Carter Kids: Thorn Part 16

"Treacherous," I filled in quietly, remaining perfectly still with my cheek touching the pillow, not daring to lift my face and allow him to see my vulnerability.

It was too much.

I was too raw around him.

"It's a warning," I finally whispered, forcing down the huge swell of emotions bubbling up inside of me. "A reminder."

"Of me," he said flatly. "Of what I represented to you."

Noah's hand left my skin, leaving me feeling empty, and I twisted around, watching him in all his naked glory, as he slid out of bed and began to dress.

"Treacherous," he repeated, deadpan, as he slipped on his boxers. "That's how you saw me." Running a hand through his messy hair, he hissed with frustration before dropping his arms to his sides, hands balled into fists.

"Yes," I replied honestly. "That's how I saw you."

"And now?" he asked, eyes torn and full of hurt, as he zipped up his jeans and shrugged his vest on over his head. "Is that how you still see me?"

When I didn't reply, Noah nodded stiffly. "I should go."

I wasn't sure what I was surprised at most; the hurt in Noah's brown eyes as he stormed out of my bedroom, or my heart that was screaming at me to stop him from leaving.

Rolling out of bed, I tossed my overly long, and overly knotted hair, back off my shoulder, and grabbed the sheet off my bed to cover my dignity before racing after him. I made it into the kitchen just as he was stepping through the doorway. "Who's the one running now?" I called out in a much shakier voice than I wanted.

Turning in the doorway, Noah stared hard at me. His eyes raked over me, turning darker than they already were, and my cheeks turned bright pink. "Go back to bed, Thorn," he finally said with a heavy, and almost pained, sigh. "It's better this way."

Tightening my hold on the bed sheet wrapped around my chest, I asked, "better for who?" The hurt in my voice was obvious, but I was beyond pretending. Him being here was throwing me. I couldn't think rationally. I was drowning in emotion, losing myself to my feelings for him and I hated it.

"Better for the both of us," he shot back in an irritated tone, gesturing wildly with his hand. "Look, I can't f.u.c.king deal with this right now. I've had too much to drink to think clearly."

"So you're just going to walk away?" I asked, appalled. Shaking my head, feeling too exposed and too weak to argue, I walked back towards my bedroom, forcing myself to look impa.s.sive, while my heart was hammering against my ribcage. "Go ahead and leave then. At least I'll know where I stand with you this time," I tossed out, stopping in the hallway outside my bedroom door, unable to stop myself from throwing a jibe.

Dropping his hands to his sides, he balled them into fists and stalked after me. "See, this is exactly why I need to leave!" Rubbing his face with the palm of his hand, Noah took two steps towards me before stopping abruptly and letting out a groan. "I can't think straight when I'm around you," he groaned. "I need to clear my head and think about what the h.e.l.l just happened tonight"

"Then you go right ahead and do that," I shot back, not waiting around to watch him leave I couldn't bear to. Instead, I slipped inside my bedroom and slammed the door shut before locking it. Rus.h.i.+ng over to my stereo, I blasted it to the max, desperate to drown out his voice, and the sound of my perfectly concocted world shattering to pieces.

"TEAGAN!" I ROARED, BANGING on her bedroom door with my fist. "For f.u.c.k's sake, don't be like this."

"Go away," I heard her scream seconds before music blared from her bedroom, obviously intending to block me out.

"You know what?" I roared, kicking the door once in frustration. "f.u.c.king suit yourself," I muttered as I turned around and walked away. My brows shot up in surprise when I walked out of her apartment and straight into...

"Colton?" I shook my head and gaped.

What the h.e.l.l...

"Noah?" Colt exclaimed, clearly puzzled, as he struggled to rebalance himself. "What the h.e.l.l are you doing here, man?"

"I could ask you the same question," I replied before embracing my nephew in a hug.

"Dad sent me to make sure Hope got her a.s.s on a plane home," he told me with a grin. "It's good to finally see you, man," he added. "It's been too long."

I hadn't seen any of the Carter's since my mother's funeral. I knew it was a d.i.c.k move, but I had needed s.p.a.ce, time to come to terms with the path my life was going in. And time to take on board the fact that I had a family that wanted me. I'd never had that before them, and I had handled it all f.u.c.king wrong. "I needed time, Colt," I told him, hoping he would understand my seven year absence. "I wasn't exactly in the right frame of mind back then," I added in a gruff tone.

