My Soul Will Find Yours 116 It Was All Worth I

"Anata," I tapped his shoulder to wake him. "I need to go to the bathroom."

He stirred and got up. "Alright."

"Sorry," I apologized guiltily. "I know you're tired but here I am interrupting your sleep."

"Silly mama, you're always my priority," he kissed my forehead before princess-carrying me.

As I was sitting down on the toilet, a gush of fluid came out of me. At first I thought I just wet myself a little because I did need to pee but as I remained sitting there, I felt a really painful bout of stomach cramps.

"Everything alright?" Kaname asked behind the screen door.

"Y-yes," I answered. I stayed inside a few minutes more until the spasms stopped.

Back in the bedroom, as I was rolling to my side so we were spooning, I felt some liquid leak from inside me again. I pressed my legs together to stop it but then my stomach started to hurt again. The liquid continued to come out of my body while the cramps lasted for minutes before stopping and returning again.

"Anata…"

"Mmm?"

"I… I think my water has broken."

He sat up immediately and touched the lower back part of my robe. He gasped when he felt the moisture soaking it. "I'll go get the Hinoha.r.s.ensei," he said as he got up.

"Don't leave me," I whispered. "Stay with me…"

"But I have to get the doctor, I'll be back."

"Let Ryuko-san do it. Anata, I'm scared…"

"Alright, I'll just wake her up. Wait for me here."

~~~

Five hours later, I was sitting on a fresh futon with a few pillows supporting my back. Hinoha.r.s.ensei and his two a.s.sistants were in the room along with my maids, Mami, and of course, Kaname. He was holding my hand and murmuring words of encouragement as my body was engulfed by painful contractions.

"Okay, Lady Hinata, at the beginning and end of each contraction remember to take a deep, cleansing, relaxing breath," the Hinoha.r.s.ensei said. "This not only helps sharpen your focus, but also provides more oxygen for your baby, your muscles, and your uterus."

I nodded and did as he instructed. After a while, I felt an overwhelming urge to push. The doctor checked and declared that I was fully dilated now and ready to deliver the twins.

"Lady Hinata, I now need you to push as if you're having a bowel movement. Don't be embarra.s.sed and just push," when he saw me nod, he continued, "Tuck your chin to your chest and give it all you've got, alright?"

"Alright."

"Now, push."

I pushed for about half an hour when I finally felt a tingling, stretching, and stinging sensation at my v.a.g.i.n.a as the first baby's head emerged out of me. It was then followed by a slippery feeling that let me know that baby number one was out.

"Mama, it's Touya!" Kaname exclaimed as he watched the doctor clean his mouth and nose before cutting his umbilical cord.

Three minutes later, Miyako followed her big brother into the world. I was weak and tired from the pain and effort but when I heard them both cry, I knew it was all worth it.

"I need you to prepare for one more push, Lady Hinata," Hinoha.r.s.ensei said. "You have to remove the placenta in your womb as well."

~~~

After being given their first baths, my twins were placed on my chest. The moment our skins touched, I burst into tears. It was such a wonderful moment for me.

"My babies, hi," I said in English while marveling at their beauty. It was still too early but Touya already showed signs of being his father's carbon copy while Miyako reminded me of how I looked based on my old baby photos.

Kaname touched their little hands and said, "We finally meet, my little ones."

~~~

The first three months of the twins' lives was one the most trying times of my life. Although the maids were there and Mami practically spends her mornings a.s.sisting me, I still felt so overwhelmed.

It took me some time to get the hang out of nursing both Touya and Miyako at the same time. I had no problems producing milk but feeding them together was tricky. I had to experiment with different positions until I finally found one that worked best for the three of us. Remembering a gift I purchased for a colleague who had twins in the modern world, I asked Ryuko-san to make me a u-shaped pillow that fit comfortably around my waist. She was quite perplexed by my request at first, but when she saw how the pillow kept both babies at my b.r.e.a.s.t.s and left my hands free to adjust each baby's mouth, she was glad to have made 'the first of its kind.'

The ooku's physician advised me to alternate b.r.e.a.s.t.s each feeding to make sure they produce equal amounts of milk and to lessen the chance of blockage. Miyako always ate less than her big brother so the breast that he last nursed from would become engorged before the next feeding.

Both twins were great sleepers and I didn't have any difficulty setting up their feeding and sleeping schedules. Still, adjusting was a slow and long process but I managed to pull through. During the evenings, Kaname would do the changing of their soiled cloth diapers and would keep me company while they fed. He made sure that he was part of my journey despite not being around much during daytime.

"Our little princess is such a snuggler," he said one night while rocking Miyako to sleep in his arms.

"I know, my heart melts every time she burrows her face to my chest after she's done latching on to me," I replied fondly. "This little guy on the other hand loves to talk when he's full."

Kaname chuckled. "I bet he's telling you how your milk tastes so good."

"Yeah, I think so, too," I laughed. "Umm… Papa, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"When the twins are older, what do you think about putting them in the same room as Riku-chan?"

"I think that's a good idea," he replied while gently putting the sleeping Miyako down on their own futon. "That way, the siblings can form their bonds early."

"I'm glad you agree, it breaks my heart whenever I think about him. If only Ayaka didn't—" I stopped and cleared my throat awkwardly. I didn't mean to mention something taboo. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I honestly still feel sad about what I had to do to her," he sighed and took Touya from my arms. "When the boys are old enough, I will tell them to marry and love only one woman. I don't want them to make the same mistakes that I did."

After placing our son next to his sister, Kaname pulled me into his arms. It was during rare moments like this that I get to see the remorseful side of the shogun.