The Later Life Part 6

Marianne beamed with joy:

"Oh, I should love to, Auntie! Mamma knows I'm here; she'll understand...."

Constance was sorry that she had asked her; her nerves were feeling the strain of it all; but she was determined to control herself, to behave naturally and ordinarily. She could see it plainly: they were too fond of each other!

They were in love! Long before, she had seemed to guess it, when she saw them together, at her little dinners. The veriest trifle--an intonation of voice, a laughing phrase, the pa.s.sing of a dish of fruit--had made her seem to guess it. Then the vague thought that went through her mind, like a little cloud, would vanish at once, leaving not even a shadow behind it. But the cloud had come drifting again and again, brought by a gesture, a glance, a how-do-you-do or good-bye, an appointment for a bicycle ride. On such occasions, the brothers had always gone too--so had Addie--and there had never been anything that was in the least incorrect; and at the little dinners there was never a joke that went too far, nor an attempt at flirtation, nor the very least resemblance to love-making. And therefore those vague thoughts had always drifted away again, like clouds; and Constance would think:

"There is nothing, there is nothing. I am mistaken. I am imagining something that doesn't exist."

She had not seen them together for two months; and she knew, had understood from a word dropped here and there, that Van der Welcke had not seen Marianne during those two months which had pa.s.sed since that Sunday evening. And now, suddenly, she was struck by it: the shy, almost glad hesitation while the girl was standing at the door of Constance' drawing-room; her unconcealed delight at being able to come back to this house; the almost unnatural joy with which she had sobbed at Constance' knee ... until Van der Welcke came in, after doubtless recognizing the sound of her voice in his little smoking-room, as transparent as a child, with his clumsy excuse of searching for a newspaper. And now at once she was struck by it: the almost insuppressible affection with which they had greeted each other, with a certain smiling radiance that beamed from them, involuntarily, irresistibly, unconsciously.... But still Constance thought:

"I am mistaken, there is nothing; and I am imagining something that doesn't exist."

And the thought pa.s.sed away, that they were really in love with each other; only this time there remained a faint wonder, a doubt, which had never been there before. And, while she talked about Nice, it struck her that Van der Welcke was still there ... that he was staying on in her drawing-room, a thing which he never did except when Paul was there, or Gerrit.... He sat on, without saying much; but that happy smile never left his lips.... Yet she still thought:

"I am mistaken; it is only imagination; there is nothing, or at most a little mutual attraction; and what harm is there in that?"

But, be this as it might, she, who was so jealous where her son was concerned, now felt not the least shade of jealousy amid her wondering doubts. Yes, it was all gone, any love, pa.s.sion, sentiment that she had ever entertained for Henri. It was quite dead.... And, now that he smiled like that, she noticed, with a sort of surprise, how young he was:

"He is thirty-eight," she thought, "and looks even younger."

As he sat there, calmly, always with the light of a smile on his face, it struck her that he was very young, with a healthy, youthful freshness, and that he had not a wrinkle, not a grey hair in his head.... His blue eyes were almost the eyes of a child. Even Addie's eyes, though they were like his father's, were more serious, had an older look.... And, at the sight of that youthfulness, she thought herself old, even though she was now showing Marianne the pretty photograph from Nice.... Yes, she felt old; and she was hardly surprised--if it was so, if she was not mistaken--at that youthfulness in her husband and at his possible love for that young girl.... Marianne's youth seemed to be nearer to his own youth.... And sometimes it was so evident that she almost ceased doubting and promised herself to be careful, not to encourage Marianne, not to invite her any more....

Unconscious: was it unconscious, thought Constance, on their part? Had they ever exchanged a more affectionate word, a pressure of the hand, a glance? Had they already confessed it to each other ... and to themselves? And a delicate intuition told her:

"No, they have confessed nothing to each other; no, they have not even confessed anything to themselves."

Perhaps neither of them knew it yet; and, if so, Constance was the only one who knew. She looked at Marianne: the girl was very young, even though she had been out a year or two. She had something of Emilie's fragility, but she was more natural, franker; and that natural frankness showed in her whole att.i.tude: she seemed not to think, but to allow herself to be dragged along by impulse, by sentiment.... She looked out with her smile at the pelting rain, nestled deeper in her chair, luxuriously, like a kitten, then suddenly jumped up, poured out a cup of tea for Constance and herself; and, when Van der Welcke begged his wife's leave to smoke a cigarette, she sprang up again, struck a match, held the light to him, with a fragile grace of gesture like a little statue. Her pale-brown eyes, with a touch of gold-dust over them, were like chrysolite; and they gazed up enthusiastically and then cast their glance downwards timidly, under the shade of their lids. She was pale, with the anaemic pallor of alabaster, the pallor of our jaded society-girls; and her hands moved feverishly and restlessly, as though the fingers were constantly seeking an object for their b.u.t.terfly sensitiveness....

