The Sleeping Bard Part 1

The Sleeping Bard.

by Ellis Wynne.

Preface.

The Sleeping Bard was originally written in the Welsh language, and was published about the year 1720. The author of it, Elis Wyn, was a clergyman of the Cambro Anglican Church, and a native of Denbighs.h.i.+re, in which county he pa.s.sed the greater part of his life, at a place called Y las Ynys. Besides the Sleeping Bard, he wrote and published a book in Welsh, consisting of advice to Christian Professors. The above scanty details comprise all that is known of Elis Wyn. Both his works have enjoyed, and still enjoy, considerable popularity in Wales.

The Sleeping Bard, though a highly remarkable, is not exactly ent.i.tled to the appellation of an original work. There are in the Spanish language certain pieces by Francisco Quevedo, called "Visions or Discourses;" the princ.i.p.al ones being "The Vision of the Carcases, the Sties of Pluto, and the Inside of the World Disclosed; The Visit of the Gayeties, and the Intermeddler, the Duenna and the Informer." With all these the Visions of Elis Wyn have more or less connection. The idea of the Vision of the World, was clearly taken from the Interior of the World Disclosed; the idea of the Vision of Death, from the Vision of the Carcases; that of the Vision of h.e.l.l, from the Sties of Pluto; whilst many characters and scenes in the three parts, into which the work of Elis Wyn is divided, are taken either from the Visit of the Gayeties, the Intermeddler, or others of Quevedo's Visions; for example Rhywun, or Somebody, who in the Vision of Death makes the humorous complaint, that so much of the villainy and scandal of the world is attributed to him, is neither more nor less than Quevedo's Juan de la Encina, or Jack o' the Oak, who in the Visit of the Gayeties, is made to speak somewhat after the following fas.h.i.+on:--

"O ye living people, sp.a.w.n of Satan that ye are! what is the reason that ye cannot let me be at rest now that I am dead, and all is over with me? What have I done to you? What have I done to cause you to defame me in every thing, who have a hand in nothing, and to blame me for that of which I am entirely ignorant?" "Who are you?" said I with a timorous bow, "for I really do not understand you." "I am," said he, "the unfortunate Juan de la Encina, whom, notwithstanding I have been here many years, ye mix up with all the follies which ye do and say during your lives; for all your lives long, whenever you hear of an absurdity, or commit one, you are in the habit of saying, 'Juan de la Encina could not have acted more like a fool;' or, 'that is one of the follies of Juan de la Encina.' I would have you know that all you men, when you say or do foolish things, are Juan de la Encina; for this appellation of Encina, seems wide enough to cover all the absurdities of the world."

Nevertheless, though there is a considerable amount of what is Quevedo's in the Visions of Elis Wyn, there is a vast deal in them which strictly belongs to the Welshman. Upon the whole, the Cambrian work is superior to the Spanish. There is more unity of purpose in it, and it is far less enc.u.mbered with useless matter. In reading Quevedo's Visions, it is frequently difficult to guess what the writer is aiming at; not so whilst perusing those of Elis Wyn. It is always clear enough, that the Welshman is either las.h.i.+ng the follies or vices of the world, showing the certainty of death, or endeavouring to keep people from h.e.l.l, by conveying to them an idea of the torments to which the guilty are subjected in a future state.

Whether Elis Wyn had ever read the Visions of Quevedo in their original language, it is impossible to say; the probability however is, that he was acquainted with them through the medium of an English translation, which was published in London about the beginning of the eighteenth century; of the merits of that translation the present writer can say nothing, as it has never come to his hand: he cannot however help observing, that a person who would translate the Visions of Quevedo, and certain other writings of his, should be something more than a fair Spanish scholar, and a good master of the language into which he would render them, as they abound not only with idiomatic phrases, but terms of cant or Germania, which are as unintelligible as Greek or Arabic to the greater part of the Spaniards themselves.

The following translation of the Sleeping Bard has long existed in ma.n.u.script. It was made by the writer of these lines in the year 1830, at the request of a little Welsh bookseller of his acquaintance, who resided in the rather unfas.h.i.+onable neighbourhood of Smithfield, and who entertained an opinion that a translation of the work of Elis Wyn, would enjoy a great sale both in England and Wales. On the eve of committing it to the press however, the Cambrian Briton felt his small heart give way within him: "Were I to print it," said he, "I should be ruined; the terrible descriptions of vice and torment, would frighten the genteel part of the English public out of its wits, and I should to a certainty be prosecuted by Sir James Scarlett. I am much obliged to you, for the trouble you have given yourself on my account--but Myn Diawl! I had no idea till I had read him in English, that Elis Wyn had been such a terrible fellow."

Yet there is no harm in the book. It is true that the Author is any thing but mincing in his expressions and descriptions, but there is nothing in the Sleeping Bard which can give offence to any but the over fastidious. There is a great deal of squeamish nonsense in the world; let us hope however that there is not so much as there was. Indeed can we doubt that such folly is on the decline, when we find Albemarle Street in '60, willing to publish a harmless but plain speaking book which Smithfield shrank from in '30?

The Vision of the Course of the World.

One fine evening of warm sunny summer, I took a stroll to the top of one of the mountains of Wales, carrying with me a telescope to a.s.sist my feeble sight by bringing distant objects near, and magnifying small ones.

