Exit The Actress_ A Novel Part 21

I think it would cost me a week's wages. I think I cannot afford such luxury.

"Beautiful," I said.

In the candle-maker's shop: "Why slighted?" I could not care less about these spoilt foreign amba.s.sadors and was only hungry for news of him him but, even with Peg, was determined not to ask. but, even with Peg, was determined not to ask.

"Oh, such silliness. The Venetian did not greet the Spaniard at the door, and now they will not speak," said Peg impatiently, handing her man a fat bundle of long white wax tapers-an unimaginable expense.

"And the French?"

"He's French, French," she said, throwing up her hands as if this explained everything. "Heaven knows why he has taken umbrage. It is all a mess and has landed in the queen's lap, as the king is unwilling to deal with these brawling diplomats."

In the milliner's shop: "The queen will find a way to soothe everyone," I said, thinking of her tranquil air.

"She's working on soothing Monmouth. The king promoted him to Lord Gerard's post as the head of the Royal Life Guards last week-after years of Jemmy's pestering. Jemmy is sweet but frightfully stubborn. Now he is strutting about in rich clothes, expecting to be named heir to the throne any day, but the king told him absolutely not. He didn't take it well and is being difficult about it. In any case, Monmouth makes the queen uncomfortable, as he openly a.s.sumes she will never..." She glanced quickly at the milliner Madame Sophie.

I shook my head slightly. "No." Best to be discreet; Madame Sophie is a notorious gossip.

"I had no idea Gerard was retiring," I said, changing the subject and picking up a wide-brimmed pink hat-all wrong for my hair.

"He wasn't going to retire. The king bought the post for Monmouth for fifteen thousand fifteen thousand pounds, plus the cost of the swearing-in ceremony. Gets expensive, especially for this king and his currently ... restricted budget. Ooh, what about this one?" Peg reached for a small green hat with ostrich feathers. She turned this way and that in the gla.s.s. It did not suit. pounds, plus the cost of the swearing-in ceremony. Gets expensive, especially for this king and his currently ... restricted budget. Ooh, what about this one?" Peg reached for a small green hat with ostrich feathers. She turned this way and that in the gla.s.s. It did not suit.

"So the queen queen is having to manage Monmouth's growing expectations? That won't be easy," I said, putting my own hat back on. is having to manage Monmouth's growing expectations? That won't be easy," I said, putting my own hat back on.

"Perhaps the cream voile, Madame Hughes?" offered Madame Sophie, holding out a light, puffed creation.

"Frankly, I do not think she is up to it," Peg said, trying the hat. "Confrontation of any kind is quite beyond her, and he is quite volatile." She turned, examining herself in the gla.s.s. "Oh yes!" she exclaimed, turning to me. I nodded my approval; it set off her high pale forehead beautifully. "I'll take two," she said.

In the apothecary's shop: "Well, are you going to ask me?" questioned Peg, sniffing a pot of rose-scented face cream.

"I was trying not to," I confessed, fidgeting with a vial of verbena scent. "Is it so very obvious?"

"He does care for you truly, Ellen. He knows you are distressed. He sent me-"

"He sent sent you?" I shrilled, louder than I had intended. you?" I shrilled, louder than I had intended.

"Yes, I was supposed to make it look natural, but I could not lie to you. He sent me to find out if you would care to ... that is, if you want to continue-"

"Continue," I said, roughly picking up the gla.s.s pots and banging them down again on the marble counter. The apothecary looked at me warily. "Continue what? What is it that he wants of me?"

"To be your friend ... and more, if you will permit," Peg said simply.

"Is that you talking or him him?" My voice sounded roughened and coa.r.s.e.

"It is me, but the question came from him to Rupert to me."

"Have you nothing to say in your own words?" I asked meanly, and then instantly regretted it. Peg has always been my friend and does not deserve such treatment.

"He wants you back, Ellen ... if in fact you have deserted him."

"All in secret though. Not like Castlemaine, constantly pregnant, like a s.h.i.+p in full sail. And not like dull, doughy Moll, also pregnant and quite obviously his mistress, although also quite obviously second tier." I sat down on the bench with a hard, indelicate thump.

"No, not like them, like you, you," Peg said gently, taking a seat beside me.

"And what is that, like me?" I asked warily, thinking of Rose.

"Ah, that is for you to determine." Peg distractedly pulled at the lace of her cuff. I regretted my harsh words. Peg was clearly in the process of determining her own way as well. "He likes you, much more than he lets on," she continued. "Rupert says he is quite smitten."

"When does he find the time," I asked bitterly. "Between Castlemaine and Moll and Frances Stuart and the queen and his horses and presumably ruling the country-"

"You know you care for him deeply. I can see that you miss him," Peg said quietly.

"But how will it end?" I whispered, my true fear.

"For girls like us, how can we ever know that?" responded Peg.

Slowly, we wandered back to the theatre.

Later I have sent a note. I will see him and talk-no more than that. I have forbidden him to come to the theatre; that is my my stronghold, my strength. stronghold, my strength.

