What A Boy Wants Part 6

Are you still going to be with Jaden this weekend? She looked nervous, picking at something on her skirt. Uh-oh. Here we go. The fear gained strength.

Yeah.

Roger asked me to go away with him for the weekend. Were thinking a little bed and breakfast by the coast and-- I held up my hand. Really dont want the details, Ma. Especially when I could think of my own. Not the do-not-disturb kind because that made me want to vomit in my mouth, but if old Rog wanted to propose, a weekend at a little bed and breakfast at the coast would be the perfect time for him to do it. Jerk. What was the point in asking me if he didnt plan to wait for my reply?

I couldnt say any of that though. Not only did she not know I knew, but I could see the sparkles in her eyes and the last thing I wanted to do was be the one to dim them. So I shrugged. Sure. Whatever. I wont be here anyway. It didnt even strike me as weird that Mom was pretty much asking my permission to go away with a guy. She did a lot of stuff I didnt agree with, but wed always been a team. Whenever some chump broke her heart, I was the one who helped her put it back together again. Thats just how we worked.

A smile stretched across her face. Hes special, Sebastian. Really, Roger is different.

My eyes automatically started to roll, but I stopped them when a picture of Woodstock slipped into my head. I tried to push it out, but it kept playing over and over. Glue stuck my mouth together, and it was like part of me wanted to pry it open, but the other part wanted to clamp it shut. How lame would it be to ask my mom about girls? h.e.l.l, I knew more about women than guys like Roger who were twice my age. But this wasnt just a girl, it was Aspen. She was different.

I peeked around my room, half-expecting to see a hidden camera or Jaden camped out in the corner to catch me slipping. When I was sure we were alone, I scratched an invisible itch on my head so my arms blocked my vision of Mom sitting across from me. So, how do you, um know you love him or whatever?

I felt like such a loser. I was The Hook-up Doctor. I was supposed to know girls. Know myself, and here I was, asking my mom how she knew when she was in love. When did my life become such an epic fail? When did I lose control of everything?

When she didnt reply, I dropped my arm to look at her. Silver-dollar sized eyes met my stare. Id totally just screwed up. Shed never let me live this down and unlike with Jaden, she wouldnt be teasing me, shed be hopeful. That was much worse. Not for me! Im too young and having too much fun to go and think Im in love, its justJaden"yeah, Jay met this girl and hes all whipped over her and asking me how he knew if he loved her or not so I figured it couldnt hurt to ask. And ramble. Since when did I start rambling? First to Mattie about Aspen and the hippie stuff and now this.

I could practically see the happy sigh fall from my moms mouth. Im sure her heart was doing some love dance pitter-patter in her chest. Its okay, you know, Sebastian. My mistakes and your dads, that doesnt-- Ma! I interrupted her. Not going there, okay? I said it wasnt about me. Lets not play Oprah. I stood up and grabbed my shoes. What the h.e.l.l had I been thinking?

She stopped me with her words. Okay, then tell Jaden that I cant really explain it. Its just something you know. You want to take care of them and let them take care of you, too. They make you happy like no one else can.

I tossed my shoes to the floor and sat back down. This was a huge mistake. Like making out in Alexs room sized mistake, but I couldnt stop myself from asking anyway. But is it worth it? All the times youve been hurt? How do I, I mean how does Jaden know that he wont get left or end up hurting her? Id seen my mom cry so many tears, some of them shed because of my own dad, that I wasnt sure I could risk doing that to Aspen.

Oh, honey. Mom got up and sat next to me on my bed. My legs itched to get up and blow off this whole conversation, but they were too heavy. Like something weighed them to the ugly brown carpet of my bedroom. You never know whats going to happen. You have to have faith. All the heartache Ive felt is worth it. Ive met Roger and Im willing to risk heartache because, not only do I think hes worth it, but Im worth it.

I couldnt really understand what she meant. Sure, its easy to say something was worth it, but I didnt know if I agreed. How did you know beforehand if it really was worth it? How did you know if you could deal with the aftershocks? I didnt know if I wanted to risk it. What if I was right and the whole love thing was just a crock and I ended up losing Aspen? My best friend?

I think Jaden should go for it. For the first time in a long time, my life feels pretty much perfect. I have the worlds best son and a boyfriend that I love. Theres nothing else I want.