"Dude, shut the f.u.c.k up," he chuckled, patting me on the back, before staggering through the open doorway of the girls apartment. "I'm too drunk for this deep and meaningful talk."

Laughing at Colton's easygoing disposition, I followed him back inside, choosing to remain in the doorway. "Hard night?"

"Like you wouldn't believe." I watched as Colton dug around in the fridge for a moment before removing the orange juice and swigging it straight from the carton. "Dude, I'm totally wasted. It'll be a miracle if they let me board the airplane," he told me with a grin.

"When are you guys leaving?" I asked, curious. Checking the time on my phone, I swore loudly when I saw that it was after six in the morning.

Christ, where the h.e.l.l had the time gone?

"Now," I heard Hope reply as she staggered down the hallway with a pair of sungla.s.ses covering her eyes, and a baseball cap on her head, looking rougher than I'd ever seen her look before. The case she was carrying wasn't closed properly and items of clothing were hanging out.

"Come on, Colt, we're late," she muttered, shoving her case into her brother's arms and pus.h.i.+ng him towards me.

Unfolding my arms, I stepped back to let them pa.s.s.

"Yes ma'am," Colt replied, saluting me before he stepped through the doorway. "Wait, where the f.u.c.k is the door?" I heard him ask himself in a puzzled tone before going out of sight.

"Oh yeah, mister-I-have-no-respect-for-other-people's-property," Hope growled, poking me in the chest with her finger before rus.h.i.+ng down the hallway after her brother. "You owe me a door."

"I'll get it sorted," I muttered, forcing myself not to laugh at Hope being all p.i.s.sy and hung-over.

When she reached the elevator the end of the hall, Hope swung around and said, "Oh and one more thing, Uncle Noah."

"I'm all ears, my favorite niece," I shot back with a smirk.

Hope shook her head and pointed her finger at me. "I heard you two doing the horizontal dance and if you hurt her again, I will personally hunt you down and kill you slowly. And I should warn you, Noah, I'm like a ghost you'll never see me coming for you." Smiling, she added in a voice as sweet as honey, "It was good to see you. Don't be a stranger," before stepping into the elevator and disappearing from sight.

Scratching my head, I watched Hope leave, feeling confused and a little fearful for my safety. My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I didn't bother checking who it was before putting it to my ear. Besides, I knew full well who was calling.

"I'm on my way," was all I managed to get in before an impressive string of curse words filled my eardrums.

"You can bet your a.s.s you're on your way," was the first coherent sentence my trainer formed, followed quickly by, "If you're not here in twenty minutes you're on your own, Messina. I'm not f.u.c.king around this time. I mean it...Hang on a second," Quincy wheezed down the line, "Are you drunk?"

"No," I denied before shaking my head and letting out a sigh. "A little bit," I mumbled after a moment. "Sorry."

"You're a pain in my a.s.s, Messina," he roared. "Get your a.s.s out of whatever broad's bed you're lying in and over to the gym now!"

WHEN I WAS OUT OF HER APARTMENT BUILDING, and was sitting in the back a cab on the way to the gym, I found myself brooding over the woman whose bed I had just climbed out of.

f.u.c.king Teagan had been a huge mistake, not because I didn't want her I did, badly but because it only complicated an already messy situation.

Yeah the s.e.x had been incredible, and moving inside her was like nothing else I had ever experienced before it was like f.u.c.king ecstasy and coming home rolled into one; her soft, pliant body beneath me, taking what I was giving, pulling me in but emotionally nothing had changed. Teagan still blamed me for our relations.h.i.+p ending, and I still resented her for abandoning me. She had her own twisted beliefs on what happened that night and I had the truth. It wasn't like I had thought that one night together would miraculously erase seven years of hurt and pain, but I had hoped it would make some of the anger I had inside of me fade.

It hadn't.

I was still hurting worse now than ever.

Treacherous.

Throwing my head back, I thrummed my fingers on my knees, forcing myself to believe that I didn't care. Forcing myself to believe that it didn't cut me open. Seeing that tattoo on her spine and knowing it was directed at me hurt like nothing ever had.

She hadn't even denied it.

The woman who hated tattoos more than anyone had permanently inked her skin with a symbol of warning.

That f.u.c.king tattoo had screwed with my head and knocked the h.e.l.l out of my confidence.

Teagan really thought that about me.

She considered me dangerous to her treacherous when the truth was I would do anything to protect her.

Yeah, I was a f.u.c.k up in my past, but I turned it around. I was successful now. I'd made something of myself.

Why couldn't she see past the guy I used to be and see the man I was now?

