Distractions. Part 10

"Okay, enough, girl, save some for me." He raised his eyebrows up and down while giving me a wink.

Penny panted happily and circled the back seat before finding a comfortable place to lie down. The sky was pitch-black with no moon haze from city lights. We headed out towards the canyon and off onto a dirt road. Within a half hour, we arrived at the spot he had designated for our evening.

"Come on," he said, opening his door. He reached over and opened Penny's door. "Ladies first," he said, rubbing her back as she leaped down, all while looking at me.

I popped open my door and stepped around to the tailgate which he was bringing down. A tarp covered something large in the back, but I did not think to ask what it was. The light in the cab was bright enough to see there were two large plastic tubs and a cooler. Hopping up in the back, he reached down for my hand to pull me up.

"You can help, you know."

I sneered back, "I don't even know what we're doing out here. You could be burying me for all I know."

Bringing his hand up to his chin, scratching pensively, he said, "I hadn't thought of that. I could always change my plans, you know." I reached down and pulled a lid off of one of the tubs and smacked him on the leg with it. "Gawd, you are a violent woman. I might have to kill you before you kill me first."

He gently rubbed the side of his leg, on which I barely used any force.

"Ok, enough playing pansy. What do you need me to do?" I placed my hand on my hip in expectation of direction.

"Here, unroll these foam pads and put the sleeping bags on them. Can you do that? Will it be too difficult? Are you gonna break a nail or some s.h.i.+t?"

I couldn't hide the face I made, even in the dark. He howled loudly at my reaction, grabbing his gut and falling forward. I snapped the tub away from him and proceeded to setup the back of the truck. He took the second tub and pulled out a few pillows and a blanket for Penny. I sat on one of the sleeping bags, watching as he settled. He had a little battery powered lantern he turned on before switching off the light in the cab.

"What are we doing?" I asked curiously.

"Hungry?" he replied while pulling a few sandwiches and sports drinks from the cooler.

"Oh my, yes, please!" I reached for the food in his hands, which he snapped back and brought close to his chest.

"Say it again, like you just did".

"Give me my effing food before I hurt you!" I raised up on both knees.

Pretending to cower in the corner, he averted his eyes. "Please don't hurt me."

As he held the sandwich up as a form of surrender, I s.n.a.t.c.hed it from his grasp and quickly removed the baggie.

"We have to work on your anger issues, girl."

I glared over bites of my peanut b.u.t.ter and jelly at him.

"I'm only like this with you," I replied through mouthfuls of food.

"Oh and such a lady, too," he quipped as I was happily chomping.

I stopped chewing and took a deep gulp of my drink. I set down my sandwich and slowly backed up against the side of the bed on the wheel well. He was wearing me down. I got grief from everyone. I knew he was kidding, but it was starting to feel like it wasn't a joke anymore. I dished it out harder than I took it. He took the remaining half of my sandwich and wrapped it up, then placed it back in the cooler. He stood up and pulled my hand so that I was standing with him. He turned around to crouch for a second; I did not realize there was a small radio in the corner. He hit play on the cd and the music started. He pulled me close into a hug, then started to sway. The familiar guitar strings played and then I heard the deep voice of Johnny Cash come out of the speakers He held me tight as the song played. I closed my eyes, trying to mentally record the memory for later use. I took note of the way the air felt, how he smelled, his breathing as my head rested on his chest. I could feel the rapid beating of his heart as we moved in the night, side to side.

"We didn't get to go to prom, so I brought prom to you," he said quietly in my ear.

My spirit burst with joy at the thoughtful gesture. "I look terrible!" I laughed.

"No, you don't. You look beautiful, like you always do. You don't need a fancy dress; it would have ended up on the floor that night anyways."

I couldn't help but throw my head back in exasperation.

"Always ready to ruin a perfectly good moment aren't you," I sighed.

"Ahh, it's okay, you haven't even seen the best part. It's time!" He broke away and encouraged me to sit down with my back between his legs so I could lie against him. The evening sky was breathtaking. It appeared as though the Creator took a hand full of diamonds and sprinkled them on black velvet. There were so many, you could almost make out the belt of the Milky Way. Every constellation was twinkling brightly. As I took in the expanse in wonder, I saw it. First there were a few, and then all of a sudden, the sky burst with streaks of silver across the horizon. It was a meteor shower! A big one!

