The Illuminatus! Trilogy Part 50

Certain d.a.m.nations are socially and intellectually necessary, of course. A custard pie thrown in a comedian's face is d.a.m.ned by the physicist who a.n.a.lyzes it according to the Newtonian laws of motion. These equations tell us all we want to know about the impact of the pie on the face, but nothing about the human meaning of the pie-throwing. A cultural anthropologist, a.n.a.lyzing the social function of the comedian as shaman, court jester, and king's surrogate, explains the pie-throwing as a survival of the Feast of Fools and the killing of the king's double. This d.a.m.ns the subject in another way. A psychoa.n.a.lyst, finding an Oedipal castration ritual here, has performed a third d.a.m.nation, and the Marxist, seeing an outlet for the worker's repressed rage against the bosses, performs a fourth. Each d.a.m.nation has its values and its uses, but it is nonetheless a d.a.m.nation unless its partial and arbitrary nature is recognized unless its partial and arbitrary nature is recognized, The poet, who compares the pie in the comedian's face with the Decline of the West or his own lost love, commits a fifth d.a.m.nation, but in this case the game element and whimsicality of the symbolism are safely obvious. At least, one would hope so; reading the New Critics occasionally raises doubts on this point.

Human society can be structured either according to the principle of authority or according to the principle of liberty. Authority is a static social configuration in which people act as superiors and inferiors: a sadom.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tic relations.h.i.+p. Liberty is a dynamic social configuration in which people act as equals: an erotic relations.h.i.+p. In every interaction between people, either Authority or Liberty is the dominant factor. Families, churches, lodges, clubs, and corporations are either more authoritarian than libertarian or more libertarian than authoritarian.

It becomes obvious as we proceed that the most pugnacious and intolerant form of authority is the State, which even today dares to a.s.sume an absolutism which the Church itself has long ago surrendered and to enforce obedience with the techniques of the Church's old and shameful Inquisition. Every form of authoritarianism is, however, a small "State," even if it has a members.h.i.+p of only two. Freud's remark to the effect that the delusion of one man is neurosis and the delusion of many men is religion can be generalized: The authoritarianism of one man is crime and the authoritarianism of many men is the State. Benjamin Tucker wrote quite accurately: Aggression is simply another name for government. Aggression, invasion, government are interchangeable terms. The essence of government is control, or the attempt to control. He who attempts to control another is a governor, an aggressor, an invader; and the nature of such invasion is not changed, whether it be made by one man upon another man, after the manner of the ordinary criminal, or by one man upon all other men, after the manner of an absolute monarch, or by all other men upon one man, after the manner of a modern democracy.

Tucker's use of the word "invasion" is remarkably precise, considering that he wrote more than fifty years before the basic discoveries of ethology. Every act of authority is, in fact, an invasion of the psychic and physical territory of another.

Every fact of science was once d.a.m.ned. Every invention was considered impossible. Every discovery was a nervous shock to some orthodoxy. Every artistic innovation was denounced as fraud and folly. The entire web of culture and "progress," everything on earth that is manmade and not given to us by nature, is the concrete manifestation of some man's refusal to bow to Authority. We would own no more, know no more, and be no more than the first apelike hominids if it were not for the rebellious, the recalcitrant, and the intransigent. As Oscar Wilde truly said, "Disobedience was man's Original Virtue."