Through the thin, clear air, and the calm and luminous heat, I saw many delightful prospects afar across the Irish sea. At length, after feasting my eyes on all the pleasant objects around me, until the sun had reached his goal in the west, I lay down upon the green gra.s.s, reflecting, how fair and enchanting, from my own country, the countries appeared whose plains my eyes had glanced over, how delightful it would be to obtain a full view of them, and how happy those were who saw the course of the world in comparison with me: weariness was the result of all this toiling with my eyes and my imagination, and in the shadow of Weariness, _Mr. Sleep_ came stealthily to enthrall me, who with his keys of lead, locked the windows of my eyes, and all my other senses securely.

But it was in vain for him to endeavour to lock up the soul, which can live and toil independently of the body, for my spirit escaped out of the locked body upon the wings of Fancy, and the first thing which I saw by the side of me was a dancing ring, and a kind of rabble in green petticoats and red caps dancing away with the most furious eagerness. I stood for a time in perplexity whether I should go to them or not, because in my flurry I feared they were a gang of hungry gipsies, and that they would do nothing less than slaughter me for their supper, and swallow me without salt: but after gazing upon them for some time, I could see that they were better and handsomer than the swarthy, lying Egyptian race. So I ventured to approach them, but very softly, like a hen treading upon hot embers, that I might learn who they were; and at length I took the liberty of addressing them in this guise, with my head and back lowered horizontally: "Fair a.s.sembly, as I perceive that you are gentry from distant parts, will you deign to take a Bard along with you, who is desirous of travelling?" At these words the hurly-burly was hushed, and all fixed their eyes upon me: "_Bard_," squeaked one--"_travel_," said another--"_along with us_," said the third. By this time I saw some looking particularly fierce upon me; then they began to whisper in each others ears certain secret words, and to look at me; at length the whispering ceased, and each laying his gripe upon me they raised me upon their shoulders, as we do a knight of the s.h.i.+re, and then away with me they flew like the wind, over houses and fields, cities and kingdoms, seas and mountains; and so quickly did they fly that I could fasten my sight upon nothing, and what was worse, I began to suspect that my companions, by their frowning and knitting their brows at me, wanted me to sing blasphemy against my King and Maker.

"Well," said I to myself, "I may now bid farewell to life, these cursed witches will convey me to the pantry or cellar of some n.o.bleman, and there leave me, to pay with my neck for their robberies; or they will abandon me stark naked, to freeze to death upon the sea-brink of old s.h.i.+re Caer, {3} or some other cold, distant place;" but on reflecting that all the old hags whom I had once known had long been dead and buried, and perceiving that these people took pleasure in holding or waving me over hollow ravines, I conjectured that they were not witches but beings who are called fairies. We made no stop until I found myself by the side of a huge castle, the most beautiful I had ever seen, with a large pool or moat surrounding it: then they began to consult what they should do with me; "shall we go direct to the castle with him?" said one.

"No, let us hang him or cast him into the lake, he is not worth being shown to our great prince," said another. "Did he say his prayers before he went to sleep?" said a third. At the mention of prayers, I uttered a confused groan to heaven for pardon and a.s.sistance; and as soon as I recollected myself, I saw a light at a vast distance bursting forth, Oh, how glorious! As it drew nigh, my companions were darkening and vanis.h.i.+ng, and quickly there came floating towards us a form of light over the castle, whereupon the fairies abandoned their hold of me, but as they departed they turned upon me a h.e.l.lish scowl, and unless the angel had supported me, I should have been dashed into pieces small enough for a pasty, by the time I reached the ground.

"What is your business here?" said the angel. "In verity my lord," I replied, "I do not know what place _here_ is, nor what is my business, nor what I am myself, nor what has become of my other part; I had four limbs and a head, and whether I have left them at home, or whether the fairies, who have certainly not acted fairly with me, have cast me into some abyss, (for I remember to have pa.s.sed over several horrid ravines,) I cannot tell, sir, though you should cause me to be hung." "Fairly indeed," said he, "they would have acted with you, if I had not come just in time to save you from the clutches of these children of h.e.l.l."

"Since you have such a particular desire to see the course of the _little world_," said he, "I have received commands to give you a sight of it, in order that you may see your error in being discontented with your station, and your own country. Come with me," he added, "for a peregrination," and at the word he s.n.a.t.c.hed me up, just as the dawn was beginning to break, far above the topmost tower of the castle; we rested in the firmament upon the ledge of a light cloud to gaze upon the rising sun; but my heavenly companion, was far more luminous than the sun, but all his splendour was upward, by reason of a veil which was betwixt him and the nether regions. When the light of the sun became stronger, I could see, between the two luminaries, the vast air-encircled world, like a little round bullet, very far beneath us. "Look now," said the angel, giving me a different telescope from that which I had on the mountain.

When I peeped through this I saw things in a manner altogether different from that in which I had seen them before, and in a much clearer one. I saw a city of monstrous size, and thousands of cities and kingdoms within it; and the great ocean, like a moat, around it, and other seas, like rivers, intersecting it.

By dint of long gazing I could see that it was divided into three exceedingly large streets; each street with a large, magnificent gate at the bottom, and each gate with a fair tower over it. Upon each tower there was a damsel of wonderful beauty, standing in the sight of the whole street; and the three towers appeared to reach up behind the walls to the skirts of the castle afore-mentioned. Crossing these three huge streets I could see another; it was but little and mean in comparison with them, but it was clean and neat, and on a higher foundation than the other streets, proceeding upward towards the east, whilst the three others ran downward towards the north to the great gates. I now ventured to enquire of my companion whether I might be permitted to speak.

