Against All Things Ending Part 8

After Unwisdom

Linden Avery wanted to sit down on the benign gra.s.s and cover her face. She was full of shame, and had no right to it. In giving the Harrow what he wanted, if not in wrenching Thomas Covenant out of the Arch of Time, she had known what she was doing. She had made her choice deliberately. She could not excuse herself with blame.

Help me? she wanted to ask, although she hardly knew who might remain able or willing to aid her. Please?

You have companions, Chosen, who have not faltered in your service. If you must have counsel, require it of them If you must have counsel, require it of them.

Among them, only Liand retained any theurgy-and she had ignored his advice. She had not heeded any of her friends.

Too diminished to continue standing in front of the Harrow, Linden walked hesitantly toward Covenant. For the moment, at least, he had become a lesser pain, in spite of his uncontrollable lapses and his leprosy.

And he would be safe in Andelain-all of her companions would be safe-when the Harrow took her away. While Loric's krill krill reflected wild magic from Joan's ring, the Wraiths could refuse any evil. Even Kastenessen and the reflected wild magic from Joan's ring, the Wraiths could refuse any evil. Even Kastenessen and the skurj skurj, even Roger and Esmer, were precluded from bearing their malice among the Hills.

Nevertheless such things did not comfort her. The emptiness of her hands left her vulnerable in more ways than she could count. She was acutely conscious of the floundering dismay with which her friends followed her away from the Harrow. The bullet hole in her s.h.i.+rt had no significance now that the red flannel did not cover Covenant's wedding band. Instead the wound of her death, like the strip that she had torn from the fabric for the Mahdoubt's gown, and the small rents plucked by twigs and branches, merely made her look as tattered as her spirit.

In contrast, the gra.s.s stains on her jeans had never felt so fatal. They dragged at her steps like omens or arcane stigmata.

She had nothing to hold on to except Jeremiah's crumpled racecar deep in her pocket. It was her only defense. Her son needed her. She did not know another way to save him.

In the bottom of the hollow, Covenant still paced slowly around the radiance of the krill krill, studying it as if it had the capacity to anchor him somewhere in time, if only he could discover how to use it. As he moved, he spoke in a low voice; delivered a steady monologue that seemed to serve no purpose except to occupy his companions.

He may have been striving to retain as many of his splintered memories as he could.

The Humbled, Pahni and Bhapa, and three or four Giants stood in a loose circle that encompa.s.sed Covenant and the charred stump of Caer-Caveral's corpse. The att.i.tudes of the Giants and the Cords conveyed the impression that they had given up trying to find a coherent-or pertinent-narrative in Covenant's musings. The blank stoicism of the Humbled concealed the character of their attention; but they appeared to be waiting for the ur-Lord, the Unbeliever, to become the man he had once been.

Belatedly Linden realized that the Humbled had no reason to a.s.sail her now. If they wished to prevent any further misuse of Earthpower and wild magic, they would have to battle the Harrow, who had already demonstrated that he was proof against them. And against Branl, Galt, and Clyme, the Ardent might side with his fellow Insequent. Linden could not imagine what use the Ardent might make of his ribbands, or his other magicks; but she did not doubt that it would be effective. In spite of his lisp and his corpulence, he had convinced her that he did indeed wield enhanced powers, for good or ill. The Harrow would not have acceded to the Ardent's conditions otherwise.

Yearning wordlessly for some further rea.s.surance from the man whom she had most harmed, Linden studied Covenant closely. She would need his attention soon, before she exhausted the Harrow's patience-or the Ardent's. She wanted to believe that she was still capable of a few undestructive decisions; that she could at least ensure the immediate safety of her friends before she went with the Harrow to watch the croyel croyel swallow blood from Jeremiah's neck. But she feared that her bargain with the Harrow had cost her the last of her credibility. Even Liand, Stave, and Mahrtiir might not heed her now, if Covenant did not take her part. swallow blood from Jeremiah's neck. But she feared that her bargain with the Harrow had cost her the last of her credibility. Even Liand, Stave, and Mahrtiir might not heed her now, if Covenant did not take her part.

He would not be able to help her if he could not find his way out of the faults that riddled his mind. But he was still lost in the ramifications of time. He seemed to drift, rudderless, through a Sarga.s.so of memories which were of no use to him.

