Sean's Reckoning Part 8

"Please, Mom?" Kevin begged.

She grinned at his eagerness to abandon the adults-even his beloved Sean-in favor of playing catch with some older boys. "If Sean thinks it's okay and the boys don't mind, it's fine with me."

"All right!" Kevin said, racing after the others as they loped back to their game.

Deanna stood looking after him. He was growing up so fast, and she was missing so much of it, thanks to her work schedule. In that instant she could see as plainly as she ever had that she was shortchanging not only Kevin but herself. Unfortunately, she couldn't see any way around it, not unless the courts managed to track down the errant Frankie and extract all the child-support payments he'd missed over the years.

"You don't need to worry about Kevin. Davey and Mark live right downstairs from me. Their mom keeps an eye on them out her window, and you'll be able to see them from my kitchen window, too."

Deanna forced a smile. "I'm being silly and overprotective, aren't I?"

"No, of course not. You can never be too careful in this day and age, but this neighborhood is as safe as any in town. I wouldn't have suggested letting Kevin play if it weren't. And there's always a parent within earshot."

Deanna studied him closely, realizing with a sense of amazement that he took the safety of all these children as personally as if they were his own. "Something tells me you keep a close eye on things when you're around, as well."

He shrugged. "I do what I can. Now let's get out of here before we cramp their style." Reaching for her hand, he led her inside and up the narrow stairs.

"The kitchen's this way," he said as soon as they'd walked into his apartment.

Deanna wondered at his eagerness to keep her from looking around. "Did you forget to straighten up this morning?" she asked, deliberately lagging behind him.

Sean stopped and stared at her, evidently bewildered by the teasing question. "What?"

"You seem to be in a rush to get me into the kitchen. I figure that's because you left your underwear scattered all over or something."

"Hey, I'm no slob," he protested with feigned indignation. "I thought you'd be in a hurry to look outside and check on Kevin, make sure you could keep an eye on him."

"You told me he'd be safe," she reminded him.

"And you trust my judgment?"

"When it comes to my son, yes," she said, surprised to realize that it was true. If there was one thing she believed with all her heart, it was that Sean would never deliberately put her child-any child-at risk. She was surprised by the expression that washed over his face. Relief, maybe. Even a hint of wonder.

"Just like that?" he asked.

"Not just like that," she countered, astounded that he would doubt her faith in his reliability. "I've seen you with Kevin several times now. I saw how those boys outside look up to you. And I've talked to you myself. You're a good guy, Sean, especially when it comes to kids."

"Thanks. It means a lot to hear you say that."

"Why? You have to know you're great with kids."

"I don't know about that," he said.

"Of course you are," she insisted. "You know what surprises me, though?"

"What?"

"As much as you obviously love children, I can't believe you don't have some of your own."

His expression promptly shut down. "Not going to happen," he said tightly.

"Why on earth not?"

"You know why," he said. "What the h.e.l.l does a man with my background know about raising a family?"

Deanna met his tormented gaze directly. "It seems to me if anyone knows what not not to do when it comes to raising kids, it's you," she said, gently but with complete conviction. to do when it comes to raising kids, it's you," she said, gently but with complete conviction.

He seemed startled by her statement. "Doesn't mean I could stick it out, any more than my folks could."

"You're not giving yourself much credit," she accused.

"For good reason. Those are the genes I've got running through me."

"You said you've been in touch with one brother recently. Does he feel the same way?"

"Pretty much," he said, then hesitated. "Or at least he did."

"What changed his mind?"

"He met someone, fell in love."

"And got married?" Deanna guessed.

Sean nodded.

"And he's braver than you are? I doubt that," she scoffed.

"It's not about being brave," he retorted.

"Sure it is. Every marriage requires a leap of faith, even for people who don't have lousy examples all around them. The same holds true for having kids. They don't come with instruction manuals. Even the best baby books don't really prepare you for the day-in, day-out realities. But thousands-probably even millions-of people have babies for the first time every year. These parents survive, and so do the kids."

He grinned. "All this talk about bravery from a woman who didn't even want to go out on a date because the prospect scared her," he teased.

Deanna winced at the accurate accusation. "I'm not scared of dating," she muttered.

"Oh? Must be me, then. Are you scared of me, Deanna?" He stepped closer as he spoke, then reached out and traced the curve of her jaw, sending a shudder through her.

"No," she whispered, but it was evident to both of them that it was a lie. She was sure he could feel her trembling, feel the heat climbing into her cheeks.

"I want to kiss you again," he said, as if he weren't especially happy about it.

Because she had something to prove, she faced him with her jauntiest expression. "Then why don't you?" she dared him.

He rubbed his thumb across her lower lip. "You mean that?"

The truth was, she thought she might die if she didn't feel his lips on hers in the next ten seconds. She nodded.

"Well then, I suppose it would be wrong of me to let a lady down," he said, slowly lowering his head until his mouth was a scant fraction of an inch above hers.

"Very wrong," she agreed as his lips met hers.

The explosion of need was every bit as violent and overwhelming as it had been the first time he'd kissed her. Deanna lost herself in the swirl of dark, tempting sensations, letting herself rock forward until she was crushed against him. Heat from his body surrounded her, pulling her in, making her crave more.

