a little revolution instead entered into steep declines. In the Middle East, the Ottoman Turks fell prey to the rising tide of nationalism, losing key territories in the Balkans and North Africa. In Persia, the Qajar Dynasty started off on the wrong foot and then discovered that the other foot wasn't much better, as Britain and Russia ganged up to kick it around. The Moghuls in India disappeared entirely, swallowed up by the British Empire, and Q'ing China saw tens of millions of its citizens addicted to opium by the clever and unscrupulous Brits. j.a.pan under the shoguns stagnated with a backward military and clueless officials until a new upstart, the United States of America, delivered a very rude wake-up call.

That's not to say there weren't moments of bada.s.s-ness. Native Africans created two great empires in this period, with the Zulu and Ashanti terrorizing their neighbors and even holding off the Brits for a while. But like everyone else, they were about to be left in the dust by one more upheaval brewing in Great Britain: the Industrial Revolution.

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN.

17551760 French and Indian War takes place in North America.