Vampire Academy Part 22

I didn't know how to answer that, so I said nothing. Never taking his eyes off me, he kept pus.h.i.+ng.

"What would you want if you knew you were going to be converted into a Strigoi against your will? If you knew you would lose all sense of your old morals and understanding of what's right and wrong? If you knew you'd live the rest of your life-your immortal life-killing innocent people? What would you want?"

The van had grown uncomfortably silent. Staring at Dimitri, burdened by all those questions, I suddenly understood why he and I had this weird attraction, good looks aside. I'd never met anyone else who took being a guardian so seriously, who understand all the life- and-death consequences. Certainly no one my age did yet; Mason hadn't been able to understand why I couldn't relax and drink at the party. Dimitri had said I grasped my duty better than many older guardians, and I didn't get why-especially when they would have seen so much more death and danger. But I knew in that moment that he was right, that I had some weird sense of how life and death and good and evil worked with each other.

So did he. We might get lonely sometimes. We might have to put our "fun" on hold. We might not be able to live the lives we wanted for ourselves. But that was the way it had to be. We understood each other, understood that we had others to protect. Our lives would never be easy.

And making decisions like this one was part of that.

"If I became Strigoi...I'd want someone to kill me."

"So would I," he said quietly. I could tell that he'd had the same flash of realization I'd just had, that same sense of connection between us.

"It reminds me of Mikhail hunting Sonya," murmured Victor thoughtfully.

"Who are Mikhail and Sonya?" asked Lissa.

Victor looked surprised. "Why, I thought you knew. Sonya Karp."

"Sonya Kar...you mean, Ms. Karp? What about her?" She looked back and forth between me and her uncle.

"She...became Strigoi," I said, not meeting Lissa's eyes. "By choice."

I'd known Lissa would find out some day. It was the final piece of Ms. Karp's saga, a secret I'd kept to myself. A secret that worried me constantly. Lissa's face and bond registered complete and utter shock, growing in intensity when she realized I'd known and never told.

"But I don't know who Mikhail is," I added.

"Mikhail Tanner," said Spiridon.

"Oh. Guardian Tanner. He was here before we left." I frowned. "Why is he chasing Ms. Karp?" "To kill her," said Dimitri flatly. "They were lovers."

The entire Strigoi thing s.h.i.+fted into new focus for me. Running into a Strigoi I knew during the heat of battle was one thing. Purposely hunting down someone...someone I'd loved. Well, I didn't know if I could do that, even if it was technically the right thing.

"Perhaps it is time to talk about something else," said Victor gently. "Today isn't a day to dwell on depressing topics."

I think all of us felt relieved to get to the mall. s.h.i.+fting into my bodyguard role, I stuck by Lissa's side as we wandered from store to store, looking at all the new styles that were out there.

It was nice to be in public again and to do something with her that was just fun and didn't involve any of the dark, twisted politics of the Academy. It was almost like old times. I'd missed just hanging out. I'd missed my best friend.

Although it was only just past mid-November, the mall already had glittering holiday decorations up. I decided I had the best job ever. Admittedly, I did feel a little put out when I realized the older guardians got to stay in contact through cool little communication devices.

When I protested my lack of one, Dimitri told me I'd learn better without one. If I could handle protecting Lissa the old-fas.h.i.+oned way, I could handle anything.

Victor and Spiridon stayed with us while Dimitri and Ben fanned out, somehow managing not to look like creepy stalker guys watching teenage girls.

"This is so you," said Lissa in Macy's, handing me a low-cut tank top embellished with lace.

"I'll buy it for you."

I regarded it longingly, already picturing myself in it. Then, making my regular eye contact with Dimitri, I shook my head and handed it back. "Winter's coming. I'd get cold."

"Never stopped you before."

Shrugging, she hung it back up. She and Camille tried on a nonstop string of clothes, their ma.s.sive allowances ensuring that price posed no problem. Lissa offered to buy me anything I wanted. We'd been generous with each other our whole lives, and I didn't hesitate to take her up on it. My choices surprised her. "You've got three thermal s.h.i.+rts and a hoodie," she informed me, flipping through a stack of BCBG jeans. "You've gone all boring on me."

