Brother Jacques Part 19

"Oh! so-so.--A saucy face, and a bold way--like a cuira.s.sier! She's already been the means of setting more than twelve people by the ears, and only a little while ago, on the town holiday, she waltzed with the drum-major, who quarrelled with a sapper because she'd made an appointment with the sapper to take a walk in the labyrinth. That would have been a serious matter, if Monsieur Jolicur hadn't turned up! But he's good-natured; he made peace between the drum-major and the sapper, swearing to the latter that his wife didn't intend to break her word to him, and that it was pure forgetfulness on her part."

"That husband knows how to live.--Let's go on. Cunegonde-Aline Trouillard, forty-four years old and keeps a very popular cafe."

"Ah! that's the lemonade woman! She's always having the vapors and sick headaches and--in short, she always thinks she's sick and pa.s.ses her time taking medicine instead of staying at her desk."

"She must be a very valuable woman to the druggists!"

"Her husband tries to be smart, to play the chemist; he makes coffee out of asparagus seed and sugar out of turnips. I'm sure that he'll come to consult you too."

I continued to make memoranda of Clairette's answers, and we had almost exhausted the list, when there was a knock at our door. I answered the knock; it was our landlord, who had come to inform us that the mayor wished to see us, and that he expected us at his office. We could not decline that invitation. My companion donned his best coat and lent me a pair of black silk knee-breeches that reached to my heels, the little hunchback having purchased them at secondhand from a great poet, who had them from an actor at one of the boulevard theatres, who had them from a member of the Academy who was paying court to a ballet dancer, at whose rooms he had left them.

We started, somewhat disturbed concerning the results of our visit.

However, my companion, who was very quick-witted, hoped to find a way out of the dilemma. We arrived at the mayor's abode and were ushered into his study. We saw a short, lean man, whose eyes sparkled with intelligence and animation. From the first questions that he asked us, my companion saw that he had to do with a redoubtable party. The mayor was a scholar; he was thoroughly acquainted with several abstract sciences, among others, medicine, chemistry, botany and astronomy. In his presence, my poor little hunchback lost his loquacity and his presumption. The mayor, perceiving our embarra.s.sment, chose to put an end to it.

"I have no intention of preventing you from earning your living," he said, with a smile; "far from it! You practise magnetism, I understand, and cure all diseases by its means; that is very well. I sincerely desire the welfare of my const.i.tuents, I am especially earnest in trying to cure them of those absurd prejudices, those ancient superst.i.tions, to which men are only too much inclined. Magic, witchcraft, magnetism, somnambulism are certain to present many attractions to lovers of the marvelous. I know that it is vain to combat the opinions of mankind; there is but one means to cure them, and that is to allow them to be duped themselves. That is why I am glad to have charlatans come to this town. It is always an additional lesson to the inhabitants, for sorcerers never leave a place without making dupes. So I give you permission to magnetize my people."

The mayor's remarks were not complimentary to us; however, my companion bowed low as he thanked him for his kindness.

"Doubtless," said the mayor, "you have some remedy that you sell _gratis_--as the custom is. Let me see what it is."

The hunchback immediately handed him one of his boxes of pills. The mayor took one and threw it into a small vessel, where it was decomposed. He scrutinized the bread for a moment, then returned the box and said with a smile:

"Go, messieurs, and sell lots of them; they are not dangerous."

Thus ended that visit. We returned to our inn, well pleased that we had not shown monsieur le maire our philters and charms.

At last the hour for our public seance arrived. My companion had given me all necessary instructions, and made me rehea.r.s.e my part several times. He a.s.sumed the regulation costume: the black gown, which makes thin persons taller, and adds to the deformities of the misshapen, and in which the little hunchback looked exactly like a sorcerer or magician, who should never be built like an ordinary mortal; in addition, the venerable beard and the conventional tall cap--such was the costume of Master Graograicus.

As for me, he dressed me in a sort of red tunic studded with yellow stars, which he had made out of an old coverlet bought at the Temple in Paris; which tunic was supposed to have come to me from the Great Mogul.

He also insisted upon putting on my head a turban of his own make; but as I considered it unbecoming, and as Clairette was to see me in my grand costume, I refused to wear the turban, and my colleague was obliged to consent to let me brush my hair back _a la_ Charles XII; that did not go very well with the tunic, but great geniuses do not bother about such trifles.

