Rebel Walking: Fighting The Odds Part 7

"Then why do you stay here?"

"Sometimes you have to deal with the s.h.i.+t before you can deal with s.h.i.+t." I don't expect her to understand my cryptic response. Her inquisitive expression verifies that she doesn't get it, but I can see her wheels turning as she tries to process.

"How do you feel about a long ride down the coast?" I f.u.c.king love her smile. Seeing her happy is something I need to make a daily mission until she leaves.

"That sounds perfect!"

Kimber The air in my face is exactly what I need. I can't imagine a more perfect evening, my arms wrapped around Luke making me feel safe, riding down the coast smelling the ocean and feeling the change in the air as we drive.

We drive for what feels like an hour and I love every minute of it. It's odd how I'm so close to him, yet it feels like I'm completely free of everything in the world as he drives us down the road. I shouldn't feel like this with him. He makes me forget everything bad in my life. I get lost with him and it's refres.h.i.+ng to get pulled away from everything horrible I know. He turns me on, but I can't forget I've lost a baby that I wanted to be my world.

My eyes never leave the view of the ocean on the right. He turns into an entrance for one of the beaches and I notice there aren't any other people in sight.

He continues to drive past the parking lot and onto a walking trail surrounded by rocks on each side. He parks the bike so that we're facing the ocean and we both remain on the seat.

"What do ya think?"

"It's beautiful. I love coming to the ocean. I had no idea this little area was back here."

"Yeah. I found it out of curiosity one night pa.s.sing through." There's limited view on either side from here, but the sight as we face the ocean is amazing. The sun is just about to hit the horizon, so I step off the back of the bike to make sure I can see everything.

"Where are you going?"

"I want to make sure I can see the sunset. It's been forever since I've watched the sun go down."

"Here, sit here." He slides back on the seat to make room for me in front of him and his arms come around me to surround me with tattoos. Feeling him wrapped around me is a change from me holding him and it does something to me immediately. How long has it been since a man just held me like this?

"I always forget how breathtaking this view is. It's something that I will never get tired of."

"I've never watched the sun set over the ocean. This will be a first for me." His voice is even deeper than usual this close to my ear.

"Thanks for bringing me out here, Luke. I really needed to get away from everything and this is perfect."

"The sun hasn't even set yet."

"It doesn't have to. The ride over here was enough. I'm going to have to buy myself a motorcycle." His laughter spills into my ears and I can feel his body move until he stops laughing.

"You on a bike?"

"What's so d.a.m.ned funny?"

"Oh nothing. You just shocked me."

"I could own a bike."

"Yes you could. What kind of bike would you get?" His question just reminds me that I don't know anything about motorcycles and I should probably not pretend with him.

"I'll have to do research. I'm not sure what fit I like yet." He begins to move his hands over my legs. The feel of his hard chest at my back and his denim covered thighs against my a.s.s and outer legs makes me feel so safe. I could get used to this.

His hands slide over my thighs and he continues to rub his palms on my jeans just lightly enough to let me know he's moving around. Thoughts of earlier today rush through my mind and my body reacts even more with his touch.

I feel my body relaxing against him as we sit watching the water while his hands continue to roam over my body. The silence between us doesn't feel the slightest bit uncomfortable and it's probably the most peaceful my mind has been in ages.

"This is so peaceful."

The pressure from his thumbs when they slide up and down my legs is sending a feeling of hunger throughout my body. I want him more with each pa.s.sing moment and the beautiful view isn't helping me block out how perfect this is. It's too perfect. I don't get moments like this.

He moves his right hand up my body and over my chest, never losing contact. His hand stops at my chin and he uses the side of his index finger to guide my chin so that I look over at him. This closeness is so raw and deeply emotional, it's hard to look at him this close. I fight the urge to look away and watch his eyes.

His lips meet mine, he kisses me so gently and I realize right then that the moment just got more perfect. How did we get to this? How in the world did this man get to me so quickly? All the way to me. He's creeping in to parts of my body that I don't want to let anyone in. My plan is to leave, not fall for someone here and break my heart when I leave.

The kiss is short lived since I pull back and face the ocean. Guilt of how I feel washes over me. I shouldn't want him like I do. It's like I'm running into the arms of another man, but in reality he's the first real man I've known. He knows how to treat someone. This is new for me and trying to fight this attraction is hard. I want to feel the way he makes me feel. He doesn't try to move me again. We watch the sun set completely in silence.

Luke I'm not sure why I felt the urge to kiss her just now. I just felt like it needed to happen right then. This tug and pull between us is going to get to us sooner rather than later. I can't keep this up much longer. My d.i.c.k says go.... my heart says no.... my mind is just f.u.c.king confused and freezes up when I think about it.

