I Shouldn't Be Telling You This Part 9

In addition to meeting people, I like to come back from every event and speech with one good idea. Telling myself in advance that I'm going to do that nudges me to ask the kind of questions that help an idea to form.

Everyone you meet should go into a people file (organized by categories) that you keep on your computer or phone. Include a few details about the person. Selected names should be placed on your "big-mouth" e-mail list. People on your big-mouth list then get sent an e-mail notification when you have important career news-for instance, you've switched jobs, been promoted, or started your own business (not when you have a Funny or Die video to share).

If you suspect that one day you may want to ask a person you've met for a professional favor, do what Marisa Ollins, the PR director of Henri Bendel, calls "the pre-ask": contact the person at some point without needing anything. Offer congratulations on news you've read about him or her, or share a link to a story that relates to a topic you discussed when you met. If you've already had some exchanges with the person, it's easier to ask for his help later. But don't become a stalker. A few young women I've met casually have sent me way too many e-mails applauding what I do. I'm waiting for the one that says, "Congratulations! I hear your Pap test was normal."

When you do ask for a professional favor, be polite but direct. "Unlike men, women tend to beat around the bush too much," says Julie Kampf, the president of JBK a.s.sociates. "You need to come right out and ask rather than warm up with chitchat." Say something such as "You once said you'd be glad to introduce me to so and so, and I'd love to take you up on that offer now. Can you make an e-mail introduction?"

And then thank the person, for G.o.d's sake. Not just by e-mail. When someone does a professional favor for you, send a handwritten note. Or even a bottle of wine if it was a big enough favor. I cannot tell you the number of times people have networked with me and been all gushy gushy when they asked for a favor, and once I did the favor, I never heard a peep from them again. If you're one of those people and are reading this, please lose my number.

{ When Bad Things Happen }.

No matter how terrific your job is and how good you are at it, sometimes things go wrong. Sometimes, in fact, they can go horribly wrong. I cringe when I think of the big goofs I've made over the years.

One crisis can be very different from another, and so they have to be handled on a case-by-case basis. But here's some basic wisdom on staying cool in different types of crises and coming out relatively unscathed afterward.

Something big just blew up in your face, and you have to act on it now. It's never fun when the sh*t hits the fan. Let's say you've organized a big business dinner and that night the speaker just doesn't show. Not only will your guests be p.i.s.sed off, but the next day your boss will blame you. In this kind of crisis you need to salvage the situation as best you can at the moment, and you also have to salvage your reputation.

A year or so ago I had the chance to interview Teresa Irvin, a detective supervisor with the Los Angeles Police Department's Mental Evaluation Unit. I'd read about her work dealing with people having mental breakdowns and threatening to commit suicide, and I wanted to ask her how she handled such terrifying experiences. She told me something that's stuck with me ever since-that in a crisis we often have a little more time than we realize. And you should use that time to make a smart, rational decision. "Count to ten," she told me, "and give yourself a chance to think. Ask yourself questions: What could happen in the next twenty minutes? What should I do right now?" And tell yourself to breathe, she says. That can make a big difference.

Your speaker didn't show? Is there a possible subst.i.tution? As an alternative, could you do a Q-and-A session with someone dynamic in the audience?

Sh*t-hits-the-fan moments often occur when you're doing something publicly, such as making a presentation. The moment you throw a lot of people into the mix, the greater the chance for disaster, to say nothing of humiliation. One thing that's important to realize is that the more frenzied you make the situation, the worse it will be. Grace under pressure can save the day. Let me tell you two stories.

When I was younger, I signed up to see a presentation by a legendary fas.h.i.+on editor. PowerPoint presentations didn't exist yet, so her talk involved slides and a carousel, the standard method back then. As expected, the editor drew a big crowd and everyone was all abuzz as she strode to the front of the room. After she'd given a brief intro and gotten through about two slides, the carousel jammed. A young AV guy was eventually called in, but despite sweating bullets for several minutes, he couldn't fix the machine (I'm sure, by the way, that he never worked in this town again!). Rather than talking off the cuff, the editor announced haughtily and with great irritation that she couldn't do the presentation and sat down. How lame is that?