"Certainly," said the angel, "speak out! but listen attentively to my answers, so that I may not have to say the same thing to you more than once." "I will, my lord," said I. "Now pray, what place is the castle yonder in the north?" "The castle above in the air," said he, "belongs to Belial, prince of the power of the air, and governor of all the great city below: it is called Delusive Castle, for Belial is a great deluder, and by his wiles he keeps under his banner all you see, with the exception of the little street yonder. He is a great prince, with thousands of princes under him--what were Caesar or Alexander the Great compared with him? What are the Turk and old Lewis of France, but his servants? Great, yea, exceeding great, are the power, subtlety, and diligence of the prince Belial; and his armies in the country below are innumerable." "For what purpose," said I, "are the damsels standing yonder, and who are they?" "Softly," said the angel, "one question at once: they are there to be loved and to be adored." "And no wonder indeed," said I, "since they are so amiable; if I possessed feet and hands as formerly, I would go and offer love and adoration to them myself." "Hush, hush," said he, "if you would do so with your members, it is well that you are without them; know, thou foolish spirit, that these three princesses are only three destructive deluders, daughters of the prince Belial, and all their beauty and affability, which are irradiating the streets, are only masks over deformity and cruelty; the three within are like their father, replete with deadly poison." "Woe's me; is it possible," said I, quite sad, and smitten with love of them!

"It is but too true, alas," said he. "Thou admirest the radiance with which they s.h.i.+ne upon their adorers; but know that there is in that radiance a very wondrous charm; it blinds men from looking back, it deafens them lest they should hear their danger, and it burns them with ceaseless longing for more of it; which longing, is itself a deadly poison, breeding, within those who feel it, diseases not to be got rid of, which no physician can cure, not even death, nor anything, unless the heavenly medicine, which is called repentance, is procured, to cast out the evil in time, before it is imbibed too far, by excessive looking upon them." "But how is it," said I, "that Belial does not wish to have these adorers himself?" "He has them," said the angel; "the old fox is adored in his daughters, because, whilst a man sticks to these, or to one of the three, he is securely under the mark of Belial, and wears his livery."

"What are the names," said I, "of those three deceivers?" "The farthest, yonder," said he, "is called _Pride_, the eldest daughter of Belial; the second is _Pleasure_; and _Lucre_ is the next to us: these three are the trinity which the world adores." "Pray, has this great, distracted city," said I, "any better name than _Bedlam the Great_?" "It has," he replied, "it is called _The City of Perdition_." "Woe is me," said I, "are all that are contained therein people of perdition?" "The whole,"

said he, "except some who may escape out to the most high city above, ruled by the king Emmanuel." "Woe's me and mine," said I, "how shall they escape, ever gazing, as they are, upon the thing which blinds them more and more, and which plunders them in their blindness?" "It would be quite impossible," said he, "for one man to escape from thence, did not Emmanuel send his messengers, early and late, from above, to persuade them to turn to him, their lawful King, from the service of the rebel, and also transmit to some, the present of a precious ointment, called _faith_, to anoint their eyes with; and whosoever obtains this _true_ ointment, (for there is a counterfeit of it, as there is of every thing else, in the city of Perdition,) and anoints himself with it, will see his wounds, and his madness, and will not tarry a minute longer here, though Belial should give him his three daughters, yea, or the fourth, which is the greatest of all, to do so."

"What are those great streets called?" said I. "Each is called," he replied, "by the name of the princess who governs it: the first is the street of _Pride_, the middle one the street of _Pleasure_, and the nearest, the street of _Lucre_." "Pray tell me," said I, "who are dwelling in these streets? What is the language which they speak? What are the tenets which they hold; and to what nation do they belong?"

"Many," said he, "of every language, faith, and nation under the Sun, are living in each of those vast streets below; and there are many living in each of the three streets alternately, and every one as near as possible to the gate; and they frequently remove, unable to tarry long in the one, from the great love they bear to the princess of some other street; and the old fox looks slyly on, permitting every one to love his choice, or all three if he pleases, for then he is most sure of him."

"Come nearer to them," said the angel, and hurried with me downwards, shrouded in his impenetrable veil, through much noxious vapour which was rising from the city; presently we descended in the street of Pride, upon a s.p.a.cious mansion open at the top, whose windows had been dashed out by dogs and crows, and whose owners had departed to England or France, to seek there for what they could have obtained much easier at home; thus, instead of the good, old, charitable, domestic family of yore, there were none at present but owls, crows, or chequered magpies, whose hooting, cawing and chattering were excellent comments on the practices of the present owners. There were in that street, myriads of such abandoned palaces, which might have been, had it not been for Pride, the resorts of the best, as of yore, places of refuge for the weak, schools of peace and of every kind of goodness; and blessings to thousands of small houses around.