The drive back to the apartment is uneventful and I try to just enjoy the road. Focusing on not focusing on her t.i.ts on my back and her arms around my waist. I really need to get laid, this is f.u.c.king ridiculous.

Could I be more off and on? One minute I'm so f.u.c.king h.o.r.n.y, the next I'm thinking too much and my mind locks up on me. Kimber is so different than what I'm usually attracted to. Of course she isn't Lilly, though.

It's not fair that I keep thinking of her and it's definitely not right that I've been comparing her to Kimber in my mind. Am I comparing the two, or trying to justify my feelings for Kimber? I'm not sure. s.h.i.+t.

My mind is such a cl.u.s.terf.u.c.k and I'm about to pull Kimber right into the pits of my h.e.l.l.

I'm over one night stands. I'm over f.u.c.king them and leaving. I'm over mindless s.e.x just to get off. I want it to mean something and the bad part is that it will with Kimber. How can I want it to mean something, but not want to feel emotions? f.u.c.k my life.

She means a lot to me. I can't stand seeing her hurt, which is exactly why I need to be straight with her. There's a piece of my heart that I'll never have to give her. Lilly will always have it.

I open the door to the apartment just as I decide it's time to do what I've needed to do for six months. It's time to play her guitar and quit hiding from the pain.

I took each day for granted. I took her for granted. Not an hour goes by that she isn't consuming my thoughts. How can I move on when a part of me died with her in that car?

Remembering her as she took her last breath, I wipe away the emotions before they have a chance to escape. As I continue to strum the strings on her guitar, even more memories flow through my head. The pain hurts so much and I can't bring myself to continue like this.

I put her guitar back in the spot it's been for six months, in the corner of my room. There's only one place I can think to escape.

I've come to the conclusion that Lilly will forever be a part of me. Tonight I'll make it permanent.

"I need to run and errand. I'll be back in a few hours."

I can't take her with me for this. I need to do this by myself and she'll be safe here in my apartment.

Lilly flies free now, just like a Free Bird. The pain from the needle leaving an ink trail will take my mind off of the pain in my heart, even if it's only a temporary relief.

I've done research on tattoo artists. This guy can pull off the color I need so that it blends with my other tattoos. Lilly had a tattoo on her side that I loved to kiss. The heart made from a treble clef and base clef proved her love of music. That love of music was the reason I fell in love with her. She had the same pa.s.sion for it as I do and very few people can match that. She would get lost in it and I would watch her like I was stuck in a trance.

She was my Free Bird. On stage she let herself go and expressed every emotion in her being.

I park the bike out front of 23rd Street Tattoo Shop and meet another tattoo covered male at the door.

"What can I help you with, Man?"

"I need a tattoo tonight."

"I'm about to close up, what do you have in mind?"

Here it goes. Here goes me talking about Lilly.

"I need a colorful bird tattooed on my side and on that bird I need a small tattoo on its side." His business look of acceptance is promising and I watch him as he draws up the perfect image within a few minutes.

Her heart was the only thing that had to be perfect. His artistic and creative personality had no issues coming up with the exact tattoo I need.

"So you love music?"

"Yeah. You could say that." The pain of the needle begins and it's in that moment I know I needed this. She'll be a part of me permanently and will never be forgotten. Anyone who wants to be in my life will have to accept that. I have so many tattoos anyway, this will just be one that actually means something to me.

"Who's your bird?" There it is. The question that I've avoided for too long now.

"Her name was Lilly."

"I'm sorry, Man."

"Yeah, me too." He continues the tattoo for hours. The conversation was easy and about everything and at the same time nothing that mattered.

His final wipe of the ink and the mirror to show it off verified how perfect it is.

"Good luck, Man. I hope to see you back on that Rebel Walking state soon." His words surprise me. I didn't expect anyone to recognize me. I've managed this long with success.

"How did you know?"

"You can't hide with those tattoos. I've always had mad respect for your art work. I knew who you were the second you hit the door."

"Well, thanks. How much do I owe you?"

"Not a penny. It was an honor."

Kimber He just left. He didn't say where he was going. I'm worried about him, he's been gone for hours. He looked deeply upset when he walked out.

I've tried to go to sleep, but I can't seem to shut my mind off. I've managed to toss and turn until the sheet is wrapped all around me. Dammit.

He walks in just as I stand up to fix the bed. His eyes meet mine and I don't know what to think.

"You okay?" He keeps walking until he's face to face with me. He's close enough to touch. I could sway forward an inch and be up against his chest. Close, but so far away by the look in his face.

I run my hands up his arms before I notice the wrap on his side. h.e.l.l, it didn't even register that his s.h.i.+rt is off with all the deep emotions across his face.

