Song Of The Nile Part 23

Thirty-one.

PINCHING my cheeks to make them appear pink with offense, I reported to the emperor. "The Meroites are insufferable. They call the Kandake a pharaoh, even in my presence!"

"That p.r.i.c.ks at your Ptolemaic pride, does it?" the emperor asked, amused. "Does the amba.s.sador know how resentful it makes you?"

"I'm not a fool, Caesar. You asked me to make them amenable to a peace treaty, so I did."

He stroked at his chin and I could see that he was enjoying this immensely. "Tonight I'll allow you to be present during the negotiations for peace in Egypt. You may have Livia's place at the banquet."

I bristled but not for his wife's sake. "I don't wish to give rise to gossip."

"I a.s.sure you, Livia will endure it silently, as she must."

This would only be to my detriment. Octavia had once played the silently suffering wife with my father. Caesar's wife Calpurnia had endured with dignity his open a.s.sociation with my mother, engendering a hatred for Cleopatra in the hearts of sympathetic Romans. If I allowed Livia to cast herself in the role of the wronged wife, it would ruin me as it had ruined my mother. "I won't be paraded about like Terentilla, just another mistress."

He stared, much unspoken between us. "I a.s.sure you that you'll be shown all due honor."

"Not when your wife is here. I want her gone. Send Livia away." The request had seemed natural, inevitable, but his eyes narrowed and my stomach fell away. I'd gone too far. My mother had been young, overawed by Caesar; she made requests of him, not demands. Augustus wanted that same humility from me. I had blundered.

"Go to your rooms, Selene," he said, his voice icy. "You're banished to your rooms like the child you still are. I'm no longer certain that you can conduct yourself properly at tonight's negotiations."

This condescension made me hot all over, but he was right. I'd pushed too hard for something I wanted at the expense of something I needed. To be present at these negotiations would signal my restoration. Other leaders would come to think of me as the Queen-in-Waiting of Egypt. I needed to be there. "I beg your forgiveness, Caesar. It's only that so much time has pa.s.sed since the night we were alone together. I worry-"

"That I've forgotten?" The icy tone gave way to something else. "No, Selene. I've accepted that to beget my son upon you, you must come to my bed willingly. But you must accept that you belong to me; you're as much mine as the chair I sit upon, in all its silken cus.h.i.+ons and gilded finery."

Now it was my turn to narrow my eyes. "I'm not a piece of furniture. I don't sit silently in a room as adornment to be used by whomever I'm offered. I'm a woman and a queen."

He leaned back, a finger caressing the curved edge of his chair as if it were my flesh. "And I have made you both. Only my hands have taken pleasure of you. Only my seed has taken root in your womb. I made you bear a child and your body is changed because of it." His eyes swept over my high, rounded b.r.e.a.s.t.s, and the swell of my hips, as if he were an artist who'd carved me from stone. "You're mine and you'll be the Queen of Egypt only when you accept my mastery. Not before."

I lowered my eyes in feigned submission. "If it pleases you to have me at the negotiations, I'll be glad to attend."

I hoped that having made his point, he wouldn't deny me. But later that night, I wasn't invited to the banquet at all, much less given Livia's position.

In my apartments, Crinagoras babbled some verse to entertain me. I paid no attention until the poet asked, "Majesty, why do you refuse yourself the enlightenment of my breathtaking prose?"

Pinching the bridge of my nose did little to alleviate the newest ache behind my eyes. "Leave me."

Crinagoras rose to obey, stopping at the door to ask, "Augustus is like Hades, isn't he? He's rolled out the pomegranate of Egypt to tempt you."

My poet seldom spoke about anything without allusion, but we understood one another. "Right now, he's punis.h.i.+ng me. At this very moment, he could be negotiating with the Meroites for Egypt and I've been banished."

Crinagoras nodded slowly. "I'm sure you'll find a way back into his favor. As I recall, Hades had a singular obsession with Kore. He let her go, but always he'd send for her again . . . If you wish to be the Queen of Hades, you must partake of the fruit, no matter how bitter."

