The Smiling, Proud Wanderer 7 Chapter Four: Seat-Fighting Part 1

"You mean he said all that in order to rescue Yilin?" Dingyi was struck with surprise.

"That is my belief." Liu Zhengfeng nodded. "Nephew apprentice Yilin, what do you think?"

"Big brother Linghu was a good person, only…only a little bit without manners when he spoke. But Master, if you are going to be angry, I dare not continue!" Yilin lowered her head.

"Tell me everything! Tell everything without omitting any details. I want to know what on earth he was thinking, good or evil! If this fellow was really a rascal, then, even though he's dead, I will make old man Yue pay for it." Dingyi yelled.

Yilin murmured a few words, but was too afraid to continue.

"Keep talking! Don't be so concerned about him. Are you afraid that we won't be able to distinguish between what's good and what's evil?" Dingyi demanded.

"Yes, Master!" Yilin said.

"'Brother Tian,' big brother Linghu said, 'we are people of the Martial World – we live our lives on the sword's edge. Someone with better-developed skills does possess certain advantages, but eventually, we all have to count on our luck. Don't you agree? When facing someone that has about the same level of fighting skills, life and death depends entirely on luck. This little nun is as scrawny as a chicken that weighs no more than three pounds. Even if she were as pretty as a G.o.ddess from heaven, I still wouldn't have anything to do with her. Life is definitely much more important. Putting women before friends.h.i.+p is wrong! Putting women before life is just plain stupid. It's to everyone's best interest that no one touches this little nun at all.'

"'Brother Linghu,' Tian Boguang sneered, 'I thought you were a man that feared nothing. Why are you so superst.i.tious about nuns?'

"'Hey,' big brother Linghu exclaimed, 'I have really bad luck every time I see a nun. It's quite consistent. I simply can't ignore the fact. For example, I was perfectly fit last night before I met this little nun. Then, without even seeing her face, just by hearing her voice, I ended up with three stab wounds from you, which almost cost me my life. If this isn't bad luck, then what is?'

"'That's right!' Tian Boguang burst into loud laughter.

"Big brother Linghu then said, 'Brother Tian, I don't talk with nuns. Why don't you just let the little nun get lost, so we can enjoy our drinks in peace? Trust me! I am giving you valuable advice. Even one touch to that little nun will bring you incredibly bad luck, and when you wander about the Martial World, trouble will follow you everywhere, unless you become a monk yourself. How can you risk the Three Venoms of the World?'

"'What are the Three Venoms of the World?' Tian Boguang asked.

"Big brother Linghu put on a very surprised face. 'Brother Tian,' he said, 'you have been to many places in the Martial World and experienced many things. How can you not know of the 'Three Venoms of the World?' It is indeed well said: Nuns, a.r.s.enic and golden striped snakes, do not touch for heaven's sake! Nun is the first venom, a.r.s.enic is another, and golden striped snake is the third. And if you notice, among these three, nun is ranked number one. These words are common knowledge to the male apprentices in our Five Mountains Sword Alliance. '"

Dingyi's anger erupted like a volcano. She struck the table with her palm so heavily that it almost collapsed. "What a d.a.m.n load of…," she swore loudly. At the last moment, she managed to control herself and did not spit out the dirty word.

Lao Denuo, who had already learned his lesson, was keeping his distance from her. Seeing her angry red face, he instantly took another step back.

Liu Zhengfeng sighed. "Nephew apprentice Linghu had good intentions, but he may have gone a bit far making up so much nonsense. But let's look at it another way: when one talks with a villain like Tian Boguang, if he doesn't speak with conviction, it can't be easy to trick him."

"Uncle-Master Liu, are you saying that big brother Linghu made everything up to fool Tian Boguang?" Yilin asked.

"Of course!" answered Liu Zhengfeng. "How can we have such silly and rude sayings in our Five Mountains Sword Alliance? In one more day, it will be time for my hand-was.h.i.+ng ceremony. I definitely want to have good luck. If anyone had any prejudice with regard to your respectful school, why would Sister Dingyi and all these nephew apprentices be so courteously invited to my house?"

Hearing these words, Dingyi was mollified. She acknowledged with a slight snort but complained, "What a foul mouth this Linghu Chong has! I wonder what scoundrel taught him his manners." Obviously, the hidden meaning behind her comment was that she thought Linghu Chong's Master, the Master of Huashan Sword School, was also to be blamed for his student's actions.

