A Serenade For The Innocent 20 The Facts Regarding The Gold Men Case According To Detective Morrison

My name is James Steven Morrison, and I led the case of those gold folks some young crooks found at that old shack, the one they saw at the foot of the mountain, that one. It was weird, alright, real weird case, and I've seen a lot of weird in the three decades I've been doing this job. This one is just… I don't know what to tell you. It's just really… I don't know the right words, something? It's something, yeah. It's really something.

Well, I'd be d.a.m.ned when I first heard what they said to us when they came running down our station around town. s.h.i.+t, we even thought that they're on drugs or drunk or f.u.c.k if I know what teenagers like them do in the mountains, but they were there and they were claiming to have seen some unbelievable s.h.i.+t. Be real with me, you know the facts; you've seen them yourself, but do you believe them? I led this investigation, mind you, and even I still can't believe it.

Let's start at the beginning.

We did what we had to do. I had two people come with me to the old d.a.m.n shack those crackheads were telling us all about; heck, they never stopped talking about it until we finally saw it. Believe me; none of us stopped talking, too, when we saw it.

Old d.a.m.n house, really s.h.i.+tty looking, absolutely like a pile of garbage, can't even say for sure if it's really a house. It's just a pile of woods mixed together to make this err… thing. So now we knew the shack really exists, but what the gold people these nutjobs were tryna tell us all about? It's got to be fake. Scary house is something I can get by, but gold people? No. No, not that one. I'd need a lot more convincing to

f.u.c.k. Lo-and-behold, right? There it is! Clear as the day! Gold people. Real gold in the shape of a bunch of people just like, hugging and embracing each other and all that you know, it's something. We haven't verified the uhhh… you know, the ident.i.ties of all these people, but what we learned after the three years we conducted this investigation is that most of them are actual, real people that really existed and still should be alive till this very moment. They were all filed missing though, but they should still be alive.

I can't remember all of them uhh… Roberto Dahlia, Gabriel Martins, Kevin Yang, Jordan Kissinger, and something, something Coleman, I don't remember the rest of the others, and we haven't even known who most of them are. Some of them had their faces covered with other people's hands and some were buried on someone's chest; lots of variables really, the important thing is that we do not know who they are and I'm not sure if we will ever know, but we do have some theories. We think two of them is Robert Dahlia's best friend, Giuseppe San Sebastian and Jeffrey Brown. We're gonna be focusing on the Giuseppe guy cuz he's the most interesting fella in this case.

Yeah, you know what it is, the letters. Let me tell you though, he's much more interesting than that.

So, uhh… If you looked at his letters he wrote it like, just, very well, it's very well-written. The problem is that this guy is a bit of a uhh… You know, he writes like a poet and he even refers to people like magistrates and great leader and then uhh… yeah, my favorite one is how he referred to Roberta Cleveland as a "marchioness" and yeah, there's a lot more than that.

I have nothing against the guy; he just has the knack for like err… the theatricals and art stuff, whatever, but he's the best lead we had in this whole case. His letters are pretty much the reason how we nabbed Mrs. Cleveland and opened up an even bigger thing, you know, uhh… scandal against her. It's all over the news, but that was because we had solved the Gold Men Case years before the Roberta thing exploded. Like, it literally exploded! You know, with all that terrorism thing that happened and how, like, she did all of that to cover her tracks. The entire New York was filled with a lot of explosions just so the people would divert their attention on ISIS or some other Muslim thing instead of her. Yeah, the woman has a lot of problems and she just added all that by being an anti-Muslim p.r.i.c.k. Big mistake though, because it backfired hard! Then the whole impeachment happened, and we learned about all the shady deals the president did with Mrs. Cleveland. This entire s.h.i.+t show related back to the Gold Men Case because Giuseppe San Sebastian's father was forcefully taken from his home after writing an article against the uhh… the Cleveland family and the entire shoddy island paradise thing they've had in the Bahamas for almost a decade using government funding! It's so, so insane how it took us three years to solve this entire like, d.a.m.n, I just can't believe they almost got out of it. Three f.u.c.king billion dollars. I, do you know how much three billion dollars is? All of that funding in just a year for their Bahamas trip!

It was big. n.o.body f.u.c.king believed it.

And it all started because of Giuseppe San Sebastian.

It's so weird. I forget people's names so easily, but this guy, with the weirdest name that I've, that everyone I knew had ever heard of was the one and the only name I cannot forget! Giuseppe, I mean, who the f.u.c.k names their child Giuseppe? It's so weird and yet so… I cannot forget about it. I cannot forget about his f.u.c.king letters and the gold and the… and everything. Everything. It's like the planets aligned in one straight row and everything in the world fell into one place in a remote mountain somewhere in Oregon and then, bam! The world started talking.

We knew who the guy was right away because the man is actually a wanted criminal. He was once caught for substance abused, he allegedly aided in the murder of a woman in New York, he also a.s.sisted in the murder of a homeless person apparently when he was in Texas, and he was an active member of an anti-government rebel group which he confessed in one of his letters. It really did not help him in this case at all to have all of those under his record, but he didn't really need to have a clean record anymore. The world doesn't care what a dead man did. The man only cared about what other things they could talk about a dead man's life.

And off they did. They scoured around the world to find out who Giuseppe is and what his life is. He was all over the news as the man with the golden head. They were making funny images of him and they were all poking fun of his death. Poor kid died of something n.o.body understood and the things the world wanted to do was to know who he was or how they could make his life and death funny.

