A Wife's Cry Chapter 20

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That hit straight to my heart, deep down.

I want to cry and break loose right at this moment, but I have to stop myself. I don't want to look weak and hysterical in front of them.

LAUREN – I can't help but curse and use profanity inside of me. Who would forget that name? She is my husband's ex! For Christ's sake!

So that explains why she looks familiar. I'm trying to recall where I could have met her the moment I saw her earlier, but I just couldn't. What's clear in my memory is that I saw her in a photo back when Allen and I weren't married yet - when I was still studying. I remember I asked help from Leila to stalk him, to give me details about her and my now husband. I have known quite a few details about her back then, but I haven't really met her in person.

Well, I admit it. She's more beautiful in person. I can't help but compare myself with her. She's an inch taller than I am even if I'm already wearing heels while she's wearing flats. Her legs are long and fair; her waist is quite thinner than mine; and she has this captivating smile - she seems to be a jolly kind of person, unlike me.

Then I pulled my hand from her grip, because I don't want her to know that I'm trembling in anger.

“Oh and look, Travis! She is wearing the dress we bought in Madrid!” She exclaimed.

Pain stroke my heart very fiercely. I'm really about to blow the stack!

Then she s.h.i.+fted her eyes back to me and said, “Looks really good on you, Vanessa. I swear! I picked that one out for you. Oh, you know, Travis doesn't know anything about fas.h.i.+on. He can't even choose a nice dress.” She added.

I gritted my teeth and turned my eyes on a different direction. I just can't keep staring at her! I might not be able to hold back my anger that I might take this dress off and hurl it over to her face! I am a kind person, but please don't make a fool of me!

She acts like she is very glad for choosing me this dress? Seriously? Doesn't she know her place?

“Uhm, Lauren… S-sorry, but we have to go now. My wife is hungry.” My husband suddenly interrupted. I didn't look at him when he spoke. I just didn't want to.

“Oh, o-okay. No problem.” Her ex responded right away. “We also have to go now. We're actually going to meet someone. So yeah… Bye you two! Enjoy your dinner.” She happily bid goodbye and walked away together with the other lady whom she didn't even introduce. They even pa.s.sed in the middle of Allen and I.
When I thought Lauren and her friend has gone quite a distance already, I turned my eyes to my husband who was still standing beside me - I looked at him very sternly, but he acted as if what happened wasn't a big deal at all.

“Let's go inside. There are already quite a number of people.” He casually invited me like nothing happened.

All the more that I steamed up in fury and felt hot under the collar.

He was about to hold my hand, maybe to lead me going inside the restaurant, but I immediately fended off. “No. I want to go home!” I gritted my teeth as I angrily spoke to him.

I rolled my eyes on him and started to walk very fast, going away from him. He's an a.s.sh*le! He made me look like a fool!

“TSK! VANESSA! COME BACK HERE!” I heard him shouting, but I didn't stop to look at him.

So what is he thinking? That what happened was just fine with me and that I won't get mad at all? That I will still go out and have dinner with him? Why, what does he think of me, dead to the world?!

He called me out for several times as he followed me. I know that he could reach on to me if I will only walk, so instead, I tried to run fast, wiping the tears, which didn't stop from falling, off my face. I really couldn't stop them anymore. I'm holding them back for so long already, and now, they just found their way out. G.o.d d*mn it! What happened really gave me a sore head!

How stupid could I be? Why haven't I thought that his ex-girlfriend could come to the picture? That Lauren! I thought Allen and I are already okay, but he lied to me! Now, I got all the answers to my questions as luck would have it.

I couldn't stop my sobs. It's kind of shameful, though, as all the people I b.u.mped into while running can see me crying, but I didn't care. I'm almost at the end of High Street. I'm feeling already weak as I sat down near a water fountain. I couldn't run any further and I might already collapse. My vision is also already getting blurry and I couldn't breathe properly, too.

I opened my bag to get my handkerchief and wipe my cheeks drenched from tears. I really wanted to get them all out from my chest, but I'm holding myself back as I am in a public place.