"Sister, please don't be angry," Liu Zhengfeng said. "That Tian Boguang has some top-notch Kung Fu skills. Nephew apprentice Linghu could not hope to beat him in a fight, and seeing that nephew apprentice Yilin was in great danger, he had to make something up in the hopes that the villain would let her go. Think, Tian Boguang has been to many places in the Martial World and has experienced many things. It is not easy to fool him. Now, there are certainly stupid people who are prejudiced against nuns; so nephew apprentice Linghu just used this as his hook. We live in this Martial World, and sometimes we have to do what is expedient. If nephew apprentice Linghu did not respect the Heng-Shan Sword School, if people of the Huashan Sword School, including Mr. Yue, did not sincerely respect the three senior Sisters, why would he try so hard to rescue an apprentice of the Heng-Shan Sword School?"

"Thank you for the kind words." Dingyi nodded. "So did Tian Boguang let you go because of that?" she turned back to Yilin.

"No," Yilin shook her head.

"Big brother Linghu then said, 'Brother Tian, your Qing-Gong is the best in the world, but if you are cursed, you can never outrun your bad luck, no matter how good your Qing-Gong is.'

"Tian Boguang seemed a little tentative. He glanced at me, and then shook his head. 'I come alone and leave alone, going where I please. Why get so worked up? Since we have already seen this little nun, why not just let her stay here and be our company.'

"Right in that instant, a young man from the next table suddenly drew his sword and rushed in front of Tian Boguang. 'Are you…are you Tian Boguang?' he yelled.

"'I am. And?' Tian Boguang answered.

"'You evil rapist,' the young man exclaimed, 'I'm going to kill you! Everyone in the Martial World wants you dead, yet here you are, bold as can be. You must be longing for death!' He thrust his sword at Tian Boguang. The moves he used were from the Taishan Sword School sword style. And that was him, the apprentice brother." She pointed at the corpse on the door plank.

"Chi Baicheng, what a good lad! Very good!" Priest Tianmen nodded.

Yilin went on with the story.

"Tian Boguang made a slight movement of his body and a knife suddenly appeared in his hand. 'Sit down. Sit down. Drink wine. Drink!' he said with a smile. Then he put his knife back into its sheath.

"No one knew exactly how it happened, but the apprentice brother of the Taishan Sword School had been slashed across the chest. Blood gushed from the knife wound. He stared at Tian Boguang, stumbled a little, and then fell down on the floor."

She turned and cast a glance at Priest Tiansong. "That Uncle-Master of the Taishan Sword School immediately rushed forward to confront Tian Boguang, and started a vigorous attack. The moves that Uncle-Master used were very good, but Tian Boguang remained sitting down and simply blocked them with his knife. That Uncle-Master attacked with over thirty moves, and Tian Boguang blocked every one of them while sitting down, never even bothering to stand up."

Priest Tianmen's face turned dark. He looked at the apprentice brother lying on the door plank.

"Junior apprentice brother, was that villain's Kung Fu really this good?" he asked.

Priest Tiansong gave a long sigh and turned his head away slowly.

Yilin continued, "Then big brother Linghu drew his sword and thrust it toward Tian Boguang as well. Tian Boguang blocked the thrust with his knife and stood up."

"That can not be right!" Dingyi cut her off. "Priest Tiansong attacked with over thirty moves, yet Tian Boguang did not stand up. Why did he stand up when Linghu Chong only attacked once? How could Linghu Chong's Kung Fu be better than Priest Tiansong's?"

"Tian Boguang had his reasons," Yilin explained. "'Brother Linghu,' Tian Boguang said, 'I look upon you as a friend. When you attack me, if I remain sitting down, it would be disrespectful. Although my Kung Fu skills are better than yours, I respect your personality, so no matter who wins the fight, I have to stand up to fight. But for that bull…bull-nose…well, it's a different story.'

"'Hmm,' big brother Linghu said, 'thank you for the courtesy. You are giving me too much praise.' Then he attacked with three continued thrusts. Master, the three thrusts were so swift and fierce, the flash of the sword covered Tian Boguang's entire upper body…."

"That is one of old man Yue's valued moves called something like 'Three Peaks of Mount Huashan'." Dingyi nodded. "It is said that the second thrust is fiercer than the first one, and the third one is even fiercer than the second one. So how did Tian Boguang fend that off?"