The human brain, which loves to read descriptions of itself as the universe's most marvelous organ of perception, is an even more marvelous organ of rejection. The naked facts of our economic game, are easily discoverable and undeniable once stated, but conservatives-who are usually individuals who profit every day of their lives from these facts-manage to remain oblivious to them, or to see them through a very rosy-tinted and distorting lens. (Similarly, the revolutionary ignores the total testimony of history about the natural course of revolution, through violence, to chaos, back to the starting point.) We must remember that thought is abstraction thought is abstraction. In Einstein's metaphor, the relations.h.i.+p between a physical fact and our mental reception of that fact is not like the relations.h.i.+p between beef and beef-broth, a simple matter of extraction and condensation; rather, as Einstein goes on, it is like the relations.h.i.+p between our overcoat and the ticket given us when we check our overcoat. In other words, human perception involves coding coding even more than crude even more than crude sensing sensing. The mesh of language, or of mathematics, or of a school of art, or of any system of human abstracting, gives to our mental constructs the structure, not of the original fact, but of the symbol system into which it is coded, just as a map-maker colors a nation purple not because it is is purple but because his code demands it. But every code excludes certain things, blurs other things, and overemphasizes still other things. Nijinski's celebrated leap through the window at the climax of purple but because his code demands it. But every code excludes certain things, blurs other things, and overemphasizes still other things. Nijinski's celebrated leap through the window at the climax of Le Spectre d'une Rose Le Spectre d'une Rose is best coded in the ballet notation system used by ch.o.r.eographers; verbal language falters badly in attempting to convey it; painting or sculpture could capture totally the magic of one instant, but one instant only, of it; the physicist's equation, Force = Ma.s.s X Acceleration, highlights one aspect of it missed by all these other codes, but loses everything else about it. Every perception-is influenced, formed, and structured by the habitual coding habits-mental game habits-of the perceiver. is best coded in the ballet notation system used by ch.o.r.eographers; verbal language falters badly in attempting to convey it; painting or sculpture could capture totally the magic of one instant, but one instant only, of it; the physicist's equation, Force = Ma.s.s X Acceleration, highlights one aspect of it missed by all these other codes, but loses everything else about it. Every perception-is influenced, formed, and structured by the habitual coding habits-mental game habits-of the perceiver.

All authority is a function of coding, of game rules. Men have arisen again and again armed with pitchforks to fight armies with cannon; men have also submitted docilely to the weakest and most tottery oppressors. It all depends on the extent to which coding distorts perception and conditions the physical (and mental) reflexes.

It seems at first glance that authority could not exist at all if all men were cowards or if no men were cowards, but flourishes as it does only because most men are cowards and some men are thieves. Actually, the inner dynamics of cowardice and submission on the one hand and of heroism and rebellion on the other are seldom consciously realized either by the ruling cla.s.s or the servile cla.s.s. Submission is identified not with cowardice but with virtue, rebellion not with heroism but with evil. To the Roman slave-owners, Spartacus was not a hero and the obedient slaves were not cowards; Spartacus was a villain and the obedient slaves were virtuous. The obedient slaves believed this also. The obedient always think of themselves as virtuous rather than cowardly.

If authority implies submission, liberation implies equality; authority exists when one man obeys another, and liberty exists when men do not obey other men. Thus, to say that authority exists is to say that cla.s.s and caste exist, that submission and inequality exist. To say that liberty exists is to say that cla.s.slessness exists, to say that brotherhood and equality exist.

Authority, by dividing men into cla.s.ses, creates dichotomy, disruption, hostility, fear, disunion. Liberty, by placing men on an equal footing, creates a.s.socation, amalgamation, union, security. When the relations.h.i.+ps between men are based on authority and coercion, they are driven apart; when based on liberty and nonaggression, they are drawn together.

There facts are self-evident and axiomatic. If authoritarianism did not possess the in-built, preprogrammed double-bind structure of a Game Without End, men would long ago have rejected it and embraced libertarianism.

The usual pacifist complaint about war, that young men are led to death by old men who sit at home manning bureaucrat's desks and taking no risks themselves, misses the point entirely. Demands that the old should be drafted to fight their own wars, or that the leaders of the warring nations should be sent to the front lines on the first day of battle, etc., are aimed at an a.s.sumed "sense of justice" that simply does not exist. To the typical submissive citizen of authoritarian society, it is normal, obvious, and "natural" that he should obey older and more dominant males, even at the risk of his life, even against his own kindred, and even in causes that are unjust or absurd.