AUDLEY E ENDTO BE CARRIED BY HAND TO M MRS. ELLEN G GWYN, THEATRE R ROYALWEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 1668 30, 1668.

Dearest, Rupert tells me that you spoke to Peg. My heart hangs in the balance. Please inform me of your decision.

Your Charlemagne

AUDLEY E ENDTO BE CARRIED BY HAND TO M MRS. ELLEN G GWYN, THEATRE R ROYALTHURSDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1668 1, 1668.

My love, Yes, of course, I will send the carriage for you. It will be waiting for you in the usual place at the end of your performance. I must tell you that I have heard reports of you this week and am tempted to disobey your harsh command and spy on you as you dance upon the stage. Why should those loutish brutes of the pit enjoy your pretty legs and not I?

Your Charlemagne WHITEHALLTO BE CARRIED BY HAND TO M MRS. ELLEN G GWYN, THEATRE R ROYALTHURSDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1668 1, 1668.

Ellen, I am not sure I understand. You wish the carriage to wait in front in front of the theatre? I am not sure that is wise, my little love. Perhaps you should come here and we discuss it together. of the theatre? I am not sure that is wise, my little love. Perhaps you should come here and we discuss it together.

Charles Rex

WHITEHALLTO BE CARRIED BY HAND TO M MRS. ELLEN G GWYN, THEATRE R ROYALFRIDAY, OCTOBER 2, 1668 2, 1668.

Ellen, Where were you? The coachman said he pulled up at the usual spot, but you were nowhere to be found. Jerome reports that when he asked after you in the theatre, Tom Killigrew (or so I gather, from his description of the man) told him that you had departed for a late supper with friends. May I know the reason for your careless and cruel behaviour?

Charles

WHITEHALLTO BE CARRIED BY HAND TO M MRS. ELLEN G GWYN, THEATRE R ROYALFRIDAY, OCTOBER 2, 1668 2, 1668.

Ellen, I do not understand your reply. Why should it matter, where where a carriage picks you up? It was not as if it was an inclement evening. I had a lovely supper prepared and was left to eat it alone. Please come tonight. I will send the carriage. It will wait in the usual spot. a carriage picks you up? It was not as if it was an inclement evening. I had a lovely supper prepared and was left to eat it alone. Please come tonight. I will send the carriage. It will wait in the usual spot.

CR.

Friday, October 2-Theatre Royal I have broken down and confessed all to my theatre family. Tom and Lacy called an immediate family conference. Bless them. Bless their unconditional love.

"Stand your ground," Tom said with uncharacteristic belligerence. "You have made your position known, and now you must stick to it. You will not be kept a secret any longer. You must have status. You must have station..."

Teddy and Lacy nodded their vigorous a.s.sent.

"Yes, my love. If he sees that you can be so easily outmanoeuvred, he will not hold you in high esteem," Lacy said helpfully. "It is your wit wit that sets you apart from these other court trollops. Do not compromise." that sets you apart from these other court trollops. Do not compromise."

"No. It is her heart heart that sets her apart," said Rochester. He had entered the tiring room unnoticed and was insouciantly lounging against the door-frame. "It is your heart that he is drawn to. Do not bargain and brawl like the others. Love him, and you will receive all that you truly need." that sets her apart," said Rochester. He had entered the tiring room unnoticed and was insouciantly lounging against the door-frame. "It is your heart that he is drawn to. Do not bargain and brawl like the others. Love him, and you will receive all that you truly need."

"To do that, I must trust him," I challenged.

"Exactly."

Later-Drury Lane I returned to the theatre after supper to collect my Florimel costume-it has a tear in the sleeve that Rose has promised to mend for me-when Hart came into my tiring room. I looked up, startled. He usually takes care to avoid me in the theatre. Ruby hurled herself into his arms.

"You are worthy of him, Ellen," he said quietly, without preamble, stroking Ruby's folded ears. "You must decide if he is worthy of you."

"Him?" I hedged, trying to gauge if he knew.

"Him." He said with finality and, setting Ruby down, walked heavily from the room.

Yes. He knew.

Travelling Ellen

When All Becomes Public

October 4, 1668, Windsor CastleTo: Mrs. Gwyn, Theatre Royal, LondonMy dear,He is the smallest, the pluckiest, and definitely the ugliest of the bunch, but he has enormous heart, as do you, my dear. I think he should belong to you. Rupert sends his love as well and requests you play a musical role next. He says it has been far too long since we heard your sweet voice at the King's. I agree.

Thinking of you, Peg Theatre Royal-my tiring room (Henry IV) Definitely not a singing role. Heigh-ho. Heigh-ho. A surprise today! I was in my tiring room, gritting my teeth over a meaty script, when the wicker basket arrived. I scooped the mottled brown fluff ball out from his pink blanket. Bleary-eyed from travelling, the tiny puppy fell asleep in my hand, nuzzling his squashed black face into my palm. Ruby came over, wary of this intruder, and I brought him down to her level so she could see. Luckily, she licked the top of his fuzzy head and began sucking on his ear, and he happily gave himself up to her ministrations. It seems she has acquired a brother. Johnny popped his head round the door and came in to see the puppy. A surprise today! I was in my tiring room, gritting my teeth over a meaty script, when the wicker basket arrived. I scooped the mottled brown fluff ball out from his pink blanket. Bleary-eyed from travelling, the tiny puppy fell asleep in my hand, nuzzling his squashed black face into my palm. Ruby came over, wary of this intruder, and I brought him down to her level so she could see. Luckily, she licked the top of his fuzzy head and began sucking on his ear, and he happily gave himself up to her ministrations. It seems she has acquired a brother. Johnny popped his head round the door and came in to see the puppy.