Fast-forward to a recent charity event in the ballroom of the Waldorf-Astoria hotel. The entertainment was the fabulous Sheryl Crow, and I was lucky enough to be sitting at one of the front tables. She started to perform, but horror of horrors, neither the mike nor the amps were working. Sound guys swarmed the stage trying to fix the mess, but they couldn't get things to work right away. Sheryl looked totally unfazed. Finally she strode over to the podium at the side of the stage and started singing into the mike on the podium. Awesome.

If things are blowing up in public, don't look frazzled or share the trauma or your anxiety with the audience or other people (just think of some of those bad Oscar-presenter moments). Breathe, smile, and say something like, "Please bear with us while we sort out a few technical problems."

After any kind of mess-up, do a postmortem with yourself and/or your team and figure out if there was any way you could have prevented the problem or reduced the chances of it happening. Your speaker didn't show? Well, did you confirm and reconfirm? Did you fail to acknowledge a flakey vibe from him? Did you send a car for the speaker so that you could monitor his whereabouts?

Also-and this is important-was there a moment where you should have trusted your gut and immediately initiated Plan B? Lili Root, the executive director of events marketing at Hearst, told me she had once put together a charity event at which all the wine was being donated. "I looked at the amount of wine that night," she said, "and knew that it wouldn't be enough for the number of confirmed attendees-even though the 'wine expert' was insisting it would be sufficient. We found the nearest liquor store, and in the middle of the event, someone went out to buy more-running up Fifth Avenue with a hand truck full of cases of wine."

Stepping in early with Plan B can be how you end up with a glitch rather than a fiasco.

Something you were sure would be a success bombs. It's a double whammy when a project goes wrong. Not only must you contend with the bad results, but at the same time you have to face the fact that your judgment might have sucked, and it's hard not to lose confidence in yourself. You want to fix the problem, yet you wonder if you've got what it takes to see things clearly enough to do that.

The best step to take after any kind of screwup-big or small-is to obtain as much information as you possibly can. I talk about this a lot in "The Secret Weapon That Will Make You a Winner (and Save Your b.u.t.t)," but it's especially critical to do when a project goes off the rails. That is a moment when you might love to stick your head into the sand, but don't! Ask people who worked with you-directly or indirectly-to put their thoughts about it in writing. They're often far more honest this way.

I learned early on as an editor in chief that the smartest move to make during any kind of newsstand slump is to "go to the rug." I throw a year's worth of issues onto the rug in my office and stare at them, looking for patterns and reasons for the slump. Often I do see what was wrong. I've pulled myself out of more than one slump that way.

You make a big fat mistake. If you know how to fix it, go ahead. If you don't, get direction from people you trust who can help you.

Equally important is how you discuss matters with your boss. If it's critical that she know about the mistake, don't let anyone beat you to the punch. You have to be the first to tell her so you can present the info as accurately and unhysterically as possible. Tell her that you have an issue and in the same sentence tell her that you also have a plan to fix it.

In some situations you may wonder if it's best to stay mum. I do think that a let-sleeping-dogs-lie tactic works in certain cases. If you have a handle on the problem and there's unlikely to be any serious damage or repercussions, it might be best not to draw unnecessary (and unwanted!) attention to it. The litmus test is to ask yourself this question: "If I don't tell my boss and she finds out after the fact, would she be seriously p.i.s.sed that I didn't inform her?" If the answer is yes, buck up and confess. But again, have the solution in hand.