And his leprosy-Ah, G.o.d. His leprosy was growing worse, exacerbated by the pall of Kevin's Dirt. Here in Andelain, the effects of that dire fug were muted. Perhaps the Wraiths blunted the evil which Kastenessen, Esmer, and moksha moksha Raver had inflicted upon the Upper Land. Nevertheless Kevin's Dirt remained: Linden tasted it when she peered up at the stars and the night sky. Already Covenant's hands and feet were almost entirely numb. If his condition continued to deteriorate, it was only a matter of time until his sight began to fail. Raver had inflicted upon the Upper Land. Nevertheless Kevin's Dirt remained: Linden tasted it when she peered up at the stars and the night sky. Already Covenant's hands and feet were almost entirely numb. If his condition continued to deteriorate, it was only a matter of time until his sight began to fail.

He moved awkwardly, as though he had lost or forgotten precise control over his muscles. Yet he seemed unaware of his ailment. Instead his attention was focused on the krill krill-or on the unpredictable slippage of his thoughts.

"Someone," he remarked as if this idea followed from what he had been saying. "I forget who. I want to think it was Mhoram, but it may have been Berek. When he was rallying the sc.r.a.ps of his army after he came back from Mount Thunder.

"He said-" Covenant paused; closed his eyes for a moment. Frowning at the effort of coherent recall, he recited, " 'There is no doom so black or deep that courage and clear sight may not find another truth beyond it.'" Then he looked at Clyme, Galt, and Branl in turn. "Does that make sense to you? It should. But if it doesn't-"

Stiffly he started walking again, pacing his circle around Loric's krill krill as if he sought to circ.u.mscribe his own confusion; contain it somehow. "It's my fault, really. I asked you to protect Revelstone, but I wasn't clear. No one can blame as if he sought to circ.u.mscribe his own confusion; contain it somehow. "It's my fault, really. I asked you to protect Revelstone, but I wasn't clear. No one can blame you you if they don't like how you kept your promise. I didn't tell you I wanted you to protect what Revelstone if they don't like how you kept your promise. I didn't tell you I wanted you to protect what Revelstone means means."

He seemed to think that the Masters-like Linden-might crave his absolution. Against every obstacle, he struggled to keep faith with the deeds and necessities which had brought the Land to its last crisis.

While Covenant talked, Liand approached Mahrtiir. Softly the Stonedownor asked, "Manethrall, would it not be well to send Bhapa and Pahni in search of hurtloam? Surely some may be found among Andelain's riches of health and wonder. I know not whether Thomas Covenant's mind may be healed-or whether, as Linden has averred, the attempt would be unwise. Yet the strange corruption which gnaws at his flesh-"

"No!" With an almost audible jolt, Covenant's awareness recovered its focus. Suddenly he was present present, as vivid as a seer. Wheeling, he faced Liand and Mahrtiir. "No hurtloam," he said sharply. "I don't expect you to understand. But I need need this." He brandished his hands. "I need to be numb. It doesn't just make me who I am. It makes me who I this." He brandished his hands. "I need to be numb. It doesn't just make me who I am. It makes me who I can can be." be."

Before the Manethrall or the Stonedownor could respond, Covenant strode around the dead stump toward Linden. But he did not advance on her. As soon as he stood between her and the s.h.i.+ning dagger, he stopped.

She, too, stopped-helplessly, as if he had commanded a distance between them. With Stave at her shoulder and the troubled bulk of the Giants at her back, she waited to hear what he would say. She did not know how to speak first; to ask for his succor. Her needs were a crowding throng, so many that she could hardly name them.

The light of the krill krill cast his features into shadow. She could not distinguish his expression. The scar on his forehead was a pale crease across his thoughts. cast his features into shadow. She could not distinguish his expression. The scar on his forehead was a pale crease across his thoughts.

"Linden." Limned in argent, he spoke as if her name twisted his heart. "I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner." His tone accused himself. "If I could have held on to my mind."

There he appeared to slip, distracted by some errant recollection. "I did practically the same thing myself once. The Land needed me, and I turned my back. We've talked about that. I meant to remind you." His manner suggested that he was trying to say too many different things at once. Linden felt his struggle to organize his thoughts. "Mhoram urged me not to worry about it. He wanted me to know there are some motives that simply can't can't serve Lord Foul. No matter how the Despiser squirms, he can't twist them to give him what he wants." serve Lord Foul. No matter how the Despiser squirms, he can't twist them to give him what he wants."

Mistaken though it may be, no act of love and horror-or indeed of self-repudiation-is potent to grant the Despiser his desires. He may be freed only by one who is compelled by rage, and contemptuous of consequence He may be freed only by one who is compelled by rage, and contemptuous of consequence.

Then Linden saw Covenant gather his resolve. Awkwardness made him brusque.

"But that's not what I want to say. I'm going to take the krill krill."