"The Charge of the Light Brigade"-the story of a group of young males led to their death in a palpably idiotic situation and only because they obeyed a senseless order without stopping to think-has been, and remains, a popular poem, because unthinking obedience by young males to older males is the most highly prized of all conditioned reflexes within human, and hominid, societies.

The mechanism by which authority and submission are implanted in the human mind is coding of perception. That which fits into the code is accepted; all else is d.a.m.ned. It is d.a.m.ned to being ignored, brushed aside, unnoticed, and- if these fail-it is d.a.m.ned to being forgotten.

A worse form of d.a.m.nation is reserved for those things which cannot be ignored. These are daubed with the brain's projected prejudices until, encrusted beyond recognition, they are capable of being fitted into the system, cla.s.sified, card-indexed, buried. This is what happens to every d.a.m.ned Thing which is too p.r.i.c.kly and sticky to be excommunicated entirely. As Josiah Warren remarked, "It is dangerous to understand new things too quickly." Almost always, we have not understood them. We have murdered them and mummified their corpses.

A monopoly on the means of communication monopoly on the means of communication may define a ruling elite more precisely than the celebrated Marxian formula of "monopoly on the means of production." Since man extends his nervous system through channels of communication like the written word, the telephone, radio, etc., he who controls these media controls part of the nervous system of every member of society. The contents of these media become part of the contents of every individual's brain. may define a ruling elite more precisely than the celebrated Marxian formula of "monopoly on the means of production." Since man extends his nervous system through channels of communication like the written word, the telephone, radio, etc., he who controls these media controls part of the nervous system of every member of society. The contents of these media become part of the contents of every individual's brain.

Thus, in pre-literate societies taboos on the spoken word are more numerous and more Draconic than at any more complex level of social organization. With the invention of written speech-hieroglyphic, ideographic, or alphabetical -the taboos are s.h.i.+fted to this medium; there is less concern with what people say and more concern with what they write. (Some of the first societies to achieve literacy, such as Egypt and the Mayan culture of ancient Mexico, evidently kept a knowledge of their hieroglyphs a religious secret which only the higher orders of the priestly and royal families were allowed to share.) The same process repeats endlessly: Each step forward in the technology of communication is more heavily tabooed than the earlier steps. Thus, in America today (post-Lenny Bruce), one seldom hears of convictions for spoken blasphemy or obscenity; prosecution of books still continues, but higher courts increasingly interpret the laws in a liberal fas.h.i.+on, and most writers feel fairly confident that they can publish virtually anything; movies are growing almost as desacralized as books, although the fight is still heated in this area; television, the newest medium, remains encased in neolithic taboo. (When the TV pundits committed lese majeste lese majeste after an address by the then Dominant Male, a certain Richard Nixon, one of his lieutenants quickly informed them they had overstepped, and the whole tribe-except for the dissident minority-cheered for the reaasertion of tradition.) When a more efficient medium arrives, the taboos on television will decrease. after an address by the then Dominant Male, a certain Richard Nixon, one of his lieutenants quickly informed them they had overstepped, and the whole tribe-except for the dissident minority-cheered for the reaasertion of tradition.) When a more efficient medium arrives, the taboos on television will decrease.

* The t.i.tle, he informs us, is taken from R. H. Blythe's The t.i.tle, he informs us, is taken from R. H. Blythe's Zen in English Literature and Oriental Cla.s.sics Zen in English Literature and Oriental Cla.s.sics. The story is instructive: Blythe, studying za-zen (sitting zen, or dhyana dhyana meditation) in a monastery at Kyoto, asked the meditation) in a monastery at Kyoto, asked the ros.h.i.+ ros.h.i.+ (Zen Master) if there was any further discipline he should adopt to accelerate his progress. The (Zen Master) if there was any further discipline he should adopt to accelerate his progress. The ros.h.i.+ ros.h.i.+ replied, concisely, "Never whistle while you're p.i.s.sing." Cf. Gurdjieff's endless diatribes about "concentration," the rajah in Huxley's replied, concisely, "Never whistle while you're p.i.s.sing." Cf. Gurdjieff's endless diatribes about "concentration," the rajah in Huxley's Island Island who unleashed talking mynah birds to remind his citizens constantly "Here and now, boys, here and now!" and Jesus'"Whatever thy hand findest to do, do it with all thy heart." who unleashed talking mynah birds to remind his citizens constantly "Here and now, boys, here and now!" and Jesus'"Whatever thy hand findest to do, do it with all thy heart."