LATER that evening, the emperor finally relented and I received a summons. Augustus sat at one end of the hall, flanked by Maecenas and Tiberius. And though Livia's son had never been my enemy, his dour presence here was a reminder to me that it would take more than sending Livia away to diminish her influence over the emperor.

At the other end of the hall was the amba.s.sador from Meroe, leaving me to find an un.o.btrusive place in the middle with the scribes and minor officials. My presence wasn't even acknowledged, whether to prevent awkward questions or because Augustus was still angry, I didn't know.

Since the Kandake hadn't come in person, the emperor allowed Maecenas to do the talking, amba.s.sador to amba.s.sador. The balding man began with, "The situation as it stands is this: The Kandake of Meroe has unlawfully invaded Egypt, seized control of the Isle of Philae, defiling the statues of Augustus and taking booty and Roman prisoners. In retaliation, Rome's Prefect of Egypt has razed Napata and is now besieged in Primis."

"Your Prefect of Egypt, this Petronius, can leave our lands anytime he likes," the ebony amba.s.sador said with a good deal more hubris than was wise. "But he will not leave with treasure nor will he keep the city."

"Tell the Kandake that the city of Primis is lost to her," Maecenas said with a flick of his bejeweled hand. "She may consider the loss of this city to be the price for her ill-advised adventure in Egypt. However, if she agrees to our terms, we'll tread no farther into her kingdom."

"Yet it was Rome who offended first," the amba.s.sador insisted. "The temples at Philae may be situated in Egypt, but the G.o.ds belong to us. If Egypt cannot be a throne for Isis, then it's the Kandake's sacred duty as Pharaoh to make Isis a home in Meroe."

I let my fists clench at the word Pharaoh, and the emperor saw it. "Have you something to add, Queen Selene?"

Spreading my arms wide, I let them see the sacred knot of Isis between my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, my own declaration of devotion to the G.o.ddess. "The Kandake must give up all religious claim to the temples in Egypt. If Meroe honors Isis, then build your own holy places for her."

In saying this, I hoped to give the amba.s.sador from Meroe something to bargain with that he may not have realized he had. The Romans only cared about claims to land. They didn't care if the Kandake maintained a spiritual claim to the temples, but perhaps the emperor could be made to care for my sake. The amba.s.sador seized the opportunity at once. "How can she give up her claim when the Romans show nothing but contempt for Isis? Egyptian priests have fled to our country to escape persecution."

Maecenas was a shrewd man when it came to temporal things. He owned luxurious houses, wore the finest clothes, and patronized the most talented artists. Spiritual matters, however, were entirely out of his grasp. He pounced on what he believed to be an advantage. "If amnesty were given to Isis wors.h.i.+ppers in Egypt, would Meroe then give up all claim to the temples and retreat from Egypt?"

I held my breath steady, waiting for an outburst from the emperor that never came. Augustus sat impa.s.sive as a statue, his glacial eyes inscrutable. Was it possible, at long last, that he would make peace with my G.o.ddess and her wors.h.i.+ppers? The Meroite amba.s.sador paused before saying, "If such amnesty were granted, the Kandake would give up her claim. And if-if-the Romans will withdraw from Primis, back to our original borders, I'm authorized to sign this peace treaty and end our hostilities."

Maecenas would have it done, but the emperor said, "No. We cannot simply return things to their original borders." I thought that he'd demand tribute from the Meroites, or say that Primis was not negotiable, or baldly proclaim that he'd continue to persecute the Isiacs until the religion was destroyed. Instead, Augustus said, "There will have to be some sort of guarded neutral area to serve as a buffer between both kingdoms and to ensure that this never happens again."

He made it sound like a point of contention, but I realized the emperor's offer was startlingly generous. Too generous. I couldn't believe that he meant it. The amba.s.sador recognized favorable terms and quickly agreed. Then, a.s.suring his guests that Maecenas would see to the details, Augustus dismissed everyone in the room but me.

