The Foolhardies 205 Bullhead

"It really does feel like taking candy from a baby," I said just as I smashed the b.u.t.t of my falchion onto the frozen s.h.i.+eld of a satyr warrior. 

"What have you got against babies, Commander?" one of the heavy infantry dwarves asked me just as he rammed his rather thick bulwark s.h.i.+eld against the frozen soldier to the right of my frozen soldier and smashed him into pieces. "Didn't think you were the cruel type."

"The commander's a well-known tactician, Blitzen," said the dwarf on my left. "Of course he's got a dark side to him… how else can he think up such crazy plans that can kill thousands of fairies in a single night?" 

"You've got a point there, Floki," Blitzen nodded sullenly. "s.h.i.+t, and here I thought we were saved from crazy commanders…" 

Floki, the dwarf to my immediate right, slammed his mace up the groin of an elven soldier who had only been frozen from the waist down — just imagine the pain he must have felt as the dwarf smashed his crown jewels. 

It was only after he'd done that when he addressed Blitzen's comment, "Yup, our commander's one crazy motherfu—"

"Can you guys not talk about me when I'm right beside you?" I asked with a shake of my head. 

The satyr directly in front of me hadn't been frozen to the point he couldn't move, but he was still too slow to dodge the combination of slashes I'd just unleashed on him. He dropped dead on the ground moments later. 

Watching him fall sent that familiar feeling of guilt knocking on my brain. This made me sigh in relief. I was starting to worry that I was beginning to be desensitized to killing. It was nice to know I was still affected by it no matter how badly. It helped to remind me why I was fighting. 

"Commander?" Floki called. "Are you alright?" 

"Ye-yeah," I tore my eyes away from the dead husk lying at my feet. "Let's keep at it."

Although the battle to destroy the enemy's phalanx by breaking into their side began in our favor, the enemy soldiers quickly rallied and formed a second s.h.i.+eld wall behind the guys' Ty had frozen. This left me thinking that the enemy commander was at least competent. 

Sadly, I wasn't done unleas.h.i.+ng Ty on their a.s.s, and as I watched spear-size icicles drop down on their heads from the sky, I imagined Ty to be that cheat power a protagonist gets in those popular novels about transmigration. 

This thought made me chuckle to myself as I realized I was technically transmigrating to another world every night. That was so~~o meta. 

The two dwarves on either side of me glanced nervously in my direction. 

"You're right, Floki," Blitzen commented. "Our Commander's definitely crazy… who else would laugh in the face of all this… death." 

"I call it just like I see it," Floki nodded in agreement. 

"Can you two please shut up and keep your s.h.i.+elds up while you're at it," I growled. "Give me a few seconds to get my bearings…" 

I sent my vision up to tactical view mode once more and took a quick survey of how things were going on my side of this battlefield. 

Our hundred guys had managed to push in deep into the enemy's left wing like a dagger that had pierced all the way into a man's heart. Because of our success, Edo's own forces were managing to push the enemy phalanx's line back inch by inch. 

It was now terribly obvious that the enemy left wing's formation would crumble soon which I thought was an embarra.s.sment given there were over a thousand of them and just a little over three hundred of us. 

"Commander, I think I spotted the target," Floki said. "Big guy with a phallus on his forehead… he's making his way here, sir." 

"Idiot!" Blitzen roared. "That's not a d*ck… it's a… what the h.e.l.l is that?" 

Their jabbering broke my concentration and I was forced to release my tactical view without seeing how the left and center of our unit was faring. 

"Didn't I say no—"

The sight of Barducius the Tri-Horn's head looming ever closer almost made me laugh out loud. Floki was right, the dude's ornament in the center looked exactly like a skinny phallus. 

"Dapper!" Barducius roared from about five lines of soldiers away. "I've come to claim your head in the name of Great General Garm!" 

"Way to admit to treason, d.i.c.kwad!" I yelled an appropriate curse at him. 

He roared like the rampaging bull he seemed to be and began wading through his soldiers so he could get to me. 