APPENDIX MEM.

CERTAIN QUESTIONS THAT MAY STILL TROUBLE SOME READERS.

1. What was Mama Sutra's "reading," where Danny Price-fixer questioned her, actually all about?

Answer: It had nothing to do with the John F. Kennedy a.s.sa.s.sination, the It had nothing to do with the John F. Kennedy a.s.sa.s.sination, the Confrontation Confrontation bombing, the Illuminati, or any of the subjects it seemed to suggest, bombing, the Illuminati, or any of the subjects it seemed to suggest, except indirectly except indirectly. She had aimed in the dark, and picked up bits and pieces of the old movie Manhattan Melodrama Manhattan Melodrama, thusly: District Attorney Wade District Attorney Wade does not refer to the Dallas official who first proclaimed Lee Harvey Oswald's guilt over TV; it refers to the character played by William Powell in the movie. does not refer to the Dallas official who first proclaimed Lee Harvey Oswald's guilt over TV; it refers to the character played by William Powell in the movie.

Clark Clark does not refer to any of the Captain Clarks we have encountered; it refers to Clark Gable, Mr. Powell's co-star. does not refer to any of the Captain Clarks we have encountered; it refers to Clark Gable, Mr. Powell's co-star. The s.h.i.+p is sinking The s.h.i.+p is sinking does not refer to the Illuminati spider-s.h.i.+ps, or the s.h.i.+p piloted by Captain Clark; it refers to the does not refer to the Illuminati spider-s.h.i.+ps, or the s.h.i.+p piloted by Captain Clark; it refers to the General Sloc.u.m General Sloc.u.m, as Mama guessed-the sinking of this s.h.i.+p on June 15, 1904, is the first scene in the movie. 2422 2422 does not refer to the dates of Oswald's and Kennedy's a.s.sa.s.sinations, or to the old Wobbly address; it refers to a scene in the film where Gable, at a racetrack, walks from box 24 to box 22 (box 23 is never shown, his body being between it and the camera). does not refer to the dates of Oswald's and Kennedy's a.s.sa.s.sinations, or to the old Wobbly address; it refers to a scene in the film where Gable, at a racetrack, walks from box 24 to box 22 (box 23 is never shown, his body being between it and the camera).

If I can't live as I please, let me die when I choose If I can't live as I please, let me die when I choose is the last line spoken by Clark Gable in the screenplay. is the last line spoken by Clark Gable in the screenplay.

The fact that these phrases overlap certain themes in this novel (and in Joyce's Ulysses) Ulysses) is either coincidence or synchronicity-take your choice. is either coincidence or synchronicity-take your choice. Manhattan Melodrama Manhattan Melodrama, you might be interested to know, was playing at the Biograph Theatre on the night of July 22, 1934, and was the last film seen by the man who was shot outside and identified as John Herbert Dillinger.

2. What was the Masonic signal of distress used by the grocer B. F. Morgan when Dillinger tried to rob him in 1924? Answer: Answer: It consists in holding your arms outward, bent upward 90 degrees at the elbow, and shouting, "Will n.o.body help the widow's son?" It consists in holding your arms outward, bent upward 90 degrees at the elbow, and shouting, "Will n.o.body help the widow's son?"

3. Is there really a secret pa.s.sage beneath the Meditation Room in the UN building?

Answer: If so, we haven't been able to find it. Other spooky secrets about that room, however, are revealed in If so, we haven't been able to find it. Other spooky secrets about that room, however, are revealed in The Cult of the All-Seeing Eye The Cult of the All-Seeing Eye, by Robert Keith Spencer (Christian Book Club of America, 1964).