At once, everything around him intensified. Several of the Giants caught their breath. Rime Coldspray hissed a wordless objurgation. Anele stirred restlessly in his sleep, as if he had been disturbed by the sound of distant thunder. Liand's protests were stilled by Mahrtiir's sudden grasp on his arm. In fright, Pahni moved to stand with the Stonedownor. Bhapa stared, wide-eyed, at the Unbeliever. Linden half expected the Wraiths to return in refusal.

At the same time, the Humbled seemed to take on substance and clarity as if they had been vindicated; as if their faith in the ur-Lord had been confirmed.

"I know," Covenant muttered. "That'll leave Andelain unprotected-which personally makes me want to puke. Without it, the Wraiths won't have the right kind of strength to guard the borders. They won't be able to prevent- "But one of us ought to have a weapon of some kind. Wherever we're going, we're likely to need it. As long as Joan is still alive-as long as she has her ring-that knife can cut through practically anything." For a moment, he faltered. "I hope that doesn't make me 'contemptuous of consequence.'"

While he appeared to search for words, Linden grasped her opportunity. Quickly she asked, "Where are are we going?" She had no intention of taking Covenant-or anyone else-with her. "The Harrow doesn't want to tell me." we going?" She had no intention of taking Covenant-or anyone else-with her. "The Harrow doesn't want to tell me."

"Ah, h.e.l.l, Linden," Covenant muttered in disgust. "If I knew-if I could remember-I would say so." With the heel of his halfhand, he thumped his forehead. "It's such a mess in here." Briefly a grin like a grimace distorted his face. "If you don't want to hit me again, threaten me with hurtloam. It's amazing how that helps me concentrate.

"But we're going to need a weapon," he resumed. "That I'm sure of. You shouldn't have to do everything yourself. And this is I'm sure of. You shouldn't have to do everything yourself. And this is my my problem. I've already done too many things wrong. Even when I was part of the Arch, I was too human- problem. I've already done too many things wrong. Even when I was part of the Arch, I was too human- "I got you into this." Earlier he had blamed himself for misleading her by speaking to her in her dreams, and through Anele. "I should at least try to help you save your son."

As if he were bracing himself for an ordeal, he turned to confront Loric's krill krill.

"Wait!" Linden said urgently. "Wait a minute. This isn't what I want." Mere moments ago, she had believed that she had surrendered everything. Now she saw that she had been mistaken. She also needed to prevent him from accompanying her; from taking any more risks for her sake. "You promised-"

Once, millennia ago in the Land, Thomas Covenant had avowed that he would never use power again.

"I know," he repeated over his shoulder. "I was trying to make myself innocent. Impotent or helpless. I couldn't think of any other way to stop Lord Foul.

"But you were right all along. Sometimes just being innocent or ignorant or even good isn't enough. Maybe that's always true. Maybe we're all like Esmer. If we want to do good, we have to take the risk of evil. The risk that we actually are are evil." evil."

In the background of Covenant's voice, Linden seemed to hear Dr. Berenford. Guilt is power Guilt is power. When the old physician had first asked for her help with Covenant ten years ago, he had described the theme of one of Covenant's novels. Only the d.a.m.ned can be saved Only the d.a.m.ned can be saved.

Like Covenant, Linden was the prisoner of her memories.

"This won't be the first promise I've broken," he finished harshly. "Maybe it'll be the last."

She wanted to stop him. For Andelain's sake, she should have shouted objections to the heavens. But he had already reached for the ineffable puissance of the dagger.

Neither the Humbled nor Stave made any attempt to prevent him.

He would not be able to withdraw the krill krill. He was only human now, and the blade was deeply embedded. Over the centuries, the stump had become as hard as ironwood. In fact, he should not even have been able to touch the knife. Linden had felt its heat. Sunder had carried it wrapped in cloth so that it would not burn his skin. Nevertheless Covenant closed both hands around the weapon's haft. His shoulders hunched as he began to pull.

Silhouetted against the light, he seemed to loom larger-black and ominous-as he strained to draw the knife from its ancient sheath. Linden could not see his face, but she could feel his muscles tremble. And- Oh, G.o.d!

-she could smell the nauseating sweetness as his flesh began to burn. The dagger was not merely hot: it was suddenly too too hot. A new rush of power blazed like incandescence from the gem: hot. A new rush of power blazed like incandescence from the gem: Joan's Joan's power. A rightful white gold wielder-No ordinary fabric would have given Covenant enough protection. He would sear the skin from his bones before he moved the power. A rightful white gold wielder-No ordinary fabric would have given Covenant enough protection. He would sear the skin from his bones before he moved the krill krill.

"Linden!" panted Liand. Pahni and Mahrtiir had to hold him back. "Linden."

