Games People Play Part 6

a.n.a.lYSIS.

Thesis: See if you can present a solution I can't find fault with.

Aim: Rea.s.surance.

Roles: Helpless person, Advisers.

Dynamics: Surrender conflict (oral).

Examples: (1) Yes, but I can't do my homework now because ... (2) Helpless wife.

Social Paradigm: Adult-Adult.

Adult: 'What do you do if ...'

Adult: 'Why don't you ...'

Adult: 'Yes, but ...'

Psychological Paradigm: Parent-Child.

Parent: 'I can make you grateful for my help.'

Child: 'Go ahead and try.'

Moves: (1) Problem-Solution. (2) Objection-Solution. (3) Objection-Disconcertion.

Advantages: (1) Internal Psychological rea.s.surance. (2) External Psychological avoids surrender. (3) Internal Social YDYB, Parental role. (4) External Social YDYB, Child role. (5) Biological rational discussion. (6) Existential Everybody wants to dominate me.

REFERENCES.

1. von Chamisso, Adelbert, Peter Schlemiel, Calder, 1957.

2. de k.o.c.k, Paul. One of the most popular works of this nineteenth-century librettist and novelist is A Good-Natured Fellow, about a man who gives away too much.

9 s.e.xual Games SOME games are played to exploit or fight off s.e.xual impulses These are all, in effect, perversions of the s.e.xual instincts in which the satisfaction is displaced from the s.e.xual act to the crucial transactions which const.i.tute the payoff of the game. This cannot always be demonstrated convincingly, because such games are usually played in privacy, so that clinical information about them has to be obtained secondhand, and the informant's bias cannot always be satisfactorily evaluated. The psychiatric conception of h.o.m.os.e.xuality, for example, is heavily skewed, because the more aggressive and successful 'players' do not often come for psychiatric treatment, and the available material mostly concerns the pa.s.sive partners.

The games included here are: 'Let's You and Him Fight', 'Perversion', 'Rapo', 'Stocking Game' and 'Uproar'. In most cases the agent is a woman. This is because the hard forms of s.e.xual games in which the man is the agent verge on or const.i.tute criminality, and properly belong in the Underworld section. On the other side, s.e.xual games and marital games overlap, but the ones described here are readily available to unmarried people as well as to spouses.

1 LET'S YOU AND HIM FIGHT

Thesis. This may be a manoeuvre, a ritual or a game. In each case the psychology is essentially feminine. Because of its dramatic qualities, LYAHF is the basis of much of the world's literature, both good and bad.

1. As a manoeuvre it is romantic. The woman manoeuvres or challenges two men into fighting, with the implication or promise that she will surrender herself to the winner. After the compet.i.tion is decided, she fulfils her bargain. This is an honest transaction, and the presumption is that she and her mate live happily ever after.

2. As a ritual, it tends to be tragic. Custom demands that the two men fight for her, even if she does not want them to, and even if she has already made her choice. If the wrong man wins, she must nevertheless take him. In this case it is society and not the woman who sets up LYAHF. If she is unwilling, the transaction is an honest one. If she is unwilling or disappointed, the outcome may offer her considerable scope for playing games, such as 'Let's Pull A Fast One on Joey'.

3. As a game it is comic. The woman sets up the compet.i.tion, and while the two men are fighting, she decamps with a third. The internal and external psychological advantages for her and her mate are derived from the position that honest compet.i.tion is for suckers, and the comic story they have lived through forms the basis for the internal and external social advantages.

2 PERVERSION.

Thesis. Heteros.e.xual perversions such as fetis.h.i.+sm, sadism and masochism are symptomatic of a confused Child and are treated accordingly. Their transactional aspects, however, as manifested in actual s.e.xual situations, can be dealt with by means of game a.n.a.lysis. This may lead to social control, so that even if the warped s.e.xual impulses remain unchanged, they are neutralized as far as actual indulgence is concerned.

People who are suffering from mild s.a.d.i.s.tic or m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tic distortions tend to take a primitive kind of 'Mental Health' position. They feel that they are strongly s.e.xed, and that prolonged abstinence will lead to serious consequences. Neither of these conclusions is necessarily true, but they form the basis for a game of 'Wooden Leg' with the plea: 'What do you expect from someone as strongly s.e.xed as I am?'