“Vanessa…”

I felt his hand on my shoulders, so my senses got me to immediately move from where I originally sat.

“So it's she you were taking care of in Madrid, isn't it?” I asked him boldly as I wiped the tears falling on my face. “You were together there?!”

“Tsk! Come on. Let's go home if you will only cry here.” He pulled me on the arms to stand up.
But I didn't give in and sternly pulled my arm back.

“NO! I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME! ANSWER ME NOW, ALLEN! WERE YOU TWO TOGETHER IN MADRID?! IS SHE THE REASON WHY YOU WENT THERE?!” I yelled. I didn't care if I get all the attention from all the people who stayed nearby.

Then, he pulled me on the arms again. I am hurt as he held me very tightly. His nails almost dug down my skin.

“Please, Vanessa. Don't make a scene here! Can you at least show a little grace! There are too many people around!” He told me in a low but angry tone.

“Let's go! Do all the shouting you want in our house. Not here! You are like a child!”

I sobbed loudly. So this time, it's as if all of these are on me? I irritably pulled my arm back and walked away fast.

I headed onto the parking area weak at the knees. It feels like with just a few more steps, I'd lose my consciousness. My tears would still not stop from falling, there's so much pain in my heart right now.

I got inside the car first, then buckled my seatbelt on.

Just after a while, Allen also got inside. He unbuckled my seatbelt and harshly moved me to face him.

I looked away. My eyes are swollen from crying. Even if I try to stare at him straight, I still wouldn't see him clearly because my eyes are gleaming with tears.

“FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, VANESSA! WILL YOU STOP CRYING! DON'T CRY OVER THAT USELESS THING!”

With all courage, I looked at him and shouted, “HOW WILL I NOT CRY, HUH?! TELL ME!“.

“WHY THE h.e.l.l ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?! WHO TAUGHT YOU TO ANSWER ME THAT WAY, HUH?!”

“DON'T LECTURE ME LIKE I'M THE ONE AT FAULT HERE, ALLEN! DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID WRONG?! BECAUSE I KNOW IT ALREADY! I GOT IT! I CAUGHT YOU IN ACT! BUT STILL, I WANT TO HEAR IT DIRECTLY FROM YOU!" For the first time, I pointed a finger at him, but he just fended my finger off.

“IS SHE THE REASON WHY YOU WENT TO MADRID, HUH? IS IT LAUREN?!”

I looked at him straight in the eyes. He was also just looking at me, and I'm getting p.i.s.sed off because he wouldn't answer!

“ANSWER ME, ALLEN!” I nagged.

With some lights from the posts in the parking lot, I managed to see his reaction - he shut his eyes hard. He sighed, and then leaned back on the car seat.

“Put your seatbelt back on…

We didn't go here for your drama. I want to spend time with you, Vanessa. Stop being so paranoid. You are accusing me of so many stupid things.”

SH*T!!! I stamped my foot in so much frustration! I really want to break a gasket - get the windows of this car all shattered! He didn't give me a decent answer again! He always changes the topic!

I remained quiet and acted cold all trip.

I cried myself out because of so much frustration. It's not as simple as having some hard feelings for him, I am very mad at him! He told me several times to cut my crying out, maybe because it has driven him up the wall already, but I didn't mind him at all.

I feel like everything has gone to waste - everything that I endured, everything that we endured – the memories we created in Subic, the forgiveness that happened between the two of us, and the thought of us having a happily married life. All of those were put in vain because of his absurdity! He didn't even thought of what we've been through just to save our marriage!

Bulls.h.i.+t! I'm gradually losing all interest with this relations.h.i.+p! I've had enough! I don't think the two of us can live happily after all.

As we reach the house, I hurriedly got off the car. I headed straight to the room. I hurled my bag to the floor and threw myself onto the bed. My body feels bushed. I buried my face on one of the pillows because the pain just doesn't seem to go away.