4. What was the Erotion Erotion of Adam Weishaupt mentioned by Hagbard in the First Trip? of Adam Weishaupt mentioned by Hagbard in the First Trip?

Answer: The word translates, loosely, as "love-in," and the idea is basically the same. (See the books of Nesta Webster and John Robison cited in the text.) The word translates, loosely, as "love-in," and the idea is basically the same. (See the books of Nesta Webster and John Robison cited in the text.) Now Now do you believe in a conspiracy? do you believe in a conspiracy?

5. Did Al Capone really help the FBI set up the man who was shot at the Biograph Theatre on July 22, 1934?

Answer: That's one of the more plausible arguments in That's one of the more plausible arguments in Dillinger: Dead or Alive Dillinger: Dead or Alive, by Jay Nash and Ron Offen.

6. If no animals were reported missing from local zoos, how is that Robert Simpson of Kansas City was found dead with his throat torn as if by "the talons of some enormous beast?"

Answer: See the sequel, See the sequel, The Homing Pigeons The Homing Pigeons.

7. If Simon Moon majored in mathematics and was so obsessed with numerology, why didn't he ever notice the most significant 23 in mathematical history-the 23 definitions that open Euclid's Geometry? Geometry?

Answer: Perhaps for the same reason that the road from Dayton, Ohio, to New Lebanon, Ohio, was due Perhaps for the same reason that the road from Dayton, Ohio, to New Lebanon, Ohio, was due east east when Joe Malik drove it on June 25, 1969, but has always been due when Joe Malik drove it on June 25, 1969, but has always been due west west on every day before and since then. Or maybe by the same processes that allowed Joe to see a Salem commercial on his TV set in the mid-1970s, although cigarette advertising was banned from television in 1971. on every day before and since then. Or maybe by the same processes that allowed Joe to see a Salem commercial on his TV set in the mid-1970s, although cigarette advertising was banned from television in 1971.

8. Did Smiling Jim Trepomena achieve the fame he had sought?

Answer: No Dr. Vulcan Troll's definitive history of the Great Quake, No Dr. Vulcan Troll's definitive history of the Great Quake, When a State Dies When a State Dies, mentions on page 123 that "no American Eagle has since been reported, and we can only a.s.sume that this species was another victim of nature's mindless rampage on that tragic May 1." On page 369, Dr. Troll mentions, among prominent casualties, "The famous Cincinnati lawyer and proponent of censors.h.i.+p James J. Trepomena." Neither he nor anyone else ever connected the two occurrences.

9. Where are the missing eight appendices?

Answer: Censored. Censored.

APPENDIX NUN.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ABOUT SOME OF THE CHARACTERS.