Ant.i.thesis. To extend ordinary courtesy to oneself and one's partner; that is, to refrain from verbal or physical flagellation and confine oneself to more conventional forms of coitus. If White is a true pervert, this will lay bare the second element of the game, which is often clearly expressed in his dreams: that coitus itself has little interest for him, and that his real satisfaction is derived from the humiliating foreplay. This is something that he may not have cared to admit to himself. But it will now become clear to him that his complaint is: 'After all this work, I have to have intercourse, yet!' At this point the position is much more favourable for specific psychotherapy, and much of the pleading and evasiveness has been nullified. This applies to ordinary 's.e.xual psychopaths' as seen in practice, and not to malignant schizophrenic or criminal perversions, nor to those who confine their s.e.xual activities to fantasy.

The game of 'h.o.m.os.e.xuality' has become elaborated into a subculture in many countries, just as it is ritualized in others. Many of the disabilities which result from h.o.m.os.e.xuality arise from making it into a game. The provocative behaviour which gives rise to 'Cops and Robbers', 'Why Does This Always Happen to Us', 'It's the Society We Live In', 'All Great Men Were' and so forth, is often amenable to social control, which reduces the handicaps to a minimum. The 'professional h.o.m.os.e.xual' wastes a large amount of time and energy which could be applied to other ends. a.n.a.lysis of his games may help him establish a quiet menage which will leave him free to enjoy the benefits that bourgeois society offers, instead of devoting himself to playing his own variation of 'Ain't It Awful'.

3 RAPO.

Thesis. This is a game played between a man and a woman which might more politely be called, in the milder forms at least, 'Kiss Off' or 'Indignation'. It may be played with varying degrees of intensity.

1. First-Degree 'Rapo', or 'Kiss Off', is popular at social gatherings and consists essentially of mild flirtation. White signals that she is available and gets her pleasure from the man's pursuit. As soon as he has committed himself, the game is over. If she is polite, she may say quite frankly 'I appreciate your compliments and thank you very much', and move on to the next conquest. If she is less generous, she may simply leave him. A skilful player can make this game last for a long time at a large social gathering by moving around frequently, so that the man has to carry out complicated manoeuvres in order to follow her without being too obvious.

2. In Second-Degree 'Rapo', or 'Indignation', White gets only secondary satisfaction from Black's advances. Her primary gratification comes from rejecting him, so that this game is also colloquially known as 'Buzz Off, Buster'. She leads Black into a much more serious commitment than the mild flirtation of First-Degree 'Rapo' and enjoys watching his discomfiture when she repulses him. Black, of course, is not as helpless as he seems, and may have gone to considerable trouble to get himself involved. Usually he is playing some variation of 'Kick Me'.

3. Third-Degree 'Rapo' is a vicious game which ends in murder, suicide or the courtroom. Here White leads Black into compromising physical contact and then claims that he has made a criminal a.s.sault or has done her irreparable damage. In its most cynical form White may actually allow him to complete the s.e.xual act so that she gets that enjoyment before confronting him. The confrontation may be immediate, as in the illegitimate cry of rape, or it may be long delayed, as in suicide or homicide following a prolonged love affair. If she chooses to play it as a criminal a.s.sault, she may have no difficulty in finding mercenary or morbidly interested allies, such as the press, the police, counsellors and relatives. Sometimes, however, these outsiders may cynically turn on her, so that she loses the initiative and becomes a tool in their games.

In some cases outsiders perform a different function. They force the game on an unwilling White because they want to play 'Let's You and Him Fight'. They put her in such a position that in order to save her face or her reputation she has to cry rape. This is particularly apt to happen with girls under the legal age of consent; they may be quite willing to continue a liaison, but because it is discovered or made an issue of, they feel constrained to turn the romance into a game of Third-Degree 'Rapo'.

In one well-known situation, the wary Joseph refused to be inveigled into a game of 'Rapo', whereupon Potiphar's wife made the cla.s.sical switch into 'Let's You and Him Fight', an excellent example of the way a hard player reacts to ant.i.thesis, and of the dangers that beset people who refuse to play games. These two games are combined in the well-known 'Badger Game', in which the woman seduces Black and then cries rape, at which point her husband takes charge and abuses Black for purposes of blackmail.

One of the most unfortunate and acute forms of Third-Degree 'Rapo' occurs relatively frequently between h.o.m.os.e.xual strangers, who in a matter of an hour or so may bring the game to a point of homicide. The cynical and criminal variations of this game contribute a large volume to sensational newspaper copy.