The salon of our suite was prepared for the mysterious things which were about to take place before everybody. A tub filled with water, an iron ring, a wand of the same metal, easy-chairs for the clients, plain chairs for the aspirants, benches for the mere onlookers, and a single lamp, which diffused only a dim light through the room; such were our arrangements.

As soon as my companion had told the host that the people might come in, a crowd rushed into the room. Some came forward confidently, others with a frightened air, the great majority impelled by curiosity; but at all events we had a large number, and that was the essential thing.

When they had all entered and had taken such places as they could find; when the first whisperings had subsided and we had been stared at sufficiently, Master Graograicus saluted the a.s.semblage with much dignity, and, having no low bench, he mounted a foot-warmer in order that everybody might see him; then he began the usual harangue.

"Messieurs, mesdames and mesdemoiselles--that is, if there are any in the room--you know, or do not know, that there is in nature a material principle thus far unknown, which acts upon the nerves. If you know it, I am telling you nothing new; if you do not know it, I will proceed to explain. We say then that there is a principle, and we start from that; by means of this principle, and in accordance with special mechanical laws, there is a reciprocal influence between animate bodies, the earth, and the heavenly bodies; consequently there are manifested in animals--observe this, messieurs,--in animals, and especially in man, properties a.n.a.logous to those of the magnet. It is this animal magnetism which I have discovered the secret of applying to diseases, and it is by this method that I claim to cure them all. The magnetic influence may be transmitted and propagated by other bodies. That subtle matter penetrates walls, doors, gla.s.s, metals, without losing any perceptible portion of its power; it may be acc.u.mulated, concentrated, and transmitted through water; it is also propagated, communicated and intensified by bran; in short, its power has no limits; and all this that I am telling you, I did not invent; I am simply repeating what such learned men as Mesmer, Derlon and others would say now if they were not dead."

The audience listened in the most profound silence; the young men stared with all their eyes, the young ladies smiled, the old men shook their heads, the matrons exchanged glances, and no one dared to tell his neighbor that he did not understand a word of the new thaumaturgist's explanation. He noticed this, and continued:

"I see, messieurs and mesdames, that I have convinced you; therefore I will develop my arguments no farther. I must add, however, before beginning my experiments, that there are bodies which are not sensitive to animal magnetism, and which even have a property diametrically opposed thereto, by means of which they destroy its efficiency in other bodies. I flatter myself that we shall find none of those unfortunate persons here; but I thought it my duty to warn you, in case it should happen. Raise your minds, if possible, to the level of the sublime discovery which now occupies our attention. This is no charlatanism; it is evidence, it is power, it is the secret influence at work; it is----"

At this point in his harangue, the foot-warmer broke, and the orator measured his length on the floor; but he instantly sprang to his feet and cried, addressing his hearers with renewed vigor:

"Messieurs, I thought that I should conclude with an experiment; while talking to you just now, I magnetized this foot-warmer with my left foot, and I was certain of reducing it to powder! As you see, I have succeeded!"

A tempest of applause burst forth from all parts of the room.

"You see," whispered my companion to me, "the man of intellect turns everything to account, by never losing his head."

The time for the experiments to begin had arrived; and as effrontery is more readily imparted than magnetism, I was awaiting impatiently, in my easy-chair, an opportunity to display my skill.

Madame Jolicur came first, despite the representations of the Marquis de Vieux-Buissons, who maintained that a man of his rank should take precedence over everybody else. But the laundress was not the woman to give way to anyone; moreover, she was young and pretty, the marquis old, ugly and crabbed; so that Madame Jolicur had the first chance.

The great magnetizer took her by the hand and led her around the tub, then made her sit down, and magnetized her with the end of his wand. The young woman did not seem inclined to sleep.

"I will put you in communication with my somnambulist," he said. The laundress looked at me and smiled; she did not seem to dislike the idea of being put in communication with me.

I knew my role; I had taken notes concerning Madame Jolicur.

"We must take the bull by the horns," my companion whispered to me, "for this woman is quite capable of making fun of us."