I huffed, trying to sound lighter than I felt. Youre such a girl.

Mom hugged me. I love you, Sebastian, and you tell Jaden I dont think he has to ever worry about hurting a girl. He may not want to admit it, but his heart is always in the right place.

We both knew we werent talking about Jaden. Hmm, maybe he can use that excuse in the future when hes being an idiot.

She laughed. Probably not a good idea. Then she sighed and added, Youre the best thing in my life, Sebastian. Im so lucky to have you.

This was getting way too heavy for me, so I quirked my brow at her, still as confused as ever. Yeah, thats what all the girls say, Ma.

Aspen picked me up since we both worked the same s.h.i.+ft that night. It was weird, the erratic thump of my pulse like I was nervous to be around her or something. Sebastian Hawkins didnt get nervous around girls. It made me feel like a fish out of water. No, that was kind of a lame a.n.a.logy. A fish out of water probably felt as though it was dying and I didnt feel that. My palms were sweaty, my heart beating like a drum, my muscles all twitchy as if I was jacked up on five triple shots of espresso.

Hey, you okay over there? she touched my leg with those new, s.h.i.+ny nails I was still unused to. I looked over at her, in her matching DJs polo s.h.i.+rt and smiled. Well, I tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace. Youre being weird and you look like youre going to puke. She swatted me. Oh my G.o.d, Sebastian, are you on something?

Yeah, the crazy train because I think I might be in love with you. h.e.l.l no. You know I paid attention to all those, this is your brain. This is your brain on drugs, lessons in health. I dont mess with that s.h.i.+t.

She shrugged. I know, but, I dont know. Things have been different lately. I just wanted to be sure youre still the same old Sebastian I know and love.

I love you, too. What the h.e.l.l was wrong with me? Someone needed to shoot me before I could fully morph into some s...o...b..ring lovesick puppy. Nah, Im the same. Youre the same. Nothings changed. Except nothing was the same. Everything was different.

Aspen laughed and little tremors went off inside me. Her laugh made me want to do it, too. She was quiet for a minute before she sighed. Its inevitable, you know. Things change.

Not us. I didnt want lose her. That was my biggest fear. So many people came in and out of my life. Besides my mom, Jaden, Pris, and Aspen had been the only one who stayed. Youll always be my little hippie, Woodstock. My fingers itched to reach out and grab her. To do the hand holding thing I swore I would never do.

A smile tilted her lips. Except, Im not a hippie. You know that.

She was right. Shed never been quite as bad as her parents. When I realized she didnt argue with the part where I said she was mine, I fell back into the seat, and relaxed for the first time since getting in the car. I know. Youre just you. Thats what makes you so d.a.m.n cool. I mean, Sebastian Hawkins isnt best friends with just anyone. And she was one of the cool girls. The one I told PA most guys dont notice. I hadnt. Not until recently at least.

Aspen laughed again. No one makes me laugh like you. Things have been kind of screwy with me lately. I still feel bad about bailing on you. Want to hang out after work tonight? Unless youre going out or something.

My stomach got all heavy. This was the perfect chance to test my hypotheses. For the first time in my life I was excited about a science experiment. For you, Woodstock, my schedule is completely open. Now, I only had to hope once I had my answer, Id know what to do about it.

Im going to run home and get cleaned up and Ill be back over, I told Aspen when we pulled into her driveway at about 11:30 that night.

Can you use my window? I dont want my parents to know youre over so late.

I groaned. Just sneak me in. All the lights are already off, so you know theyre in bed. Yeah, I know I was being lazy, but the whole window thing was lame. Plus, heights were kind of scary.

Even in the blackness of the night, I could still see the Aspen scowl on her face. I faltered for a minute, almost telling her Id climb the stupid side of her house, but I was tired after a long day of making pizza so, instead, I just said, Please?

She stomped her foot. Fine. Youre so spoiled, Bastian. Ill be at my door in fifteen minutes. If youre not there, youre not coming in. She stormed away before I could reply. With an extra bounce in my step (yes, Im fully aware at how stupid that sounds), I ran to my house and let myself in. I took another speed shower, got dressed and then knocked lightly on my moms bedroom door. The light s.h.i.+ned from under her door so I knew she was awake. Probably reading one of those puke-worthy romance books she liked.