EVEN after all the officials had shuffled out, I continued to play my role. "Do you mean to honor that treaty? You gave her more than fair terms. The Kandake will continue to call herself Pharaoh and no one will gainsay her."

"Don't be petty, Selene. You got what you really wanted. The Isiacs can practice their witchery; the priests and priestesses will be safe too. Perhaps I'll make a donation and they'll carve my likeness on some stone tablet in honor of my largesse."

Now I was more than astonished. "You'd acknowledge Isis?"

"That depends upon you," he said and motioned with his fingers for me to come closer. "I've taught you patience as a virtue, have I not?"

Patience. Caution. Incrementalism. How many times Augustus had been at the brink of failure, clawing his way out of one perilous situation after another, always stronger, his eyes implacably upon his prize. He plotted, he planned, but he never wavered. I was becoming very much like him. "Yes, Caesar. I've learned from you."

"Then you'll understand when I say that I cannot yet make you the Queen of Egypt."

Oh, bitter words! "Why not? How many petty princes have you restored to their little kingdoms? Archelaus, Iamblichus . . ." I went on to list them all. "Why can't you do the same for me?"

"Because Egypt isn't a little kingdom and you aren't a petty prince. Egypt is still the wealthiest, most productive nation in the world. I cannot even allow senators to visit without my permission. It's that vital. Until Mauretania and Africa Nova produce enough grain, he who controls Egypt can starve the world."

"But she who controls Egypt can feed the world. I've already shown you that Mauretania can produce grain. Combined with the wheat from Africa Nova, you'll have enough. What you pretend to wait for has already come to pa.s.s. When you were ill, you said that you couldn't support my claim to Egypt in death. Now you're very much alive and I'm offering you the son and heir that you need. I'm offering-"

"For your sake, I'm faced with the rebellion of Agrippa!" he shouted. "I cannot now offer him another weapon to wield against me. If I make you Queen of Egypt, he'll break with me. As it stands, he has my daughter hostage against your interests." I bit my lower lip. Julia. I loved her as much as I resented that she too was now in my way. "Selene, everyone thinks my military victories are not mine. They give all the credit to Agrippa. It makes me look like a man of straw. It invites him to defy me."

"So what are you saying? That Agrippa must be destroyed before I can have Egypt?"

"I'm saying that I must win my own war. I must return victorious from Parthia, and when I do I'll then be in a position to give you what you want." This was why he'd waited to take me to his bed. Also, why he'd dealt so fairly with the delegation from Meroe. He merely wanted to be rid of distractions so that he could effectively pursue his war. "Selene, if I'm successful against the Parths, I'll have the power to give you Egypt. I'll have the power to do anything."

How many times had my mother heard these words and hung her hopes on them? Caesar had said this to her. My father had said it too. But Caesar had been a.s.sa.s.sinated for his ambition, and my father had gone down in defeat. As far as I was concerned, Parthia was the battlefield upon which all hopes and dreams were slain. "Must there be war? Romans want a Golden Age too. Maybe you can give it to them." How bitter it was to stoke a desire in him to accomplish what Helios and I had been prophesied to bring about. "After your Triumph, you closed the doors of the Temple of Ja.n.u.s, a sign that Rome was no longer at war. What a legacy you could leave if you became the man who keeps those doors closed!"

"Do you think I haven't thought of that? Ever since the Battle of Carrhae when Marcus Cra.s.sus lost Roman battle standards to the Parthians, we've tried to avenge the loss. Your father tried too, and he failed, losing his own eagles. I need to win those standards back. Are you so naive as to believe the Parths will allow me to wipe this stain from Roman honor without a fight?"

"Why not? Surely there's something the Parths want that you can offer in exchange for Roman eagles."

Like me, Augustus was a born schemer, and the machinations of some plot turned behind his eyes. Whatever it was, he didn't share it with me. In the end, he only said, "I must lay the groundwork for war. I'm leaving the island for a time. When I return, I expect you to be here. No sailing off into the night as you did before."

So this was to be another test. "Where are you going?"

"I have matters to settle in Bithynia, Syria, Commagene, and so on."