The halved clutch of Covenant's right hand slipped. Smoke curled from his grasp: the odor of cooked meat became more acute. But he did not admit defeat. Hooking the two fingers of his halfhand over the blade's guards, he continued to pull against the clasp of Caer-Caveral's death.

I need need this. I need to be numb. this. I need to be numb.

Now the krill krill's gem burned directly into his palm. In another moment, his hands would catch flame: they would be permanently crippled. But he did not appear to feel the pain; gave no sign that he recognized the smell. His leprosy enabled him to keep his grip, but it also prevented him from knowing how badly he was damaging himself.

"Covenant Giantfriend!" Rime Coldspray towered over him; yet the stark extremity of his efforts made him seem her equal. "Stand aside! This is caamora caamora, the province of Giants. Will you maim yourself and be made useless? Your flesh cannot endure such grief! You must permit me-"

Joan was doing this, Joan Joan. Somehow she-or turiya turiya Herem-recognized Covenant's grasp on the Herem-recognized Covenant's grasp on the krill krill. The Raver surely guided her; but the wild magic was hers.

Still Covenant heaved with his whole strength. Strain tore a hoa.r.s.e snarl between his teeth, but did not free the knife.

A cry rose like bile in Linden's throat. She swallowed it so that she would not vomit.

"Ironhand!" barked Stave. "Aid me!"

Swift as thought, the former Master sprang to Covenant's side; dropped to one knee. With both fists, he began punching at the stump as if he imagined that he could batter it apart.

The wood was too hard for him; too old and enduring. It could have resisted an axe as easily as it ignored his blows. But Galt, Branl, and Clyme followed his example: they were no more than a heartbeat behind him. Their pounding shook the dead trunk to its roots. The earth seemed to absorb the pain that should have made Covenant let go.

An instant later, Coldspray's ma.s.sive fists hammered down onto the stump; struck with the force of bludgeons. The thunder that troubled Anele filled the hollow.

With the Ironhand's second blow, the wood splintered. Caer-Caveral's last legacy was shattered as if it had been blasted by lightning.

In that instant, Linden felt a tremor in the ground: a shudder so fundamental that she heard it in the marrow of her bones rather than with her ears. She sensed realities grinding against each other. Briefly the trees and even the gra.s.s of Andelain appeared to tremble as if in dread.

Violently released, Covenant staggered backward. If Frostheart Grueburn had not caught him, he would have fallen. Effort or realized agony ripped a howl from the depths of his chest. The krill krill spun from his grasp: he could not hold it. Shafts and flashes of silver cartwheeled through the branches of the nearby trees, etching every leaf as they pa.s.sed. Small sc.r.a.ps of skin smoked and melted like wax on the gem as the dagger fell to the gra.s.s. spun from his grasp: he could not hold it. Shafts and flashes of silver cartwheeled through the branches of the nearby trees, etching every leaf as they pa.s.sed. Small sc.r.a.ps of skin smoked and melted like wax on the gem as the dagger fell to the gra.s.s.

In shreds of illumination, Linden saw the flesh of Covenant's palms and fingers bubbling- A tumult of shouts and consternation answered the sight. Ignoring Covenant's prohibition, the Manethrall commanded his Cords, "Hurtloam! Now! Now!" As Pahni and Bhapa sped away, Liand rushed to help Grueburn support Covenant. With one hand, the Stonedownor s.n.a.t.c.hed at his orcrest orcrest as if it were an instrument of healing. Giants protested the sight of Covenant's hands. as if it were an instrument of healing. Giants protested the sight of Covenant's hands.

"Haruchai!" roared the Ironhand. "Swordmainnir! A foe extends evil into the heart of Andelain, regardless of the Wraiths. Watch and ward! An attack may follow!" roared the Ironhand. "Swordmainnir! A foe extends evil into the heart of Andelain, regardless of the Wraiths. Watch and ward! An attack may follow!"

Like Linden, Coldspray had discerned Joan's fury. But the Ironhand did not know that it was Joan's Joan's.

Covenant held out his hands as if he were pleading. His breath came in huge excruciated gasps.

Hardly aware of what she did, Linden reached out for the power of the Staff. The Harrow held it, but it was hers: she could feel its ready possibilities. And once before, in the caves of the Waynhim, she had called Earthpower from the Staff when it was some distance away. She could still make use of it- She could not. The Harrow's avid claim blocked her. The black wood was lambent with magic and Law; but neither fire nor healing answered her call.

"I am impatient, lady." The brown-clad Insequent's voice was deep loam. "Have done with these delays. Accompany me."

He tried to sound scornful, but Linden heard him clearly. He was not impatient: he was alarmed. Instinctively she guessed that he did not want Covenant to wield the krill krill.