"Tian Boguang blocked one thrust and took a step back, blocked another thrust and took another step, so he stepped back a total of three paces. 'Nice moves!' he cheered, and then turned to Uncle-Master Tiansong. 'Hey, bull-nose! Why didn't you join him and attack me together?' Right after big brother Linghu began the first thrust, Uncle-Master Tiansong stepped back and just stood by the side, watching.

"'I am a gentleman of honor from the Taishan Sword School. Why would I humiliate myself by fighting side by side with such an evil rapist?' Uncle-Master replied coldly.

"'Don't mistake apprentice brother Linghu,' I could not help saying, 'he is a good person!'

"'He is a good person? Hha, he is a wonderful person that commits evil deeds with Tian Boguang!' Uncle-Master Tiansong sneered.

"Suddenly, Uncle-Master Tiansong uttered a loud cry and then pressed his hands to his chest with a great look of disbelief on his face. Tian Boguang returned his knife to its sheath. 'Sit down. Sit down! Drink wine! Drink!' he said.

"Seeing blood seeping through Uncle-Master Tiansong's fingers, I had no idea what kind of magic knife move Tian Boguang had just used. I didn't even see him moving his arm or swinging his knife, and Uncle-Master Tiansong had already been wounded in the chest. The thrust must have been executed with extreme speed. I was so scared and started screaming. 'Don't…don't kill him!'

"Tian Boguang grinned, 'The little beauty says no killing, I won't kill you then!' he said.

"Uncle-Master Tiansong covered his wound with his hands and rushed down the stairs. Big brother Linghu was about to run after him and help, but Tian Boguang grabbed him. 'Brother Linghu,' he said, 'this bull-nose is too arrogant. He would rather die than asking for your help. Why go asking for trouble?' Big brother Linghu shook his head, let out a wry smile, and poured two full bowls of wine down his throat.

"Master, I was thinking, we Buddhists have five primary prohibitions, and the fifth one is the prohibition against alcohol. Although big brother Linghu was no Buddhist, it was still not good to drink wine nonstop like that. But I dared not say a thing to him, afraid that he was going to scold me and say something like 'Once one sees a nun…. '"

"Those insane words of Linghu Chong should never be mentioned again," Dingyi admonished.

"Yes, Master!" Yilin answered.

"What happened after that?" Dingyi asked.

"'That bull-nose's Kung Fu is not bad at all,' Tian Boguang said. 'My attack wasn't slow, yet he was able to move three inches back and barely escape my deathblow. Taishan Sword School's Kung Fu has some real stuff. Brother Linghu, since this bull-nose ran away alive, you're probably going to have quite some trouble after today. I intended to kill him just now and save you from further trouble, but too bad, I didn't quite make it.'

"'I get into trouble everyday,' big brother Linghu said with a smile. 'Forget about the darn trouble. Let's drink. Brother Tian, if you had chopped the same way at me earlier – my Kung Fu is no match for Uncle-Master Tiansong – I wouldn't have made it out alive.'

"'I held back some when I fought with you,' Tian Boguang grinned. 'That's because I wanted to thank you for not killing me in the cave last night.'

"I felt very confused. Does that mean big brother Linghu was actually the winner when they fought in the cave, and big brother Linghu granted mercy for his life?"

At these words, everybody showed a disapproving face. They all thought that Linghu Chong shouldn't have been so courteous to Tian Boguang, who was such an evil rapist.

Yilin went on, "'Last night in the cave,' big brother Linghu said, 'I had already tried my best. My skills are not as good as yours. How dare I grant you mercy?'

"Tian Boguang burst into a loud laugh. 'When you and the little nun were hiding in the cave,' he said, 'the little nun made a noise and I found out her whereabouts, but you were still holding your breath and I really had no idea that someone else was also hiding in the shadows. I was just about to grab the little nun and break all her prohibitions. All you had to do was to wait a little bit longer till I was fully enjoying myself, and then thrust your sword. You could have easily sent me on my way. Brother Linghu, you are not a twelve-year old boy; you know how things are done. I know you are a true man of honor who does not want to kill from behind one's back, that's why you only poked me slightly on my shoulder.'

"Big brother Linghu rebuffed him, 'If I had waited a little bit longer, the little nun would have already been humiliated by you. Listen to me. Yes, I get angry every time I see a nun, but since Heng-Shan Sword School is a member of the Five Mountains Sword Alliance, and you were attacking one of its members. Something like that can not be tolerated.'

