Say You're Sorry Part 32

"OK, I guess." Emily looks at her father. "Can we go? They have the letter."

The DCI hasn't finished. "When you planned to run away, what money did you have?"

"Tash had money."

"Where did she get it from?"

"She had a job."

"Was she selling drugs for her brother?"

Emily seems to hold her breath, as though the answer can be avoided as long as she doesn't exhale. She nods. Breathes. "It was just some pills and stuff."

"Where?"

"Parties. It's not like she was selling to pre-schoolers."

Phillip Martinez doesn't hide his disgust. "Don't try to defend her. It's wrong!"

Emily averts her gaze.

Her father stands. "I think she's said enough."

Drury pushes back. "She withheld important evidence from a police investigation."

"She made a mistake."

"She owed it to their families."

Emily blinks back tears, looking utterly miserable. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I thought they were in London."

Mr. Martinez gets to his feet. "We're leaving. Come on." He puts his arm around Emily's shoulders and she shrinks under his touch. Drury doesn't try to stop them.

Pausing at the door, Martinez turns to me. "That research study I mentioned. I checked with my colleague. There are still places. I could recommend you."

"Thank you," I say, embarra.s.sed that the offer is so public. "I'll look into it."

Drury leans forward in his chair, thumbs ma.s.saging his temples, a swarm of thoughts crowding together.

"Is it genuine?"

"Yes."

"So they were in London?"

"Not necessarily."

I study the letter again, looking at the syntax and sentence structure. I have no doubts about the handwriting, but the language lacks Piper's customary flourishes, her self-deprecating sense of humor, her fatalism or her swearing.

"I think the letter was dictated. Piper was told exactly what to write, giving away as little as possible."

"Why send a letter at all?"

"Let's a.s.sume it was sent in October, two months after the girls went missing. That's about the time the police were discounting the runaway theory. Maybe the kidnapper wanted to create more confusion."

"He expected the letter to surface."

"Wouldn't you?"

Drury stands and walks to the window, staring in dull bewilderment at the street below.

I still have questions. "How did Piper know that Emily was waiting at the station?"

"Emily could have been lying about having no other contact," he says.

"She seemed contrite. Frightened."

"So what's your theory?"

"There are three possibilities. Either someone saw her at the station or Emily told someone, or the kidnapper gained access to information that wasn't in the public domain."

"Vic McBain was at the cafe," says Drury. "I'm going to put him under surveillance."

"It could still be a coincidence."

"Yeah, well, you know what they say about coincidences... some of them take a lot of planning."

He didn't rape me.

I threw up again... all over his little dead animals. The roast chicken came out quicker than it went in.

George hit me across the face and I felt something warm dripping from my nose. Then he threw me back into my hole and took away the blankets.

He left behind a walkie-talkie, a green plastic thing with a small aerial and a b.u.t.ton on the side. It looks like something a child might play with.

"When you're nice to me you'll get your blankets back," he said, before closing the trapdoor and sliding something heavy on top of it.

I'm curled up on the bunk. Aching. My bones are sore and cold against the thin foam mattress. I finally drift off to sleep but wake in the middle of the night, feeling strange and sort of s.h.i.+very. Straight away I think of Tash. George said he was punis.h.i.+ng her. Does that mean she's in another room? Is she lying awake like me? Wondering.

I pick up the walkie-talkie and press the b.u.t.ton.

"h.e.l.lo? Can anyone hear me?"

Nothing.

"h.e.l.lo? Is anyone there?"

I jump when he answers. "Are you ready to be nice to me?"

I drop the walkie-talkie and it bounces off the cement floor. A small piece of plastic breaks off, but it's still working. George is talking, but I don't answer. Instead, I curl up on the bunk and put a pillow over my head. Eventually, he goes away.

I understand why Tash went up the ladder to be with George. She did it to protect me. She knew I was a virgin. Inexperienced. Naive. But each time she came back to the bas.e.m.e.nt, a little less of her climbed down the ladder. It's as though George took a piece of her as a souvenir or she left it upstairs.

Tash loved me. Not in the same way I loved her, but I don't care. I know what it's like to love someone and not be able to tell her because it will screw up the friends.h.i.+p; and having that person as a friend is better than losing her completely.

That's what it was like with Tash. At first I thought it was just a schoolgirl crush, a girl thing, you know, but then I realized it was something more. Tash was always trying to line me up with boys, but none of them interested me. I wanted to spend time with her.

Everybody fancied Tash: men and boys and grandfathers. The ones who asked Tash to babysit and offered to drive her home afterwards; the shopkeepers who hired her and the teachers who let her flirt with them. I caught my father sneaking glances at her. I used to stare at her too.

It was just a game for Tash. She flirted, preened and teased, raising expectations and crus.h.i.+ng them, inadvertently and on purpose. Expecting Tash to change was like telling the Pope to stop praying. She was full of contradictions-old before her time, young at heart, living on the edge.