"What is is he?" Johnny asked, picking up the animal. he?" Johnny asked, picking up the animal.

"No idea. Peg doesn't say, and I can't quite tell. Somewhere between a spaniel and a pug: so much for pure-bred fas.h.i.+on."

"Fas.h.i.+on is for those without imagination. To be unique and be recognised as being utterly yourself, that is the trick. Peg is right: he really is hideous. Does he always lick his lips like that?" Johnny asked, peering at him.

I shrugged. I'd only known him five minutes longer than Johnny.

"But I suspect he has personality. You have the most scandalous expression I have ever seen on an animal," he said, addressing the puppy. "Oh yes, I see he does lick his lips like that. You will grow up to be quite a reprobate, my scandalous pup-a favourite with the ladies ... and the gentlemen," he predicted in a sibylline voice. He received a prompt lick in return.

I raised my eyebrow at his racy suggestion. "What makes you think he is that that sort of dog?" I asked with mock hauteur. sort of dog?" I asked with mock hauteur.

"Ah, that sort of dog ... you see, all the best dogs are," he said with a lopsided grin.

The name has stuck, and half the theatre is already calling him Scandalous. I hope he does not live up to the name.

Later A note arrived from Whitehall. I am resolved. Teddy has ordered a coach for me. I am bringing both dogs and am not even stopping to change.

Sat.u.r.day, October 5-morning (raining) There were tears. There was frustration. He was tenacious and stubborn but weakened when he saw my true distress.

"But it is to protect protect you," he kept repeating, sitting on the edge of the bed in his lawn nights.h.i.+rt, clearly dismayed by my weeping. you," he kept repeating, sitting on the edge of the bed in his lawn nights.h.i.+rt, clearly dismayed by my weeping.

"But if I do not want want such protection?" I countered, feeling small among the pillows-and dogs: there were at least ten on the great bed. such protection?" I countered, feeling small among the pillows-and dogs: there were at least ten on the great bed.

"But I want it," ruled the king.

"Then I I will go." My only card to play. will go." My only card to play.

"Don't go."

We went on like this late into the night and then fell asleep in a warm, tangled heap. But I held my ground. With a weary sigh, he declared himself outflanked.

"You realise that it is not ... ah ... a wholly unique t.i.tle? Being my mistress?" he asked gently.

"From what I gather, it is not even a particularly rare one." I giggled boldly.

He whooped with laughter and had the decency to look sheepish. "Such tender pragmatism you have, my darling," he said, pulling me close. "If it is what you truly want," he said, stroking my hair. "I could not bear to disappoint you, Ellen."

I nestled deeper into his embrace. "There are other things I truly want as well." I smiled, looking up at him archly.

"Ah, full of mischief, are you, my wild girl?"

At dawn we rose, and he wrapped me in his warmest dressing gown. Together we crept out into the damp autumn morning. The weak sun had turned the palace a grey-pink, and the shadowy gra.s.s was wet beneath our feet.

"Come see my realm," he whispered, taking my hand in his.

It is decided: I will be public. I will keep my independent life of the theatre. I will be treasured. I will never be abandoned. I will act as if this is all my choice instead of a compulsive love beyond my control.

Sunday, October 11-Theatre Royal (The Faithful Shepherdess) Tonight: We sat in the royal box, he and I. I held my breath as Hart, playing Daphnis, strode onto the stage and swept the king a neat courtly bow. He caught my eye as he rose up and gave me a ghostly smile. A blessing. The audience gaped and craned their necks to watch us. I am sure that Becka upon the stage was disgruntled with the lack of attention paid her. Charles raised my hand to his lips, kissing the inside of my palm-a lover's kiss: a shockingly private gesture. Rochester and Teddy sat with us. Rochester was unusually quiet and left before the curtain fell. Home now, and everything seems different.

October 12, 1668LondonTo Mrs. Ellen Gwyn, Theatre Royal, Bridges Street, Covent GardenMy darling,My goodness! I just heard from Mrs. Watling (you remember, the ferocious orange wig?), who was at the King's last night-and what a night. If she is to be believed, he did not look at the stage once (Becka must have been hideously put out), but only at your pretty face. How wicked of you not to tell me. I must write something befitting your new and elevated status. I am so happy for you, ma pet.i.te chere. ma pet.i.te chere.

With love, Dryden Monday-Theatre Royal "Of course Hart knew," Peg said easily, shaking out her dripping umbrella.

"What do you mean 'of course'? I didn't tell him," I said, moving my pile of scripts so that she could sit down.