You are called onto the carpet by your boss. Being called into your boss's office for a reprimand (or worse, a reaming out) can make you feel as though you are in fourth grade again. In that kind of situation, I have three words of advice for you: hear him out. Do not interrupt. Do not bristle. Just listen. If you start to cry, glance at a bright light (it's been shown to squelch tears). If that doesn't work, say something such as "I'm sorry, I want to hear what you have to say, but I'm reacting a bit strongly right now. Can I schedule a time to talk to you in a little while?"

Once you have fully heard your boss's complaints, replay his words back to him as best as you can. That not only lets him know you heard them, it also guarantees that you haven't missed anything in the heat and awkwardness of the moment. Use positive words rather than negative ones. Instead of "What you're saying is that you don't feel I do my work fast enough," say something such as "So what you'd like is for me to turn around my work more quickly." Ask for clarification on any points if necessary. You need specifics. Not as a challenge, but so you know exactly what he wants you to do differently. Don't leave in a huff or with your tail between your legs. Thank him for sharing his thoughts and let him know you take his concerns seriously.

Afterward, follow up with an e-mail restating the points you discussed and a.s.suring him that you will definitely be making the changes he's asked for.

Here's the most important point about dealing with a "talk" from your boss: be sure you have really heard what he said. Let go of your natural defensiveness and ask yourself: are his complaints legit? I read a study once that said that over time, male bosses sometimes stop critiquing female employees because they get p.r.i.c.kly or teary-eyed; the end result is that some female employees never gain valuable insights. If you sense that the criticism is legit, you need to address it.

But what if you sense a perception problem? Maybe your boss has said you're not spending enough time meeting with clients. You know you are, but now you must take steps to alter his perception. Send him updates after you meet with clients, keep him abreast of your plans.

You are fired. I've never been fired, but publis.h.i.+ng can be a precarious business, so from the beginning of my career I thought a lot about how I would handle that kind of blow (and as far as I know, it might have been close to happening at any number of points). I drew much of my inspiration from friends and colleagues who'd been there and not only survived but thrived afterward, often having the last laugh. Here are the four things they all seemed to do.

1. They gave themselves a short period to wallow in their misery. Then they got busy-with networking, with exploratory interviews, with putting their name out there.

2. They sought out the best professional guidance possible. It helps, I think, to see a career counselor and/or take full advantage of any outplacement services provided with a severance package, which may include job counseling and access to an office. If you aren't offered outplacement services, ask for them. If you are, try to obtain even more than your company normally gives-for instance, six months' worth instead of three. Those who used outplacement services benefited not only from the advice they received but also from being able to go to an office every day.

3. They asked themselves what had gone wrong. Instead of blaming their former employer, they examined what they might have dealt with poorly or miscalculated, such as not noticing that the company was in trouble or recognizing that the job wasn't a good fit to begin with. Recently I found a letter from a young editor I'd had to let go at Working Woman. Several months after she left, she wrote me, saying that it had been good for her in the end because she saw that she was better suited to other things. About five years ago she sold the Internet company she'd started for $20 million.

4. They didn't burn any bridges. No matter how angry they were, they were gracious and never bad-mouthed their former company or boss.

{ Why You Must Manage Your Career as Well as Your Job }.

Throughout this section, I've talked about all the steps you must take to be successful in your job-everything from scheduling time each week to focus on the big picture to managing your subordinates effectively to breaking the rules. But there's something else you have to pay attention to as well: while you brilliantly do your job, you must also brilliantly "do" your career. You need to take steps to make certain you're poised and ready for the next exciting move up.

It's not simply a matter of keeping your resume polished. By managing your career, I mean growing your skills, making new contacts, religiously watching for opportunities, and going after opportunities in a totally gutsy way.

I know, it sounds like doing two jobs at once, and you've already got plenty on your plate. But if you don't manage your success, it can slip away from you. You receive a promotion you crave, put your nose to the grindstone, and the next thing you know, five years have pa.s.sed. One day you hear an announcement that someone down the hall, someone lower on the ladder than you, has accepted an incredible job. And you feel almost weak in the knees about the news.

