Mars Confidential Part 4

_Blasting pit_: Place from which a s.p.a.ce s.h.i.+p blasts off.

Guarded area where the intense heat from the jets melts the ground. Also used for c.o.c.k-fights.

_s.p.a.cemen_: Those who man the s.p.a.ce s.h.i.+ps. See any comic strip.

_Hairoscope_: A very sensitive instrument for s.p.a.ce navigation. The sighting plate thereon is centered around two crossed hairs. Because of the vastness of s.p.a.ce, very fine hairs are used. These hairs are obtained from the Glomph-Frog, found only in the heart of the dense Venusian swamps. The hairoscope is a must in s.p.a.ce navigation. Then how did they get to Venus to get the hair from the Glomph-Frog? Read Venus Confidential.

_Multiplanetary agitation_: The inter-s.p.a.cial methods by which the Russians compete for the minds of the Neptunians and the Plutonians and the Gowaniuns.

_s.p.a.ce suit_: The clothing worn by those who go into s.p.a.ce.

The men are put into modernistic diving suits. The dames wear bras and panties.

_Grav-plates_: A form of magnetic shoe worn by s.p.a.cemen while standing on the outer hull of a s.p.a.ce s.h.i.+p halfway to Mars. Why a s.p.a.ceman wants to stand on the outer hull of a s.h.i.+p halfway to Mars is not clear. Possibly to win a bet.

_s.p.a.ce platform_: A man-made satellite rotating around Earth between here and the Moon. Scientists say this is a necessary first step to interplanetary travel. Mars Confidential proves the fallacy of this theory.

_s.p.a.ce Academy_: A college where young men are trained to be s.p.a.cemen. The student body consists mainly of cadets who served apprentices.h.i.+ps as elevator jockeys.

_Asteroids_: Tiny worlds floating around in s.p.a.ce, put there no doubt to annoy unwary s.p.a.ce s.h.i.+ps.

_Extrapolation_: The process by which a science-fiction writer takes an established scientific fact and builds thereon a story that couldn't happen in a million years, but maybe 2,000,000.

_Science fiction_: A genre of escape literature which takes the reader to far-away planets--and usually neglects to bring him back.

_S.F._: An abbreviation for science fiction.

_Bem_: A word derived by using the first letters of the three words: Bug Eyed Monster. Bems are ghastly looking creatures in general. In science-fiction yarns written by Terrans, bems are natives of Mars. In science-fiction yarns written by Martians, bems are natives of Terra.

_The pile_: The source from which power is derived to carry men to the stars. Optional on the more expensive s.p.a.ce s.h.i.+ps, at extra cost.

_Atom blaster_: A gun carried by s.p.a.cemen which will melt people down to a cinder. A .45 would do just as well, but then there's the Sullivan Act.

_Orbit_: The path of any heavenly body. The bodies are held in these orbits by natural laws the Republicans are thinking of repealing.

_Nova_: The explosive stage into which planets may pa.s.s.

According to the finest scientific thinking, a planet will either nova, or it won't.

_Galaxy_: A term used to confuse people who have always called it The Milky Way.

_Sun spots_: Vast electrical storms on the sun which interfere with radio reception, said interference being advantageous during political campaigns.

_Atomic cannons_: Things that go _zap_.

_Audio screen_: Television without Milton Berle or wrestling.

_Disintegrating ray_: Something you can't see that turns something you can see into something you can't see.

_Geiger counter_: Something used to count Geigers.

_Interstellar s.p.a.ce_: Too much nothing at all, filled with rockets, flying saucers, advanced civilizations, and discarded copies of _Amazing Stories_.

_Mars_: A candy bar.

_Pluto_: A kind of water.

_Ray guns_: Small things that go _zap_.

_Time machine_: A machine that carries you back to yesterday and into next year. Also, an alarm clock.

_Time warp_: The hole in time the time machine goes through to reach another time. A hole in nothing.

_Terra_: Another name for Earth. It comes from _terra_ firma or something like that.

_Hyperdrive_: The motor that is used to drive a s.p.a.ce s.h.i.+p faster than the speed of light. Invented by science-fiction writers but not yet patented.

_Ether_: The upper reaches of s.p.a.ce and whatever fills them.

Also, an anaesthetic.

_Luna_: Another name for the Moon. Formerly a park in Coney Island.