Humanity Online: World Sanctuary 34 Sweet Nothings And Sweet Somethings

I mean, yeah, I absolutely baited the b.a.s.t.a.r.d—

—only an idiot would think his weapon's safe strapped to his d.a.m.n underpants—

—and yeah, I'd thought some s.h.i.+t would go down if he actually tried to steal Zen, but hot d.a.m.n, this sword does not f.u.c.k around!

I'm like 3/4 insanely pleased with how perfectly bada.s.s it is, and 1/4 terrified I'm going to cripple my account any time I draw either of my Cursed blades.

I whisper sweet nothings to Zen, just in case it helps the sword keep seeing me as "worthy."

"Wow, what a great sword you are. You cut good. You're s.h.i.+ny. You burned that dumba.s.s to a crisp, yes you did."

Tbh, I'm not really a sweet nothings kind of guy.

(But I'm great at talking to dogs.)

I give Zen an affectionate pat before stowing it in storage, then duck behind the tannery to pull out my greatest treasure.

Pants.

Glorious pants.

Seriously, I would have taken anything at this point—I might have slain a dragon for the chance at a freakin' hula skirt—but my Fickle Fortune seems to have decided to help a brotha out this time around.

If I ever get my hands on whichever dev was in charge of designing these G.o.dforsaken boxers, however, I will kill them IRL.

The wannabe thief must have scored trousers as a monster drop; I recognize these as part of a Yellow-tier set you can only equip after Level 10. Using the magic of VR, I pull the dark pants on without taking off my boots, and they auto-alter to fit perfectly. Then I re-equip Orion's Belt onto the pants, and voila! I look like a real RPG character now, folks!

I pop into Logane's Leatherworks for my next necessity: scabbards.

As much as I enjoyed burning a dude alive, I'm not trying to have an endless swarm of idiots stealing my s.h.i.+t all the time.

Logane's place is way off the main streets, and looks about one step below a grimy, decrepit hovel. The sign's barely readable, and when I open the door, it doesn't creak so much as it cries out in pain like an old geezer who threw out his back but still has to hobble off his rocker to yell at kids cutting across his lawn.

My completionist-obsessed personality led me to open every door in Lough Gur during the beta because it was the first Realm town I materialized in then, too. This led to some mishaps, as Viren's Refuge is not like Zelda, where none of the NPCs seem to mind if you break into their homes and smash their antiques.

Turns out these NPCs might do anything from scream b.l.o.o.d.y murder, offer you a pint, or stab you in the gut with a firepoker.

One very large, very wrinkled, old person missing half their teeth and all but three strands of hair—couldn't tell if it was a man or woman beneath all the dirt—thought I'd broken in to ravish them and laid down on the bed in what I think was supposed to be a seductive "come hither" pose.

When I reported the harrowing scene to the devs, they responded with, "Hmm, interesting. And did you accept the invitation? We have a short survey for you to complete if you did."

I had to take two days off after that.

The positive outcome of my string of B&Es is that I found two amazing shops I wouldn't have otherwise: one player-owned, and Logane's.

The outside might be trash, but the inside is a treasure trove of handcrafted leather goods, meticulously arranged throughout the immaculate s.p.a.ce. Not because Logane cares about displaying his wares for customers, though; he'll tell you it's because the items prefer the s.p.a.ce to breathe.

And if you touch any of the goods, or accidentally b.u.mp so much as a shoe out of place, he'll attack you faster than my mother when I'd dry my hands with one of the "good towels for company" right before her book club arrived.

Most players don't realize NPCs can harm Players in Safe Havens; only Players are restricted from violence.

I may have died in the beta once because I jostled a leather riding crop and Logane proceeded to beat me to death with it, so it could (and I'm quoting here), "enact its revenge against my barbaric manhandling."

Not as kinky as BDSM p.o.r.n would have you believe, even if Logane was wearing nothing but leather. (I think it was the ap.r.o.n that threw off the aesthetic.)

"Whaddya want?" Logane growls when I enter.

I draw Zen'aku and place them on the counter. "I need scabbards for these, please."

He shuffles over from his workstation to examine the blades. "What kind?"

"I was thinking hip—"

"Wrong."

"Okaaay..."

"Materials?"

I don't even try to guess this time. I swipe to open my Items window and pa.s.s the section of monster hides over to him.

Squinting, he frowns and mutters, furiously swiping left like he's a Mean Girl on a dating app, "No. Awful. No. s.h.i.+te. Of course not, what does the brat think this is? No. Ah, fine. This'll do."

He looks up, and I think he might be telling me which material he deemed worthy, but no, he just frowns deeper and asks how I'll be paying.

Since I p.i.s.sed off the devs, I'm still broke af, so I offer half my monster hides and the Oni guts.

He crosses his arms. "All the hides, the Oni guts, and four nekomata claws."

I cross my arms and add a raised eyebrow. "Two claws, and you throw in two small dagger sheaths, one boot, one hip."
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His face wrinkles in a frown so deep, I feel like I'm staring into the Grand Canyon. "Don't I know you?" he asks, gruff with suspicion.