Just contemplating this scenario can make you hyperventilate. But try not to think of it as one more huge task you have to tackle but rather as an exhilarating challenge. This isn't about doing something that will pay dividends for your company or organization. It's about doing something just for you.

Begin right where you are. The first step to taking charge of your success is to make sure you're performing in a way that allows your boss (and people above him) to view you as a person who should continue to move up in the organization. That means doing your job incredibly well. But as the career expert Adele Scheele points out, you have to also be taking steps in your job that prep you for the next level or levels. And those steps are different.

"In managing your job," she says, "you have to define the goals that your organization wants, build a team to deliver them, and spend time in building relations.h.i.+ps with your superiors and clients within your organization. In managing your success, you need to expand that focus to taking on more or other duties-leaning toward or creating the next opportunity-while learning to take credit for your team's work (a tricky balance) and building a reputation, including one among your peers."

Try to imagine how your boss might describe you to someone right now. A dynamo? A star? How long has it been since you made your boss say, "Wow!" If not, ask yourself why. Have you been working on automatic pilot lately or, worse, slacking off as you deal with crazy personal demands? Have you been so busy focusing on the day-to-day that you haven't been doing more or generating any dazzling ideas for the future? Have you failed to toot your own horn? Then it's time to get your mojo back. Block out time to generate ideas. Suggest and take on projects that will produce strong results. Keep your boss abreast of your accomplishments.

I may be wrong, but I've always thought that a presentation I made at a management conference when I was still the editor of Redbook helped me land the Cosmo job. I was a.s.signed to a committee that had been asked to generate magazine ideas and then present the best one at the conference. I volunteered, to the other committee members, to take on the job of fles.h.i.+ng out our idea, putting the PowerPoint slides together, and then doing the presentation. It was a big extra ch.o.r.e, but I kept telling myself that something good might come from it. When I'd finished my presentation, my boss gave me a thumbs-up from her seat in the audience. I sensed that she saw a side of me that day that she hadn't witnessed before. It wasn't much longer before I was named editor of Cosmopolitan.

Of course, if you have a particular job in the company in sight, you want to prove that you would be ready for it by taking on responsibilities and projects that will be required in that position. And looking the part.

Plus, let them know you want it. "Women don't make their wishes known as much as men do," says MetricStream CEO Sh.e.l.lye Archambeau.

Have a flex plan. To me, it's pointless to have a five-year career plan. There's just so much potential for change in our lives and our career fields-why get locked into a rigid plan? In 2005, I gave a young writer the chance to create a blog for Cosmopolitan.com called-well, what else, The Bedroom Blog. Blogs had just emerged, and I felt we should have one on our site. The writer did a terrific job, and she soon had a huge following and a new "career." But think about it: if a few years earlier the writer had made a five-year career plan for herself, "writing a popular blog" would never have been on it.

Better, I think, is to have a more relaxed plan that has several possible targets but also allows for serendipity, changes in the landscape, and your own evolution. Aim high, but be flexible and open. If someone tells you about an exciting opportunity that you feel is the wrong fit for you, step back and ask, "Why not?"

Make sure you're ready. If you don't have all the right skills-whether it's public speaking, Web design, app development, whatever-for the next big job, get them. If you can't learn them on the job, take cla.s.ses.

Sharpen your specialty. At several points, I've talked about how important it is to develop a special expertise that helps set you apart from the pack. If you haven't yet, start. Think about what keenly interests you, your expertise, and also what's missing in your job or field. When Archambeau, joined IBM early in her career, she found that the big emphasis there was on sales. She looked for any chance to develop an expertise in marketing-"there were small pockets where you could do that"-and when the company s.h.i.+fted its focus under new leaders.h.i.+p, she had an edge.