I then heard Allen entering the room, but I didn't give a d.a.m.n. Anger was the only thing I could feel for him at the moment!

“Stop crying. You will just get yourself beaten up by all those sobs. You don't need to waste your time crying over that stupid thing.” He told me in a very authoritative tone.

I glanced at him – he was standing on the bedside, hands on his waist. He was staring at me very fiercely again. I rolled my eyes on him and turned to look at the opposite side of the room. I don't want to see him.

“And since when have you been concerned with what I feel?” I said, my voice dead set on.

He suddenly lifted me up on the shoulders.

“I don't like the way you talk to me! Why are you being so full of fight?! Will you stop it?!” He yelled at me after he turned my body to face him.

“I will only stop after you give answers to my questions!”

He cussed in a low tone, but I still heard it. “Come on! You really want to make this a big deal?!”

“Don't act as if it isn't a big deal! Now… I just wanna know the truth straight from you, Allen! Was she the reason you went to Madrid? Tell me!”

I didn't remove my fierce look on him, until it was him who decided to s.h.i.+ft his eyes to a different direction.

He shut his eyes hard. I could hear him breathing heavily, as if he was caught in the act and didn't know which alibi would work the best.  Then, after just a little while, he finally looked at me and said, “Yes.”

YES?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! He went there for his ex-girlfriend! Isn't he over that girl yet?! Why did he need to go to her knowing that he has a wife already – ME!

I buried my face on my hands and cried my heart out loud. The lumps in my throat burst into sobs and tears that they echoed in the bedroom.

Now, it is finally confirmed - it was because of his ex why he was not able to come home after a week, why he was not able to call, why he was not able to hit me a message, why he was not able to send me even a blank email, and why we are in an uphill fight like this! These are all because of his ex! Is she really that important, huh?! That he could just forget me so easily?! I'm his wife!

Isn't he content with me? Or is he purposely doing this to make me feel how he did before? So what's this, a sweet revenge? Now he's the one having an affair with another woman, and it's his ex! What can I do? What is my edge over her? Besides, I know for myself how much they loved each other before… Or maybe how much they love each other until now!

This is so unfair! Why do I need to feel how painful all these things are? Why do I have to go through all these? I trusted him. I thought I won't cry and feel hurt ever again because we've fixed things between us already. I never thought we'll be having another huge problem again.

Then, I removed my hands on my face. I looked up as I cannot breathe anymore and I needed to catch some air. I sternly wiped away my tears, but they seem to still continue pouring down my face.

I tried my best to stop myself from sobbing, because if not, it felt like I'd just curl up and die. My chest already felt congested while my throat hanged dry. I calmed myself down, even if it was very difficult to hold my sobs back.

“You… You left your watch in her bathroom. W-what does that mean?” I haltingly asked in between my sobs. I don't really know from where I have gathered all the courage to ask him that, even if deep inside, I know that his answer will just tear my heart even more.

“Nothing…”

Nothing? d.a.m.n it, I'm losing my sanity!

“YOU STAYED IN HER PLACE! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT?!”

When I read that email, I already had a bad hunch, but did I confront him right away? No! That's because I trust him so much and I know that what I was thinking about him was a mistake, that what my cousin was thinking about him was a mistake. But no! Leila's right! My instinct was right!

I tried to calm myself and gather all courage to tell him, “Leila's right. You had an affair with another woman in Madrid. I was left here all alone, Allen! So that explains why you can't even call me. You're too busy shopping with your ex!”

He furiously stood up from the bed and lumped his eyes on me, he even pointed his finger at me. “THAT FCKIG GIRL AGAIN! I told you not to listen to a single word she says! That is why you are being paranoid!”

I didn't mind what he just said, and instead, I responded angrily at him, “AND NOW THAT YOU AND LAUREN SAW EACH OTHER AGAIN, WHAT'S NEXT?! LAUREN AND TRAVIS AGAIN, HUH? I HATE IT WHEN SHE CALLS YOU TRAVIS!”