Come in, she called out. I pushed the door open enough just to stick my head inside. Sure enough she was curled up in her bed with a book that had a guy on the cover with longer hair than her.

Im going to go over to Aspens to watch a movie. Ill be back late. Mom was pretty lenient, but more so when it came to Aspen. I had a curfew just like the next guy, and if I told her I was going to any other girls house to watch a movie at midnight Id get a big h.e.l.l no. But because it was Woodstock, I got a smile.

Have fun. Tell her I said hi.

Thanks, Ma. I jogged over to the bed, gave her a hug and then bailed. I knew Aspen well enough to know if I wasnt at her door when she got there, she wouldnt give me another chance. I liked that about her.

As soon as I stepped up to the porch, the door slid open slowly. I took off my shoes and left them on the porch, sneaking upstairs in my socks. The cool thing was, her parents had done some remodeling a few years back and their room was downstairs on the other end of the house. We were pretty safe up here as long as we were quiet.

What do you want to watch? She asked. For the first time since I got inside, I really looked at her. Shed taken a shower, too, because her hair was wet, tied in some kind of bun thing on top of her head. Her contacts were out and a pair of wire-rimmed gla.s.ses sat on her nose. She wore a pair of black pajama pants with a purple tank-top.

And, holy s.h.i.+t, did I want to touch her. I wanted to trace the strap of her s.h.i.+rt over her shoulder and down her back. Her skin looked so smooth, so creamy that I almost needed to touch it just to make sure it was real. I wanted my tongue in that little hollow spot at the base of her throat and, for the first time, I wondered what she tasted like. What it would be like to kiss Woodstock. Woodstock!

She shouldnt look so good, all dressed for comfort, but she did. Way better than Alex in her skimpy skirts or Abby and Crystal had at the party.

I jumped like a little girl when she clapped in front of my face. h.e.l.lo? Are you tired or something? You were totally s.p.a.cing off for a minute there.

I shook my head. Im cool, I said, trying to play it off when really I was anything but cool right now. She shouldnt look so hot at this moment, but she did. Is this what love was? Thinking a girl looked beautiful in her pajamas and gla.s.ses? Gla.s.ses that I was probably one of the only guys shed let see her wearing? Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

Soooo? What movie did you want to watch? she asked, her hands on her hips.

Um, as long as its not a romance, Im game. I sat on her bed, my back against the headboard. I had enough to worry about in my own life to contemplate a happily ever after for two bad actors on a movie screen.

Comedy?

Yep. I took a few deep breaths, trying to clear my head.

She put on some Will Ferrell movie and sat next to me on her bed. Wed done this a million times, leaned against this same headboard, our arms touching as we watched a movie, but it felt different. My skin tingled a little where she touched me. I was totally aware of that one spot more than Id been aware of anything in my whole life. I didnt know if I wanted the feeling to go away or to feel it forever.

So I never said thanks for the other night. She dropped her head onto my shoulder. G.o.d, I dont know what got into me. I was kind of nervous about something. I must have looked like such an idiot.

I put my arm around her. Aw, dont worry about it. Weve all gotten drunk and puked on a friend before. I think its like a teenage rite of pa.s.sage or something.

Her voice was soft when she spoke again. Yeah, but I was going into a room with a guy I didnt even know, Bastian. What would have happened if you werent there?

I pulled her a little closer, trying to tell her that I would always be there. I hated it when girls got upset, especially Aspen and all I wanted to do was make it better. But I was. Thats the whole point of the PPP. We watch out for each other.

She started picking at the peeled lettering on the old t-s.h.i.+rt I wore. When she found a stubborn piece, she pushed and her hand ended up touching my stomach through my s.h.i.+rt and I hissed, like Id never been touched by a girl before. You mean you watch out for us. Youre always taking care of people and I dont even think you realize it. Me, Jaden, Pris. Even though I didnt really believe a word she said, I let her keep going, enjoying what she said too much. Do you think any other guy our age would have held my hair while I puked after ruining their favorite s.h.i.+rt? Carried their stupid, drunk friend up to their room and let them pa.s.s out in their bed while they slept in a chair? Nope. Just you.