"Nope, impossible, never met you a day in my life," I reply, studiously not looking at the riding crops.

"Harrumph. Fine. Now f.e.c.k off a bit. It'll be ready when it's ready."

"Good man," I say, and gtfo before he changes his mind.

While I'm waiting, I do the more boring errands.

First, I sell my Trash like it's another man's treasure. For some reason, half of Lough Gur was hanging out when I arrived through the Portal, and I seem to have p.i.s.sed everyone off, even though I only said one word. Not in the mood to deal with anymore PCs face-to-face, I hit up the auction house, where Players can use the in-game interface to sell goods to anyone in the Realm, though the house charges an annoying 15% transaction fee.

Mindbogglingly, the Yellow knives I barely consider letter openers go for eight silvers apiece. That's about a day's earnings for normal players at this level. More surprising, the first lamp oil I put up for online auction almost immediately gets into a bidding war. The oil burns for a few hours, so I'd optimistically opened the bid at 10 coppers; when it finally sells, it goes for a whopping twelve silvers!

Worried I'm missing something important, I check out the forums to see what the h.e.l.l's going on. It doesn't take me long to realize that no one knows about the Lux Skill. Or at least, no one who does is telling, and everybody else seems to think the only way to see while raiding a dungeon is by carrying lanterns. The dungeons in the beta were already lit, but I guess none of them are anymore, and NPCs aren't selling oil. Makes sense, since everyone's going to be able to glow soon enough.

Before people figure out the truth, I sell the other nine jars I scored from the Boss Oni, 1 and 2 at a time. Post-fee, I rake in 63 silvers, 40 coppers for the lot of them, and laugh my a.s.s off in my dark corner of the auction house.

Then I take my now-jingling wallet to buy health and stamina potions, food with a variety of buffs, and one White-tier dagger.

I'm tempted to buy a Trash Black tunic to get me by until I can afford to repair my Damaged one, but then I remember Zen'aku still needs to be upgraded to Level 10, and I don't want to waste a single copper that may be needed for the upgrade.

I open my stats window first, to see where I ended up at the end of Foundation Village. Now that I've accessed the forums and seen where others ended their FV runs, I'm feeling much better about my own experience, even with the abundance of creepy babies and the hours without pants. The average demihuman PC Level is 5, human 8, and no one's claimed breaking 20 in any Attributes yet.

-----

Name: Erebus

Race: D'Raven

Cla.s.s: --

Subcla.s.s: --

t.i.tle: The Natural

Level: 11 EXP: 328,100/500,000

HP: 411 SP: 89

Attributes:

Strength: 27

Agility: 23

Intelligence: 16

Vitality: 17

Mythic Hero Ranking: ???

Unique Sigil:

Windflower Emblem - Heart of a Champion: +100 World Reputation. Power of the Winds: +5% Running Speed, +8% Flying Speed, +10% Flying Height. (Hidden Attribute effects unavailable to view.)

-----

G.o.ds, I'm good at this game.

I grin and do a little happy "I'm f.u.c.king Awesome" dance; I dance even more enthusiastically when a Valkyrie chick gives me a dirty look and her Dryad friend ushers them both across the street loud-whispering about nutcases popping up around every corner.

As soon as they're out of sight, I slow my roll, however. No matter how I do the math, I can't figure out my stat numbers. Confused, I tab over to Equipment Inventory, to see if I'd forgotten one of my gear's bonuses or something.

And that's when I notice an item that's no longer grayed out.

---

[ Fate-Spun Scarf ] {Nova - Mythic}

To keep your neck warm and attached to your body. Woven on the Celestial Loom of Fate, this Mythic item was crafted by the Fate G.o.ddesses to aid a true Hero in the quest to save the Realms. +20% Defense, +5% Boost to All Main Attributes, +5 Levels to Stealth, +100 Cold Resistance.

Pa.s.sive Skill: Thread Reader - Allows you to Perceive Level, Name, and HP of all NPCs and PCs.

Active Skill: Thread Reader II - Allows you to Perceive a single Attribute stat of any NPC or PC. Cooldown: 30 Minutes.

Limited-Use Active Skill: Be Kind, Fate Rewind - Allows you to "rewind" up to 30 seconds; anything within a 1500-Meter radius will be reset to positions and status from 30 seconds previous (this includes HP, SP, items, treasure chests, etc). Note: Dead Players are the exception to this rule. You may not use Be Kind, Fate Rewind to revive any dead players (including yourself!) You may bring yourself or others back from the brink of death, but this skill will not work on anyone without at least one HP. 3/3 Available

Limited-Use Active Skill: Scissor Stop - Extra Life - After death, you may choose to stop the slicing of Fate's Scissors on your Thread of Life. Use Extra Lives to immediately revive with full health and stamina. 3/3 Available.

If I didn't think Scissors Sister would stab me in the d.i.c.k, I would kiss those crazy, beautiful Fates.

"THANK YOU!" I yell instead, looking up in the general direction I expect the center of the cosmos to be.

-----

In a quiet supernova across the universe (in the opposite direction a well-meaning young D'Raven is facing), a white-haired girl smiles. "You're welcome. Use it well."