THE PURPLE SAGE. An imaginary Chaoist philospher invented by Lord Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst (another imaginary Chaoist philosopher).LORD OMAR KHAYAM RAVENHURST. An imaginary Chaoist philosopher invented by Mr. Kerry Thornley of Atlanta, Georgia. Mr. Thornley was a friend of Lee Harvey Oswald's, was accused of complicity in the John Kennedy a.s.sa.s.sination by District Attorney Jim Garrison, and is the author of Illuminati Lady Illuminati Lady, an endless epic poem which you really ought to read.GEORGE DORN. His maternal grandfather, old Charlie Bishop, was once a patient of the famous Doctor William Carlos Williams. The Bishops came to New Jersey in 1723, having left Salem, Ma.s.sachusetts, in 1692 under something of a cloud. Folks in the Nutley-Clifton-Pa.s.saic-Paterson area always have a good word for the Bishops, though. But the Dorns were all troublemakers, and George's paternal grandfather, Big Bill Dorn, was so indiscreet as to get killed by cops during the Paterson silk-mill strike of 1922.HERACLEITUS. He was apt to say odd things. Once he even wrote that "Religious ceremonies are unholy." A strange duck.THE SQUIRREL. A set of receptor organs transmitting information through a central nervous system to a small brain programmed for only a few rudimentary decisions-but, in this, he was not far inferior to most of our characters.REBECCA GOODMAN. Her maiden name was Murphy, and she was named after Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. You thought she was Jewish, didn't you?THE DEAD EGYPTIAN MOUTH-BREEDERS. There were five of them, of course.DANNY PRICEFDR. Shot in the line of duty two years after the events of this story. Loved the music of Johann Sebastian Bach.ADAM WEISHAUPT. "He's a deep one," they used to say on the faculty of the University of Ingolstadt, "you never know what he's really thinking."CARMEL. One of his girls once cajoled a Hollywood character actor into calling him on the phone and pretending to be a researcher for the Kinsey Inst.i.tute, seeking an interview. Carmel couldn't see any money in it and was trying to end the conversation when the actor asked stuffily, "Well, all we want to know, actually, is do you have intercourse with your mother regularly, or does everybody in Las Vegas call you 'Carmel the Motherf.u.c.ker' for some other reason?" For once Carmel was speechless. The girl spread the story, and everybody in town was laughing about it for weeks.PETER JACKSON. His great-grandfather was a slave. His son became the first President of the Luna Federation after the rebellion of the moon colonists in 2025. Much further back, a more remote ancestor was a king of Atlantis; and way in the future, a descendant was a slave on a planet in the Alpha Centauri system. (Peter was one of the crew when Hagbard finally blasted off for the stars in 1999). That's the way the cookie crumbles; and Peter had an intuitive sense of this paradoxical fatality, which caused him to tell Eldridge Cleaver once, "People who say 'You're either part of the solution or part of the problem' are themselves part of the problem." (Cleaver replied, wittily, "f.u.c.k you.")THE LAB CHIEF WHO WAS DISINTERESTED IN ANTHRAX LEPROSY DELTA. He later cracked up and wrote letters to the newspapers attacking the entire chemobiological warfare program of the United States government. Spent the last seventeen years of his life receiving treatment in St. Elizabeth's Hospital in Was.h.i.+ngton, D.C., occupying the same quarters that once housed the ingenious poet Ezra Pound. His rantings were taken seriously in certain places, especially among some leftward-leaning fellow scientists, but the Vice-President described them to the press as "the despondent demagogy of a paranoid pedant." A sample of the man's delusions, from a letter to the three top television networks (never quoted on newscasts because it was too controversial): "The boast of the 19th century was its conquest of these accursed plagues that attack men, women, and helpless infants indifferently. What shall be said of the 20th century, which has recreated them, at great expense and through the efforts of thousands of brilliant but perverted scientific minds, and then stored them live live in installations throughout the country, where it is virtually certain, statistically, that an accident will unleash them upon an unsuspecting public, sooner or later?" (Loonies often harbor morbid fears of that sort.) The poor man never responded favorably to any of the efforts of his psychiatrists, even though they gave him ECT (electro-convulsive therapy) so often that his brain was practically fried to the crispness of a Howard Johnson omelette by the time he finally died. in installations throughout the country, where it is virtually certain, statistically, that an accident will unleash them upon an unsuspecting public, sooner