She ignored him. If she had known how to do so, she would have summoned the Wraiths. The sight of Covenant's ruined hands nearly stopped her heart.

With waddling steps, the Ardent approached the cl.u.s.ter around Covenant. And as he drew near, his garish apparel expanded. Amid a cloud of floating colors, he advanced until he gained an un.o.bstructed view of Covenant's hands. Then with a florid gesture he sent bright ribbands curling and probing toward the Unbeliever.

"Joan," Covenant panted, fighting to manage more pain than he could contain.

Crimson and opalescent strips found his hands. Two or three of the Swordmainnir started to swat the bands away, then stopped themselves.

Unregarded on the ground, the krill krill's heat began to fade. It remained too hot for Linden, Liand, or the Ramen to touch safely; but the rush of force which had damaged Covenant dwindled away.

"She or turiya turiya felt what I was doing." felt what I was doing."

Clutching his unused Sunstone, Liand watched as streamers of cloth began to wrap Covenant's hands, his heat-ravaged fingers.

"She tried to stop me."

Silken as caresses, the ribbands glided over his skin, twined around each other seamlessly as they formed bandages which were still part of the Ardent's raiment.

Their theurgy was invisible to Linden's senses. Nevertheless Covenant's relief was immediate. While her heart tried to beat, his pain sank away like water into parched sand. A moment of light-headedness nearly broke her balance.

"If that poor woman could concentrate," he said, sighing. By degrees, he began to breathe more easily. "If Foul hadn't hurt her so badly."

"That was well done," the Ardent announced with plumy satisfaction, "though I alone proclaim it so." Another gesture detached Covenant's bandages from the fluttering aura of his garments; sent them to secure themselves. "If you will abide by my counsel, Timewarden, you will not remove my bindings. The easing of pain is a less arduous magic than the mending of flesh. Also it cannot be doubted that you will find subsequent need for such protection. My gift will prove a greater benison if it is permitted to remain as it is."

Covenant did not appear to hear the Insequent. His voice grew stronger as he finished, "She wanted to kill me, but she's in too much pain herself. She'll probably try again later. For now, she's done as much as she can."

How he knew this, Linden could not imagine. Nonetheless she agreed with him. She had recognized Joan's ferocity herself. And she was familiar with the frailty of Joan's damaged mind.

Marveling, the Manethrall studied Covenant. But what he saw with his eyeless senses appeared to satisfy him. Lifting his face to the sky, he gave a whinnying cry to recall his Cords.

As the sound carried through the night, Linden found herself kneeling on the gra.s.s among Giants who seemed as tall as trees. She did not remember sagging to the ground: she simply had no strength to stand. Still she continued to watch Covenant as he stretched and flexed his wrapped fingers in evident wonder. She did not breathe normally until he stooped to grasp the krill krill again. As he lifted it, its radiance lit his hair like silver fire-but holding it did not hurt him. again. As he lifted it, its radiance lit his hair like silver fire-but holding it did not hurt him.

With an air of self-congratulation, the Ardent withdrew to consider the company from the slope of the hollow. His manner-and Covenant's-confirmed that the danger had pa.s.sed.

Sighing, Linden let herself fall back to sit with her knees hugged against her chest, and her face hidden. She had given in to the Harrow too readily. Now she was useless.

Projecting more confidence, the Harrow repeated, "I am impatient, lady. Do you seek to prolong your son's plight?"

No one paid any attention to him.

While Mahrtiir's call receded among the trees, the Giants began to relax. Cabledarm or Cirrus Kindwind murmured a low jest that Linden did not hear: two or three of the Ironhand's company chuckled in response. Perhaps to rea.s.sure him, Galesend gave Liand's shoulder a friendly shake that staggered him. Coldspray rolled her head to loosen a heavy burden of tension from her neck.

The Humbled gathered around Covenant as if to guard him from his companions. At the same time, Stave returned among the Giants to stand near Linden. Prostrate on the gra.s.s, Anele continued sleeping as though nothing had happened to disturb the respite which he had received from his parents.

There were things that Linden needed to do: she was sure of it. Questions to ask. Decisions to make-or insist upon. Actions to take. The Harrow was right. Surely the time had come to require him to keep his side of the bargain?

But her hands seemed to weigh more now than they did when she had carried the Staff. Without Covenant's ring on its chain around her neck, she did not know how to lift up her head. Soon, she told herself. Soon-But right now she felt too deprived and beaten to do anything except huddle into herself and try to slip sideways into some realm of memory or helplessness where she could not be held responsible.

Tried to stop me.

He did not know of your intent.