You might not think that if you knew I was. .h.i.tting on a twin when you almost disappeared with that guy. I could have very easily screwed up and not been there when you needed me. I couldnt help it. Her skin was calling me too much. I was a guy and she was a girl and that d.a.m.n magnetic pull made me do it, but I rubbed my hand over her bare shoulder. I did it soft, the way girls liked, whispering my fingers around the skin Id been admiring. G.o.d she felt good. Why didnt other girls feel like this?

But you still came. You bailed on that girl and found me when I needed you. You, she poked my side. It was such a friend move that I wanted to groan. Here I was savoring the feel of her and she was poking me. Nice. When did I turn into that guy? Sebastian Hawkins, you are a caretaker. Youll never admit it, because youre too busy trying to be Mr. Ladies Man, but you take care of people. Your mom me And there went the mood killer. Pfft. I pulled away from her. I do a pretty s.h.i.+tty job of taking care of my mom, Woodstock. Youve seen her tears almost as much as me and now she has this new guy. I went out for lunch with them that day we were supposed to meet, and he was good. Played the perfect guy and even told me he wanted to marry her, but I dont even know if I can trust him. The floodgates were open and even though Id regret this, I couldnt stop. I kind of do, ya know? I think I want that normal life with two parents at home; but what if I do and he hurts her? Im sick of not being able to protect her.

Aspen moved closer to me. We were facing each other now, her legs crossed in those stupid, s.e.xy pajama bottoms. Shes your mom, Bastian. Its not your job to take care of her and no matter if you trust the guy or not, shes the only one who can make her own decisions. And theres nothing wrong with wanting normal. You deserve it. You may be c.o.c.ky and arrogant, she grabbed my hand. But you deserve to have what you want. You deserve everything.

I wondered if she would still think that if she knew what I wanted was her. I tried to smile at her, before I eased back. I nodded my head and she settled in beside me again to watch the movie.

Chapter Nine.

The rest of the week went by in a blur. DJ had taken me up on my offer and Id had to work every day straight until Friday came along. Lame. But at least I knew Id have some extra cash flow when I got back, since Id pulled some from my stash for the weekend. According to Pris, the house we had would be stocked with food, but I figured thered be some stuff wed want to do while we were there.

Speaking of cash, I took a quick break from my packing to pull up my Hook-up Doctor account. PA still hadnt been in contact with me. I was a little worried. Hopefully she hadnt had any problems and things were still on track. That fifty bucks would come in handy after this trip. Plus, I kind of hoped things turned out for her. Love was in the air and all that s.h.i.+t.

Because Id decided thats what this was. I was in love. It kind of freaked me the h.e.l.l out, but what could I do? Besides figure out my next step, which I needed to be doing. Did I want to believe Mom and go with all that fate and believing c.r.a.p, or did I want to pretend Id never taken a ride on the crazy train and try going back to the way things were? When I didnt think about kissing and touching Aspen every two seconds?

But then, I wasnt even sure I could do that.

When I saw one new message in my email folder, I clicked the little icon.

Hook-up Doctor, Can you tell Ive been avoiding you? I screwed up. Big time.

d.a.m.n, I mumbled. Id been afraid of this.

I thought I had a game plan in mind. When I got there, we talked a bit, but then went our separate ways. Then I saw him talking to another girl and I got kind of b.u.mmed out. I know its stupid, hes a guy and it was a party, but I lost my nerve. I figured if I drank a little bit, that might help me loosen up Which totally isnt like me. Unfortunately, I got a little too loose.

My body shot forward in the chair, like getting closer to the screen would make me read the message faster. I didnt know what it was, but something about this note felt familiar to me.

I got wasted. Like, way drunker than Ive ever been. It was a mess. I flirted with the wrong guy, almost ended up locked in a room with him, puked, ruined a lucky s.h.i.+rt and had to get carried out of the party by my best friend!

My heart was thundering like crazy now. Was this what I thought it was? My leg bounced uncontrollably as I scrolled down.

I dont think puke is a real s.e.xy look for a girl. I totally blew it. Its stuff like this that totally keeps you in the friend territory! Im the girl who tried to be someone she wasnt, fell on her face and now, instead of noticing when I wear a really cute tank top and paint my nails, Ill be the funny one who vomited all over a party.

