Brother Jacques Part 18

"Well, not exactly that! His companion had a pain in the night--he was doubled up with colic caused by his supper."

"And perhaps by some badly prepared dish, or a half-scoured saucepan; for the entertainment is not first-cla.s.s at the Tete-Noire; I once ate a _fricandeau_ there that lay on my stomach three days, because it was seasoned with nutmeg, which always makes me ill. Nutmeg in a fricandeau!

You must agree that that is perfectly horrible!"

"True, that inn doesn't deserve its reputation; for at my sister's wedding party, which was held there----"

"Your sister? which one, pray?"

"The one who married Lagripe, the sub-prefect's indoor man--you know?

the little man with blue eyes and a red nose?"

"Oh, yes! the father of the child the little sempstress opposite had."

"Oh! as to that, I don't believe a word of it! It's all made up by evil-tongued gossips."

"Look out, my friend, you are cutting me."

"That's nothing; it was a bit of straw on your cheek, that caught the razor.--You must know that if Lagripe had got the sempstress with child, my sister wouldn't have married him."

"Why not, pray? Between ourselves, my good fellow, your sister----"

"What's that? what do you mean, Monsieur Sauvageon?"

"All right, my friend. Give me a bit of powder, and let us return to the somnambulist.--You were saying that he cured his companion's colic last night?"

"I don't say that he cured him; but I tell you that he discovered the most hidden things, among others a soup-tureen that was under the landlord's bed."

"And which someone had probably stolen and hidden there until the time came to carry it away."

"That is quite possible; but this much is certain, that he told everything that was in the tureen!"

"Peste! that is rather strong! Did Jerome tell you what the tureen contained?"

"Certainly; it contained the supper of the magician, the doctor, the hunchback one."

"That is beyond me! To pilfer a supper, and then have it found in its natural state, after eating it--I confess that that is a most remarkable trick!"

"But, Monsieur Sauvageon, I didn't say that the supper was in its natural state; on the contrary, it was the result of the colic that was found!"

"Morbleu! my man, why didn't you say so? You keep me here two hours about the--Put on a little _pommade a la vanille_."

And, as our old bachelor was shaved and combed, the hair-dresser left him, to repeat his story to another of his customers, taking care to change it or add something to it. It is delightful to many people to have a piece of news to tell, and to make comments thereon.

But, talking of anecdotes, master author, you are terribly loquacious, and you seem to take pleasure in listening to all the t.i.ttle-tattle of a small town. Surely Brother Jacques did not repeat to Sans-Souci the old bachelor's conversation with his barber, or the maid-servant's with the grocer's clerk. How could he have known about them?

True, reader; I plead guilty; I will try not to intrude my own remarks again in our soldier's narrative of his adventures; and to begin with, I will allow him to resume at once.

We had no sooner risen and rung for our breakfast, than the host entered our room, holding in his hand a large sheet of paper, which he presented to my companion.

"Messieurs," he said, bowing to the ground, "here is a list of the people who wish to consult you this evening, and who have entered their names here."

"Very well--give it to me. Have you written the names, t.i.tles, age and occupation of each one?"

"They are all there, monsieur."

"Very good. Leave us, and send your servant Clairette to us for a moment; I have some orders to give her relative to my seance this evening."

The host bowed with the respect of a Chinaman pa.s.sing a mandarin, and left the room, promising to send the girl to us at once.

My companion scanned the list; it was quite long and promised numerous proselytes. The little hunchback was reading it aloud and indulging in preliminary conjectures concerning the names, when Clairette entered the room.

The girl seemed rather embarra.s.sed. She kept her eyes on the floor and her hands wrapped in her ap.r.o.n. For my part, I was as red as fire, and I did not know what to say. Clairette's presence caused a revolution in my whole being; I was honestly in love with her; I felt a genuine pa.s.sion for her; and after the proofs of affection which she had given me during the night, I believed that she loved me sincerely. I think that if I had been told then that I must marry the little servant, or else give her up forever, I should not have hesitated to give her my hand! And what I felt, I will wager that many young men have felt like me. One loves so earnestly the first time!--Ah! my dear Sans-Souci, I was very young then and very green! But I have learned since that the more experience one acquires, the less pleasure one has.

My companion locked the door. No curious person must overhear our conversation with Clairette. Then he returned to us and opened the interview with a roar of laughter, which made me open my eyes in amazement, while Clairette dropped the corners of her ap.r.o.n.

"My friends, you are still rather unsophisticated," he said at last; "you, my dear Jacques, who are in love with a girl who will have forgotten you to-morrow; and you, my little Clairette, who believe in witchcraft, and imagine that a person can look young all her life. We are no more magicians than other men are, my dear girl; but you must help us to impose on the fools who contend for the pleasure of consulting us. You must do whatever we want, first, because that will give you an opportunity to make fun of lots of people, which is always pleasant; and secondly, because we will pay you handsomely--I with money, and this young man with love; and if you should refuse to help us, you would deprive yourself of a large number of little perquisites that are not often to be had in a small town."

This speech put us all at our ease. Clairette, who saw that the little hunchback was acquainted with everything, smilingly accepted a double louis which he slipped into her hand, and asked nothing better than to act as our confederate. Everything being arranged, Master Graograicus took up his list, requested me to write down the girl's replies, so that we might not make any mistakes, and began his examination, to which Clairette replied as well as she could.

"Annette-Suzanne-Estelle Guignard, thirty-six years of age?"

"She lies; she's forty-five at least. She's an old maid, who'd like to be married on any terms; but no one will have her; in the first place, because she's lame; and then because she chews tobacco."

"Enough.--Antoine-Nicolas La Giraudiere, forty years of age, clerk in the mayor's office?"

"He's a fat fellow, as round as a ball; they say that he's not likely to set the North River on fire; perhaps he wants to consult you about giving him a little wit."

"Impossible! People always think that they have enough."

"Oh! wait a minute: his wife has already had four girls, and she's furious because she hasn't got any boys."

"That's it; I understand. He wants me to tell him a way to make boys.--Next. Romuald-Cesar-Hercule de La Souche, Marquis de Vieux-Buissons, seventy-five years old, former Grand Huntsman, former light horseman, former page, former--Parbleu! he needn't have taken the trouble to put 'former' before all his t.i.tles! I presume that he doesn't ride or hunt any more. What can he want of me?"

"He has just bought a small estate in the suburbs; he is having a dispute with his va.s.sals; he claims that they're rabbits----"

"Rabbits! his va.s.sals?"

"No--wait a minute; I made a mistake, it's stags--_cerfs_."

"Ah! very good, I understand what you mean--serfs."

"And then, whenever there's a marriage among 'em, he insists on having the bride come and pa.s.s an hour alone with him, and bless me! the peasants don't take to that! The result is he's always quarrelling with 'em."

"That's all right; I know enough about him.--Angelique Prudhomme, Madame Jolicur, thirty-two years of age, laundress to all the notables of the town. The deuce! what an honor!"

"Ah! she's a hussy, I tell you, is Madame Jolicur! She keeps the town talking about her. She launders for the officers in the garrison and goes to b.a.l.l.s with 'em."

"Is she pretty?"