From the summit of this ruin, we had scope and leisure enough to observe the whole street on either side. There were fair houses of wondrous height and magnificence--and no wonder, as there were emperors, kings, and hundreds of princes there, and thousands of n.o.bles and gentry, and very many women of every degree. I saw a vain high-topt creature, like a s.h.i.+p at full sail, walking as if in a frame, carrying about her full the amount of a pedlar's pack, and having at her ears, the worth of a good farm, in pearls; and there were not a few of her kind--some were singing, in order that their voices might be praised; some were dancing, to show their figures; others were painting to improve their complexions; others had been tr.i.m.m.i.n.g themselves before the gla.s.s, for three hours, learning to smile, moving pins and making gestures and putting themselves in att.i.tudes. There was many a vain creature there, who did not know how to open her lips to speak, or to eat, nor, from sheer pride, to look under her feet; and many a ragged shrew, who would insist that she was as good a gentlewoman as the best in the street; and many an ambling fop, who could winnow beans with the mere wind of his train.

Whilst I was looking, from afar upon these, and a hundred such, behold!

there pa.s.sed by towards us, a bouncing, variegated lady with a lofty look, and with a hundred folks gazing after her; some bent themselves as if to adore her; some few thrust something into her hand. Being unable to imagine who she was, I enquired. "Oh," replied my friend, "she is one who has all her portion in sight, yet you see how many foolish people are seeking her, and the meanest of them in possession of all the attainments she can boast of. _She will not have what she can gain_, _and will never gain what she desires_, and she will speak to no one but her betters, on account of her mother's telling her, 'that a young woman cannot do a worse thing, than be humble in her love.'" Thereupon came out from beneath us a pillar of a man, who had been an alderman, and in many official situations; he came spreading his wings as if to fly, though he could scarcely draw one knee after the other, on account of the gout, and various other genteel disorders: notwithstanding which, you could not obtain from him, but through a very great favour, a glance or a nod, though you should call him by his t.i.tles and his offices.

From this being I turned my eyes to the other side of the street, where I beheld a l.u.s.ty young n.o.bleman, with a number of people behind him; he had a sweet smile and a condescending air to every one who met him. "It is strange," said I, "that this young man and yonder personage should belong to the same street." "Oh, the same princess Pride rules them both,"

answered the angel,--"this young man is only speaking fair on account of the errand he comes upon; he is seeking popularity at present, with the intent to raise himself thereby to the highest office in the kingdom--it is easy for him to lament to the people how much they are wronged by the oppression of bad masters; but his own exaltment, and not the weal of the kingdom, is the heart of the matter." After gazing for a long time, I perceived at the gate of Pride, a fair city upon seven hills, and on the top of its lofty palace there was a triple crown, with swords and keys crossed. "Lo! there is Rome," said I, "and therein dwells the Pope."

"Yes, most usually," said the angel; "but he has a palace in each of the other streets." Over against Rome, I could see a city with an exceedingly fair palace, and upon it was mounted on high, a half-moon on a banner of gold, and by that I knew that the Turk was there. Next to the gate after those, was the palace of Lewis XIV., of France, as I understood by his arms, three fleurs-de-lis upon a silver banner hanging aloft. Whilst looking on the height and majesty of these palaces, I perceived that there was much pa.s.sing and repa.s.sing from the one to the other, and I asked what was the cause thereof? "Oh, there is many a dark cause," said the angel, "why those three crafty, powerful heads should communicate; but though they account themselves fully adapted to espouse the three princesses above, their power and subtlety are nothing when compared with these; yes, Belial the Great does not esteem the whole city, (though so numerous be its kings), as equivalent to his daughters.

Notwithstanding that he offers them in marriage to everybody, he has still never given one entirely to anybody yet. There has been a rivalry between these three concerning them:--the Turk, who calls himself _G.o.d upon earth_, wished for the eldest, Pride, in marriage. 'No,' said the king of France, 'she belongs to me, as I keep all my subjects in her street, and likewise bring many to her from England and other countries.'

Spain would have the princess Lucre, in despite of Holland and all the Jews. England would have the princess Pleasure, in despite of the Pagans. But the Pope would have the whole three, and with better reason than all the rest together, therefore Belial has stationed him next to them in the three streets." "And is it on this account that there is this intercourse at present," said I. "No;" he replied, "Belial has arranged the matter between them for some time; but at present he has caused them to lay their heads together, how they may best destroy the cross street yonder, which is the city of Emmanuel, and particularly one great palace which is there, out of sheer venom at perceiving that it is a fairer edifice than exists in all the city of Perdition. Belial moreover has promised to those who shall accomplish its destruction, the half of his kingdom during his life, and the whole when he is dead. But, notwithstanding the greatness of his power and the depth of his wiles; notwithstanding the mult.i.tude of crafty emperors, kings, and rulers, who are beneath his banner in the vast city of Perdition; and notwithstanding the bravery of his countless legions on the outer side of the gates in the world below; notwithstanding all this," said the angel, "he shall see that it is a task above his power to perform. Yes; however great Belial may be, he shall find that there is One greater than he, in the little street yonder."

I was unable to hear his angelic reasons completely, from the tumbling there was along this slippery street every hour, and I could see some people with ladders scaling the tower, and having reached the highest step fall headlong to the bottom. "To what place are those fools seeking to get?" said I. "To a place high enough," said he; "they are seeking to break into the treasury of the princess." "I will warrant it is full enough," said I. "It is," he replied; "and with every thing which belongs to this street, for the purpose of being distributed amongst the inhabitants. There you will find every species of warlike arms to subdue and to over-run countries; every species of arms of gentility, banners, escutcheons, books of pedigree, stanzas and poems relating to ancestry, with every species of brave garments; admirable stories, lying portraits; all kinds of tints and waters to embellish the countenance; all sorts of high offices and t.i.tles; and, to be brief, there is every thing there that is adapted to cause a man to think better of himself, and worse of others than he ought. The chief officers of this treasury are masters of ceremonies, vagabonds, genealogists, bards, orators, flatterers, dancers, tailors, mantua-makers, and the like." From this great street we proceeded to the next, where the princess Lucre reigns; it was a full and prodigiously wealthy street, yet not half so splendid and clean as the street of Pride, nor its people half so bold and lofty looking; for they were skulking mean-looking fellows, for the most part.