"What happened?" He looks down and takes a deep breath. Something terrible happened.

"Kimber, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm f.u.c.king lost out of my mind. I never want to hurt you, yet I keep f.u.c.king playing games with you."

"Luke, I don't understand..." He interrupts me.

"I know you don't. s.h.i.+t, I don't either." He turns to walk away form me and I don't know whether to follow him, slide into bed and cover my head, or walk out of the apartment to keep from hearing him break me.

Tears begin to fall. f.u.c.king tears. I manage to keep them silent even though I want to scream so loud. He turns to see my face and stops himself before he says something.

He walks back to me, thumbs on my face drying my tears as he kisses me. His lips are soft around his facial hair. His tongue gentle and caressing my own.

"Her name was Lilly. I loved her. She was everything to me and I let her die. She died in my f.u.c.king arms before I could tell her that I love her. I can't give you my heart, because she has what didn't break into a million pieces when she died." Oh my G.o.d. The pain on his face as he tells me about her makes my gut ache. I want to fix him, but heartache like this can't be fixed.

I wrap my arms around his waist and hold him. My head on his chest, his arms wrapped around me, and we just hold each other through his tears. Tears I'm sure he's needed to shed for months now.

"I'm so sorry, Luke." We stay frozen in time in each others arms for what feels like an hour.

"I am too." He pulls away from me and walks to the corner. He picks up the same guitar he was playing earlier and begins playing one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.

He is very good at playing the guitar. I watch him as he plays non stop through probably twenty songs. Some of them slow, others fast and I can see his emotions change as the music does. It's as if he's telling me a story through his music.

I watch in amazement until he stops. He stands to place the guitar back in it's spot and walks over to the bed to stand over me.

His arms move to the bed around me and he leans over my body until I fall back on the bed. His lips crash into mine, his hips land between mine, his hands move through my hair with desperation. His kiss turns carnal and hungry and I let him be exactly how he needs to be. He needs this.

He rips my s.h.i.+rt open, and fills his hands with my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, kissing, licking, biting all over and sending shrills across my skin.

"Kimber, I need you. I need this, but I need you to know that I'm thinking about her and I f.u.c.king know that's wrong." That should p.i.s.s me off, but it doesn't. It's obvious that he's dying inside.

"It's okay, Luke. Let me be here for you." That's all he needed. He stands beside the bed, drops his jeans and his huge c.o.c.k falls from its restrains. He wasn't wearing underwear. He reaches for my shorts, sliding them down my legs before he throws them to the floor. The sound of foil unwrapping the condom and him edging onto the bed are the only sounds I hear over the beat of my heart.

His mouth lands between my legs and his hands land on my thighs. He spreads my legs apart and moves in even further. His hands move to my a.s.s cheeks and he lifts me to his face.

My eyes slam shut when he uses his tongue to lick me entirely, not stopping when he reaches my c.l.i.t. That f.u.c.king tongue. I start to rotate my hips up and down as he devours me, putting pressure in so many places. So f.u.c.king good.

His teeth tug on my c.l.i.t just in time for me to feel it before the o.r.g.a.s.m takes over my body.

The effects of my o.r.g.a.s.m aren't even over before he's posed at my entrance aiming right for me.

His eyes meet mine again just as he leans over me and s.h.i.+fts forward. All logic and concept rush from my mind.

"Oh G.o.d." He's so big. I'm not sure if he'll rip me in half or if it's just a stretch of having the biggest c.o.c.k in me that I've ever seen that's causing me to burn.

"f.u.c.k. Kimber, I'm sorry." He pulls out and slows down, entering me slowly and fully this time. His eyes roll shut the deeper he gets and he doesn't pull back until he's let me adjust to his size.

The delicious feel of his slow withdraw makes me want to beg him to hurry. I can feel a ridge when he enters me, even through the condom. He has a p.e.n.i.s piercing, there's no doubt about it.

"Oh... you feel so good." His thrusts remain slow and steady. The force of them driving me toward the edge of the side of the bed and to the edge of my sanity at the same time. Once my head reaches the edge, he starts driving into me even faster.

"Your t.i.ts are gorgeous. Pull off your bra, I want to watch them as I f.u.c.k you." I'd do anything for this man right now. I'm completely at his mercy. My bra falls from my fingers and he leans into me, puts his hands on my shoulders from underneath and thrusts in and out of me until he's moaning from his own o.r.g.a.s.m. I can't help but follow just from the sound of him as he released everything into that moment.

He's out of breath and literally collapses onto me. I just hold him, like I know he needs. Could the two of us be more broken? Maybe together we can piece enough of our hearts to at least make one.