Was it so? Or was it all Constance' imagination? And, amidst her wondering doubts, there came suddenly--if it really was so--a spasm of jealousy; but not jealousy of her husband's love: jealousy of his youth. She suddenly looked back fifteen years and felt herself grown old, felt him remaining young. Life, real life, for which she sometimes had a vague yearning, while she felt herself too old for it, after frittering away her days: that life he would perhaps still be able to live, if he met with it. He at least was not too old for it!

It all filled her with a pa.s.sion of misery and anger; and then again she thought:

"No, there is nothing; and I am imagining all manner of things that do not exist."

Addie came home; and, with the rain pelting outside, there was a gentle cosiness indoors, at table. Constance was silent, but the others were cheerful. And, when, after tea had been served, the fury out of doors seemed to have subsided, Marianne stood up, almost too unwilling to go away:

"It's time for me to go, Auntie...."

"Shall Addie see you home?"

"No, Addie's working," said Van der Welcke. "I'll see Marianne home."

Constance said nothing.

"Oh, Auntie," said Marianne, "I am so glad that everything's settled!"

She kissed Constance pa.s.sionately.

"Uncle, isn't it a nuisance for you to go all that way with me?"

"I wish I had a bicycle for you!..."

"Yes, if only we had our tandem here!"

"It's stopped raining; we shall be able to walk."

They went, leaving Constance alone. Her eyes were eager to follow them along the street. She could not help herself, softly opened a window, looked out into the damp winter night. She saw them go towards the Bankastraat. They were walking side by side, quite ordinarily. She watched them for a minute or two, until they turned the corner:

"No," she said, "there is nothing. Oh, it would be too dreadful!"

CHAPTER VII

Van der Welcke and Marianne went side by side.

"How deliciously fresh it is now," she almost carolled. "The wind has gone down and the air is lovely; and look, how beautiful the sky is with those last black clouds.... Oh, I think it so ripping, that everything's all right again between you and Papa! I did feel it so. You know how fond I am of both of you, Aunt Constance and you, and of Addie; and it was all so sad.... Tell me, does Auntie still feel bitter about it? I expect she does.... Ah, I understand quite well now ... that she would have liked to come to our house ... officially, let me say! But why not first have spoken to Mamma ... or to me, who am so fond of you? Then we could have seen: we might have thought of something. As it was, Mamma was so startled by that unexpected visit.... Poor Aunt Constance, she isn't happy! How sad that you and she aren't happier together! Oh, I could cry about it at times: it seems such a shame!... A man and woman married ... and then ... and then what I so often see!... I oughtn't to have said what I did before dinner, it was stupid of me; but I may speak now, mayn't I?... Oh, I sha'n't marry, I won't marry!... To be married like Otto and Frances, like Emilie and Van Raven: I think it dreadful. Or like you and Auntie: I should think it dreadful. Can't you be happier together? Not even for Addie's sake? I wish you could; it would make me so happy. I can't bear it, when you and Auntie quarrel.... She was sweet and gentle to-night, but so very quiet. She is so nice.... That was a mad fit of hers, to go abroad so suddenly; but then she had had so much to vex her. Oh, those two old aunts: I could have murdered them! I can hear them now!... Poor Auntie! Do try and be a little nice to her.... Has this been going on between you for years? Don't you love each other any longer?... No, I sha'n't marry, I sha'n't marry, I shall never marry."

"Come, Marianne: if some one comes along whom you get to love...."

"No, I shall never marry.... I might expect too much of my husband. I should really want to find something beautiful, some great joy, in my love ... and to marry for the sake of marrying, like Frances or Emilie, is a thing I couldn't, couldn't do.... Otto is fonder of Louise than of his wife; and lately Emilie and Henri are inseparable.... In our family there has always been that affection between brother and sister. But it is too strong, far too strong. It doesn't make them happy. I've never felt it in that way, fond as I am of my brothers.... No, I should place the man I love above everybody, above everybody.... But I suppose you're laughing ... at my bread-and-b.u.t.ter notions...."

"No, I'm not laughing, Marianne; and, just as you would like to see Aunt Constance and me happy, so I should like to see you happy ... with a man whom you loved."

"That will never be, Uncle; no, that will never be."

"How can you tell?"

"Oh, I feel it, I feel it!..."

"Come, I'll have a bet on it," he said, laughingly.

"No, Uncle," she said, with a pained smile, "I won't bet on a thing like that...."

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Marianne...."

"I know that...."

"But you mustn't be so melancholy, at your age. You're so young...."

"Twenty-one. That's quite old."

"Old! Old! What about me?"

She laughed: