Doctor Who_ The Myth Makers Part 11

'So I did I mean, so it was,' said Steven, 'and then we all went on to Diana's Grove, afterwards; and you told everybody's fortune, I remember. What a night that was! All came true, too!

Goodness knows how you did it.'

'Just a knack!' said Vicki, modestly.

'Sorcery!' snarled Ca.s.sandra, reverting to her main thesis.

'Quite so,' said Priam. 'Well, whether it's sorcery, or palmistry, or tea-leaves, or just time-travelling, or whatever it is, we could use some of it right now. So, if you are who you say you are, Cressida, now's your chance to prove it: you must either give me information which will lead us to a speedy victory or, if you prefer it, you can use your supernatural powers to turn the tide of battle in our favour. It's entirely up to you.'

'I'll do what I can, of course,' said Vicki, 'but you must promise not to harm Diomede.'

'I suppose that could be arranged or, at any rate, postponed. Tell you what I'll do: I'll give you a whole day to come up with something. How about that?'

'Well I'll try,' said Vicki, doubtfully, 'but it's not very long.

What happens if I can't?'

Ca.s.sandra knew the answer to that one. 'You will be burnt, as a sorceress, a false prophet, and a spy!'

'Well, as one of them, anyway,' conceded Priam, reasonably, 'we don't want to overdo things. And now, unless Paris has any objections, of course, I think you should both be taken away!'

'No, I must say, I think that's very fair,' said Paris, honour being satisfied. 'I'm sure you'll find the dungeons quite comfortable, Diomede. I often spend a quiet hour or two down there myself, when I want to get away from things. Yes, Cressida you're bound to find them the perfect place for thinking.'

So off they were taken to the dungeons. And there, presumably, they still were.

21.

Dungeon Party Well, I was pleased to know they were still alive, of course; but I can't say I liked the way things were shaping one little bit. You see, even if it were possible to get word through to Vicki that the Doctor's fortunes were riding on a horse, so to speak thus enabling her to warn Priam, and do herself a bit of good thereby, think what that that would do to the Doctor! He was going to be inside the infernal machine, if you remember; so that if the Trojans decided to burn it whoops! And if they just decided to leave the thing where it was, looking foolish, or dance round it jeering, then Odysseus was going to be extremely cross at the farcical failure of the plan; and I had every reason to know what he was like in that mood! I wouldn't wish to be cooped up with him in a horse's stomach under those circ.u.mstances, thank you! would do to the Doctor! He was going to be inside the infernal machine, if you remember; so that if the Trojans decided to burn it whoops! And if they just decided to leave the thing where it was, looking foolish, or dance round it jeering, then Odysseus was going to be extremely cross at the farcical failure of the plan; and I had every reason to know what he was like in that mood! I wouldn't wish to be cooped up with him in a horse's stomach under those circ.u.mstances, thank you!

So either way the Doctor was for it, it seemed to me.

But if I didn't do anything anything, then the first thing the Trojans would do, once they realized they'd been tricked, would be to get their revenge on Vicki and Steven, because she hadn't hadn't warned them. Never let surface charm fool you they weren't as decadent as all that, believe me! So it was all very difficult, as you will appreciate. warned them. Never let surface charm fool you they weren't as decadent as all that, believe me! So it was all very difficult, as you will appreciate.

I couldn't help wis.h.i.+ng I hadn't got myself involved in the first place. Zeus knows, it was nothing whatever to do with me; and I must say, the thought of Hesperides grew more attractive by the minute. But it was too late for that now. Here I was, a one-eyed poet, in rough country with lions, no doubt, about not to mention blood-crazed myth makers and the only person at all likely to help me was the ineffable Paris, confound him!

Although why why he should bother, I was unable to say: unless he thought he recognized a kindred spirit, who hated the war as much as he did? Yes, I take the 'confound him!' back. Because, at all events, he had bandaged my face with some sort of soothing herbs he'd found, and been generally pleasant; so I thought I'd better stick with him at least until I saw my way clear to hopping over the horizon, under my own power. he should bother, I was unable to say: unless he thought he recognized a kindred spirit, who hated the war as much as he did? Yes, I take the 'confound him!' back. Because, at all events, he had bandaged my face with some sort of soothing herbs he'd found, and been generally pleasant; so I thought I'd better stick with him at least until I saw my way clear to hopping over the horizon, under my own power.

And what was he on about now? Oh, my name? Yes, of course and quite reasonable, really. But I've always found it a very good rule to be a bit cautious about handing out the label unless unavoidable which is why, I'm told, to this day, n.o.body is entirely convinced that Homer ever existed so I temporized, as they say. But the only thought which came to me, being rather below par at the time, was what Odysseus had called me, shortly after the operation. So, 'Cyclops,' I said. 'As you observe, one of the t.i.tans.'