What on earth was she doing? This was exactly what she'd told herself to avoid at all costs. Her senses were swimming, filled with the taste and feel of Sean as he devoured her with that kiss. He s.h.i.+fted, and she felt the edge of the counter at her back, the hard press of his arousal against her hip. There was an odd sense of comfort in knowing that he wanted her as desperately as she wanted him, that he had as little control over his responses as she did.

"Mom! Sean!"

The sound of Kevin's shouts and the thunder of footsteps on the stairs tore them apart. Deanna barely resisted the urge to turn and splash cold water on her face before her son ran into the room. She noted that Sean deliberately turned his back to the room, dragging in deep gulps of air to steady himself before facing Kevin.

"In here," she called, her voice shaky.

Kevin raced through the door, then skidded to a stop. He studied her worriedly, then looked at Sean. "You guys aren't fighting, are you?"

"No, of course not. Why would you think that?"

"'Cause you look all funny, kinda like Hank and Ruby when they're fighting."

Now wasn't that telling? Deanna thought, resolving to ask Ruby just how much fighting fighting she and Hank were doing lately. "Everything's fine," she rea.s.sured Kevin. "Did you come up here for a reason?" she and Hank were doing lately. "Everything's fine," she rea.s.sured Kevin. "Did you come up here for a reason?"

"I'm starving. The other guys had to go in for dinner, so I came up to see if the burgers are ready."

"Not just yet," Sean said.

Deanna barely contained a chuckle at the gross exaggeration.

Kevin looked around the kitchen, clearly noting that the table wasn't set and that there was no evidence that dinner had even been started. "What have you guys been doing?" he asked.

"Talking," Deanna said at once. "We lost track of time."

"Oh," Kevin said, apparently placated. "Can I have a soda?"

"Sure," Sean said eagerly, reaching inside the fridge to retrieve one, then glancing at Deanna. "Okay?"

"Sure," she said. She would have given Kevin anything he'd asked for at that point, if it would have gotten him off the embarra.s.sing topic of what she and Sean had been up to.

Kevin took his can of pop and climbed onto a chair. "What have you been talking about?" he asked, clearly settling in.

"Grown-up stuff. Nothing that would interest you, kiddo," Sean said, when Deanna remained completely mute, unable to think of a single response.

"Oh," Kevin said again, a bored expression crossing his face. Finally he asked, "Can I watch TV?"

Sean again glanced at Deanna. She nodded. "Just until dinner's ready," she told him. "You turn it off and come when we call, okay?"

Kevin looked at the unopened package of hamburger meat sitting on the counter and rolled his eyes. "It's not like that's gonna be anytime soon, is it?"

As soon as he'd left the kitchen, Sean looked at Deanna and grinned. "Scolded by a five-year-old," he lamented. "How embarra.s.sing is that?"

"Not as embarra.s.sing as trying to explain what he almost walked in on," she said. "I felt as if I were sixteen again and my father caught me making out on the front porch."

He studied her with undisguised curiosity. "Did you get caught a lot?"

"Probably not nearly as much as you probably did," she said.

"n.o.body much cared what I did," he said in a matter-of-fact way that said volumes about how much that still hurt.

Deanna avoided any hint of pity. "Not even the fathers of the girls you dated?"

A smile tugged at his lips, apparently at some nearly forgotten memory. "You have a point. They did care quite a lot, but I was a smooth operator. I almost never got caught kissing their precious daughters."

"Lucky you."

He winked. "Luck had nothing to do with it. I knew enough to steer clear of their front porches. I did all my kissing in the back seat of a car, blocks from home."

Deanna felt a little thrill of excitement at the image he'd created. She wouldn't mind spending an evening in the back seat of a car with him. But given their age and experience, she doubted they'd be able to confine themselves to kissing.

"Don't even go there," Sean said.

"Where?" she asked innocently.

"I am not going to make out with you in the back seat of a car," he said firmly, his eyes twinkling and his lips struggling to hold back a grin.

She frowned at the obvious teasing. "Who asked you to?"

"Come on. You know you want to. It's written all over your face."

She shook her head and regarded him with a stern expression. "Given what you're telling me, I'm more amazed than ever that you made it to the age of twenty-nine without having at least a brush with fatherhood."

Sean's humor promptly died. "Ever heard of birth control?"

"Sure, but it's not fail proof."

"It is when I use it," he said, his expression grim.

She should have found that rea.s.suring, but for some reason all she felt was sorrow that a man with as much parenting potential as Sean was more terrified of becoming a father than he was of walking into a blazing building.

Sean thought things had been going just great until Deanna had started pus.h.i.+ng him about being a father. Why she couldn't see that he was a lousy candidate for such a role was beyond him. He liked kids. He got along with them. But that wasn't enough to prove that he had what it took to nurture one the way a real dad was supposed to do. h.e.l.l, he didn't know the first thing about making that kind of lifelong commitment to another human being.

He pounded the hamburgers into patties with more force than necessary, scowling as he went over their conversation in his head. He'd been honest with her, but she hadn't believed him. Like too many women Deanna apparently saw him the way she wanted him to be, not the way he was. The faith she apparently had in him was scary stuff, worse than any fire he'd ever faced.

When she'd gone into the living room to check on Kevin, he'd finally breathed a sigh of relief. He'd thrown open the window to get some air into a room that had suddenly gone claustrophobic.

A faint p.r.i.c.kle of unease on the back of his neck told him she was back.

"You trying to tenderize that meat by pounding it to death?" she inquired lightly.