"This enemy commander isn't so smart… he coming right toward us," Floki reasoned. 

I shook my head. "It's because he's confident he can win… brace yourselves, dwarves."

It wasn't just Blitzen and Floki who'd heeded my call, the eighteen other dwarves lined up on either side of me suddenly tensed up. As one, they shoved their s.h.i.+elds forward and held the line despite the larger enemies shoving against them. 

"Ty!" I yelled. "Keep reining icicles down on these treacherous sc.u.mbags!" 

This seemed to rile Barducius up even more, and it wasn't long until he and I were face-to-face between our lines. To all present, a commander's duel was about to begin. 

"We're not the traitors!" he spat in my face. "You and all those fools who serve the frail patriarch are the traitors!"

"You'd rather we all fight for a selfish muscle-head like Garm who's willing to betray his own clan just to get ahead?" I asked wryly. 

My falchion clashed against his longsword, and our shadowblades ground against each other as we locked swords. 

"A filthy Mudgardian like you wouldn't understand… we fairies have no love for weakness and those too weak to stand," he growled, spittle flying onto my face like drizzle from a morning downpour. 

"You do know that your boss is a half breed, right?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "That makes him half-Mudgardian." 

"Insolent brat!" he spouted the same plat.i.tudes b-rate villains love to scream into a loveable protagonist's face. "You know nothing of Garm!" 

He stepped back and drew me forward just so he could slam the front of his s.h.i.+eld at my right shoulder. But I'd seen it coming a mile away, and stepped to the side just as his s.h.i.+eld arrived. 

This caused him to lose his balance, leaving me with the chance to do something nasty to him. 

My mind flashed on Floki's earlier attack against the half-frozen elf, and my knee came rising up between Barducius' chainmail skirt and up to his groin area. Sadly, the satyr was too big for me, and I had to settle for striking his inner thigh. 

It was a good enough hit that it caused my enemy to stumble, and while he tried to regain his balance, I launched a slash that struck his other thigh. It was a crucial hit that would limit his movement. 

"You have no chance of winning against me, Dean Dapper!" he roared.

With a burst of strength I wasn't prepared for, he sent his longsword cras.h.i.+ng into my falchion — and although I managed to block his attack, I was pushed about four feet away, right toward the back of my own line. 

"Son of a…" I scowled. "This b.a.s.t.a.r.d's almost as strong as Edo…" 

"How long are you planning to stand there looking all dazzled by me?" he shouted, just as he jumped forward and sent his longsword down on my head. 

I dodged to the right but immediately pivoted back to the left to send my left shoulder slamming into his s.h.i.+eld. 

I know what you're thinking, why pull a crazy stunt like that? It's not like flesh and bone can stand up against a metal s.h.i.+eld — but I needed to get back within range while keeping away from his line of sight just long enough to stab him in his other thigh. 

"Argh!" he yelled. 

He pulled away from me but with both thighs injured he'd lost his balance momentarily. However, I chose not to capitalize on this weakness and instead decided to taunt him some more. 

"Too bad, Four-Thousand-Man Commander Barducius… it looks like your promotion's not going to last much longer," I taunted. "Just about as long as it takes for me to chop off your head… which I'll do right after I cut off that gross thing you've got on your brow." 

"Fool! No way I would die in a place like this… not after my lord has recognized my strength!" he roared one final time right before he charged forward with his s.h.i.+eld. 

Azuma had a saying, "If you're going to hack and slash at someone then your falchion will certainly do… but if you want to win with the fine finesse of a piercing strike then a spear is the way to go…" 

If only he could see me now, I bet he'd be surprised. 

I pulled my sword arm back just long enough for me to send all my killing intent into my sword

Then I whispered, ""Like a bolt of lightning, carve away all defenses with a single glistening blade!" 

Finally, I sent my augmented falchion, sheathed as it was in a coat of lightning, straight into Barducius s.h.i.+eld, through it, and into the chest of the raging bull beyond it.