He had people to punish, cities to tax, and territorial boundaries to redraw. That was why we'd all been summoned here, wasn't it? "And you want me to wait for you?"

"I will want a good deal more from you than that."

Thirty-two.

ISLE OF SAMOS, GREECE.

SPRING 2 0 B. C .

THE delegation from Meroe sailed away without giving me an opportunity to say farewell, as if they knew the terms they'd reached with the Romans were altogether too favorable. There was no reason to risk Augustus changing his mind. Or perhaps the emperor had told them to go. He didn't like to leave things to chance.

Overlooking the courtyard where Augustus readied for his expedition, there was a balcony. It wasn't nearly as pleasant a perch as the terrace at the back of my rooms overlooking my private beach, but from this vantage point my ladies and I watched the Romans rush back and forth readying for Augustus's journey. We sat there painfully idle, a lute player making music for us.

"You won't travel with Augustus?" Circe asked, a well-plucked eyebrow raised.

"I've no desire to be in the company of Livia."

"I think you're relieved to see him go," Circe said quietly. I turned my head to the side, as if I hadn't heard her, but she only drew closer. "Majesty, you think that he'll never notice your contempt, that you can lie to him, and you can. But you'll never reconcile yourself to this if it is only a lie."

"What do you know of it?" I whispered.

"I know it's a mistake to feign desire. You must feel it. If it is a fat man, you must glory in the size of him. If it is a cold man, you must admire the way his ruthlessness has made him rich. If it is a man you hate," she said, meeting my eyes, "you must find something in him to love."

"I am no hetaera. Remember that I'm the queen and you are my daughter's grammarian."

How unworthy of me to reprimand her for advising me when it was precisely the reason I kept her near, but the ease with which she'd deduced my true feelings for the emperor left me unsteady. Unnerved. What expression had betrayed me? What words had slipped? Were she an intimate like Chryssa or Tala or even Crinagoras, I might have expected her to read my heart, but if I couldn't fool Circe, how was I to deceive Augustus?

On the day of the emperor's own departure, Isidora and I went to the docks to see him off and before he climbed the gangplank to join Livia and his courtiers aboard the s.h.i.+p, he asked for a private moment. He smiled down at Isidora and murmured, "Queen Selene, I bid you and your daughter a fond farewell."

My voice was soft, a bare whisper. "I beg you to reconsider, Caesar. It will cause gossip if I'm penned up here like a harem girl."

Crinagoras and Lady Lasthenia were already p.r.o.ne to exchanging knowing looks with my Alexandrian courtiers. They remembered my mother, and no matter how properly I might behave before the royalty of the world, those closest to me had noticed the emperor's fascination. But Augustus was unconcerned. "You aren't penned up. The entire island is at your command and I leave you the highest-ranking official here."

"What am I to do here but wait for you?"

"Do as you wish, Selene! It's springtime and you're in the heart of the h.e.l.lenistic world. Visit Ephesus if it amuses you."

Ephesus was one of the largest cities in the world and I should have liked to see it, except that it was also where my mother's sister, Princess Arsinoe, had conspired against the throne of Egypt and been killed at my father's command. Given that history, I wasn't sure of my reception. Still, it would be something new to see. Some distraction to keep me from missing Mauretania . . . No, I told myself. I could not go to Ephesus, Athens, or anywhere else. Wherever Augustus went, the business of governance followed, but I didn't have a squadron of s.h.i.+ps to carry my messages. Few enough missives arrived from my kingdom as it was and it pained me to think I might miss one. Moreover, it vexed me that I should be marooned here as an object lesson. He wanted to prove to me that I was just like that d.a.m.nable chair, a piece of property he could leave where it was and return to find it in the same spot. And I had no choice but to let him believe he was right.

WITH Augustus gone, the client kings slowly began to abandon the island. Some of them had been restored to their thrones or seen their territories expanded. Others left empty-handed. Only my status remained in question, so I was grateful for those who supported my claims to Egypt and was obliged to see them off. I'd grown especially fond of Iamblichus, the King of Emesa, and the Cappadocians, King Archelaus and his daughter, Princess Glaphyra. My other friends included the Bosporans, King Asander and his queen, Dynamis, who, with a sly grin, kissed me on both cheeks before setting sail.