Well, he laughed a good deal at that; having had a cla.s.sical education, and being anxious to prove it, as one always is. 'Oh, that's very good,' he said. 'Cyclops, the one-eyed couldn't be better! Well, my little Cyclops, my tiny t.i.tan, I think you'd better come back to Troy, and get that wound properly seen to, before you start to fester.'

Just what I wanted, of course; so I went along with that, all right. And then a nerve-sc.r.a.ping thought struck me: 'You don't mean by Ca.s.sandra, do you? Because if so, I'd really rather not: I'd sooner just decompose quietly where I am, if it's all the same to you.'

Paris flinched in turn. 'Great Heavens, no! Wouldn't trust her to so much as put a snail on a wart! No tell you what that other young sorceress what's her name? Cressida, that's it!

She'll have you fixed up in no time.'

I couldn't believe my luck or have agreed more! So off I went, with a comparatively high heart, prepared to give Fate another of my helping hands.

As officer commanding, Paris had no difficulty in getting us down into the labyrinthine catacombs below the city. Not the place I'd have chosen for a convalescent home, left to myself: our guttering, bat-attracting torches, showed only too clearly that several previous patients hadn't come out of it too well. Now they stood skeletally in their recesses, grinning at nothing particularly funny for the rest of eternity: my friend's ancestors, no doubt. Pleased to meet them.

Here and there we pa.s.sed a guard, who'd been given the crypt concession to serve him right for something or other. And I noticed that, although saluting in a friendly enough way, they did did seem rather surprised to see us. And then I realized that of course! Paris was supposed to be out and about on his Achilles blood-feud business and seem rather surprised to see us. And then I realized that of course! Paris was supposed to be out and about on his Achilles blood-feud business and that's that's why he was so ready to help me: anything at all to postpone the fatal encounter! So I needn't flatter myself that he enjoyed my conversation or company all that much. Which was something of a relief because it meant I needn't feel all that indebted to him: and to be going on with, I had quite enough people to try and help out of a mess, without worrying about what was likely to happen to Paris if the Doctor's plan worked. No he'd just have to take his chance with the rest of them, and the very best of luck! why he was so ready to help me: anything at all to postpone the fatal encounter! So I needn't flatter myself that he enjoyed my conversation or company all that much. Which was something of a relief because it meant I needn't feel all that indebted to him: and to be going on with, I had quite enough people to try and help out of a mess, without worrying about what was likely to happen to Paris if the Doctor's plan worked. No he'd just have to take his chance with the rest of them, and the very best of luck!

We eventually found Steven and Vicki in adjacent cells with communicating grating; through which, as we arrived, they were swapping a certain amount of vitriolic back-chat, about whose fault it was they were so situated. Tactless of them, under the circ.u.mstances; but fortunately Paris was preoccupied with trying to find the right key, and didn't hear half of it.

'I know quite well how to look after myself,' Vicki was saying, 'there was no need at all for you to come galloping to the rescue! Who do you think you are the American cavalry?'

I must say, I didn't quite follow that, myself. However, I can only report what I heard.

'All right,' said Steven wearily. 'As long as you're quite sure you've got the message.'

'What message? What are you on about now?'

'I just want you to realize that you've been given exactly one day to find a way of defeating the Greeks.'

'I'm quite aware of that, thank you!'

'Good. And I hope you're also aware that, twenty-four hours ago, the Doctor was given exactly two two days to find a way of defeating the Trojans. Got that, have you?' days to find a way of defeating the Trojans. Got that, have you?'

'I'm not a complete fool!'

'Good, again. Because in that case we can leave all the armies and generals and heroes out of the equation, can't we?

All we have to remember is that you and the Doctor have got all of today to defeat each other! Happy about it, are you?

Confident?'

'Oh, Steven! No I hadn't hadn't looked at it quite like that. Me having to beat the Doctor! Golly Moses!' looked at it quite like that. Me having to beat the Doctor! Golly Moses!'

'That's very quick of you, Cressida,' said Paris, getting the door open at last. 'Yes, I'm afraid you have to be the doctor. I say, you really can can read the future, can't you? Well done! Yes, I've brought you a patient,' and he ushered me into the cell. I'm afraid the poor fellow's had his eye gouged out so do what you can for him, will you?' read the future, can't you? Well done! Yes, I've brought you a patient,' and he ushered me into the cell. I'm afraid the poor fellow's had his eye gouged out so do what you can for him, will you?'

Vicki went pale because I'm sure I wasn't a sight calculated to amuse and entertain. 'But I don't know anything about -' she was beginning, when I contrived to wink with my remaining eye not as easy as you might think and the bright girl took the hint. 'I'll be glad to help if I can,' she said, and fainted. Very Very helpful. helpful.