“STOP IT! I'M GETTING FED UP, VANESSA!”

“AND THIS DRESS! I THOUGHT YOU PICKED THIS ONE OUT FOR ME, BUT NO, IT WAS HER! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE HER? WHY WERE YOU TOGETHER ON BUYING THIS DRESS?”

“BULLs.h.i.+T! THAT'S JUST A F*CKING DRESS! WHY IS THAT EVEN A BIG DEAL?!”

“NO, ALLEN! THIS IS NOT JUST A DRESS! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I VALUE EVERYTHING YOU GIVE ME!”

“YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU ARE SUCH A SHALLOW PERSON!” He shouted in gritted teeth.

“NO, I'M NOT!”

“YES, YOU ARE, VANESSA! IT WAS JUST A DRESS! YOU ARE BEING SO ILLOGICAL!”

“OKAY, FINE! IF YOU SAY SO! BUT WHAT DID YOU DO THERE THAT YOU EVEN FORGOT YOUR WATCH?”

“G.o.d d.a.m.n IT, VANESSA! YOU'RE NAGGING TOO MUCH! SHUT UP!”

“YOU SLEPT WITH HER, DIDN'T YOU?!”

He turned around irately and stroked on his forehead.

“WHY CAN'T YOU ANSWER ME? BECAUSE IT'S TRUE, RIGHT?! YOU SLEPT WITH YOUR EX, WHICH IS THE REASON WHY YOUR WATCH IS IN HER BATHROOM…

I ALMOST GONE CRAZY WAITING FOR YOU IN VAIN HERE, ALLEN! AND THEN… AND THEN YOU WERE JUST SPENDING YOUR TIME WITH HER! YOU HAVEN'T EVEN THOUGHT THAT I MIGHT BE GETTING WORRIED ABOUT YOU? THAT I MIGHT BE WAITING FOR YOU? OR MAYBE YOU LEFT SOME OTH–”

“F*CK s.h.i.+T, VANESSA!” He stamped his foot on the bedside table - he was so angry that my senses got me to shut my mouth. The lamp shade even fell on the floor, shattered!

He was catching up with his breathing, and then he looked up after a while and held his eyes, as if he was preventing something from falling.

Fear grew my sensation in exchange of anger after I saw his legs trembling in extreme frustration, it looked like he was going to stamp his foot hardheartedly anytime again. He didn't feel content yet that he threw the alarm clock on the cemented bedroom wall - which was the only thing left on the bedside table.

“SO THAT IS HOW DIRTY YOUR MIND IS?!” He yelled in gritted teeth. Then, he looked down on me.

I swallowed hard as he was staring at me very fiercely. He looked like a monster which was going to prey on me. I thought he was going to slap me as he was flaring up. Since we've fixed things in Subic, I haven't seen him like this anymore, only now.

He tightened his jaw, and looked at me even more fiercely. “I saw her in the airport and came to know that he stays in Madrid, so I followed her there. Is that what you want to hear?”

I bowed my head down and cried.

“I purposely didn't tell you because I have my own reasons. If I called and told you I was with her, how are you going to feel? I didn't tell you because you might do something reckless, and I won't be here… By your side… To rush you again to the hospital…

But don't think something bad against me, Vanessa! I'm not doing anything wrong! I'm trying to have our marriage fixed totally. And I'm not having an affair with another woman just like what your cousin is saying! Because if I am, I wouldn't have come home. I would've fckng stayed in Madrid. And never come back here again!”

I heard him sighed very deeply and saw him shook his head in surrender. “You don't trust me? FINE! It's your call.”

That's all he got to say before he left the room. He even thumped the door.

I was left looking blankly at the closed door. I didn't even have the guts to respond to what he said.

I felt s.h.i.+vers down my spine. I almost curled up to his sharp tongue - I felt that deep down! I didn't notice that tears started to fall from my eyes again. I bit my lower lip to stop the sobs from coming out.

When can we live happily ever after - or can we?

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