or later?" (Loonies often harbor morbid fears of that sort.) The poor man never responded favorably to any of the efforts of his psychiatrists, even though they gave him ECT (electro-convulsive therapy) so often that his brain was practically fried to the crispness of a Howard Johnson omelette by the time he finally died.ANTHRAX LEPROSY DELTA. A life form that could exist only by destroying other life-forms; in this respect, it was like many of us. The first of the products of Charlie Mocenigo's fertile genius, it could boast only of being ten times as deadly as ordinary anthrax. Insofar as it had consciousness, in a vague and flickering way, it was like that inhabiting a subway train at 5 P.M., concerned only with getting where it was going and then eating. The other strains were much the same, up to Anthrax Leprosy Pi.LEE HARVEY OSWALD. Hero of a series of novels by Harold Weissburg, including Whitewash, Whitewash II, Photographic Whitewash Whitewash, Whitewash II, Photographic Whitewash, and Oswald in New Orleans Oswald in New Orleans. Villain of another novel, ent.i.tled Report of the Presidential Commission on the a.s.sa.s.sination of President John F. Kennedy Report of the Presidential Commission on the a.s.sa.s.sination of President John F. Kennedy, by Earl Warren, John McCone, et al. Also featured in other works of fiction by Mark Lane, Penn Jones, Josiah Thompson, and various other writers.JACK RUBY. The Oliver Hardy to Oswald's Stanley Laurel.THOMAS JEFFERSON. A revolutionary hemp-grower who once wrote, "[The clergy] believe that any portion of power confided to me, will be exerted in opposition to their schemes. And they believe rightly: for I have sworn upon the altar of G.o.d eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man for I have sworn upon the altar of G.o.d eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. But this is all they have to fear from me: and enough too in their opinion." Few of the pious tourists who read the italicized portion of this statement carved on the Jefferson Memorial in Was.h.i.+ngton, D.C., are aware of its context.THE SCHIZOPHRENIC IN CHERRY KNOLLS HOSPITAL. His number was 124C41. n.o.body, anywhere, remembered what his name had been.MARY LOU SERVDC. She finally married Jim Riley, the dope dealer from Dayton-but that's another, rather longish, story, and not truly relevant.MAYOR RICHARD DALEY. Author of such immortal aphorisms as "After all, I am a liberal myself" (October 22, 1968); "The policeman isn't there to create disorder, the policeman is there to preserve disorder" (September 23, 1968); "I have conferred with the Superintendent of Police this morning and I gave him instructions that an order be issued by him immediately and under his signature to shoot to kill any arsonist or anyone with a Molotov c.o.c.ktail in his hand" (April 17, 1968); "There wasn't any shoot-to-kill order. That was a fabrication" (April 18, 1968); "You could say Senator Tower is doing a lousy job, but I don't use that kind of words" (May 1, 1962); "I have lived in Chicago all my life and I still say we have no ghetto in Chicago" (July 8, 1963); "We will have a planned development and will take people out of the ghettos and slums and give them an opportunity to raise their families in decent surroundings" (April 17, 1969); "I didn't create the slums, did I?" (September 3, 1968); "Together we must rise to ever higher and higher plat.i.tudes" (March 13, 1967).THE RUSSIAN PREMIER. A comsymp.CKARLES MOCENIGO'S FATHER. A professional. He worked for Charles "Lucky" Luciano, Louis "Lepke" Buchalter, Federico Maldonado, and many other colorful American businessmen. Known in the trade as Jimmy the Shrew, because of his sharp, conniving expression. Saved his money, put his boy through MIT, killed people for a living. Found the original Frank Sullivan performing in Havana, 1934.GENERAL LAWRENCE STEWART TALBOT. Actually, there was was something between him and that girl from Red Lion, Penn. something between him and that girl from Red Lion, Penn.MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, K.S.C. Author of the Principia Discordia Principia Discordia. Disappeared mysteriously in late 1970. His last recorded words were, typically, "Comes the dawn, the sun shall rise in the west." Then he walked into the Pacific Ocean.JOHN HERBERT DILLINGER. When Simon Moon read his biography in search of 23s, he missed a good one: John committed 26 robberies during his publicized career, but only 23 were for money. The other 3 (police stations) seem to have been strictly Art For Art's Sake.SIMON'S FATHER. Tim Moon. He told Simon the lives of Joe Hill, Big Bill Haywood, Sacco and Vanzetti, and Frank Little at the age when most boys are being told about Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Simon remembers: Joe Hill the night before his execution, wiring Wobbly