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"Stop!" The tone of command in Agatha's voice was so powerful that Hope ground to a halt. The elderly woman was used to being obeyed.
"What?"
"You must not leave. You know as well as I that it isn't safe beyond the walls of this convent. You may not like me, child, but you'll come to respect the protection I represent. G.o.d has seen to it that this is a place of peace and safety, and you might doom the entire world if you leave."
"What do I care about the world?" Yet in the face of Sister Agatha's piety and resolve, Hope found herself weakening. She had been hungry, and thirsty, and naked, at least in a metaphorical sense. The sisters of the convent had fed and clothed her. Didn't she owe them something in return? Perhaps in the new rules of the broken world, which Hope was still trying to learn and understand, the convent really was as safe a place as Agatha claimed. Hope had been comatose for months and the convent hadn't been attacked or burned by the Righteous Flame. Had she really been so far ahead of them that they hadn't reached her yet? Or had they simply burned themselves out?
What price freedom, and what price safety?
"You care," said Agatha with smug satisfaction. "Because you fought to live. You fought for the life of G.o.d's child within you. Even your name represents the one thing which remains when all else is lost. Stay with us as an honored guest instead of a patient. Let us keep you safe and give you a place of peace and harmony to raise the child under the watchful eyes of G.o.d."
Hope sighed. It was a convincing argument and she was tired of running. She'd lost Undead Elvis, who had been the spiritual guide on her journey, and with him had gone any sense of knowing what to do. She was like a lost lamb looking for its flock.
Maybe she'd found it.
Still, her natural sense of suspicion wouldn't let her cave so easily. "One night," she said. "I'll give you that much. Tomorrow I may decide to leave. If I do, I hope you'll let me go in peace."
"We'll see," said Agatha, sounding exactly like Hope's mother had when she was growing up. We'll see inevitably meant no, but Hope had always dreamed that one day it might mean something else.
Hope folded her arms. She knew she didn't have any power over Agatha, and if the nun decided to hold her against her will, she'd have a tough time finding her way to freedom. Her best bet would be to try to keep on the old woman's good side. "So what should I do in the meantime?"
Agatha sniffed. "I suppose you could help Sister Rae in preparing our evening meal."
Hope nodded and left the office. She asked a couple of other nuns she found in the hall where the young deaf nun might be found. They didn't know for certain, but thought she might be praying in her room. They gave Hope directions and headed off in the direction of the chapel.
Sister Rae was indeed praying. She knelt beside her bed, holding her rosary in her hands, with her head bowed and tears streaming down her cheeks. Hope chewed on her knuckles. She didn't want to interrupt the young girl's devotion, but she could see something had upset Rae, and Hope felt an overwhelming need to offer comfort. She started to step into the room, but froze as Rae pulled her habit over her head and retrieved a replacement from her bunk.
A large rose tattoo decorated Rae's left shoulder, with the vine continuing down her back, disappearing beneath her gray boyshorts, and running down the back of her right thigh to stop just above the knee. It was a gorgeous piece of skin art, and Hope couldn't imagine how much it must have hurt or how long it had taken. But she'd seen more than just the tattoo. Rae's back-indeed, her entire body-didn't display the musculature of hard labor.
No, she'd been a dancer.
The fresh habit went over Rae's head, and the one she'd removed joined others in a wicker basket to be laundered later. Hope wondered if they would beat them against rocks, like Undead Elvis had to clean her clothes by the lake.
Rae turned around and gasped as she saw Hope standing in the doorway.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you," said Hope, holding up her hands.
Rae sniffled a little and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her habit. "It's okay."
"Why are you crying?"
"I was praying. For guidance. For an answer."
"An answer to what?"
Rae stepped forward to the door and glanced into the hallway beyond. Her furtive motions put Hope on edge. Something had scared the young nun. Nevertheless, she put on a brave face, smiled at Hope despite her tearful eyes, and took her hand. "I'll show you sometime. Soon. Maybe G.o.d sent you. Maybe you're the answer I need. But right now, we need to prepare the evening meal."
"But what about the answer I need?" muttered Hope, but she let Rae lead her out of the convent.
Chapter Eighteen.
Hope and the Sisters The convent's kitchen was small. The appliances had suffered repurposing in the wake of the loss of electrical power. The stove had been tipped onto its back and the door removed to create an improvised fire pit. A bundle of wood sat beside it, waiting to be lit for the next meal. A folding sawhorse perched over the oven with a large pot suspended from the crossbar. Hope s.h.i.+vered, for the last large pot she'd seen had people cooking inside it. This one had been scrubbed clean.
"We don't have much food left," said Rae. "So we have to stretch it as much as we can."