I squealed with excitement and snuggled further into his chest. His hands tightened around my waist, pulling me close. I stopped for just a moment to notice our breathing had fallen into alignment. I rubbed the top of his hands gently as we gazed into the night. The celestial dance lasted for over an hour before trickling back to calm skies. Never before had I seen so many stars shoot across my plane of view. I flipped around to a heavily lidded boy, who was taking me in with complete contentment.

"Did I do good?" he asked, genuinely seeking approval.

I rolled around and leaned close to his face. Lightly kissing him on the lips for the first time in months, I was unsure if I should. He hadn't made one move on me since he picked me up this morning. He reached his hands into my hair, pulling me closer and deepening the kiss. Breaking just for a moment, I looked into his eyes.

"You did amazing," I breathed against his mouth.

With a quick movement, he flipped me beneath him. His hand caressed my cheek as he stared at me.

"What?" I asked, wondering what he could be thinking.

He gently kissed me again. "I missed you so much, my heart hurt. Right now, it doesn't. It feels good."

He was very quiet, savoring the moment.

"Yes, it does," I replied.

He rolled off to the side, pulling me close so that my head was resting under his chin. He tugged the other sleeping bag over to cover us, then tapped the top for Penny to come lay down. She crawled on the other side, spooning me in warmth. My hands rested under her soft ears, scratching lightly. She backed her head into me, encouraging more affection.

"Penny missed you, too," he said while rubbing my arms.

Within moments the deepest slumber enveloped us all, under heavenly skies which were looking down at us. All was well, for now...

Chapter 19 - Wake-up Call.

I started having one of those dreams where the subjects have taken on the voices of sounds happening in your waking life. Coming out of the dream from the day at the bridge, I remained suspended between both worlds. My consciousness became aware of the ten day weather forecast.

"It looks like more snow is headed our way this morning, but Chinook winds will transform this winter wonderland into something more like a balmy spring day. Temperatures will be in the mid-sixties over the next two days, so get out there and enjoy it, folks."

The smell of coffee and bacon brought me to the full realization I was no longer sleeping. The anchorman was now talking about the upcoming Bronco's game this afternoon. I lay still, pretending not to be awake, yet, slowly absorbing everything around me. Overwhelmed by the realization of current circ.u.mstances, tears pooled in the corner of my eyes before running out and down my cheeks. The sob in my gut refused to remain subdued, climbing out of it with ferocity. I grabbed the sides of the pillow and flipped onto my stomach, forcing my face deep into the mattress to release a m.u.f.fled scream.

A set of warm hands gently touched my shoulders, testing my reaction to their presence. Every muscle in my body became rigid, attempting to force the agony from its fibers. It was the feeling of wanting to crawl out of your skin because you are crying so hard it hurts.

"Breathe, Violet, breathe..." I was starting to hyperventilate when I felt Connor slide his arms around me and grip firmly. One hand gently wiped the hair away from my drenched forehead as he whispered calmly, "Breathe, shh...it's going to be okay, I'm here."

The anger resurfaced at his coddling actions. "I'm not a child, get off me!" I wrestled against him out of his strong grip that loosened immediately. Making my way to the edge of the bed, the pain in between my legs reminded me of why he was here. I rubbed the now fading marks on my wrist gently and closed my eyes to focus on making sense of something, anything. I allowed the rush of anger to roll over me and away. I swung my legs back up on the bed and gently maneuvered onto my side to face him. Appearing pensive, he was waiting for me to speak. I couldn't see how I could be any more vulnerable than in this moment, but rather than fighting, I let go.

"I'm sorry, Connor." More tears began to pour the longer I looked at his face. Letting myself finally take him in, the walls began to crumble. Every good and bad memory ran like a film in fast forward through my mind. He reached his hand slowly over to my face, cradling the side, and rubbed his thumb under my puffy eyes. I reached up to match his motions, running my fingers along his eyebrows and jawbones. Pinching his chin and pulling down slightly to create a movement in his bottom lip, I used my silliest puppet voice, "It's okay, Violet, I know you are crazy."

A brilliant smile lit up his face before furrowing his brows at me. "You are not crazy, just lost right now." He kissed my hand that rested on his cheek after speaking the words that finally allowed in some light.

Rising up off the bed, Connor walked to a tray sitting on the dresser where I could see a carafe of orange juice and a silver pot holding coffee.

"You need food, coffee and two of these." He tossed a small white bottle of ibuprofen at me, which I did not hesitate to open and swallowed two.