The childhood prototype of 'Rapo' is the same as that of 'Frigid Woman', in which the little girl induces the boy to humiliate himself or get dirty and then sneers at him, as cla.s.sically described by Maugham in Of Human Bondage and, as already noted, by d.i.c.kens in Great Expectations. This is Second Degree. A harder form, approaching Third Degree, may be played in tough neighbourhoods.

Ant.i.thesis. The man's ability to avoid becoming involved in this game or to keep it under control depends on his capacity to distinguish genuine expressions of feeling from moves in the game. If he is thus able to exert social control, he may obtain a great deal of pleasure from the mild flirtations of 'Kiss Off'. On the other hand it is difficult to conceive of a safe ant.i.thesis for the Potiphar's Wife manoeuvre, other than checking out before closing time with no forwarding address. In 1938 the writer met an ageing Joseph in Aleppo who had checked out of Constantinople thirty-two years previously, after one of the Sultan's ladies had cornered him during a business visit to the Yildiz harem. He had to abandon his shop, but took time to pick up his h.o.a.rd of gold francs, and had never returned.

Relatives. The male versions of 'Rapo' are notoriously found in commercial situations: 'Casting Couch' (and then she didn't get the part) and 'Cuddle Up' (and then she got fired).

a.n.a.lYSIS.

The following a.n.a.lysis refers to Third-Degree 'Rapo' because there the elements of the game are more dramatically ill.u.s.trated.

Aim: Malicious revenge.

Roles: Seductress, Wolf.

Dynamics (Third Degree): p.e.n.i.s envy, oral violence. 'Kiss Off' is phallic, while 'Indignation' has strong a.n.a.l elements.

Examples: (1) I'll tell on you, you dirty little boy. (2) Wronged woman.

Social Paradigm: Adult-Adult.

Adult (male): 'I'm sorry if I went further than you intended me to.'

Adult (female): 'You have violated me and must pay the full penalty.'

Psychological Paradigm: Child-Child.

Child (male): 'See how irresistible I am.'

Child (female): 'Now I've got you, you son of a b.i.t.c.h.'

Moves: (1) Female: seduction; Male: counter-seduction. (2) Female: surrender; Male: victory. (3) Female: confrontation; Male: collapse.

Advantages: (1) Internal Psychological expression of hatred and projection of guilt. (2) External Psychological avoidance of emotional s.e.xual intimacy. (3) Internal Social 'Now I've Got You, You Son of a b.i.t.c.h'. (4) External Social 'Ain't It Awful', 'Courtroom', 'Let's You and Him Fight'. (5) Biological s.e.xual and belligerent exchanges. (6) Existential I am blameless.

4 THE STOCKING GAME.

Thesis. This is a game of the 'Rapo' family; in it the most obvious characteristic is the exhibitionism, which is hysterical in nature. A woman comes into a strange group and after a very short time raises her leg, exposing herself in a provocative way, and remarks, 'Oh my, I have a run in my stocking.' This is calculated to arouse the men s.e.xually and to make the other women angry. Any confrontation of White is met, of course, with protestations of innocence or counter-accusations, hence the resemblance to cla.s.sical 'Rapo'. What is significant is White's lack of adaptation. She seldom waits to find out what kind of people she is dealing with or how to time her manoeuvre. Hence it stands out as inappropriate and affects her relations.h.i.+ps with her a.s.sociates. In spite of some superficial 'sophistication', she fails to understand what happens to her in life because her judgement of human nature is too cynical. The aim is to prove that other people have lascivious minds, and her Adult is conned by her Child and her Parent (usually a lascivious mother) into ignoring both her own provocativeness and the good sense of many of the people she meets. Thus the game tends to be self-destructive.

This is probably a phallic variant of a game whose content depends on the underlying disturbance. An 'oral' variant may be exhibited by women with deeper pathology and well-developed b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Such women often sit with their hands behind their heads so as to thrust their b.r.e.a.s.t.s forward; they may draw additional attention to them by remarking about their size or some pathology such as an operation or a lump. Some types of squirming probably const.i.tute an a.n.a.l variant. The implication of this game is that the woman is s.e.xually available. Thus it may be played in a more symbolic form by bereaved women who 'exhibit' their widowhood insincerely.