"'Well,' Tian Boguang grinned. 'If you had just stabbed three inches deeper, I would have lost my whole arm. Why did you draw back your sword after you poked me?'

"'I am an apprentice of the Huashan Sword School,' big brother Linghu said. 'I don't attack people from behind. You chopped me in the shoulder earlier. I stabbed you in the shoulder as payback to get even, so we could fight a fair fight. n.o.body would have any advantage on the other.'

"Tian Boguang laughed loudly. 'Great! I am glad to make you a friend. Come on, let's drink another bowl.'

"'My Kung Fu is not as good as yours, but my drinking tolerance is much better than yours,' big brother Linghu said.

"'Are you sure? I don't think so. You want a contest. Come on, let's first drink ten bowls of wine each,' Tian Boguang proposed.

"'Brother Tian,' big brother Linghu said with a frown, 'I thought you were a real man who wouldn't take advantage of others, that's why I wanted to bet on the drinking contest. But apparently I was wrong. I am really disappointed.'

"Tian Boguang looked at him from the corner of his eyes. 'How am I taking advantage of you?' he asked.

"'You know very well that I don't like nuns,' big brother Linghu said. 'Every time I see a nun I feel uncomfortable and lose my appet.i.te. How can I still have a drinking contest with you?'

"Tian Boguang laughed again. 'Brother Linghu,' he said, 'I know you are trying every trick you can to save this little nun. But I love beautiful women more than my own life. I've picked this beautiful little nun, and I'll never let her go. If you want me to let her go, there is only one way to make me.'

"'All right, spit it out then,' big brother Linghu said. 'Even if I have to go up a hill of knives or swim in a pot of boiling oil, I'll do it. If I hesitate at your request, then I am not a true man.'

"Tian Boguang filled two bowls with wine. 'Drink this bowl of wine and then I'll tell you,' he said with a big grin.

"Big brother Linghu picked up the bowl and said, 'Bottom's up!' then bolted it down his throat. Tian Boguang also drank a bowl of wine. 'Brother Linghu,' he said, 'I see you as my friend. The rule of the Martial World is that there will be no molestation of a friend's wife. If you agree to marry this little nun…little nun…. '" Yilin's face blushed while she spoke out these words. She stared at her feet and her voice became lower and lower. At the last word, her voice was so low that people could hardly discern her words.

Dingyi struck the table with her palm and yelled, "Nonsense! More and more obscenity! What happened after that?"

In a very soft tone Yilin said, "Tian Boguang kept spouting nonsense. 'For a true man, once his word is given, even a wagon with four horses cannot drag it back. If you agree to marry…marry her, I'll let her go right away. I will also bow to her and apologize to her. There is no other way but that!'

"'Bah!' big brother Linghu rebuffed. 'Do you want me to have bad luck for the rest of my life? Never mention that again.'

"Tian Boguang then said a lot more nonsense such as that once the hair grows back, a nun is not a nun anymore, and a lot of other crazy words that are ridiculous to speak aloud. I covered up my ears and tried not to listen.

"'Shut up!' big brother Linghu cried out. 'Stop making such cra.s.s jokes. You are driving me insane! How can I still partic.i.p.ate in the contest when I am going insane? If you don't let her go, then let's fight till one of us drops dead.'

"'You are no match for me in a fight!' Tian Boguang said with a smirk.

"'If we fight while standing up,' big brother Linghu said, 'I am not good enough to challenge you. But if we fight while sitting down, you are no match for me!'"

Everyone still remembered from Yilin's story that Tian Boguang blocked over twenty fierce attacks from a Taishan Sword School master, Priest Tiansong, without leaving his seat. It was quite obvious he was very good at fighting while sitting down. Apparently, Linghu Chong was intentionally trying to irritate him with these words.

"When one meets with such a villain, it might be a good idea to irritate him first before attacking," He Sanqi said with a nod.

"Hearing these words," Yilin went on, "Tian Boguang did not get angry at all. He simply said with a grin, 'Brother Linghu, Tian Boguang admires your courage and personality, not your Kung Fu.'

"Big brother Linghu immediately followed, 'Linghu Chong admires your fast knife strokes while standing up, but not your fast knife strokes while sitting down.'