There were in this street thousands of Spaniards, Hollanders, Venetians, and Jews, and a great many aged, decrepit people were also there. "Pray, sir," said I, "what kind of men are these?" "They have all gain in view," said he. "At the lowest extremity, on one side, you will still see the Pope; also subduers of kingdoms and their soldiers, oppressors, foresters, shutters up of the common foot-paths, justices and their bribers, and the whole race of lawyers down to the catchpole. On the other side," said he, "there are physicians, apothecaries, doctors, misers, merchants, extortioners, usurers, refusers to pay t.i.thes, wages, rents, or alms which were left to schools and charity houses; purveyors and chapmen who keep and raise the market to their own price; shopkeepers (or sharpers) who make money out of the necessity or ignorance of the buyer; stewards of every degree, st.u.r.dy beggars, taverners who plunder the families of careless men of their property, and the country of its barley for the bread of the poor. All these are thieves of the first water," said he; "and the rest are petty thieves, for the most part, and keep at the upper end of the street; they consist of highway robbers, tailors, weavers, millers, measurers of wet and dry, and the like." In the midst of this discourse, I heard a prodigious tumult at the lower end of the street, where there was a huge crowd of people thronging towards the gate, with such pus.h.i.+ng and disputing as caused me to imagine that there was a general fray on foot, until I demanded of my friend what was the matter. "There is an exceeding great treasure in that tower," said the angel, "and all that concourse is for the purpose of choosing a treasurer to the princess, in lieu of the Pope, who has been turned out of that office." So we went to see the election.

The men who were competing for the office were the _Stewards_, the _Usurers_, the _Lawyers_, and the _Merchants_, and the richest of the whole was to obtain it, because the more you have the more you shall crave, is the epidemic curse of the street. The Stewards were rejected at the first offer, lest they should impoverish the whole street, and, as they had raised their palaces on the ruins of their masters, lest they should in the end turn the princess out of her possession; then the dispute arose between the three others; the Merchants had the most silks, the Lawyers most mortgages on lands, and the Usurers the greatest number of full bags, and bills and bonds. "Ha! they will not agree to night,"

said the angel, "so come away; the Lawyers are richer than the Merchants, the Usurers are richer than the Lawyers, and the Stewards than the Usurers, and Belial than the whole, for he owns them all, and their property too."

"For what reason is the princess keeping these thieves about her?" I demanded. "What can be more proper," said he, "when she herself is the arrantest of thieves." I was astonished to hear him call the princess thus, and the greatest potentates thieves of the first water. "Pray, my lord," said I, "how can you call those ill.u.s.trious people greater thieves than robbers on the highway?" "You are but a dupe," said he; "is not the villain who goes over the world with his sword in his hand and his plunderers behind him, burning and slaying, wresting kingdoms from their right owners, and looking forward to be adored as a conqueror, worse than the rogue who takes a purse upon the highway? What is the tailor who cabbages a piece of cloth, to the great man who takes a piece out of the parish common? Ought not the latter to be called a thief of the first water, or ten times more a rogue than the other?--the tailor merely takes snips of cloth from his customer, whilst the other takes from the poor man the sustenance of his beast, and by so doing the sustenance of himself and his little ones--what is taking a handful of flour at the mill, to keeping a hundred sacksfull to putrify, in order to obtain afterwards a four-fold price?--what is the half-naked soldier who takes your garment away with his sword, to the lawyer, who takes your whole estate from you with a goose's quill, without any claim or bond upon it?--and what is the pickpocket who takes five pounds, to the cogger of dice who will cheat you of a hundred in the third part of a night?--and what is the jockey who tricks you in some old unsound horse, to the apothecary who chouses you of your money, and your life also with some old unwholesome physic?--and yet what are all these thieves to the mistress-thief there, who takes away from the whole all these things, and their hearts and their souls at the end of the fair?" From this dirty, disorderly street we proceeded to the street of the princess Pleasure, in which I beheld a number of Britons, French, Italians, Pagans, &c. She was a princess exceedingly beautiful to the eye, with a cup of drugged wine in the one hand, and a crown and a harp in the other. In her treasury there were numberless pleasures and pretty things to obtain the custom of every body, and to keep them in the service of her father. Yea!

there were many who escaped to this charming street, to cast off the melancholy arising from their losses and debts in the other streets. It was a street prodigiously crowded, especially with young people; and the princess was careful to please every body, and to keep an arrow adapted to every mark. If you are thirsty, you can have here your choice of drink; if you love dancing and singing, you can get here your fill. If her comeliness entice you to l.u.s.t for the body of a female, she has only to lift up her finger to one of the officers of her father, (who surround her at all times, though invisibly), and they will fetch you a la.s.s in a minute, or the _body_ of a harlot newly buried, and will go into her in lieu of a _soul_, rather than you should abandon so good a design.