Although the refrigerator wasn't running anymore, the nuns were keeping their non-perishable food inside it to keep rodents and insects away. The top shelf held four cans of beef broth. On the middle shelf was a plastic tub a quarter-full of coa.r.s.e-ground flour, a canister of salt, and a very small selection of spices. The bottom bin held two small burlap sacks of dry beans and something labeled winter wheat, which was unfamiliar to Hope.
Rae took the lid off a large saucepan which was full of beans soaking in water. She stirred them and checked the consistency of the legumes.
"I'm not much help in a kitchen," said Hope. "I can burn water."
"Tomorrow we'll have to fetch water," said Rae. "Those of us who are left take turns cooking and cleaning and setting up the kitchen for the next meal."
"What do you mean, those of us who are left?"
Rae's hands flew to her mouth as if to keep any more words from escaping. She shook her head as if to warn Hope. Instead, she arranged firewood inside the oven and used a burning candle to light a sheaf of dry gra.s.s kindling. Soon, the aroma of woodsmoke permeated the air, which Hope found unnerving given her experience with the Righteous Flame. The notion of food did much to settle her concerns as Rae set a couple of cups of beans and seasoning to heat in the pot over the flames. She helped Rae mix water, salt, and flour together to make a half dozen tortillas. It didn't seem like very much food, and Hope wondered how many nuns still lived within the convent walls.
When she and Rae brought out the food to the dining hall, Hope was astonished to see thirteen other nuns seated at the large table. Most of them ranged from slender to emaciated. Even those two larger women had the loose skin that overweight people get when they lose weight too fast. Hope set the serving bowl of beans and the stack of tortillas before Sister Agatha and then took a seat on the long bench beside Rae. It seemed like a horribly tiny amount of food for so many women. Hope could have eaten all the beans and half the tortillas herself, and yet they were going to divide it fifteen ways. No wonder they all looked so gaunt, she thought. How long before she joined them in slow starvation?
"Sisters, we have a guest. She and her unborn child will be staying with us tonight and, I hope, a long time afterward. Please do your best to make them feel welcome here." Agatha stared down the table at Hope, who felt very small under the woman's withering gaze. "Let us pray."
The sisters bowed their heads. Under the table, Rae reached out and clutched Hope's hand in her own. Hope bowed her own head, not wanting to stand out, although she had no idea how to pray or even what to say if she did.
At last, after what felt like a small eternity, Agatha raised her head and said "Amen." The other women echoed her. She used a knife to cut each tortilla into quarters. A piece of tortilla and two spoonfuls of beans went onto each woman's plate.
One of the larger sisters took a deep, shuddering breath as a plate was placed before her and said, "Sister Agatha, I shall take my sustenance from the Lord tonight. Please give my share to the guest."
Further down the table, Hope heard one of the nuns sob, the noise m.u.f.fled by the sleeve of her habit.
Another nun, who looked almost as old as Sister Agatha, said she too would donate her food to Hope.
"No, please," said Hope, sensing something was wrong. "I don't want to take away food from any of you. You don't have much left and it's not fair for me to take extra."
"Nonsense," said Sister Agatha. "You have a baby on the way, child. You must be properly nourished so your baby will be healthy. The Lord will see to the sisters who have so generously shared with you."
The rest of dinner, such as it was, pa.s.sed in near silence. Hope and the sisters ate slowly to make the beans last as long as possible. The two sisters who didn't eat instead pa.s.sed the meal with their heads bowed in prayer. Hope wondered if they really were getting some kind of nourishment from the act.
After dinner, Rae said one of the other sisters would clean up and prepare the kitchen for the morning meal.
"What should we do, then?" asked Hope.
"Sleep, if we can."
Hope shrugged. She was tired from her exertions. She hadn't realized how much of her body's energy reserves was going toward making her baby. She felt like she could sleep fourteen hours without even trying. They returned to Rae's room. "Did you used to have a roommate?" asked Hope as the two women pushed the beds closer together so they could be near each other instead of across the room.
Rae looked down, as if studying the hem of her habit. "No, I have always been alone."
Hope reached out and raised the young nun's chin. Fear played across Rae's face. Hope caressed her new friend's cheek with tenderness. "What's going on here?" she asked, keeping her voice quiet but careful to enunciate her words so Rae could read her lips. "You all have some terrible secret. You're all terrified. What's going on?"
Rae shook her head. "I can't." Her eyes brimmed with tears and Hope could see the struggle playing out as Rae tried to keep her composure.
Hope hugged her. "Okay, I won't push it. But listen, I'm thinking that I'm not going to stay here after all. Something's not sitting right, and Agatha scares me in a way I can't quite understand. And I want you to come with me when I leave."
Rae leaned back to look into Hope's eyes. Hope wondered what she sought. "Really?"
"Yes, really. We ex-dancers need to stick together just like we did when we were in the biz."
Rae blew out the room's only candle, plunging it into darkness. Hope reached out her hand from beneath the covers and found Rae's. She placed her other hand over her belly as exhaustion overtook her and she fell into a fitful sleep.