"'There's something you don't know,' Tian Boguang explained. 'When I was a young boy, my legs had problems. For two years, I was only able to practice my knife skills sitting down. Fighting while sitting down is actually my specialty. Just now when I was fighting the bull…bull…priest, I wasn't really deriding his skills; I was just used to fighting while sitting down, so I got lazy and didn't bother standing up. Brother Linghu, you are not as good as I am in this department.'

"'Brother Tian, there's something you don't know either,' big brother Linghu also started explaining. 'Because of the problems of your legs, you had to practice your knife skills while sitting down for two years. That was only two years. My other Kung Fu skills are not as good, but fighting while sitting down, I am really better. I practice my sword skills while sitting down every single day. '"

At these words, all eyes turned toward Lao Denuo, all wondering, "Is there really a special Huashan sword form that is practiced while sitting down?"

Lao Denuo shook his head. "Big senior brother was just kidding. Our sword school does not have such a type of martial arts."

Yilin went on with the story, "Tian Boguang appeared to be taken by surprise. 'Really?' he said. 'Then I must be ignorant. I'd like to see this Huashan Sword School's Sit…Sit…What's the name of the sword art?'

"'This sword art was not taught by my respectful Master. I created it myself,' big brother Linghu grinned.

"Tian Boguang's face turned solemn at these words. 'I see,' he said. 'Brother Linghu, you must be a genius. That is very admirable!'"

Everyone in the hall knew exactly why Tian Boguang was so moved. In one's study of the Martial Arts, it was very difficult to create a new set of sword arts or hand fighting forms. One would have to have both first-cla.s.s Kung Fu skills and outstanding knowledge and intelligence to find a way to create new moves. A big school like the Huashan Sword School had been in existence for several hundred years. Each move of Huashan Sword School's martial arts moves was improved and tested thousands of times. It would have been very difficult to even modify just one of its existing moves, let alone to create a new set of sword arts.

"Did big senior brother create a new set of sword arts?" Lao Denuo thought to himself. "How come he never mentioned this to the Master?"

Yilin continued, "Big brother Linghu grinned. 'This set of sword arts is very smelly. There is nothing to admire about it.'

"Tian Boguang was confused. 'Why is it very smelly?' he asked. I was also very confused. A set of sword arts could be bad; how could it be smelly?

"Big brother Linghu then explained, 'Well, to tell you the truth, every morning when I go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet, there are always annoying flies flying around, so I would pick up my sword and try to kill the flies. In the beginning, I could hardly hit any of the flies, but after many days, my thrusts got better, and I could hit some of them. Gradually, my mind and thrusts worked in harmony, and I was able to create a set of sword arts out of thrusting at the flies. When I use this sword art, I am always sitting on a toilet, so of course it would be a bit smelly.'

"Hearing this, I could not help laughing. Big brother Linghu was so funny. How could anyone practice sword arts like that? But when Tian Boguang heard these words, his face turned livid.

"'Brother Linghu,' he said angrily, 'I see you as a friend, but what you said is just going too far. Are you saying that I am just a fly in the toilet? Well, then let me take a look at your…your…!'"

People in the hall could not help nodding. It was well known that when first-cla.s.s Kung Fu masters fought, if one became impetuous, then he had lost thirty percent chance of winning. Linghu Chong's words were obviously intended to enrage Tian Boguang, and now Tian Boguang did get angry, so he had already stepped into the trap.

"Very good!" Dingyi remarked. "And then?"

Yilin went on, "Big brother Linghu chuckled. 'I practice this sword art just for fun, and never intended to use it to fight with anybody. Brother Tian, please don't get the wrong impression. I would never compare you to a fly in the toilet.' I couldn't help laughing again.
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"Tian Boguang got even angrier. He pulled out his knife and smacked it on the table. 'Well, then let's all sit down and see who's better.' Seeing the fierce look in his eyes, I was very frightened. Obviously he had decided to kill big brother Linghu.

"Big brother Linghu said, 'Fighting while sitting down, my Kung Fu is better, and you can't possibly win. We just became good friends, brother Tian, why destroy our relations.h.i.+p? Besides, Linghu Chong is a true man. I don't want to use what I am really good at to take advantage of a friend.'

"'I wished for it myself; n.o.body will blame you for taking advantage of me,' Tian Boguang scoffed.

"'Brother Tian, are you sure you really want it?' big brother Linghu asked.

"'Definitely!' Tian Boguang said without hesitation.