Because the man I was would do anything to keep her out of trouble.

The man I was now would never take those kinds of risks again.

Dammit, why was I letting her get inside my head like this?

I didn't need this s.h.i.+t in my life anymore. I was a grown a.s.s man and I had seen and experienced too much pain to even contemplate getting back in the ring with that little fruitcake. Teagan Connolly was bratty, childish, and incredibly insecure. She was the worst possible thing for me and I needed to forget about her. In a couple of days, I would be back in the States, and too busy with training to think about anything else.

Especially not her.

So why did you follow her home, dips.h.i.+t, a voice inside my head asked.

Because I had to find her.

Because even though she hurt me worse than anyone ever had, and drove me bats.h.i.+t crazy there was just something about her that made it impossible for me to permanently walk away.

Because there was a fierce desperation inside of me, a driving urge that kept leading me back to her.

I was lost when it came to that woman.

There was no escaping her.

"HOPE?" I CROAKED OUT HOa.r.s.eLY, when I woke up the Thursday morning, alone on my bedroom floor, naked as the day I was born, and nursing the headache of all hangovers. "I really need a cuddle right now," I called out weakly. "And some painkillers."

When she didn't answer, I gingerly dragged myself to my feet, and tossed on my nightdress before padding across the hall. Pus.h.i.+ng her bedroom door inwards, I saw her empty, unmade bed and frowned.

Stumbling back into the bathroom, I showered in a semi-conscious state of awareness. It wasn't until I was out, and had dried myself off and had got dressed for work that I noticed the lipstick scrawled note on the bathroom mirror.

Gone back to The Hill with Colt.

Call you later.

H. X.

"What the h.e.l.l?"

Since when had Colton been here?

Shaking my head in confusion, I headed into the kitchen on a mission to find some painkillers and a time machine.

"Whoa," I exclaimed when my eyes landed on the man standing in my kitchen. "Who the h.e.l.l are you and what are you doing in my flat?"

"Your boyfriend called about getting a door fitted," he informed me and it was only then that I noticed the freshly painted door hanging where our old one had been.

"Wow, that's impressive," I muttered before stumbling back to his previous statement. "Wait, he's not my boyfriend."

The man shrugged, clearly not bothered about my romantic status.

"I'm not paying you," I added, folding my arms across my chest. I couldn't if I wanted to my bank account was in the red.

"It's already been taken care of," the man replied before picking up his toolbox and heading over to the door. "The keys are on the counter. You have a good day now," he told me before leaving.

When he was gone, I grabbed the new set of keys off the counter before heading out. Even though the last place I wanted to be right now was at work, especially since Liam and I were in a fight, I knew I couldn't let him pick up my slack.

How I planned to walk into the gym and pretend I was fine and be professional when my whole world had been turned upside down was beyond me, but I would d.a.m.n well try.

On my walk to the gym, I found myself pouring over last night's events. My behavior towards Noah had been disgraceful. I wasn't so stubborn that I couldn't admit that.

I wondered if I could ever stop being such a manic b.i.t.c.h and just sit down and talk it all out with him like a grownup. I never seemed able to because I could never get past the red-hot flames of rage and desire that took me over whenever I was in his presence.

When I was with Noah, I lost myself in the moment. My brain checked out. I reacted on instinct, on my feelings.

Last night everything had gone from bad to worse, to hot and full of pa.s.sion, to downright awful, in the s.p.a.ce of a few short hours. And in the cool light of day, without any alcohol in my bloodstream, I was embarra.s.sed because of my behavior. I was ashamed of how I had let myself down in front of him.

"Reese f.u.c.ked me over, Teagan..."

The sincerity in Noah's voice when he spoke those words was so pungent that I would have believed him if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes.

"...G.o.ddammit, you were my whole life, Teagan. Why the f.u.c.k would I have touched her when I had you a future with you?"

I didn't know. That's why it still hurt so badly. All those years had pa.s.sed and I was still stuck in that moment absorbing all that pain.

"You don't know because you were wrong about me, Teagan. You made a mistake."

G.o.d, I think I wanted to be wrong about him more than I wanted my next breath. Noah was rude, and bold, and rough around the edges, and he infuriated me more than any other human being on this planet; but I wanted to believe him.

"You're wrong about me, Thorn, and one of these days you're going to realize that."

Those words continued to torment me long after I arrived at the gym and received a frosty reception from Liam. They stayed throughout the rest of the morning, and with them, came the creeping feeling of doubt.