Do at least one thing a week that's totally career focused. It's the draining-of-the-swamp concept, applied to your career rather than your job. Attend a speech or lecture, take a cla.s.s, go on YouTube to hear a motivational speech by someone really successful, such as Susan Taylor, a former editor in chief of Essence, or an interview with a high-earning businesswoman such as Safra Catz, president and CFO of Oracle. The TED Conference videos are also good to check out, especially the powerful speech by Facebook's Sheryl Sandberg. I always feel jazzed after hearing a successful woman speak.

Check in regularly with your Personal Board of Directors (PBOD) (see "What You Need Even More Than a Mentor"). As your career advances, you're going to want to garner their wisdom, insight, and objective take on matters involving your goals.

Do the math. Have you stayed where you are too long? Look at the careers of women above you, and consider how much time they invested in each phase of their career. One way to tell if you've overstayed is by noting how you feel when someone in your company leaves to go elsewhere. If you're still growing in your job, you will probably not be bothered by their departure. But if you've been where you are too long, it may bug you or you may find yourself making excuses about the person, such as "Why would she want to go there?" or "I wouldn't want to make a change now-not in this economy." That kind of defensiveness should be your wake-up call. So should any flagging of your energy and enthusiasm for your work. That can be a big clue that it's time for a new challenge.

Here's an interesting thought to consider: sometimes the best time to leave a job is when you feel happiest. That's because it could mean you've worked your way into a nice comfort zone. And you've stopped stretching!

Kathleen Rice, the dynamic DA of Na.s.sau County, Long Island, told me that her career has always been about going after projects and jobs even if being in them would make her feel initially vulnerable.

Take your pulse. Before you prepare to make your next move, take time to think about how engaged you are in your field. Do you still love what you're doing and feel excited about the logical next step? Or are there rumblings of discontent in your tummy? Whose career have you been envying lately? What responsibilities light your fire? When do you feel most in the zone at work? You might be ready for a real change or just a s.h.i.+ft to the left or right.

Several years ago, as Dr. Holly Phillips, the medical contributor for CBS This Morning, began making more and more TV appearances on medical issues, she realized how much it appealed to her. "I didn't want to be a TV personality," she says. "What I wanted was to be a doctor on TV. People rely on TV. This is a way to educate them. I also like the narrative it opens up in the medical community." She set out to find a career in TV that would allow her to still work as a physician one day a week.

Review the chapters "Advanced Networking (Never Say You're Too Busy to Do It)" and "12 Ways to Get Buzzed About." You want to be meeting people who can help you and making sure people hear the right things about you.

With each job opportunity that comes up, ask, "What will it do for me?" Will it advance your career? Will it give you a whole new set of skills? Is it as good as it looks on paper? Would you be choosing it just to make a change or because it's a smart choice? When you tell the story of your career one day, will this move make sense? At Family Weekly I was promoted from senior editor to executive editor, the number two spot, and then left to run the articles department at Mademoiselle for just a small increase in pay. But I was going to a much cla.s.sier magazine and one far more in the public eye. Plus, I'd be back in a field (women's magazines) where I'd probably be able to rise faster.

Then go big or go home. When the right job comes up, you mustn't wait for them to come after you. You must go after that job ferociously. Use whatever contacts and sponsors you have to get in the door. Tell your prospective employers you want it and what you will do for them. I know of a talented magazine executive editor who heard about an editor in chief job when the company was in the final round of interviews. She called the contact person and was told that the company president was leaving that day for an overseas trip and would be unable to squeeze in an interview with her. The editor said she would be willing to accompany the president to the airport in the limo and make her pitch on the drive. She did-and she won the job.

If the right job doesn't exist, consider creating it. I approached a company once and suggested a job I thought would be great for them and that I'd like to have. They actually said yes to my idea. Though in the end I decided not to do it, experience made me see how open people can be to the right idea. Sometimes they don't know what they're missing.

If you are offered a job that's almost perfect but is lacking something you need, ask if the employer will work with you to make it closer to what you want. Sometimes all it takes is a little crafting. One thing that bugged me about the Mademoiselle job I was being offered was that the t.i.tle was articles editor, not nearly as nice as my current t.i.tle, executive editor. I asked the editor in chief to consider changing the t.i.tle to "executive editor, articles," and she did.