"'And you are sure you want to fight while we sit down?' big brother Linghu asked again.

"'Yes! Definitely fight while sitting down!' Tian Boguang confirmed again.

"Big brother Linghu then said, 'Alright! If you say so! But we have to establish some rules first. Here it goes: before one can claim to be the victor, whoever stands up loses the contest.'

"'Exactly! Before one can claim to be the victor, whoever stands up loses the contest,' Tian Boguang agreed.

"'So what penalty shall we give to the loser?' big brother Linghu asked.

"'Whatever you say,' Tian Boguang answered.

"'Let me think about it,' big brother Linghu requested. He paused for a second and then said, 'Very well! First, starting from today, if the loser sees the little nun again, he shall behave himself. No impolite behavior or words. And as soon as he sees her, he shall bow in respect and say, 'Little Sister, apprentice Tian Boguang asks after your health.'

"'Bah, what do you mean? How do you know I am going to lose? What if you lose?' Tian Boguang complained.

"'Same for me,' big brother Linghu answered without hesitation. 'No matter who loses, he shall have to submit to Heng-Shan Sword School to be the grand-apprentice of Old Sister Dingyi and apprentice of this little nun.'

"Master, don't you think big brother Linghu was very funny? If the fight was between them, why would the loser have to submit to our Heng-Shan Sword School? And how could I take them as my apprentices?" After these words, a slight smile appeared on her face. Her face had always looked upset before. Now when she smiled, it seemed that a ray of suns.h.i.+ne brightened the room.

"These crude people could say anything. Don't believe them. Linghu Chong was just trying to enrage Tian Boguang," Dingyi said. After these words, she raised her head a little and narrowed her eyes, trying to figure out how Linghu Chong could win the fight. If he lost the fight, how could he go back on his word? She thought for a while and knew that her own intelligence was far less than the rascal Linghu Chong. It would just be a waste of energy. So she asked, "What did Tian Boguang say?"

"Seeing big brother Linghu speak with such confidence," Yilin said, "Tian Boguang showed a little hesitation. I guess he was a little worried. Maybe he was thinking that big brother Linghu could really have some outstanding fighting skills when sitting down.

"Big brother Linghu kept nudging him, 'If you really don't want to submit to the Heng-Shan Sword School, then we'd better not have this contest.'

"'Nonsense!' Tian Boguang exclaimed angrily. 'Alright, I agree! Whoever loses will have the little nun as his Master!'

"'I cannot have you as my apprentices,' I said in a hurry. 'My Kung Fu skills are too weak, and my Master wouldn't let me either. All the people in our Heng-Shan Sword School, Buddhists or not, are female. How can we…how can we…?'

"Big brother Linghu waved me off. 'I have made the decision with brother Tian. You simply have to accept it, whether you want to or not. It's not your call.' He then turned to Tian Boguang and said, 'Second, the loser will have to swing his knife and make himself a eunuch.' Master, what does 'swing his knife and make himself a eunuch' mean?"

Many people started chuckling. Dingyi could not help but grin herself, and a smile finally showed on her strict face. "Those were dirty words from the mouth of a rascal," she said. "Good child, it is alright if you don't understand. You don't need to understand those. Those are bad words."

"Oh, so those were bad words," Yilin said. "I thought since there are emperors, of course there will be eunuchs,[1] what's all the fuss about?

"Tian Boguang stared at big brother Linghu. 'Brother Linghu,' he asked, 'you are really sure you will win?'

"'Sure!' big brother Linghu answered. 'Fighting while standing up, I rank eighty-nine among the Kung Fu people in the Martial World, but fighting while sitting down, I rank at number two!'

"Tian Boguang became curious. 'If you are number two, then who is number one?' he asked.

"'The Chief of the Demon Cult, Dongfang Invincible!' big brother Linghu said."

Hearing the name "Chief of the Demon Cult, Dongfang Invincible," everybody's face changed color. Noticing the sudden change in facial expressions, Yilin breathed nervously, feeling afraid that she might have said something wrong. "Master," she asked, "did I say something wrong?"

"Just don't mention that person's name," Dingyi said. "So what did Tian Boguang say?"

Yilin answered, "Tian Boguang nodded. 'Chief Dongfang ranks number one, I totally agree,' he said. 'But calling yourself number two seems to be a bit c.o.c.ky. Can you even defeat your own Master Mr. Yue?'