I crawled off the bed to see what he had ordered from room service. There was toast, bacon, oatmeal and a fruit plate. Normally, I don't eat much after a night of binge drinking, but my body reminded me I had physically pushed myself beyond a normal cardio session. I poured a cup of black coffee and picked up a piece of bacon to nosh on as I wandered over to the window. I had requested a view of the large pond and Cheyenne Mountain, and I could see the Will Rodgers Shrine from here, as well ducks following the visiting children who were feeding them pieces of bread. I turned around to Connor who was sitting in the armchair, holding his steaming cup with both hands. Wearing only his boxers, my eyes drifted towards the deep wound on his shoulder, then reflexively reached up to my own battle scar.

"So what all did I tell you last night?" Part of me was curious, the other part horrified at what I could have revealed.

He joined me next to the window and looked out for a moment before answering me. "I know why you're here, and I'm sorry." Pausing for a moment, a smile crept over his face. "I also know you haven't been with anyone in a really long time, but you still have an IUD." He chuckled at that last part.

I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. "Oh, and what else?"

His expression mirrored the fact I was on the brink of falling apart again. I watched as he set his coffee cup down on the ledge and took mine as well. His eyes became hyper focused looking down at me while his fingers combed through my hair, holding my head in place. His facial stubble rubbed roughly against my cheeks, gliding across as his lips made their way to my ear. A s.h.i.+ver ran down my spine at how my body obediently reacted to his touch.

"I know how much you still love me buried deep inside of you."

He pulled me close to him as his teeth and tongue gently explored the outer sh.e.l.l of my ear, tugging on the bottom lobe. I laced my fingers behind his neck to prevent from melting into the floor. Breaking the embrace just long enough to look into my eyes, seeking confirmation I was okay, he smiled before cras.h.i.+ng into my lips. "Mmm, you taste like bacon..." I laughed. "Well, baby, since you love pig so much, how about some breakfast sausage?"

Jumping up to wrap my legs around his waist, he carried me back to the bed, setting me down gently on my back. Unlacing the robe belt with his teeth, I continued to giggle at his enthusiasm. I stopped with a gasp when I felt his tongue run up the swollen heat between my thighs; I grabbed the sheets beneath me, trying not to clamp my legs around his head. His expert fingers found the sensitive pink bud that seemed to control every nerve in my body, yet I decided to be selfish and forced myself not to come too quickly.

Two fingers slipped inside of me, finding the soft pad of flesh that governed another set of nerve endings. You would swear he paid extra attention in anatomy cla.s.s with the way he manipulated my body. A few minutes later, my back arched quickly off the bed and began wiggling around to get away from the exquisite torture. Both of his hands grabbed my hips to pull me closer, not backing down and ensuring every part of me was going to be spent. My hands grabbed fistfuls of hair and pulled hard, demanding him to stop. As he slowly rose, kissing my stomach and chest on a leisure return to my lips, I whined quietly, "Please."

Languid motions of his tongue circled my jaw and neck. Pressing his length against me forced my hips up in hunger.

"I'm in no hurry. I have dreamed of this many times; I plan on enjoying every moment, Vy." I began to softly protest as he painfully dragged himself back and forth, smiling down at me with a deviant glimmer in his eyes. He knew he was driving me crazy; he wanted me writhing beneath him, begging to stroke his ego. I could play this game, too. I went limp below him, turning my head to the side, looking uninterested, searching the room for something else to focus my attention on. My breathing became level, my skin unresponsive to his touch. Knowing I was playing a game, too, his mouth found my nipple and bit down aggressively, yet, still he did not elicit a response. He climbed off me and pulled his boxers back on as I remained unmoved.

"Ha-ha, I won," I chimed in victory.

He quickly turned and pounced on me, hiking my legs above his shoulders. "Oh really, did you now?" he replied sarcastically while pulling down his boxers and entering me with one swift, deep thrust, causing me to cry out loudly. "Was this a contest?" He leaned down further, pressing my legs against my chest, almost curling me into a ball.

My mouth dropped open as I turned my face to the side, processing the feeling of him inside me so deeply. Small moans purred out of me with every movement of his hips. This was new; this was different. Never before did I ever crave the feeling of being devoured completely by another person. This was how I felt a wholly consumed. His lips feverishly found mine, reading my thoughts. I ran my hands along his back, dragging my nails lightly. Gripping the backs of his thighs tightly, I encouraged him forward, giving me something other than darkness to share this moment with.

"Why do you have that grin all of a sudden?" Connor asked.