Something awakened her in the dead of night. She didn't know what it was, but her heart was pounding in her chest and she found herself sitting upright in the bed, ready to flee. Had it been an unexpected noise? Or had someone peered in through the window or door? She held her breath, listening for any hint of what had startled her out of sleep.
Then she heard a distant crash in the forest outside, like a tree falling. Some animal squealed in the darkness outside with awful finality, like it had just become another animal's midnight snack. Rae moaned in her sleep and rolled about in her bed.
Hope squeezed onto the narrow twin bed beside Rae and put her arms around the other girl. The closeness would comfort her, and perhaps comfort Rae's disquieted sleep as well. Rae's breathing became regular again and Hope felt her nervous tension recede. Once again, she slept.
Morning came, and Rae woke her up as gray light streamed in through the window. The sun was hidden behind a veil of thick clouds. "Good morning," said Rae. "We've almost overslept. We should hurry or Agatha won't save any food for us." They washed their faces with water from a basin on the dresser, dressed, and hurried to the dining room.
The other nuns were already seated. Agatha glared at them as they sat at the table and bowed their heads. Hope glanced around the room and noticed the two nuns who'd pa.s.sed on dinner were missing. As Agatha raised her head and started to serve up the gruel, Hope said, "I see we weren't the only ones who slept late."
Agatha gave her a stony gaze. "We are all here, child."
"But what about-"
"We. Are. All. Here." Agatha's tone turned ugly enough that Hope was taken aback.
The nun who'd been sobbing the night before pushed her plate away. "S-sister Agatha, I'll take my s-sustenance from the Lord today."
Agatha nodded. "Of course. G.o.d be praised for your devotion in His name."
Hope pushed away her own plate. "Actually, I'm not very hungry either."
Agatha stood and leaned over the edge of the table to point at her. "No. You are with child. You will eat."
"I'm feeling a little ill, Sister." Hope glared back at her. "My stomach's unsettled. Might be morning sickness. Might be intrigue."
"Pardon me?" Color rushed into Agatha's cheeks.
"What's going on here, Agatha? Where are the sisters who were here last night? Why isn't anybody saying anything?"
The remaining sisters at the table crossed themselves. One whipped a Bible out of her habit and opened it as if trying to take comfort in the words written within it.
Agatha spun on her heel and marched from the room, leaving Hope staring after her. She'd expected a confrontation. Indeed, she'd sought one. But Agatha had refused to take the bait. Hope turned to regard the other nuns. "Look, I don't know what kind of hold she's got over you, but you don't have to accept it. Things have changed."
One of the nuns stood and left the room, leaving her food untouched.
"Come on, don't be that way," Hope called after her. "Please?"
Her entreaty went ignored as more and more of the nuns left the room until only Rae and the one who'd volunteered to take her sustenance from the Lord remained behind. Rae looked far younger than her age the way her shoulders hunched up to her ears and her eyes were squeezed shut. The other nun looked up at Hope with bright tears in her eyes and the faintest of smiles peeking through her clouded expression. "You are a sweet girl," she said to Hope. "You will be a fine mother."
"Fine, whatever. Are you going to tell me what's going on?"
The nun shook her head. "I cannot."
"Why?" Hope stamped her foot in petulance. "Is it because I'm not a nun? Or because I'm not Catholic? Or maybe I don't know the d.a.m.ned secret handshake?"
The nun crossed herself at Hope's profanity. "Some vows may not be broken, dear, because to do so puts one's soul in mortal jeopardy. We did not live past the end of the world simply to give up who and what we are and what we believe. We have purpose here."
"And what purpose is that?"
"Why, to serve the Lord, of course. To do His work."
"By keeping secrets while your sisters disappear around you." Hope's bitterness was making her stomach grow more acidic. She made herself eat a spoonful of gruel to try to settle her belly down.
"They are not disappearing. They are serving the Lord in the best way they can."
Hope yelled, "Where? Doing what? I hope it's gardening or hunting, because you guys are running out of food real quick. Another week and you'll be drawing straws to see who's the next one to get eaten."
Rae cringed.
The nun stepped over to Hope. Hope stiffened, half expecting an attack, but the nun only kissed her fingertips and touched them to Hope's forehead. "G.o.d bless you and keep you safe, my dear." She turned, gathering up her habit, and fled the room like she was late for an important appointment.
The nun's actions startled Hope so much that she couldn't find any words to speak. She dropped down to sit on the bench beside Rae. "Rae," she said.
Rae buried her head in her arms.
Hope gently raised the girl's head. "Rae, look at me." The young nun sniffled and looked at Hope. "You know what's going on here, don't you?"
Rae nodded.
"Will you tell me?"
Rae nodded again. She took a deep, shuddering breath, and stood. She held out a hand to Hope, and Hope took it. "Come with me."
Chapter Nineteen.