Here there are handsome houses with very pleasant gardens, teeming orchards, and shadowy groves, adapted to all kinds of secret meetings, in which one can hunt birds and a certain fair coney; here there are delightful rivers for fis.h.i.+ng, and wide fields hedged around, in which it is pleasant to hunt the hare and fox. All along the street you could see farces being acted, juggling going on, and all kinds of tricks of legerdemain; there was plenty of licentious music, vocal and instrumental, ballad singing, and every species of merriment; there was no lack of male and female beauty, singing and dancing; and there were here many from the street of Pride, who came to receive praise and adoration. In the interior of the houses I could see people on beds of silk and down, wallowing in voluptuousness; some were engaged at billiard- playing, and were occasionally swearing or cursing the table keeper; others were rattling the dice or shuffling the cards. My guide pointed out to me some from the street of Lucre, who had chambers in this street; they had run hither to reckon their money, but they did not tarry long lest some of the innumerable tempting things to be met with here should induce them to part with their pelf, without usury. I could see throngs of individuals feasting, with something of every creature before them; oh, how every one did gorge, swallowing mess after mess of dainties, sufficient to have feasted a moderate man for three weeks, and when they could eat no more, they belched out a thanks for what they had received, and then gave the health of the king and every jolly companion; after which, they drowned the savour of the food, and their cares besides, in an ocean of wine; then they called for tobacco, and began telling stories of their neighbours--and, I observed, that all the stories were well received, whether true or false, provided they were amusing and of late date, above all if they contained plenty of scandal: there they sat, each with his clay pistol puffing forth fire and smoke, and slander to his neighbour. At length I was fain to request my guide to permit me to move on; the floor was impure with saliva and spilt drink, and I was apprehensive that certain heavy hiccups which I heard, might be merely the prelude to something more disagreeable.

From thence we went to a place where we heard a terrible noise, a medley of striking, jabbering, crying and laughing, shouting and singing.

"Here's Bedlam, doubtless," said I. By the time we entered the den the brawling had ceased. Of the company, one was on the ground insensible; another was in a yet more deplorable condition; another was nodding over a hearthful of battered pots, pieces of pipes, and oozings of ale. And what was all this, upon enquiry, but a carousal of seven thirsty neighbours--a goldsmith, a pilot, a smith, a miner, a chimney-sweeper, a poet, and a parson who had come to preach sobriety, and to exhibit in himself what a disgusting thing drunkenness is. The origin of the last squabble was a dispute which had arisen among them, about which of the seven loved a pipe and flagon best. The poet had carried the day over all the rest, with the exception of the parson, who, out of respect for his cloth, had the most votes, being placed at the head of the jolly companions--the poet singing:--

"Oh, where are there seven beneath the sky, Who with these seven for thirst can vie?

But the best for good ale, these seven among, Are the jolly divine, and the son of song."

Disgusted with these drunken swine, we went nearer to the gate, to take a peep at the follies of the palace of _Love_, the purblind king; it is a place easy to enter and difficult to escape from, and in it there is a prodigious number of chambers. In the hall opposite to the door was insane Cupid, with his two arrows upon his bow, shooting tormenting poison, which is called _bliss_. Upon the floor I could see many fair damsels, finely dressed, walking about, and behind them a parcel of miserable youths gazing upon their beauty, and each eager to obtain a glance from his mistress, fearing her frown far worse than death. One was bending to the ground and placing a letter in the hands of his G.o.ddess; another a piece of music, all in fearful expectation, like school-boys showing their tasks to their master; and the damsels would glance back upon them a smile, to keep up the fervour of their adorers, but nothing more, lest they should lose their desire, become cured of their wound and depart. On going forward to the parlour, I beheld females learning to dance and to sing, and to play on instruments, for the purpose of making their lovers seven times more foolish than they were already: on going to the b.u.t.tery, I found them taking lessons in delicacy and propriety of eating: on going to the cellar, I saw them making up potent love drinks, from nail-parings and the like: on going to the chambers, we beheld a fellow in a secret apartment, putting himself into all kinds of att.i.tudes, to teach his beloved elegant manners; another learning in a gla.s.s to laugh in a becoming manner, without showing to his love too much of his teeth; another we found embellis.h.i.+ng his tale before going to her, and repeating the same lesson a hundred times. Tired of this insiped folly, I went to another chamber, where there was a n.o.bleman, who had sent for a bard from the street of Pride, to compose a eulogistic strain on his angel, and a laudatory ode on himself; the bard was haranguing upon his talent--"I can," said he, "compare her to all the red and white under the sun, and say that her hair is a hundredfold more yellow than gold; and as for your ode, I can carry your genealogy through the bowels of an infinity of knights and princes, and through the waters of the deluge, even as high up as Adam."

"Lo!" said I, "here is a bard who is a better inventor than myself."

"Come away, come away," said the angel, "these people are thinking to bamboozle the woman, but when they go to her, they will be sure to obtain from her as good as they bring."

On leaving these people, we caught a glimpse of some cells, where more obscene practices were going on than modesty will suffer me to mention, which caused my companion to s.n.a.t.c.h me away in wrath, from this palace of whimsicality and wantonness, to the treasury of the princess, (because we went where we pleased, in spite of doors and locks.) There we beheld a mult.i.tude of beautiful damsels, all sorts of drink, fruit, and dainties; all kinds of instruments and books of music, harps, pipes, poems, carols, &c.; all kinds of games of chance, draught-boards, dice-boxes, dice, cards, &c.; all kinds of models of banquets and mansions, figures of men, contrivances and amus.e.m.e.nts; all kinds of waters, perfumes, colors and salves to make the ugly handsome, and the old look young, and to make the harlot and her putrid bones sweet for a time.

