Accidentally On Purpose Part 18

"Until he answers," I said, ignoring his att.i.tude. I chewed on my lower lip, worried.

I was in California with Kyle for three days. Truly, it was mostly business, but at the end of the working day, it was just us. No work, no Jess, and no Luke, but Luke wasn't answering my phone calls. My departure from his house the night before my trip did not go well.

"I don't understand why you need to go," he had argued when he found out about the business trip.

"It's part of my job. Sometimes I have to travel with my boss. It's not the first time."

Before I ever had eyes for Kyle, I went away with him twice. It was h.e.l.l and I stayed as far away from him as my work would let me. This time it would be different, but Luke didn't need to know that.

"Why can't he take Eliza?"

"Eliza isn't qualified," I said absent mindedly. I was working at the kitchen table.

"How qualified do you have to be to look pretty and follow your boss around like a servant for three days?"

I looked up at him. "It's not like that."

"It is exactly like that. You're there specifically to wait on him hand and foot. It looks good to the clients, except in your case it's an incentive that you're good looking."

"I actually happen to know a lot about the business and about the clients," I argued. "You make it seem like I'm just a dumb bimbo."

"No one is going to ask or care for your opinions."

I stared at him. He was being such a d.i.c.k.

"You're being such a d.i.c.k," I said out loud.

"You don't have to go."

"I do have to go, Luke," I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"Lawyer, remember?" He pointed to himself. "It's not in your job description to go anywhere with Kyle."

"Okay, so you being an attorney makes you smarter than me?"

"I didn't say that. I am just very knowledgeable of the employment contracts in the company."

"So, what? You want me to tell Kyle I can't go?"

"Yes."

"You're on crack."

"I tolerate all of the time you spend with him here, but going away with him is unacceptable."

"All of what time?"

He gave me a knowing look, and when I looked at him with a blank expression, he growled growled.

"You 'work late' with him at least twice a week, and you two go drinking at the bar often."

"Would you like to go drinking with us at the bar, Luke?"

"I don't want to hang out with that d.i.c.khead."

"Then you want me to stop hanging out with the d.i.c.khead."

"Actually, yeah."

I stared at him with my mouth slightly open. When all we could do is glare at each other, I saved my work and started packing up my laptop.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"I can't work here. I need quiet, and since it's impossible for you to shut the h.e.l.l up, I guess I need to leave."

He followed me through his tiny house as I collected some of my things.

"Where are you going to go? To Kyle's?" He asked tauntingly.

"What is wrong wrong with you?" I demanded after several more similar comments. with you?" I demanded after several more similar comments.

"If you were half as smart as you say you are, you'd have that figured out already." He picked up his keys and started out the door. "Lock up my house when you go."

The door slammed behind him and I stood there for a few seconds, shocked and anxious. By the time I had enough sense to go after him, he was gone.

I gave Luke the rest of the night to cool off, but after all business was conducted for the day, I called him three times, and three more times on the second day. I never got an answer or a call back. He answered my text messages, but they were short and cold.

My mood was not at all cheery. I couldn't enjoy the fact that I was in L.A or my alone time with Kyle, and Kyle was losing his patience with my unhappy att.i.tude. We ended up fighting for almost the entire trip. The flight home was silent between us. When we landed, we went our separate ways with few words. Now both of my boyfriends were mad at me, and what was worse was that I had to go home to my mother.

Ugh.

When I stepped outside of my terminal to hail a cab, I saw a familiar face on the sidewalk approaching me.

"I thought you could use a ride home, if your boss doesn't mind."

"My boss left already," I said.

His eyes narrowed and he took a deep breath to try to shake away some of his anger.

"What a standup guy," he muttered and took my bag from me.

"Wait," I said, stopping him. "I'm not going anywhere with you if you're going to be all growly and mad. I'd rather risk my life with a crazy cab driver."

Luke sighed and looked like he was really trying to find a way to calm down.

"I will be...cordial."

"Cordial? Really..."

I really had no right to give him a difficult time. This was ultimately all of my fault, and his anger was just one of many results of my dumb actions, but that didn't mean I had to sit in a car with him for a half hour if he was just going to treat me like dirt.

"I'm really trying here," he said a little less harshly.

I sighed and relented. He was a little less angry when we arrived at his house and he threw me on the bed and gave me an angry s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g, relieving much of his tension.