"'I am only talking about fighting while sitting down,' big brother Linghu said. 'Fighting while standing up, my Master ranks at number eight, and I am only number eighty-nine, far behind the respectful Master.'

"'I see,' Tian Boguang nodded in agreement. 'Then fighting while standing up, where do I stand? And who did the ranking?'

"'This is a big secret,' big brother Linghu said in a confidential tone. 'Brother Tian, since I am having a good chat with you, I might as well tell you. But never let this out, otherwise, it can cause great upheaval in the entire Martial World. Three months ago, the five Head Masters of the Five Mountains Sword Alliance had a meeting at Mount Huashan to discuss the skills of the famous Kung Fu people in the Martial World. While they were in a good mood, they ranked the masters in the Martial World just for fun. Brother Tian, to be frank, although the five Masters really disliked your personality, they had great regard for your Kung Fu skills. Fighting while standing up, you can be ranked at number fourteen. '"

Priest Tianmen and Sister Dingyi exclaimed in unison, "Linghu Chong was talking nonsense! Nothing like that ever happened!"

"So big brother Linghu was just fooling him again?" Yilin asked. "Well, Tian Boguang couldn't completely believe him either. He said, 'The Head Masters of the Five Mountains Sword Alliance are all outstanding and famous martial artists in the Martial World. They actually ranked me at number fourteen? That is really overwhelming. So brother Linghu, did you present your smelly Toilet Sword Art in front of the five Head Masters? If not, how did they rank you at number two?'

"Big brother Linghu said with a grin, 'This Toilet Sword Art would be too embarra.s.sing to show in public, especially in front of the five Head Masters. The sword art looks very ugly, but the moves are very ferocious. I was discussing it with some masters from heretical clans, and they all thought that n.o.body except Chief Dongfang could defeat the sword art. But brother Tian, I have to say that even though my sword art is very fierce, besides using it to kill flies when sitting on a toilet, it is really quite useless. Think about it, when you are really fighting with somebody, who would agree to sit down and not move? Even though we agreed to fight sitting down, as soon as you start to lose, of course you would get mad and stand up. You are ranked at number fourteen fighting while standing up, so with no effort, you could easily split me, the number two fighting while sitting down, into halves with just one chop. See, your number fourteen fighting while standing up is the real thing, and my number two fighting while sitting down is just a novel trick. It's nothing to be proud of.'

"'Hmm, brother Linghu, you are really glib,' Tian Boguang said. 'How do you know I will definitely lose to you fighting while sitting down? How do you know I will get mad and stand up to kill you?'

"'Well,' big brother Linghu said, 'if you agree that you won't kill me after you lose, then I won't insist on the enu…eunuch rule. So you won't have to worry about having no descendants. Ok, enough talk already, let's fight!'

"He raised his arm and flipped the table. The table, together with all the wine kettles and bowls, flew to the side. The two just sat there, face to face. One held a knife, the other grabbed hold of a sword.

"'Go ahead,' big brother Linghu yelled, 'start your attack! Whoever stands up first – his b.u.t.t leaving the chair – loses.'

"'All right!' Tian Boguang also yelled. 'Let's see who's going to stand up first!'

"Right before they started fighting, Tian Boguang glanced at me and then suddenly burst into loud laughter. 'Brother Linghu,' he said, 'well done! So you have set up an ambush in advance, and intentionally set limits on my actions. As we fight while sitting down, not being able to leave the chair, all your helpers will rush out – or even if they don't, just this little nun playing some trick behind my back might force me to stand up.'

"Big brother Linghu also laughed loudly. 'If anyone helps me, then Linghu Chong is the loser. Little nun, do you want me to win or lose?'

"'Of course I want you to win,' I said. 'When you fight while sitting down, you are the second best in the world, so you won't lose to him.'

"'Good,' big brother Linghu said. 'Then please go! The quicker the better, the further the merrier! With a bald headed little nun in front of me, I don't need to go through the motions, I will have already lost.' He did not wait for Tian Boguang to comment and thrust his sword at him.

"Tian Boguang waved his knife and blocked the attack. 'Outstanding!' he smiled. 'Outstanding! What a great plan to rescue the little nun. Brother Linghu, you are truly a babe…babe-hound. But the risk is a bit too high this time.'

"By then I finally realized: big brother Linghu's mentioning again and again that who stands up first loses was to give me a chance to run away. Tian Boguang could not leave his chair, so of course he would not be able to catch me."