Ant.i.thesis. Along with the poor adaptation, these women show little tolerance for ant.i.thesis. If the game is ignored or countered by a sophisticated therapy group, for example, they may not return. Ant.i.thesis must be carefully distinguished in this game from reprisal, since the latter signifies that White has won. Women are more skilful at counter-moves in 'Stocking Game' than men, who indeed have little incentive to break up this game. Ant.i.thesis, therefore, is best left to the discretion of the other women present.

5 UPROAR.

Thesis. The cla.s.sical game is played between domineering fathers and teen-age daughters, where there is a s.e.xually inhibited mother. Father comes home from work and finds fault with daughter, who answers impudently, or daughter may make the first move by being impudent, whereupon father finds fault. Their voices rise, and the clash becomes more acute. The outcome depends on who has the initiative. There are three possibilities: (a) father retires to his bedroom and slams the door; (b) daughter retires to her bedroom and slams the door; (c) both retire to their respective bedrooms and slam the doors. In any case, the end of a game of 'Uproar' is marked by a slamming door. 'Uproar' offers a distressing but effective solution to the s.e.xual problems that arise between fathers and teen-age daughters in certain households. Often they can only live in the same house together if they are angry at each other, and the slamming doors emphasize for each of them the fact that they have separate bedrooms.

In degenerate households this game may be played in a sinister and repellent form in which father waits up for daughter whenever she goes out on a date, and examines her and her clothing carefully on her return to make sure that she has not had intercourse. The slightest suspicious circ.u.mstance may give rise to the most violent altercation, which may end with the daughter being expelled from the house in the middle of the night. In the long run nature will take its course if not that night then the next, or the one after. Then the father's suspicions are 'justified', as he makes plain to the mother, who has stood by 'helplessly' while all this went on.

In general, however, 'Uproar' may be played between any two people who are trying to avoid s.e.xual intimacy. For example, it is a common terminal phase of 'Frigid Woman'. It is relatively rare between teen-age boys and their female relatives, because it is easier for teen-age boys to escape from the house in the evening than for other members of the family. At an earlier age brothers and sisters can set up effective barriers and partial satisfactions through physical combat, a pattern which has various motivations at different ages, and which in America is a semi-ritualistic form of 'Uproar' sanctioned by television, pedagogic and pediatric authorities. In upper-cla.s.s England it is (or was) considered bad form, and the corresponding energies are channelled into the well-regulated 'Uproar' of the playing fields.

Ant.i.thesis. The game is not as distasteful to the father as he might like to think, and it is generally the daughter who makes the ant.i.thetical move through an early, often premature or forced marriage. If it is psychologically possible, the mother can make the ant.i.thetical move by relinquis.h.i.+ng her relative or absolute frigidity. The game may subside if the father finds an outside s.e.xual interest, but that may lead to other complications. In the case of married couples, the ant.i.theses are the same as for 'Frigid Woman' or 'Frigid Man'.

Under appropriate circ.u.mstances 'Uproar' leads quite naturally into 'Courtroom'.

10 Underworld Games WITH the infiltration of the 'helping' professions into the courts, probation departments and correctional facilities, and with the increasing sophistication of criminologists and law enforcement officers, those concerned should be aware of the more common games prevalent in the underworld, both in prison and out of it. These include 'Cops and Robbers', 'How Do You Get Out of Here' and 'Let's Pull a Fast One on Joey'.

1 COPS AND ROBBERS.

Thesis. Because many criminals are cop-haters, they seem to get as much satisfaction from outwitting the police as from their criminal gains, often more. Their crimes, at the Adult level, are games played for the material rewards, the take; but at the Child level it is the thrill of the chase: the getaway and the cool-off.

Curiously enough, the childhood prototype of 'Cops and Robbers' is not cops and robbers but hide-and-seek, in which the essential element is the chagrin at being found. Younger children readily betray this. If father finds them too easily, the chagrin is there without much fun. But father, if he is a good player, knows what to do: he holds off, whereupon the little boy gives him a clue by calling out, dropping something or banging. Thus he forces father to find him, but still shows chagrin; this time he has had more fun because of the increased suspense. If father gives up, the boy usually feels disappointed rather than victorious. Since the fun of being hidden was there, evidently that is not where the trouble lies. What he is disappointed about is not being caught. When his turn comes to hide, father knows he is not supposed to outwit the little boy for very long, just long enough to make it fun; and he is wise enough to look chagrined when he is caught. It soon becomes clear that being found is the necessary payoff.

