New Life : A Second Chance 763 Why?

All his life, he didn't really care about his future. His mother did ask him before, but he said he hadn't decided yet. Lianne was different. She already knew what she wanted to do - it was a matter of whether their father would allow it.

Him?

Despite being the older one, he never was really concerned. He had plenty of time.

Now, he decided that he should be more serious. Work harder. Be better.

The Smith Twins had been so accomplished from young. They were filthy rich, yet, worked so hard. They could have just rode on their parents' coattails as they were already set for life. 

Why work so hard?

As Joseph was lost in thought, he barely noticed Kyle taking out two boxes from a bag he had. One was wrapped up in blue wrapping paper and the other, it was aquamarine. When Lianne came to join them, he found the blue box in his face.

Curious, he took it.

It wasn't his birthday.

He looked at Lianne and saw her staring at the box, then at Kyle. He didn't quite understand that look in her eyes … but then again, he didn't really understand her most of the time.

Her thought process was just too weird for him.

Pus.h.i.+ng that thought out of his mind, he tore open the wrapping paper and opened the box. There was something green in it.

Reaching in, he found that it was something soft. A plus.h.i.+e? Kyle gave him, a guy, a plus.h.i.+e??!

Pulling the plus.h.i.+e out, Joseph found a huge lump in his throat.

No.

How could this be?

The all too familiar green teddy bear.

Sam.

Joseph's grip on Sam, the teddy bear, tightened.

Memories flooded his mind. Suddenly, the grief was overwhelming.

There were good days, and there were bad days. Grief, to Joseph, wasn't a constant thing that hung over his head but rather, it was a low ache in his heart. He could face the day normally, and the sense of missing his mother was there.

However, it was bearable.

Yet, there were times when he would be hit with such intense sadness that he would curl up in his bed and cry, before he shook it off.

Right now, he was missing his mother so much.  

Sam was a teddy bear that his mother had gotten him when he was born. He grew up with it. He had two, actually. The first one was so worn down that it broke apart and she got him a new one. An identical one.

The first was placed in a place of honour on his shelf and the second Sam accompanied him throughout. He doesn't even know why he's so attached to it.

Once, his cousin hid it and he had been so distressed that he almost cried, ransacking the room to find it. He had been severely reprimanded for it, though, for 'boys don't cry' and for being too attached to a soft toy.

Since then, he didn't show his attachment but it was there. Sam had a comfortable place on his bed. All of it was gone in the fire and now? 

He was holding him again.

Sam was back.

But not his mother.

His mother would never come back. 

Joseph barely managed to mumble a thank you before heading to his room, struggling to keep the tears at bay. He sat down on the chair next to his desk, staring at Sam and wis.h.i.+ng … wis.h.i.+ng … if only his mother could be just like Sam. 

To come back like Sam did.

He heard someone come in, but he didn't look up. He knew who it was, however. He doesn't know how he knew, he just did.

They talked a bit. He was more curious about the fact that this stranger, Kyle, was doing so much for them. He listened to Kay's explanation but it still didn't make any sense to him. Even when she gave that a.n.a.logy.

Sure, if he saw someone fall, he would help the person up. But this was not just 'helping a person up'. The amount of money and effort taken to make them comfortable, and pamper them like this … then again, perhaps, the minds of the rich was just beyond what he, an ordinary person, could fathom.

His thoughts were dark, his heart was heavy, his grief was painful. He felt utterly lost, drowning in sorrow. 

Then, that sweetest voice said, "You know, it's okay to cry."

Joseph gulped, the lump in his throat seemingly bigger then. His eyes watered. His mother was the only one that would listen to him, accept him, and let him be himself. Though she did say that he had to 'be the right boy' in front of his father. 

Yet, now, there was someone else who would let him do what he wanted? Be himself?

"I'm NOT crying," Joseph denied, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He had to be the strong one. He had to be a 'man'.

"I'm not … no … boys don't cry," he insisted, telling it more to himself than anything.

"They don't," he whispered, feeling utterly defeated. His head was bowed low as he gripped Sam hard in his hands. The words kept repeating in his mind over and over again. 

'Boys don't cry'

Then, he felt the sweetest of touch. His head was being hugged closely and held on tightly. The familiar smell of Jasmine wafted into his nose, calming his chaotic thoughts and releasing a dam that had been put up.

IRather, the dam broke.

"Why? Just why?! I miss her so much!!" Joseph wailed, bringing Sam up to his face, sobbing hard, "It's not fair!"

Why did she have to die?

Why did she have to leave them all alone?

Leave him all alone?

He can't handle it.

His mother was his everything.

She was the only one who understood him. Accepted him. Loved him unconditionally.

So why did she leave?

Was he not good enough?