I paused for a moment, remembering every chromatic moment. "I dreamed about us this morning."

Lifting his brows, he smiled. "Oh yeah?"

Shaking my head at the fact that his mind instantly went dirty, I elaborated. "No, the day at the bridge, and that night. It was as if I was reliving it. We were supposed to be married by now, and you were going to build me a little house. I had forgotten all about it." The memory also made me incredibly sad, looking at him now, forcing me to turn my head back to the window.

Tracing my shoulder with his fingertips, he quietly said, "It's not too late, you know."

Chapter 20 - Coming Clean.

"I want you to stay with me while you're here."

His eyes searched while I contemplated the request. I watched the corners of his mouth form a frown when I did not answer right away.

"I don't think that's a good idea for several reasons."

Connor blew out an exasperated breath. If these past few hours showed me anything, my reluctance was entertaining. "Get it out, Vy. I know it's killing you. I can see it all over your face."

His casualty of this subject unnerved me. Watching him place his arms behind his head and look at me impatiently caused an internal switch to flip. I would have liked to blame my response on the remaining alcohol in my system, but honestly, it was the anger resurfacing. I felt my fingers curl into a fist before I was able to stop it from making contact with Connor's nose. Blood started to pour immediately as he jumped out of the bed, backing away from me.

"What the h.e.l.l is wrong with you?"

He stormed off into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I could hear the obscenities as they repeated through the sound of running water. My hand started to pulse, so I tried gently shaking it to relieve some of the pain. Looking back on to the bed, I saw the new crimson splatters mingled with the stains from last night. I now had an excuse to avoid an excessive cleaning charge. b.l.o.o.d.y noses were extremely messy; I could blame it on the dry winter air.

I tried detaching myself in order to calm down, but I knew it was just a brief moment. The second he opened the door, I would be smack dab in the face of a fight. I heard the k.n.o.b twist and mentally prepared my attack. The adrenaline coursing through my veins came to an abrupt halt at the sight of the man in the doorway. There was no reb.u.t.tal waiting. He leaned against the door with his shoulder, holding a cloth to his face with his eyes closed, just silent. Moments pa.s.sed before either of us spoke.

"I deserved that," he said.

I remained tight-lipped, unsure how to react. The beating in my heart began to slow down. I took a deep breath; it was now or never. I had buried this secret so deep, it was as if it never happened. But that was a lie I have been reminded of every twenty-eight days -- the moment I first see the tinges of blood on the paper along with the cramping of my stomach. My hands had unconsciously moved over my abdomen while I collected my thoughts. Connor still remained quiet.

"I made it to St. Louis before I realized something was wrong and the withdrawal kicked in. I landed in the ER alone with a one hundred four degree temperature and a wicked case of Syphilis, thanks to your cheating a.s.s! They told me if the baby survived, that it most likely would have issues."

Connor looked over me in disbelief with rounded eyes as they moved to my stomach before traveling back to my gaze. I slowly shook my head.

"I was pregnant when I left. They offered to take it, so I consented."

I closed my eyes tightly as the words I hoped never to speak came out. My hands were shaking as I turned my back to him and started to pack my suitcase. I had to get out of here, away from him, away from everything. My whole body started to tremble as the breakdown commenced. I felt the wailing coming from the deepest parts of my soul, demanding absolution.

As my knees started to give way, Connor pulled me tightly to his chest while sinking to the ground behind me. He held tight with a vice grip, doing his best to restrain my thras.h.i.+ng body. I wanted to fight, and run, and die at the same time. It seemed like forever pa.s.sed while I simply laid there weeping. His fingers gently traced my hairline and rubbed my arms for comfort.

I was empty. The carpet might as well have been cold hard stone, because this felt like bottom. I heard noises that were almost words, but could not be fully distinguished in my grief. It sounded like someone yelling at the end of a tunnel, the echoes coming in fragments. Connor rolled me onto my back and leaned over me, kissing my forehead. As he pulled back, I could see the splotchy redness on his cheeks. His eyes were puffy and damp.

"I'm sorry, I am so sorry," he choked out.

I simply turned to roll away from him. He should have been sorry long before now. He pulled me back once again and kissed me deeply. He leaned away only enough to rest against my forehead. His eyes closed as he spoke softly.

"I wasn't there for you then, and I can't change that. Please, Violet...please, for the love of G.o.d, let me be here now."

I felt the warm tears pour down the sides of my face as his dripped down onto my nose.