Accidentally On Purpose Part 33

Grace Kessler had fallen down the stairs of her home. She broke her left arm and hit her head, requiring ten st.i.tches and a twenty-four hour stay in the hospital for observation.

While the siblings argued about whether or not she should be permitted to live alone, or whether or not she needed to move into a safer environment, I stood by myself on the other side of the waiting room, looking out of a window. My mother was on her way to Chicago, summoned by Lena. I was trying to mentally prepare myself for that, but just couldn't do it. I almost didn't care. Had bigger things on my mind. Like Luke.

Eventually, the conversation would arise, and I had to have straight forward answers. That wasn't easy considering I didn't really have any. All I knew for sure was that when I was confronted with any opportunity to love and be loved, I had the intense reaction to run the other way.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked.

I didn't know how long I had been standing at the window, but Lena and Lorraine were gone.

"You've barely said two words since we left the apartment," he said.

"I'm sorry," I said, turning to face him. "Are you okay? How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay. I have a hard time accepting the fact that my mom is getting so old."

"It's funny. Your mom falls down the stairs accidentally, and I want to shove my mom down the stairs on purpose all of the time."

He attempted a smile, but it quickly faltered and ended in a sigh.

"I said I would wait until you were ready," he said quietly. "But..."

"You want to know what is ultimately keeping us apart," I filled in.

"You are ultimately keeping us apart," he said patiently. "But I need to know why." are ultimately keeping us apart," he said patiently. "But I need to know why."

He reached out and pushed my hair out of my face. His fingers on my cheek were deeply comforting. I pressed my hand against his, savoring his touch before he could withdraw it. This time I kissed him, wrapped my arms around him. Enormous b.u.t.terflies fluttered in my belly and migrated throughout my body. The tingling down my spine made me weak.

We kissed in front of the window, slow and easy, oblivious to the sights, sounds, and smells of the hospital. It wasn't until someone cleared their throat about three times before we broke apart and looked for the intruder.

Lorraine stood just inside the doorway, grinning ear to ear.

"Sorry to disturb you," she said. "But the doctor wants to talk to all of us."

"Oh, that's embarra.s.sing," I whispered as we followed her out of the room.

As it turned out, Grace had a mini stroke, which was probably the main contributor to her fall. She was going to be in the hospital longer than originally antic.i.p.ated.

Luke, Lena, and I left a couple of hours later. Lena was going to pick my mom up from the airport, a task I was thankful wasn't asked of me. Luke and I went to meet Emmet, Casey and the kids for dinner and all of us travelled back across town for dessert at Lena's with my mother.

"You look...different," she said, eyeing me carefully after a hug.

"I look the same," I insisted, but I knew she could tell I've been getting some.

"Hmm," she said doubtfully. "At any rate, you always look beautiful." She started to turn away but turned back and said "Except when you wear red lipstick. It makes you look like a wh.o.r.e."

I cringed, but said nothing. Luke looked at me with sympathy and then gave me a double arm pat.

"Can I double pat her face with my fists?" I whispered to him.

"No, but you can put on some red lipstick when we get home."

We politely hung around a little while longer before using the excuse that it was well past Lucas's bedtime and quickly bowed out. Lucas was asleep long before we got home, so putting him to bed was effortless. An hour and some change after leaving Lena's, I was stark naked in the living room, riding Luke as if my life depended on it.

"Maybe we should stop having s.e.x," he said afterward. "I'm being a girl about it. My feelings just grow stronger every time."

"Mine do, too," I argued.

"Not enough."

"You don't know that."

"If it were enough, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

We were quiet for a minute or two. My head was in his lap and he absent mindedly stroked my hair, staring at the floor, deep in thought.

"I feel really f.u.c.ked up inside," I said, breaking the silence. "I feel scarred and dysfunctional."

"Everyone is dysfunctional sometimes."

"No," I objected. "I feel dysfunctional all of the time. It's something that stays with me all day and all night, no matter what I'm doing or how else I feel. I always always feel f.u.c.ked up, and I feel like I can't be fixed. You want to fix me, but I feel like I'm a lost cause, and I don't want you to even bother trying." feel f.u.c.ked up, and I feel like I can't be fixed. You want to fix me, but I feel like I'm a lost cause, and I don't want you to even bother trying."

"What did Kyle do to you to make you feel so lowly about yourself?"

I sighed loudly, and pushed myself to my feet. I was so frustrated.

"Luke, stop blaming Kyle. I did this to myself. I mean...he did a lot to contribute to it, but he didn't force me into anything. I made my own decisions. If this was all of Kyle's fault, it would be easy to just throw all of the blame where it belongs and move on, but it's not not all his fault." all his fault."