Hearing this, the listeners all praised, in their hearts, the great effort Linghu Chong had made. His skills were not as good as Tian Boguang's. Other than by this stratagem, there really wasn't any other way to help Yilin get away.

"The words 'babe-hound' etc. are all rude words. Never mention them again. Don't ever even think about them in your heart," Dingyi admonished.

Yilin lowered her head. "Yes, Master. So those were rude words too. I see."

"So you left right away, right?" Dingyi asked. "Once Tian Boguang killed Linghu Chong, you wouldn't be able to get away anymore."

"Yes," Yilin said. "Big brother Linghu urged me again and again, so finally I bowed to him and said, 'Thank you, apprentice brother Linghu, for saving me!' Then I turned around to leave. When I got to the stairway, I heard Tian Boguang shouting, 'Gotcha!' When I looked back, two drops of blood splashed onto my clothes. Big brother Linghu had taken a cut to the shoulder.

"Tian Boguang smirked, 'Well, I think your number two ranking sword art while sitting down is really nothing special!'

"'The little nun is still here,' big brother Linghu said, 'how am I to beat you? I am doomed to fail from bad luck!'

"I figured since big brother Linghu really disliked nuns, if I stayed any longer, he might really die because of me, so I rushed down the stairs. After I got out of the wine house, I could still hear all the clang of metal made by the sword and knife.

"Then Tian Boguang shouted again, 'Gotcha!' I was very worried and knew that big brother Linghu must have taken another cut, but I dared not to go up the wine house again. I climbed up the roof of the wine house from the side of the building, and bent over the roof to look inside the window. What I saw was very frightening. Big brother Linghu was still fighting fiercely with his sword, with blood all over him. Tian Boguang, on the other hand, was not hurt at all.

"After another while, Tian Boguang shouted again, 'Gotcha!' He slashed big brother Linghu's left arm and then pulled back his knife. 'Brother Linghu, I am being nice this time!' he said with a smile.

"'I know. If you had cut a little deeper, my left arm would be gone by now!' big brother Linghu answered, also with a smile.

"Master, how was he still able to smile in such bad condition?

"'You still want to fight?' Tian Boguang asked.

"'Of course I do! Did I stand up?' big brother Linghu said.

"'I suggest you give it up and stand up!' Tian Boguang said. 'Forget about the bet. You don't have to ask that little nun to be your master.'

"Big brother Linghu said, 'For a true man, once his word is out, even a wagon with four horses cannot drag it back. I gave my word; I am still accountable.'

"Tian Boguang complemented him, 'I've seen many tough guys before. But this is the first time I see a true hero, brother Linghu. Fine! Let's call it a tie and stop right here, alright?'

"Big brother Linghu just looked at him with a smile and said nothing. Blood kept flowing from his different wounds and dripped onto the wood floor. Tian Boguang dropped his knife and was just about to stand up when he suddenly remembered that he would have lost if he had stood up. His body had moved upward a little when he quickly sat back and did not leave the chair.

"'Brother Tian, you are quick!' big brother Linghu grinned."

Everyone could not help but let out an "Ah" of pity for Linghu Chong.

Yilin continued. "Tian Boguang picked up his knife again. 'I am going to use my fast strokes now,' he said. 'If I wait any longer, the little nun will have run to wonderland, and I won't be able to keep up with her anymore.'

"I trembled when I heard his words. I also worried that big brother Linghu might get killed by him, but I had no clue as to what to do next. Then a thought popped into my head: Big brother Linghu fought so hard against him just to rescue me. The only way to save big brother Linghu's life was to commit suicide right in front of them. So I unsheathed the broken sword by my waist, ready to jump into the wine house. Right at that moment, big brother Linghu's body gave a sudden shake, and he collapsed to the floor together with his chair. He pushed on the ground with his hands and struggled to get up with the chair at his back, but he was so badly wounded that he just couldn't get up.

"Tian Boguang was quite content, and with a big smile on his face, he said, 'Number two for sitting down. What rank for crawling?' With these words, he stood up.

"Big brother Linghu burst into loud laughter. 'You lost!' he said.

"Tian Boguang laughed hard. 'You were just defeated in such an embarra.s.sing manner, and you are calling me a loser?'

"'What did we agree on?' big brother Linghu asked while lying on the floor.