To be brief, there were here all kinds of _shadows_ of pleasure, all kinds of _seeming_ delight; and to tell the truth, I believe this place would have ensnared me, had not my friend, without ceremony, s.n.a.t.c.hed me far away from the three deceitful towers, to the upper end of the street, and set me down by a castellated palace of prodigious size, and very agreeable at first sight, but vile and terribly revolting on the farthest side, though it was only seen with great difficulty on the side of its deformity; it had a mult.i.tude of doors, and all the doors were splendid on the outside, but filthy within. "Pray, my lord," said I, "if it please you, what is this wonderful place?" "This," said he, "is the palace of another daughter of Belial, who is called _Hypocrisy_; she here keeps her school; there is not a youth or damsel within the whole city, that has not been her scholar, and the people in general, have so well imbibed what she has taught, that her lessons have become a second nature, and intertwined with all their thoughts, words and actions, almost since the time of their childhood." After I had inspected for a time the falsehood of every corner of the edifice, a procession pa.s.sed by with a deal of weeping and groaning, and many men and horses dight in habits of deep mourning. Presently came a wretched widow, closely m.u.f.fled, in order that she might look no more on this vile world; she was feebly crying, and groaning slowly in the intervals of fainting fits--verily, I could not help weeping myself, out of pity. "Pooh, pooh," said the angel, "keep your tears for something more worthy; these faintings are only a lesson of Hypocrisy, and in her great school these black garments were fas.h.i.+oned. There is not one of these people weeping seriously; the widow, before the body left the house, had wedded another man, in her heart; and if she could get rid of the expense attending the body, she would not care a rush if the soul of her husband were at the bottom of h.e.l.l; nor would her relations, more than herself; because when his disease was hardest upon him, instead of giving him salutary counsel and praying fervently, for the Lord to have mercy upon him, they only talked to him about his effects, and about his testament, or his pedigree, or what a handsome vigorous man he had been, and the like; so all this lamenting is mere sham--some are mourning in obedience to custom and habit, others for company's sake, and others for hire."

Scarcely had this procession pa.s.sed by, when, lo, another crowd came in sight. A certain n.o.bleman, prodigiously magnificient, and his lady at his side, were going along in state; many respectable men were capping them, and there were a thousand also behind them, shewing them every kind of submission and reverence, and by the _favours_, I perceived that it was a wedding: "He must be a very exalted n.o.bleman," said I, "who merits so much respect from all these people." "If you should consider the whole, you would say something quite different," said my guide; "that n.o.bleman is one from the street of Pleasure; and the female, is a damsel from the street of Pride, and the old man yonder, who is speaking with him, is one from the street of Lucre, who has lent money upon nearly all the land of the n.o.bleman, and is to-day come to settle accounts." We drew nigh to hear the conversation.

"Verily, sir," says the usurer, "I would not for all I possess, that you should want any thing that I can offer, in order that you may appear to- day like yourself, especially since you have met with a lady so amiable and ill.u.s.trious as this." (The subtle old dog knowing perfectly well what she was all the time.) "By the Lord above," said the n.o.bleman, "the next greatest pleasure, to looking at her beauty, is to listen to your obliging discourse; I would rather pay you usury than obtain money gratis from any one else." "Of a surety, my lord," said one of his princ.i.p.al a.s.sociates, who was called flatterer, "my uncle shows you no respect but what is fully your right; but with your permission, I will a.s.sert, that he has not bestowed half the commendation on her ladys.h.i.+p which she deserves. I cannot myself produce, and I will defy any man to produce one lovelier than herself, in the whole street of Pride; nor one more gallant than you, my lord, in the whole street of Pleasure; nor one more courteous than you, dear uncle, in the whole street of Lucre." "Oh, that is only your good opinion," replied the lord, "but I certainly believe that two never came together with more mutual love than we." As they proceeded, the crowd increased, and every one had a fair smile and a low bow for the other, and forward they ran to meet each other with their noses to the ground, like two c.o.c.ks going to engage. "Know now," said the angel, "that you have not yet seen a _bow_ here, nor heard a _word_, that did not belong to the lessons of Hypocrisy. There is not here one, after all this courtesy, that has a farthing's worth of love for the other; indeed they are for the most part enemies to one another. The n.o.bleman here is only a b.u.t.t amongst them, and every one has his. .h.i.t at him. The lady has her mind fixed upon his _grandeur_ and his _n.o.bility_, whereby she hopes to obtain precedence over many of her acquaintances.

The miser has his eye upon his _land_, for his own son; and the others, to a man, on the money, which he is to receive as her portion, because they are all his subjects, that is, his merchants, his tailors, his shoemakers, or his other tradesmen, who have arrayed him and maintained him in all this great splendour, without yet obtaining one farthing, nor any thing but fair words, and now and then, threats perhaps. Now observe how many masks, how many twists, Hypocrisy has given to the face of the truth? He is promising grandeur to his love, having already disposed of his land; and she is promising portion and purity, whereas she has no purity, but purity of dress, and as for her portion it will not be long in existence, there being an inveterate cancer in it, even as there is in her own body."