headquarters in Chicago, "Don't weep for me, boys: organize." Bartolomeo Vanzetti: "Your laws, your courts, your false G.o.d will be a dim remembering of a cursed time when man was wolf to the man." Tim and his cronies singing in the living room, "Which side are you on, man / Which side side are you are you on?" on?" until Molly complained, "You'll wake the neighbors." Tim explaining Big Bill: "Oh, yes, and he had a gla.s.s eye. Funny I should forget that. The real eye was knocked out by a cop during a strike." But you'll understand Tim best if you see Simon, age six, entering grammar school for the first time and addressing the first boy he meets: "I'm Simon Moon; what's your name, Fellow Worker?" until Molly complained, "You'll wake the neighbors." Tim explaining Big Bill: "Oh, yes, and he had a gla.s.s eye. Funny I should forget that. The real eye was knocked out by a cop during a strike." But you'll understand Tim best if you see Simon, age six, entering grammar school for the first time and addressing the first boy he meets: "I'm Simon Moon; what's your name, Fellow Worker?"PADRE PEDERASTIA. His real name was Father James Flanagan.TOBIAS KNIGHT. The only quintuple agent in the history of espionage.JAMES JOYCE. After death, he met Yeats on the fifth plane and said, "Sir, I am now willing to learn from you, since you appear to have been right about Death after all." Yeats replied, "Not at all. You're dreaming this." The remark so vexed Joyce that he immediately sought reincarnation (the fifth plane was full of mystics like Yeats and George Russell and Madame Blavatski, and Joyce knew his rational Aristotelian sensibility would be constantly abused by further conversation with them), entered the womb of Elizabeth Mullins of Ver-non, New Jersey, October 11, 1942, and was aborted December 10, 1942. Entered the womb of Rachel Stein of Ingolstadt, January 18, 1943, and was ga.s.sed with her, one month before birth was due, at Auschwitz, September 1, 1943. Thereafter, he retired to a monastery on the sixth plane and wrote his funniest, most bitter book. Parts of it, which he has been transmitting ever since, have been picked up by mediums on the six continents, all of whom a.s.sumed they were flipping out and refused to transcribe it.CHARLES WORKMAN. An entrepreneur.MENDY WEISS. Another entrepreneur.JIMMY THE SHREW. A third entrepreneur, more successful than the above. See entry under CHARLES MOCENIGO'S FATHER.ALBERT "THE TEACHER" STEIN. Not only did he lose his gamble with immortality when it was proven that he didn't didn't kill Dutch Schultz, but almost every book on the case misspells his name as Stern, a tradition which the present work has mostly refused to shatter. kill Dutch Schultz, but almost every book on the case misspells his name as Stern, a tradition which the present work has mostly refused to shatter.HENRY FORD. By importing the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion and beginning the ma.s.s production of automobiles, he managed to pollute both the mind and the air of the United States, but he meant well, or at least he meant something. and beginning the ma.s.s production of automobiles, he managed to pollute both the mind and the air of the United States, but he meant well, or at least he meant something.GEORGE DORN'S OLDER BROTHER. His successful scientific career made George envious (and helped determine George's choices of a liberal-arts curriculum at Columbia). He had an adventure with talking dolphins before George did (which set up a psychic resonance that made George's recruitment interesting to Hag-bard); this story is recounted in Tales Of the Cthulhu Mythos Tales Of the Cthulhu Mythos, edited by August Derleth (Arkham House, 1969).MARKOFF CHANEY. He slipped away from Saul and Barney shortly after they returned to Las Vegas, and none of our characters ever saw him again. However, one day in 1984 Hagbard Celine, using an alias and engaged in nefarious business, happened to be in the U.S. Government Printing Office on Capitol Street in Was.h.i.+ngton and noticed a bundle of pamphlets that had been stamped with both blue TOP SECRET: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY and red FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE TO ALL MEDIA. Many loyal government servants would have headaches before it was ever clarified who had been responsible for which of those stamps-if, indeed, that ever could be clarified. Hagbard recalled much that Saul had told him about the Las Vegas caper and looked around thoughtfully. In one corner he saw a large coffee urn. He lit one of his long black cigars and strolled out into the street. The sun was bright, the air was clear, and it was Spring, which may explain why Hagbard began whistling as he walked with a brisk and determined pace toward the Senate Office Building. The tune was "My Heart's in the Highlands."