{ What to Do When Things Change (and They Will!) }.

One day not long ago when I was riding the elevator at work, I overheard a comment by a woman that was so naive, it startled me that it was coming out of the mouth of someone who was clearly in her thirties. She was complaining to a colleague that a photo shoot that was supposed to happen in two weeks had been moved up to the following Tuesday.

"I can't believe they changed it," she said. "I was counting on next week being a slow week."

I guess she hadn't gotten the message: things today are in a near-constant state of change, and there probably won't be any slow weeks anymore. A Fast Company article pointed out that we are in the middle of a "next-two-hour era," meaning that things are changing so quickly, we don't even know what the next two hours will bring.

All this change can be disconcerting. Not only must we deal with the alteration in schedules and procedures and work habits, but there's the ripple effect that so often follows. Change often leads to not only more work but a whole different kind of work. Over the course of my time in magazines, I have seen editors in chief s.h.i.+ft from producing magazines to becoming brand managers and even TV personalities.

Though change can be scary, it's essential to learn to deal with it well. To succeed, you must not only handle change effectively but also be a change agent, someone who both acts as a catalyst for change and then manages the process successfully.

I first started thinking a lot about handling change when I was the editor of Working Woman. We'd interviewed a management guru who'd told us that the work world was being transformed and we'd no longer have down periods when we'd be able to grab a breath, the way people had done in previous years when, for instance, a budget was finally completed or a project put to bed. We had entered, the guru said, a period where work was always going to be like white-water rafting.

That statement caused me to gulp when I read it. I had a demanding job and young kids, and the idea that things were going to become even more chaotic had zero appeal. But as I thought about the a.n.a.logy, I began to find it relaxing. Up until then, I'd been resistant to the notion of rapid change. Accepting change rather than fighting it made it easier.

Acceptance, though, can take you only so far. You then have to learn to navigate the rapids.

See the s.e.xy side of change. When Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist whose specialty is romantic love, spoke at a Cosmo salon, she told us something that I've never forgotten. According to Dr. Fisher, one of the ways to help keep feelings of infatuation alive in a relations.h.i.+p is to always do new things together. That's because novelty drives up the levels in the brain of dopamine and norepinephrine, neurotransmitters that are a.s.sociated with energy, elation, focused attention, and motivation-the central traits of love.

Consider how Dr. Fisher's theory might relate to change. Change is novelty, after all. It can be an opportunity to feel excited, energized, and elated-if you allow it to happen. When you think about it, haven't many of the initially scary changes you've faced in life turned out in time to be thrilling?

So alter your view. Vivien Jennings, the founder and president of Rainy Day Books in Fairway, Kansas, a woman who could have been rocked by the enormous changes in the book business but wasn't, put it this way: "Embrace change as an ally and an opportunity."

And if you have people working for you, make sure you share that view with them, because they're probably more nervous than you are. Don't complain or appear panic-stricken in front of them.

Instead of asking "Why is this happening?" ask "What can I take control of?" Put yourself in charge as soon as possible. For instance, if you unexpectedly end up with a new boss, you can control, to some degree, her perception of you by being open and offering to take her up to speed, rather than hiding out in your office.

And consider this: though we sometimes worry that change is going to knock us off our feet, it doesn't always involve as much of a disruption as we fear, and taking control won't be as hard as it looks. Says Trendera CEO Jane Buckingham: "One of the things I hear the start-ups in Silicon Valley talk about is how key it is to know how to pivot. Not reinvent, pivot. You look at where you are going and adjust slightly. I've always liked that quote of Bill Gates, where he says we tend to overestimate the change that will occur in the next two years and underestimate the change that will occur in the next ten."

So relax and consider how you will pivot, not overhaul. The definition of "pivot" is to step with one foot while keeping the other on the ground. Think of the ground as the things you already know and the skills you already have. Your other foot needs to reach for new information.