Well, we brought her round without too much trouble; and I was able to take her place on the improvised operating table a sort of ornamental rack, I think it was.

'Good then,' said Paris, 'I'll leave you to it. If you think he needs an anaesthetic, you can dot him one with that old mace there.' I was rapidly going off him! 'I'll pop in later, and see how you are. Chin up, Suns.h.i.+ne!' And off he toddled.

22.

Hull Low, Young Lovers To her evident relief, I dissuaded Vicki from attempting any miracles of modern surgery: so she did a little rudimentary face-mopping and brow-soothing; and, oh yes, she made me a rather sinister eye-patch out of something or other. And then I gave them the glad tidings about the wooden horse. It didn't cheer them up any.

'But when I suggested that to him yesterday,' said Steven so he'd he'd suggested it now? 'the Doctor said it wouldn't work!' suggested it now? 'the Doctor said it wouldn't work!'

'Well, now he's been converted,' I said, 'thinks it's the greatest idea since Prometheus invented external combustion!

Mind you,' I admitted, 'that's only since he decided man wasn't meant to fly otherwise we'd have been up to here by now in giant paper darts!'

I explained about that; and, for the first time, Vicki perked up a bit. 'He's gone gaga thats what it is!' she squeaked. If that's his form at the moment, Steven, I'm not so worried about the compet.i.tion. I'm bound to come up with something at least marginally better than that, I should think.'

'Such as?' he enquired, sourly.

'Well, give me time I'll get there.'

'As long as you let me know when you have, so that I can work out a way of stopping you. Don't be fatuous, Vicki: if you win, then the Doctor's for the high jump!'

'And if he wins, we are yes, I keep forgetting. Oh dear, isn't it all complicated?'

'Very,' he gloomed. There was a long silence, to which I contributed as heartily as anyone. I did wonder whether to cheer them up by telling them about Odysseus' plan for do-it-yourself loot, rape, and pillage but decided against it. No point in piling what'sit on thingummy, is there?

But after a while there was an interruption provided by young Troilus, in a state of ill-concealed seething jealousy. Well, if it wasn't one prince, it was another.

Steven tactfully removed himself from the grating, where for the last half-hour he'd been doing his impression of 'The Thinker' and, personally, I pretended to be unconscious. I'd got quite enough to worry about, without getting involved in a teenage tiff!

Before getting down to the main business of the day, Troilus asked who I was.

'Oh, n.o.body of any importance,' explained Vicki, 'it's just someone who's lost an eye.'

'And you're helping him look for it, I suppose? Really, Cressida how many men do do you want in your life?' you want in your life?'

She flew at him as well she might. I wasn't likely contender in 'The most eligible bachelor' stakes, at the time... 'I've been nursing him, that's all! I suppose you wouldn't understand about a thing like that, you great musclebound oaf? What do you mean, how many men?'

'Well, what about this Diomede, then? I tell you here and now, I didn't believe a word of that story about meeting him at the Olympic Games. Diana's Grove, indeed! What do you take me for?'

She froze. 'I prefer not to take you at all: but if I have to, it's as a silly little jealous boy, with tantrums! It so happens that Diomede is a very dear friend of mine!'

'A friend? And is that all?'

'All? I suppose you couldn't understand about friends.h.i.+p, would you? Oh no, it's all soppy love and kisses with you, isn't it?'

'As a matter of fact...'

'Well, you needn't bother!'

'Very well then, I won't!'

And lots more to the same effect. Really! At a time like this!

'He's in the next cell, I suppose?'

'And what if he is?'

'It just seems very convenient, that's all!'

'Convenient for what?'

'Friends.h.i.+p so you say!'

'Oh, of course it is,' said Vicki. 'The wall's only about three feet thick. Just the thing for playing noughts and crosses on. We do that a lot!'

'I suppose you're going to say now, you don't use the executioner's hatch?'

'The executioner's what? I don't think I know that game.'

'Stop pretending! It's right under your nose, here.' And Troilus swivelled a pivotted stone slab. 'It's the way the headsman comes in at night. If we get a lot of difficult prisoners who look as if they're going to make a fuss, he goes from cell to cell, and kills them while they're asleep. Saves a lot of trouble. I know about it, because father used to send us to play down here, when we were boys. Look, your other friend's got his head on the block now.'

I sat up instantly. Not a pleasant thought.

'Well,' continued Troilus, 'aren't you going to come in, Diomede? I mean, don't let me stop you. I'd hate to think I was in the way...

And so Steven crawled through the hatch, and joined the company looking rather foolish. Well, I suppose we all did: the opening was obvious enough, now it had been pointed out.