Never the less, the man is dead, and we learned everything because of Giuseppe's letters. The funny thing was n.o.body understood what those letters meant at first before my a.s.sistant at the time, the now Senator uhh… Or was it Senatoress? People these days flip hard when you use the same word to talk about people's gender and all that, but whatever. My point is that the Senator Gwendolyn Watts just did everything she could do to understand those G.o.d d.a.m.n letters. To be fair, the letters itself did not do anything to spark the Roberta Cleveland scandal.

It just pinpointed us to one thing. The water.

Roberta Cleveland sent the water to ex-President Riley for "payment." Giuseppe San Sebastian's gang or whatever learned about this and made the old shack in Oregon to bypa.s.s Mrs. Cleveland's "payment" and send the money to the usual charities they have been donating most of their stolen money to. They just didn't know that the water itself is, you know, is f.u.c.ked up.

Heck, when we had the opportunity to check the emails between the people who attended the Clevelands' Bahamas party, we learned that all of them paid using "water." Like, literal water; they added nothing else. It's not purified water, it's not mineral water, it's not uhh… what's that other one? The uhm… Alkaline! It's not alkaline water either though, but you get the point.

One time Mrs. Cleveland even said stuff about how they should throw people at the water and that would be "good money" already. We were all shocked, really. Especially when we learned about the Giuseppe letters and the Gold Men.

The fact still remains, Giuseppe's letter claimed that Mrs. Cleveland sent water to pay for their uhh… painting and art stuff, and it proved to be right based on the things we learned from the emails she sent to the people uhhh… you know, affiliated to her. We simply investigated what was inside of his letters and we pinpointed what he meant by the few ambiguous and confusing terms he used then it all ended up pointing on one person. Rebecca Cleveland.

That was about that, really. It's just a bunch of really, really horrible, just downright evil f.u.c.kers running about with taxpayer's money to have parties and for some reason, no one knew about it and none of the people involved would talk about how they managed to steal all of that money with no one noticing.

Who did it affect? Lots of people, really. Particularly, Americans, for sure, but lots of people outside of the country too. It's just… Ugh… Just a big huge mess, but it affected none of them more than the Gold Men. Yeah, I really hate calling them that. It's like they turned into gold because of f.u.c.king magic s.h.i.+t no one would talk about and suddenly, they were all fairy tales and like, uhhh… like they're not even people anymore, you know? Like, none of them even existed just because they died like… like that. I don't know why I referred to it that way, I just… Don't understand.

I remembered how it all happened. July 18; it was my birthday. We went to the shack at twilight and we saw these poor kids turned into f.u.c.king gold. That's some s.h.i.+t you only get to see in like… movies, you know! Movies! Television shows and all that, like, this is the kind of things my son would watch in his like, j.a.panese cartoon things; it's so unbelievable.

And you know what? You can interview other people too about this doc.u.mentary s.h.i.+t you're making to make people understand what this gold phenomenon thing is all about, but you just can't. You can't explain it; none of us can explain it. It's something that exists uhh… way, you know, way, way out of what we understand.

All I can really say is that the evening of July 18 at that year, I saw Giuseppe's body almost decomposing with his head sticking on the contraband around this gold guy's arms. His whole head is just… gold, like everybody else, but unlike them all, only his head is gold, and a careful reading of his letters might make you understand why that's the case. The guy killed himself like all of them did, well, most of them, I think one of them was murdered, you know, according to the letters.

Imagine. It's just this one weird guy who writes like, very, very f.u.c.king weirdly is the reason the world shook for just a moment.

This one guy with a decomposing body and a golden head. This one poor 22-year-old man who just wanted to have all these really, really grand and outright unreal dreams of changing the world, in some ways, actually changed the world. This man who had a loving mother and a respectable father died just like that. His life is not as interesting as his death and you know, that's really the highlight of the entire Gold Men case. These are all just young rebels doing whatever they can to be the modern-day Robin Hood, running around the state until they finally got that one event that really solidified their life.

It's as if they were there at the right place and at the right time. It's like it was their destiny. It's like fate made them be there. I mean, have you ever felt that in your life? How you remembered all of the s.h.i.+t and all of the pain you've had in your life and you've reevaluated yourself and now you're here and it wasn't possible for you to be here if it wasn't for all the things you have experienced before all these beautiful things went to you. I mean, alright, I'm sure I could have worded it out better, but you get the point. I think that's the case for the uhh… those young men, you know? I think they were in the right place and at the right time. It's just that, for them to finally be the hero they wanted to become, they had to die for it. They had to really suffer.

And Giuseppe is one of those unlucky sacrifices to the betterment of the world.

The mother? Oh, you mean Giuseppe momma? Yeah. Yeah, she got the letter. She got all f.u.c.ked up about it. She was crying like, bawling; it was super hard to see. She was like that for the rest of her life, I think. It's just… A very tragic effect of how greedy people can f.u.c.k the lives of a normal family. It was really sad to see. Never really an easy thing to, you know, tell parents their children are uhh… you know, gone and all that. Never easy.

She died that year, you know? That same year. Real crazy to think about. She had the three letters with her till she died. She had it in her arms until the very end. n.o.body would ever dare take those letters away from her.
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It's sweet, s.h.i.+t, it's you know, mothers. They do that; it's the best. I remember her tombstone even had the best words I've ever seen in my life, in my d.a.m.n old life, mind you.

"To my son,

I believe you."

That's… That's beautiful.