I was glad that at least Lady Hybrida and my niece Pythodorida remained on Samos with us because I'd come to enjoy my older half sister's garishness and boisterous good humor. On our way back from the docks, we joined her in an oversized covered palanquin, framed in gilded wood and encrusted with jewels. "You've started a disastrously expensive trend with your purple sails, little sister. Your freedwoman must have taken a hundred orders for Gaetulian purple."

Chryssa shrugged at Hybrida's words. "For all the good it will do us without the Berber chieftain to oversee the dye works."

She didn't have to say Maysar's name for me to know that her mind was on the love she'd left behind. As our litter was swarmed with merchants hawking their wares, my guards keeping them at bay with their ceremonial s.h.i.+elds, I wondered what I was doing here on this island, filling my days with useless entertainments. Don't go, Juba had said, but I couldn't have stayed for his sake alone. For my crown, for Mauretania, for the people, for my retainers, perhaps I could have made a different choice. Perhaps if I had been heavy with Juba's child, Augustus may have broken free of his obsession . . . and perhaps I could have broken free of my own. For all that I loved my mother's kingdom, I hadn't set foot on Egyptian soil since her death. If my life was my own, perhaps I could have forgotten Egypt and let it pa.s.s through my fingers like the silken sands of the desert. But my life was not my own. My family had died for Egypt; I must live for them.

Chryssa had no such obligation. She'd spent most of her life in bondage to others and now I'd see to it that she was truly free. I put my hand on hers. "You've done everything here you set out to do. Go back to him."

Chryssa shook her head. "The emperor looked at me only once, during a meal, as if he couldn't place me."

"Be glad of it! Go back to Maysar and find happiness."

If I'd ever thought that the beatings she'd suffered as a slave had broken her, now I realized that they'd only served to infuse Chryssa with a stubborn streak of iron. She shook her head so sharply that the garnet beads of her dangling earrings rattled. "No. Maysar could have accompanied us on this trip. He was too proud. Either I was to stay behind as his wife or he would resign from your council. Am I to reward him by running back to his arms?"

"Don't go back for him, then. Go back for me. I need someone in Iol-Caesaria to write regular letters to me. Euphronius grows older, his handwriting ever more cramped. Be my eyes in Mauretania. I need you to go. As your queen, I command you to go."

W E found pa.s.sage for her on a merchant s.h.i.+p, and Chryssa came to the back of the house on the little beach to say farewell. We embraced as if we might never see one another again. When we drew apart, Isidora hugged her about the knees, and Chryssa told my daughter, "You be good for Tala, even if she is our dear uncivilized barbarian."

The big Berber woman bit her lip, blinking rapidly.

"Tala, are you crying?" Chryssa asked.

"It is only the sun in my eyes, Cleopatra Antonia.n.u.s," Tala said, fanning away the evidence of her bald-faced lie with one hand. "If you lower that fine Greek nose of yours long enough to reunite with my brother, tell him I wish you both well."

THE months pa.s.sed slowly after the emperor's departure. To pa.s.s the time, I visited the Temple of Hera. I also purchased expensive Samian wines and red Ionian pottery. To win friends, I funded theater performances of a number of beloved plays, most of which were spoiled for me by Lady Hybrida's loud running commentary. Excepting her, the island seemed quiet-almost deserted-and it wasn't until autumn that a small detachment of Romans made landfall.

As Augustus had said, the Isle of Samos was at my command, so I received the unexpected visitors in the courtyard. Decked out in parade uniform, complete with s.h.i.+ny helmet, my half brother Iullus stepped forward to greet me and we exchanged formal pleasantries. All the while, I kept hoping his wife would appear behind him. The companions.h.i.+p of my stepsister would have been a welcome change, so when we were finally alone in the courtyard, I asked, "Is Marcella with you?"