Hence hide-and-seek is not a mere pastime but a true game. At the social level it is a battle of wits, and is most satisfying when the Adult of each player does his best; at the psychological level, however, it is set up like compulsive gambling, in which White's Adult has to lose in order for his Child to win. Not being caught is actually the ant.i.thesis. Among older children, one who finds an insoluble hiding place is regarded as not being a good sport, since he has spoiled the game. He has eliminated the Child element and turned the whole thing into an Adult procedure. He is no longer playing for fun. He is in the same cla.s.s as the owner of a casino, or some professional criminals, who are really out for money rather than sport.

There seem to be two distinctive types of habitual criminals: those who are in crime primarily for profit, and those who are in it primarily for the game with a large group in between who can handle it either way. The 'compulsive winner', the big moneymaker whose Child really does not want to be caught, rarely is, according to reports; he is an untouchable, for whom the fix is always in. The 'compulsive loser', on the other hand, who is playing 'Cops and Robbers' (C & R), seldom does very well financially. The exceptions to this often seem to be due to luck rather than skill; in the long run even the lucky ones usually end up as their Child requires, squawking rather than riding high.

The C & R player, with whom we are concerned here, in some ways resembles the Alcoholic. He can s.h.i.+ft roles from Robber to Cop and from Cop to Robber. In some cases he may play the Parental Cop during the day and the Child Robber after dark. There is a Cop in many Robbers, and a Robber in many Cops. If the criminal 'reforms', he may play the role of Rescuer, becoming a social worker or a mission worker; but the Rescuer is far less important in this game than in 'Alcoholic'. Ordinarily, however, the player's role as Robber is his destiny, and each has his own modus operandi for getting caught. He may make it tough or easy for the Cops.

The situation is similar with gamblers. At the social or sociological level a 'professional' gambler is one whose chief interest in life is gambling. But at the psychological level there are two different kinds of people who are professional gamblers. There are those who spend their time gaming, i.e., playing with Fate, in whom the strength of the Adult's desire to win is exceeded only by the strength of the Child's need to lose. Then there are those who run gambling houses and actually do earn a living, usually a very good one, by providing opportunities for gamesters to play; they themselves are not playing, and try to avoid playing, although occasionally under certain conditions they will indulge themselves and enjoy it, just as a straight criminal may occasionally play a game of C & R.

This throws light on why sociological and psychological studies of criminals have been generally ambiguous and unproductive: they are dealing with two different kinds of people who cannot be adequately differentiated in the ordinary theoretical or empirical frameworks. The same is true in studying gamblers. Transactional and game a.n.a.lyses offer an immediate solution for this. They remove the ambiguity by distinguis.h.i.+ng transactionally, below the social level, between 'players' and 'straight professionals'.

Let us now turn from this general thesis to consider specific examples. Some burglars do their jobs without any waste motion. The 'Cops and Robbers' burglar leaves his calling card in gratuitous acts of vandalism, such as spoiling valuable clothing with secretions and excretions. The straight bank robber, according to reports, takes every possible precaution to avoid violence; the C & R bank robber is only looking for an excuse to vent his anger. Like any professional, a straight criminal likes his jobs to be as clean as circ.u.mstances permit. The C & R criminal is compelled to blow off steam in the course of his work. The true professional is said never to operate until the fix is in; the player is willing to take on the law barehanded. Straight professionals are well aware, in their own way, of the game of C & R. If a gang member shows too much interest in the game, to the point of jeopardizing the job, and particularly if his need to be caught begins to show, they will take drastic measures to prevent a recurrence. Perhaps it is just because straight professionals are not playing C & R that they are so seldom caught, and hence so rarely studied sociologically, psychologically and psychiatrically; and this also applies to gamblers. Hence most of our clinical knowledge about criminals and gamblers refers to players rather than to straight professionals.

Kleptomaniacs (as opposed to professional shoplifters) are examples of how widely trivial C & R is played. It is probable that a very large percentage of Occidentals, at least, have played C & R in fantasy, and that is what sells newspapers in our half of the world. This fantasy frequently occurs in the form of dreaming up the 'perfect murder', which is playing the hardest possible game and completely outwitting the cops.