I hit the shower afterward, much needed after a day of travel and then angry s.e.x. When I came out of the shower, my stomach dropped. Luke was holding some lacey undergarments that had been packed away in my bag.

"What did you need these for?" He asked darkly, clutching a pair of red, lacey underwear and a matching bra.

"To wear," I said it as if it were obvious, but they were items a girl definitely wears to get laid, not items a girl wears for a long day of work.

"For whom?"

"For myself," I said as casually as possible and rooted through a drawer for some clothes.

"Doesn't seem like something you wear unless you're trying to impress someone."

"Am I not allowed to feel pretty under my work clothes?"

He sighed and dropped them back in the bag.

"Is there anything...you think I should know?"

Here was my opportunity to come out with it all, to tell the truth and spare the grief that will surely come from waiting too d.a.m.n long to tell him I've betrayed him. Pain was inevitable, but this was my chance to somewhat lessen the blow.

I opened my mouth to speak...and chickened out.

"Just know that I missed you," I said, wrapping my arms around him. "And know that I love you and I don't ever want to be without you."

Reluctantly, he held me, and then less reluctantly, he threw me on the bed again for round two.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Before my trip to California, Luke and I had minor disagreements and a couple of heated arguments over things I can't even remember now, but life always reset itself and it was never long before the argument was left in the past, forgotten. After After my trip to California, nothing was ever the same again. my trip to California, nothing was ever the same again.

Arguments disrupted peaceful Sunday afternoons. Silence replaced conversation during meals. Kisses goodbye fell away to slammed doors and abruptly ended phone calls. It was breaking my heart, but then again, I could only point the finger at myself.

A stronger, less selfish woman would have been forthright. She would have told Kyle to f.u.c.k off, admitted her transgressions to Luke and begged his forgiveness. A stronger woman would not have found herself in this situation to begin with. I was weak and selfish. Getting rid of Kyle was like going into detox. Letting go of Luke was like kicking a puppy. Maybe drowning a puppy.

I was in an endless, sick cycle. I was unable and unwilling to make important decisions, allowing myself to be stretched thin between the two men. I didn't need a soothsayer to tell me this was not going to end well for me.

Sometimes I would sit alone in my bedroom, mentally beating the s.h.i.+t out of myself. I entered into my current state with no thought about how I would exit. At times, I foolishly believed that either Luke or Kyle would give up with ease, wish me well, and move on with their heart intact. Sometimes I imagined that I would choose one of them, but we would all become good friends. So many happy endings in my idiot head.

Summer floated on in slow motion. Not much changed between Kyle and me; meanwhile I felt Luke drifting further and further away from me. He still kissed me with everything he had. He still tried to treat me with honor and respect, and he still told me he loved me, and I believed it. But I could feel him slipping anyway.

I woke up one morning and knew that I had to tell Luke the truth, even if it meant losing him. Everyone always deserves the honesty of the people they love.

Luke was out of town for work that day, and he didn't expect to be back until late in the evening. I wasn't going to tell him over the phone or through text messages. Lame. I wanted to tell him face to face. I was supposed to go away with Donya for the weekend. Jerry had a double header in Florida, but she called me a few hours before our flight.

"Yeah, I'm not going," she said casually.

"What? Why? I'm all packed!"

"We had a fight. He doesn't deserve my support. He can roast down there with his teammates."

"Wow. Harsh."

"He'll be fine."

"What about the tickets? There's no way you're getting your money back."

"Eh. There's more money in the bank."

"That's so wasteful," I sighed. "At least have the decency to give the tickets to someone less fortunate."

"Hmm. My cousin Kera is less fortunate."

"D, b.u.t.t ugliness does not count for less fortunate."

"Do you want me to give away the tickets or not!" She snapped.

"Yeah okay, sheesh. Give them to Kera."

"You wanna do something else? Maybe Vegas? We haven't done Vegas in a while."

"No. I'm actually glad you canceled. I want to come clean with Luke. He's not home now, but I figured I'd go over there and make him a nice dinner."

"Do you think a nice dinner is going to cover your a.s.s, Emmy?" Donya asked. "Seriously?"

"No, but I hope it helps."

"And what about the other one?"

"What about him?"

"What happens after you come clean to Luke? What if Luke says to dump the d.i.c.k or he rolls?"