Holy s.h.i.+t! I jumped out of my chair. PA was Aspen. It had to be. The parties were the same night, she puked, got carried, ruined my lucky s.h.i.+rt. It all started making sense. All the little pieces of the pretty obvious puzzle I should have figured out much sooner started to fit together. I told PA to be extra nice to the guy and Aspen brought me job hunting. I told her to ignore him and she blew me off at the arcade. We talked at the party, separated and then I started talking with Crystal. She talked to the guy, saw me with a girl, and then got trashed.

No freaking way. I ran a hand through my hair, all of a sudden feeling much better about this love thing than I had a few minutes ago.

The different clothes, the nails, the hair, all of it had been because she liked me. I was the chump! Okay, so it didnt sound as good when I said it that way, but we were friends. Shed said that in the beginning. That I liked girls who wore s.h.i.+rts too small and, well, not that I was real proud to admit it, but I guess Alex proved that theory, but h.e.l.l, she wanted me.

She wanted me.

Aspen wanted me. I fell back into the chair, my head resting against the back. Suddenly, it was just excitement surging inside me. For some reason, it was a whole lot easier to accept it when I just wanted her, but knowing she felt the same made it real. What if she wanted to be my girlfriend? Considering she came to me"The Hook-up Doctor"to get together with, well, me, I was pretty sure thats exactly what she wanted.

Id never done the girlfriend thing. h.e.l.l, I made fun of guys who did it at my age. But then, this was Aspen and Id just realized I loved her, so that should change things, right? Just five minutes ago, I hadnt been sure I wanted to go there, though. Id never forgive myself if I did to her what countless guys had done to my mom.

Leaning forward, I started reading again.

How do I come back from this? Is it possible? And I cant believe Im going to admit this to you, but since I dont know you, I figure its okay. What if I start to have second thoughts?

No! My stomach dropped. Dont have second thoughts! What did I do? d.a.m.n, girls were confusing. I thought I had them figured out, but I was wrong. Three lines ago she liked me and now she wasnt sure!

Have you ever had girls contact you who thought they wanted one thing, but then kind of wondered about another? G.o.d, Im such a mess! Ignore that second thoughts part. I just need your help. I can pay you overtime or whatever since Im the one who screwed this up so badly. What should I do?

PA Rocks P.S. Another what if. What should the girl do it he still doesnt seem interested?

I was definitely interested.

Even though I was practically shaking in my Vans, this changed everything. I was the freakin Hook-up Doctor. Didnt I tell girls to decide who they were and stick with it? Well, it was time I decided who I was.

Flashes from the other night popped into my head: how her skin felt beneath mine while I touched her, talked to her. The protective rush Id felt when that jacka.s.s tried to take her into the room. The cinnamon scent and the way I loved how she looked all curled up in my bed. The rush I felt just hanging out with her. Id never run in my whole life and sure didnt plan to start now.

Id prove to her she wasnt stuck in the friend territory. That, even when she fell on her face, Id pick her up again and she didnt have to be anyone other than Woodstock for me. Mom would be proud. When it came to Aspen, Id put every one of those cheesy romance books she read to shame. Watch out, world. The Hook-up Doctor was in love.

It was freaky how once you realized you loved someone, and they felt the same way about you, they could look different, yet the same; how they felt familiar, but not. As Aspen slept on my shoulder during the hour and a half drive to the beach, I realized a couple things. First, this whole love thing was confusing as h.e.l.l. How did something look different, but still the same? It didnt make any sense at all. Yet that was exactly how it felt. Good, but weird.

Second, Aspen really was one of the most gorgeous girls Id ever seen. Id apparently been pretty blind the past seventeen years, because she blew everyone else out of the water. She didnt even need the s.h.i.+ny nails or the tear drop necklace. She was perfect on her own.

And third, I was the biggest sap I knew.

I was imagining our weekend in my head. It wasnt frolicking through fields or anything, but pretty d.a.m.n close. If Jaden could read my thoughts, Id be done for. Like never coming back into my manhood, because of all the cheese-ball thoughts going through my head.

I cant wait to get there. Your parents seriously rock, Pris. Jaden looked over at her from the pa.s.senger seat. Puke-girl ruined our last epic weekend, so were going to have to make up for it this time. Out of town girls are always hot.

Is that all you think about? You drive me nuts. Pris narrowed her eyes at him before turning to look at the road again.