"Hey, I don't see you buying s.l.u.tty tops."

"I'm not the one who wears them."

"Thanks a lot."

"You know what I mean. You're even wearing your hair up."

It was true. I'd taken Dimitri's advice and wrapped my hair up in a high bun, earning a smile when he'd seen me. If I'd had molnija marks, they would have shown.

Glancing around, she made sure none of the others could hear us. The feelings in the bond s.h.i.+fted to something more troubled.

"You knew about Ms. Karp."

"Yeah. I heard about it a month or so after she left."

Lissa tossed a pair of embroidered jeans over her arm, not looking at me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't need to know."

"You didn't think I could handle it?"

I kept my face perfectly blank. As I stared at her, my mind was back in time, back to two years ago. I'd been on day two of my suspension for allegedly destroying Wade's room when a royal party visited the school. I'd been allowed to attend that reception too but had been under heavy guard to make sure I didn't "try anything."

Two guardians escorted me to the commons and talked quietly with each other along the way.

"She killed the doctor attending her and nearly took out half the patients and nurses on her way out."

"Do they have any idea where she went?" "No, they're tracking her...but, well, you know how it is."

"I never expected her to do this. She never seemed like the type."

"Yeah, well, Sonya was crazy. Did you see how violent she was getting near the end? She was capable of anything."

I'd been trudging along miserably and jerked my head up.

"Sonya? You mean Ms. Karp?" I asked. "She killed somebody?"

The two guardians exchanged looks. Finally, one said gravely, "She became a Strigoi, Rose."

I stopped walking and stared. "Ms. Karp? No...she wouldn't have..."

"I'm afraid so," the other one replied. "But...you should keep that to yourself. It's a tragedy.

Don't make it school gossip."

I went through the rest of the night in a daze. Ms. Karp. Crazy Karp. She'd killed someone to become Strigoi. I couldn't believe it.

When the reception ended, I'd managed to sneak off from my guardians and steal a few precious moments with Lissa. The bond had grown strong by now, and I hadn't needed to see her face to know how miserable she was.

"What's wrong?" I asked her. We were in a corner of the hallway, just outside the commons.

Her eyes were blank. I could feel how she had a headache; its pain transferred to me. "I...I don't know. I just feel weird. I feel like I'm being followed, like I have to be careful, you know?"

I didn't know what to say. I didn't think she was being followed, but Ms. Karp used to say the same thing. Always paranoid. "It's probably nothing," I said lightly.

"Probably," she agreed. Her eyes suddenly narrowed. "But Wade isn't. He won't shut up about what happened. You can't believe the things he's saying about you."

I could, actually but I didn't care. "Forget about him. He's nothing." "I hate him," she said. Her voice was uncharacteristically sharp. "I'm on the committee with him for that fund-raiser, and I hate hearing him run his fat mouth every day and seeing him flirt with anything female that walks by. You shouldn't be punished for what he did. He needs to pay."

My mouth went dry. "It's okay...I don't care. Calm down, Liss."

"I care," she snapped, turning her anger on me. "I wish there was a way I could get back at him.

Some way to hurt him like he hurt you." She put her hands behind her back and paced back and forth furiously, her steps hard and purposeful.

The hatred and anger boiled within her. I could feel it in the bond. It felt like a storm, and it scared the h.e.l.l out of me. Wrapped around it all was an uncertainty, an instability that said Lissa didn't know what to do but that she wanted desperately to do something. Anything. My mind flashed to the night with the baseball bat. And then I thought about Ms. Karp. She became a Strigoi, Rose.

It was the scariest moment of my life. Scarier than seeing her in Wade's room. Scarier than seeing her heal that raven. Scarier than my capture by the guardians would be. Because just then, I didn't know my best friend. I didn't know what she was capable of. A year earlier, I would have laughed at anyone who said she'd want to go Strigoi. But a year earlier, I also would have laughed at anyone who said she'd want to cut her wrists or make someone "pay."