The laundress was seated facing me; she was enjoined to be silent and to allow herself to be touched, which she did with much good humor; but she laughed slyly while I held her hand, and I heard her mutter while pretending to be asleep:

"Oh! mon Dieu! how stupid this is! The sapper told me that they'd try some flim-flam game on me!"

I at once proclaimed aloud all that Clairette had told us concerning the laundress's love-affairs. I forgot nothing, neither the drum-major, nor the waltz, nor the a.s.signation, nor its consequences. At my first words, the company began to laugh, Madame Jolicur was covered with confusion, and before I had finished my speech, the laundress had left her seat, elbowed her way through the crowd and rushed from the inn, swearing that we were sorcerers.

This first experiment left no doubt in anyone's mind concerning the virtue of magnetism; so that Monsieur le Marquis de Vieux-Buissons stalked solemnly toward us, and, in an almost courteous tone, requested my confrere to put him in communication with me at once.

The usual preliminaries concluded, the following dialogue took place between us two:

"Who am I?"

"A most high and mighty seigneur in your ancient chateau, of which but one wing remains; that is why you have recently purchased another small seigniory in the neighborhood."

"That is true; but what do I wish to do now?"

"You wish that your va.s.sals should be submissive, trembling and fearful in your presence, like lambs before a lion; you wish to be the master of their destinies; you wish that they should give you their fairest and best--what they have earned by the sweat of their brow; and in addition to all that, you wish that they should pay you."

"That is very true."

"You would that maidens should not change their state without your permission."

"That is the truth."

"And as you are no longer capable of effecting this, you would, on the wedding day, put your old bare leg into the bed of the young virgin, who will shriek and weep at the sight of her lord's calf, a result which will do great honor to him, as he is very glad now to frighten his va.s.sals with that, since he can arouse no other sentiment. In short, you wish to revive the rights of _jambage_, _cuissage_, _marquette_ and _prelibation_, as they existed in the good old days of chivalry, when a knight always rode with lance in rest, fighting when neither would yield to the other, on a narrow road where two could not pa.s.s; fighting when the man whom he met refused to declare aloud that his lady was the fairest, although he had never seen her; fighting with dwarfs--there were dwarfs in those days--and with giants who carried off young maidens, and who, despite their enormous clubs--for a giant never went abroad without one--allowed themselves to be run through like manikins by the first knight who appeared on the scene!"

"That's it, that's it exactly! I mean to have a dwarf at the door of my dovecote, and to kill the first giant who appears on my land, where one has never yet been seen."

"Very well, monsieur le marquis, buy some of Master Graograicus's pills, take them in large quant.i.ties and often; they will make you young, vigorous, active and l.u.s.ty; your white hair will turn black again, your figure will become straight, your wrinkles will disappear, your cheeks will fill out, your color will come back and your teeth will grow again.

I will guarantee that, when this transformation has taken place, your va.s.sals will do whatever you wish, and especially that the girls will no longer avoid you."

The marquis, delighted by my replies, took twelve boxes of the pills and paid for them without haggling. He put some in every pocket; he swallowed half a dozen at once, and started for home, with head erect and a sparkling eye, and feeling ten years younger already.

After the marquis, Aline-Cunegonde Trouillard came forward; there was no need of preliminaries or of harangues to induce Madame Trouillard to believe in magnetism; the poor woman had such sensitive nerves that she fell into a trance as soon as my companion touched her with the end of his wand. In my interview with her I said recklessly whatever came into my head; she had all the diseases that I mentioned, she felt all the symptoms that I suggested to her. What a windfall to charlatans such weak-minded creatures are! Madame Trouillard filled her reticule with pills and went away, after subscribing to all our seances, public and private.

We were awaiting Estelle Guignard, whose name was on our list, when a st.u.r.dy fellow, in wooden shoes and a blue blouse, forced his way through the crowd and approached us. I had no answers prepared for this new arrival, so I let him address my companion, who looked about for Clairette, hoping to obtain from her some indispensable information; but the girl, thinking that we had no further need of her, had gone down to the kitchen; so that we had to proceed without a confederate. My colleague hoped to extricate himself from the difficulty easily, especially as he had to do with a peasant. He walked up to the man, who was staring with a surprised expression into the mysterious tub; and trying to a.s.sume a more imposing air than ever, he began to question him.