She used to tell me that she'd stop when she reached the point of no return, which didn't make any sense to me. There's no stopping at the point of no return. You're over the edge. You're falling through the air. Gravity can't change its mind. Although I did once hear a story about a woman who jumped off the Clifton Suspension Bridge and her long skirt blew up and acted like a parachute. I remember thinking, Lucky cow, but she probably didn't see it the same way.

I've thought about suicide. Not so much killing myself but picturing everyone at my funeral-all the people who made my life so terrible. That seems childish now. My life wasn't so bad back then. Things are pretty relative when you're locked in a bas.e.m.e.nt.

There are worse things than dying. I saw Callum Loach come home from the hospital in his wheelchair. I have lived in this dark hole. I have watched my best friend wither and give up hope.

When Callum came home the ambulance had a little ramp at the back and his folks built more little ramps all over his house and changed the dining room into a bedroom so he didn't have to climb the stairs.

A whole lot of people were there to welcome him, but he looked embarra.s.sed rather than happy. He wanted to be left alone.

He was home in time to give evidence against Aiden Foster at the trial. Photographers took pictures of him arriving at the courthouse, dressed in a suit, being pushed by his father. He didn't have his prosthetic legs by then and his trouser legs flapped pointlessly where his legs used to be.

His father sat stony-faced in the public gallery. They could have invented that description for Mr. Loach: "stony-faced"-he could have been chiseled out of rock. He could have been on Mount Rushmore.

Aiden arrived wearing a suit and a haircut that made him look like a choirboy. He even had a side-parting. Instead of swaggering, he kept his head down and walked between his mum and dad.

Emily had to give evidence first. She was used to going to court because her parents were fighting for custody. I waited outside in the foyer, sitting next to my dad, who kept squeezing my hand, saying, "Just tell the truth. That's all they want."

They called me. The big door creaked open. I walked between the benches and the tables. Aiden was sitting in a box. I had to raise my right hand and swear on a Bible. Then one of the lawyers began asking me about that night and what I saw. I told them what happened.

Then Aiden Foster's lawyer asked me more questions. He wanted to know how much Tash had been drinking and what drugs she took. He made her sound like some drug kingpin; and whenever I tried to say something nice about her, his eyebrows were riding high like he didn't believe a word of it.

"Do you have a problem with telling the truth?" he asked.

"No."

"Well, just answer my question-yes or no."

"Not every answer is that simple," I said. "What about multiple choices?"

People laughed, but the barrister had forgotten how. He just showed his sharper teeth.

After the judge dismissed me, I got to sit in the courtroom and listen. Tash walked in like a movie star. When she got to the witness box she removed her sungla.s.ses and tugged down her dress as she crossed her legs.

Aiden Foster's barrister couldn't wait to get to his feet. Right through Tash's statement, he pulled faces and fidgeted, showing his frustration. When it was time for the cross-examination, he smirked and smarmed and slimed his way across the courtroom.

Every question seemed to have a double meaning. Whenever Tash tried to answer both possibilities, he would tell her, "Just yes or no, Miss McBain."

After a while she got confused, saying yes when she meant to say no. Once he found the slightest flaw, he wouldn't let it go. He would twist this big invisible knife inside her, occasionally glancing at the jury to make sure they were listening.

Aiden Foster wasn't on trial. It was Tash. Every word she spoke was skewed and stretched, giving it a different meaning. She grew angry. She swore. The judge told her to mind her language. The barrister smiled at the jury.

Before the misery ended, Tash was like a poor defenseless animal and the cross-examination was like a blood sport. n.o.body felt sorry for her except me.

People shouted as she left the old stone courthouse. They hurled abuse and spat at her, Aiden's friends and Callum's friends, united against a common enemy. They blamed Tash for everything that had happened.

Izzy Cruikshank tried to slap her, but a security guard pushed her away. Tash didn't react. Instead, she kept walking as though nothing was wrong.

Later that night, she knocked on my window.

"I'm leaving," she said.

"When?"

"Soon as."

"Where?"

"Anywhere."

They say when you're young you cry tears of pain and when you're older you cry tears of joy. That's why I want to grow up.

27.

Ruiz is waiting for me in the hotel lounge, having commandeered a table and armchair big enough to make him look small. He's spent the morning reading up on the original investigation, looking for patterns or disparate details.

"Eight thousand interviews, three thousand statements, more than a million hours of police work," he says. "I could spend the next ten years reading this stuff and miss the b.l.o.o.d.y obvious."

"Does anything jump out at you?" I ask, picking up a folder.

"The silence," he says. "The girls disappeared on Sunday morning sometime after 7:40 when Alice McBain left for work. n.o.body saw them on the footpath into Bingham or crossing the fields or waiting at the train station. That strikes me as odd."

"Someone could have picked them up before they walked very far."

"Which means it had to be someone they knew. Girls that age don't get into a stranger's car."

"Maybe they were overpowered."

"It would take more than one kidnapper."