In that moment, I suddenly believed she might do the impossible. And I had to make sure she didn't. Save her. Save her from herself.

"We're leaving," I said, taking her arm and steering her down the hall. "Right now."

Confusion momentarily replaced her anger. "What do you mean? You want to go to the woods or something?"

I didn't answer. Something in my att.i.tude or words must have startled her, because she didn't question me as I led us out of the commons, cutting across campus toward the parking lot where visitors came. It was filled with cars belonging to tonight's guests. One of them was a large Lincoln Town Car, and I watched as its chauffeur started it up. "Someone's leaving early," I said, peering at him from around a cl.u.s.ter of bushes. I glanced behind us and saw nothing. "They'll probably be here any minute."

Lissa caught on. "When you said, 'We're leaving,' you meant...no. Rose, we can't leave the Academy. We'd never get through the wards and checkpoints."

"We don't have to," I said firmly. "He does."

"But how does that help us?"

I took a deep breath, regretting what I had to say but seeing it as the lesser of evils. "You know how you made Wade do those things?"

She flinched but nodded.

"I need you to do the same thing. Go up to that guy and tell him to hide us in his trunk."

Shock and fear poured out of her. She didn't understand, and she was scared. Extremely scared.

She'd been scared for weeks now, ever since the healing and the moods and Wade. She was fragile and on the edge of something neither of us understood. But through all of that, she trusted me. She believed I would keep her safe.

"Okay," she said. She took a few steps toward him, then looked back at me. "Why? Why are we doing this?"

I thought about Lissa's anger, her desire to do anything to get back at Wade. And I thought about Ms. Karp-pretty, unstable Ms. Karp-going Strigoi. "I'm taking care of you," I said.

"You don't need to know anything else."

At the mall in Missoula, standing between racks of designer clothes, Lissa asked again, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't need to know," I repeated.

She headed toward the dressing room, still whispering with me. "You're worried I'm going to lose it. Are you worried I'll go Strigoi too?"

"No. No way. That was all her. You'd never do that." "Even if I was crazy?"

"No," I said, trying to make a joke. "You'd just shave your head and live with thirty cats."

Lissa's feelings grew darker, but she didn't say anything else. Stopping just outside the dressing room, she pulled a black dress off the rack. She brightened a little.

"This is the dress you were born for. I don't care how practical you are now."

Made of silky black material, the dress was strapless and sleek, falling about to the knees.

Although it had a slight flair at the hemline, the rest looked like it would definitely manage some serious clinging action. Super s.e.xy. Maybe even challenge-the-school-dress-code s.e.xy.

"That is my dress," I admitted. I kept staring at it, wanting it so badly that it ached in my chest.

This was the kind of dress that changed the world. The kind of dress that started religions.

Lissa pulled out my size. "Try it on."

I shook my head and started to put it back. "I can't. It would compromise you. One dress isn't worth your grisly death."

"Then we'll just get it without you trying it on." She bought the dress.

The afternoon continued, and I found myself growing tired. Always watching and being on guard suddenly became a lot less fun. When we hit our last stop, a jewelry store, I felt kind of glad.

"Here you go," said Lissa, pointing at one of the cases. "The necklace made to go with your dress."

I looked. A thin gold chain with a gold-and-diamond rose pendant. Emphasis on the diamond part.

"I hate rose stuff."

Lissa had always loved getting me rose things-just to see my reaction, I think. When she saw the necklace's price, her smile fell away. "Oh, look at that. Even you have limits," I teased. "Your crazy spending is stopped at last."

We waited for Victor and Natalie to finish up. He was apparently buying her something, and she looked like she might grow wings and fly away with happiness. I was glad. She'd been dying for his attention. Hopefully he was buying her something extra-expensive to make up for it.

We rode home in tired silence, our sleep schedules all messed up by the daylight trip. Sitting next to Dimitri, I leaned back against the seat and yawned, very aware that our arms were touching. That feeling of closeness and connection burned between us.

"So, I can't ever try on clothes again?" I asked quietly not wanting to wake up the others. Victor and the guardians were awake, but the girls had fallen asleep.