"You're not a lost cause," Luke said, also on his feet now. "Yes, you made bad decisions, but you're not doomed. I love you, Emmy, scars and all."

"Look...I'm afraid I'm going to f.u.c.k up again. I'm afraid that I won't be able to ever give you what you deserve."

He started to object, but my cell rang in the dining room. I walked away, to escape the conversation, and to answer the call. It was Mayson.

"What's up?" I asked.

"You have a problem," she said carefully.

"What is it?"

"Uhh...your bar."

"What about it?"

"It's on fire."

Chapter Forty

Change of plans. Instead of flying to the east coast in a couple of weeks, I was packed and at the airport with Lucas in my arms by noon the following day.

My bar, according to Mayson, had burned to the ground. There was probably nothing left to salvage. No one was hurt, even though it was a full house. The fire marshal thinks the fire started in the kitchen with faulty wiring to the stove.

"I'll be out there in a couple of weeks, if my schedule permits," Luke said to me.

"Okay."

"I'll miss you guys."

He took Lucas from me and talked to him about the "air ane" and how much he'll miss him. He kissed his head and handed him back. My kiss was a little more elaborate.

"I love you, buddy," Luke ruffled Lucas's hair. "I love you," he said to me.

I hesitated before repeating it back to him, which was clearly a mistake judging by the expression on his face.

"I'm sorry," I rushed. "I didn't mean..."

"Don't worry about it. Have a safe trip." He walked away without a backward glance.

When we landed in Philly, I was able to forget what an a.s.s I was to Luke. I was excited to be back to the tri-state area I called home. My exit from said area was a memory I pushed out of my mind. I didn't want to focus on that.

Mayson waited for us at the airport. After some discussion, we packed into her car and drove the few seconds away to a rental car agency. She left me there and took Lucas with her to do whatever she had to do. Before I left the parking lot of the rental company, I texted Luke to let him know we landed safely.

There was always traffic in Philly, whether it was a Sunday or Doomsday, traffic never ceased. I easily fell back into bad driving habits and yelling at other drivers. The traffic slowed a little when I crossed the bridge into Jersey, but not by much. The air quality changed a little, too. I loved the smell of factories and refineries on a hot summer day. Mmm mmm!

I had mentally prepared myself for the disaster I would see when I got to what was left of my bar. I just had not prepared myself enough.

What was left of the building was blackened by the fire and smoke. Rubble and unidentifiable items were melted together. It looked like a bombed out building you see in war movies.

I got out of the car, and stifled a scream. I walked toward the site in a daze, stupefied by what I was seeing. Just outside, I found a half a bottle of vodka, intact, just lying there. I picked it up, studied it for a minute and then opened it and took a big gulp. After a couple more big sips, I felt ready to venture inside the disaster.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," a familiar voice said behind me. I was so startled that I dropped the bottle as I turned around, shattering it and spilling out the rest of the alcohol.

"s.h.i.+t. You scared the s.h.i.+t out of me and and perfectly good vodka has been spilled." perfectly good vodka has been spilled."

"Sorry. I thought you saw me."

"No," I shook my head and nodded across the lot. "Didn't even notice your car until now."

We looked back at what used to be the bar.

"I don't think it's safe for you to be in there, hence the yellow tape."

"The tape is a formality. How else am I supposed to a.s.sess the damage?"

"That's what you're insurance guy is for, and he left a few minutes before you got here."

I sighed loudly and kicked at a burnt piece of wood. We stood there in silence for a while, just staring at the charred mess. I decided to take some pictures so I could send them to Luke and my mom.

"So, how long are you in the area?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. A couple of weeks, I guess. Depends."

"On what?"

"What I'm going to do with this mess, for one, and I don't know. I may get homesick or something."

"You don't miss Jersey?"

"Are you kidding me? Every day of my life! I miss the people, the food - my G.o.d I could go for a real Philly cheesesteak right now. And some water ice. Real water ice. It's hot as h.e.l.l out here."

"Where are you staying?"

"Probably in Mount Laurel in a hotel. I guess I should take care of that now," I said. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I heard about the bar, wanted to see it for myself."

"Did you think I would come?"

"No, I didn't. I was surprised to see you."

"Oh."

"Well, look, I don't want to hold you up. Why don't you text me later? I know I'm going out on a limb here, but maybe we can have lunch or something before you go."

"Maybe," I said, not committing to anything. "Is your number the same?"

"Yeah. If you don't contact me, I will understand."

I nodded an okay.

"Be careful - and stay out of there."

A moment later Kyle Sterling drove out of the parking lot and I felt myself breathe again.