"Well, here is a proof," said I, "that one never ought to judge by appearances." "Yes," said he, "but come away, and I will show you something more." Whereupon he transported me up to where stood the churches of the city of Perdition, for every body in it had an appearance of faith, even in the age of Disbelief. First we went to the temple of Heathenism, where I could see some adoring the form of a man, others that of the sun, others that of the moon, and an innumerable quant.i.ty of similar other G.o.ds, even down to leek and garlick, and a great G.o.ddess termed _Delusion_, obtaining general adoration, although you might see something of the remnants of the Christian faith amongst some of these people. Thence we went to a meeting of Dummies, where there was nothing but groaning, and s.h.i.+vering, and beating the breast. "Though there is here," said the angel, "an appearance of repentance and great submission, there is nothing in reality, but opinionativeness and obstinacy, and pride, and thick, thick darkness. Notwithstanding they talk so much about their _internal light_, they have not even the spectacle-gla.s.ses of nature which the heathens have, whom you lately saw." From these dumb dogs we chanced to turn to a large church open at the top, with a prodigious number of sandals {23} at the gate, by which I knew that it was the temple of the Turks; these people had only a dim and motley colored spectacle gla.s.s, which they called the Koran, yet through this they were always gazing up to the top of the church for their prophet, who, according to the promise which he gave them, ought to have returned to them long ago, but has not yet made his appearance. From there we went to the church of the Jews, people who had failed to find the way of escape from the city of Perdition, although they possessed a pure, clear spectacle gla.s.s, on account of a film having come over their eyes from long gazing, for want of having anointed them with the precious ointment, _faith_. We next went to that of the Papists. "Behold," said the angel, "the church which _deceiveth the nations_! Hypocrisy has built this church at her own expense; for the Papists permit, yea enjoin the breaking of any oath made to a heretic, although it were taken upon the sacrament." From the chancel we pa.s.sed through key-holes to the upper end of a cell which stood apart, full of burning candles at mid-day, where we perceived a priest with his crown shaven, walking about as if he were in expectation of visitors; presently there came a rotund figure of a woman, and a very pretty girl behind her, and they went upon their knees before him to confess their sins. "My spiritual father," said the good woman, "I labour under a burden too heavy to be borne, unless you in your mercy will lighten it; I married a member of the church of England, and"--"What," said the shaven crown, "married a heretic! married an enemy! there is no pardon for you, now or ever." At this word she fainted, and he vociferated curses at her. "Oh, and what is worse," said she when she revived. "I have killed him!" "O, ho! you have killed him, well that is something towards obtaining reconciliation with the church; but I a.s.sure you, that unless you had killed him, you would never have got absolution, nor purgatory, but would have gone plump to the devil.

But where is your offering to the cloister?" said he, snarling. "Here,"

she replied, and handed him a pretty big purse of money. "Well," said he, "I will now make your peace, and your penance is to remain a widow as long as you live, lest you should make another bad bargain." As soon as she had departed, the damsel came forward to make her confession. "Your pardon, my father confessor," said she, "I have borne a child and murdered it." "Very fair, in troth," said the confessor, "and who was the father?" "Verily," said she, "it was one of your monastery"--"Hush, hush," said he, "no scandal against the men of the church: but where is your atonement to the church?" "There," said she, handing him a gold coin. "You must repent, and your penance is to watch to night by my bedside," said he, smiling archly upon her.

At this moment appeared four other bald-pates, hauling in a lad to the confessor, the poor fellow looking as pleased as if he were going to the gallows. "We have brought you a cub," said one of the four, "that you may award him a proper punishment for revealing the secrets of the catholic church." "What secrets?" said the confessor, looking towards a murky cell which was nigh at hand. "But confess villain, what did you say?" "In truth," said the wretch, "one of my acquaintances asked me, if I had seen the _souls_ shrieking beneath the altar, _on the day of the festival of the dead_? And I said, that I had heard the voice, but that I had seen nothing." "Ah, sir, say the whole," said one of the others.

"But I added," said he, "that I had heard that you were only deceiving us ignorant people, and that instead of souls shrieking, there were only sea- crabs crackling beneath the carpet,"--"O son of the fiend! blasphemous monster!" said the confessor; "but proceed caitiff."--"and that it was a wire which turned the image of saint Peter," said the fellow, "and that it was by the wire that the Holy Ghost descended from the gallery of the cross upon the priest." "O heritage of h.e.l.l!" said the confessor. "So ho here! take him torturers, and cast him into the smoky chimney yonder for telling tales." "Here you see," said the angel, "the church which Hypocrisy desires should be called the Catholic Church, and the members of which she would fain have the world consider, as the only people destined to be saved; it must be owned, indeed, that they had the true spectacle-gla.s.s, but they spoiled it by cutting upon the gla.s.s numerous images; and they had true faith, but they mingled that precious ointment with their own novel inventions, so that at present they see no more than the heathen." Thence we went to a barn, where stood a pert, conceited fellow preaching with great glibness, frequently repeating the same thing three times. "This man and his hearers," said the angel, "possess the true spectacle-gla.s.s, to see the things which pertain to their peace, but they lack now in their old age, a very essential matter which is called perfect love. Various are the causes which drive folks. .h.i.ther; some come out of respect to their forefathers, some out of ignorance, and many for worldly advantage. They will make you believe with their faces that they are being strangled, but they can swallow a toad if necessary; and thus the princess Hypocrisy does not disdain to teach some in barns." "Pray,"