Pivoting is what Vivien Jennings has done-and done well. One of the ways she'd been building her book business was with author events. I've been lucky enough to partic.i.p.ate in a few, and they're terrific. The events had become an important way to drive book sales, but the store wasn't big enough to accommodate a large audience. "If people can't sit during an author event, the experience isn't going to be optimum," she says. "So we decided to go off-site. We began holding events in a variety of places-from restaurants to businesses to churches." Books were sold, of course, at these events. Lots of books, and many events had an entry fee. Creating all these special events was a great new revenue source. "And it did something else," she adds. "It took us into the community rather than made the community have to come to us." That helped create even greater customer loyalty.

Be a just-in-time change agent. A just-in-time system usually refers to handling inventory, where you store only the right materials at the right time and at the right place because more than that involves waste. You can use that approach with change. One of the aspects of change that can make your heart pound is how much knowledge you are suddenly going to have to acquire in order to stay in control. But in so many cases, all you really need to learn is what you will require at the present moment and in the right-ahead-of-you future. Remember: It's a little like handling white water. Concentrate on the rapids you need to deal with now, and don't worry about what's far around the bend.

Take something for yourself. Don't be so busy thinking of how you will cope with change in your job that you neglect to determine what might be in it for you. In one of my editor in chief jobs, I had to enlist a group of staffers to work on an exciting brand extension. They complained about all the extra work and wondered why they weren't being compensated. Yet to me it was clear that the skills they were learning could enable them to start their own businesses one day. Figure out how to leverage change for yourself-with new contacts or skills to be acquired if you play your cards right.

{ Bravo! You Landed the BIG JOB. Now What? }.

There will be good jobs in your life, jobs that you've worked hard to attain and signal that you're seriously on your way. Then there's the BIG JOB, the one that puts you on top, that makes you a boldface name in your field. If you've been reading this book, that's probably what you're aiming for. And if you've used the strategies that I've discussed so far-developing game-changing ideas, being a dynamic boss, managing your career along with your job-there's every chance that you'll get there.

My first BIG JOB was running Child magazine. All the editorial-side decisions of the magazine-regarding covers, content, PR, etc.-rested with me. I walked into work that first day feeling nervous but exhilarated.

After you've landed a BIG JOB, it would be nice if you could (after uncorking a bottle of champagne to share with those close to you) simply settle down to the work at hand. But you can't. People are watching you now. They are expecting results. And some of them are expecting you to fail. Love the BIG JOB, delight in the power and prestige it offers, but, as you roll up your sleeves, know that you must also navigate the situation intelligently and carefully.

Do not-I repeat, do not go in acting like a hard-a.s.s. In an attempt to look invulnerable, some women start a BIG JOB with a take-no-prisoners approach. Though that kind of toughness may work in certain cases, it has the potential to backfire big-time, especially when employed in the first days and weeks of a new job. At first people almost wet their pants when you walk into a room. But then they start gathering and whispering together and begin to feel strength in numbers. They start bad-mouthing you behind your back and both consciously and unconsciously begin to do things to undermine you and your mission.

The far more effective approach, I think, is to present a picture of someone who is sure of herself, ready to make a difference, open to discussion, inclusive, and willing to make stars out of the people who perform well as the new mission is tackled.

"The worst thing you can do is be prescriptive," says Michele James, a cofounder of the executive recruiting firm James & Co. "You need to listen, be available. It's in this period, too, that the soft data will start to bubble up."

Nail down your vision-and share it. I talked earlier about how it's important to have your mission in mind. In a BIG JOB you need more than a mission, you need a vision. It's the difference between having a few goals you wish to execute and creating a winning, enticing, and perhaps totally new direction for the future. A vision not only gives you a road map to follow but also helps the people who work for you feel energized and engaged. Boil it down to a compelling sound bite and share it.