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and claim her for his very own.
He had been so distracted she had to repeat her question. She was asking him about the chief of the Oglala. Powchutu told her his name was Suntokca Ki-inyangki-yapi, "Running Wolf in her language.
"Why does it take so many words to say only two names?"
"For some things, there is no direct translation into your tongue. The Indians use many signs and symbols to communicate for which your tongue has no words of like meaning. The chief's name when translated means 'he who runs like the wolf.' The wolf is silent, daring, cunning and brave, and so is the chief. It is an excelent name for a leader of a pack of warriors. Evidently his son is much like he is.
"I have been told the chief was wounded in a fight with a sutler. It is said he has gone with the shaman to the Sacred Mountains for healing. The shaman had need of certain herbs and medicines which grow there. It is also believed the Thunderbirds live there and have the power to restore the health of the ones who go there to pray to them."
"Sutler?" asked Alisha confusedly.
"A sutler is a trader who works with the cavalry. I have learned Gray Eagle was tracking the sutler when your people took him prisoner. The sutler escaped and is now beyond his reach for revenge. It was said Gray Eagle swore vengeance on those who captured him and alowed the sutler to go free. We did not know of his plans to attack your fortress until it was too late. I am sure you know he is a man of his word. Your camp was destroyed and al your people were kiled. Your people made one of the most deadly mistakes possible, Alisha-they beat and disgraced the son of a great chief. They dared to strike the body of their greatest warrior. great chief. They dared to strike the body of their greatest warrior. This is never permitted. It is certain death to strike one such as Gray Eagle."
Alisha vividly recaled the night she had tried to slap him. He had nearly broken her hands. Why had he not kiled her if it was an unforgivable sin? If anyone besides White Arrow had witnessed what I did, she thought, I. would be dead now...
"This sutler and beating, they were the reasons for his intense hatred and violence to my people? He must have been furious to know the trader escaped while he had been captured. I suppose I understand his revenge toward my people, at least from his viewpoint. But surely he realized I had nothing to do with his capture and torture."
"I would guess that is why you are stil alive now," explained Powchutu. "I venture you were the only one who resisted his treatment or tried to help him. He has repaid your help by sparing your life."
"But I was his prisoner. I was beaten and tormented!" Alisha protested.
"For rebelion and dishonor. He did not kil you as he did the others. Do you realize he is the son of Chief Running Wolf? He wil be the next Oglala Chief."
Simon had been correct. Now I know his status and the reason for his power and respect. Son of a chief... the next chief...
and I was his personal slave...
"Gray Eagle wil lead his people until his father is healed and returned. He carries a great responsibility at this time. Al eyes are on him. Even I am forced to respect him..."
"If he has so much power, then why did he treat so badly the very person who helped him? Doesn't he have the power to do as very person who helped him? Doesn't he have the power to do as he wishes?"
"He is not a chief yet, Alisha, and even if he were; his honor and people would be more important than a slave who had helped him one time. He cannot change the laws and customs of his people for his own selfish desires. He must behave in the way expected of a leader. They see you as white, their enemy. It does not matter what you think or how you feel about them. It would take great patience, a great deal of time, and much understanding to ever hope to earn their respect and acceptance. I doubt if they have ever known any white woman like you, and so, they view and treat you as they would any other one. I am sure that in time they would have come to see you for yourself. From what you have told me of your life there, you kept reminding them, and Gray Eagle, you were white and a prisoner. Gray Eagle has never cowered to any man or woman, and never wil. He wil always remain aloof and cool.
"Do you expect a man like him to open his heart and life to his enemy, even one who is brave and beautiful? If you do, you ask and dream for too much from a man like Gray Eagle. Why would he think he needed the love of his enemy to fulfil his happiness? He possesses everything he thinks he needs. Even if he desired you as a woman, he would not dare to love you. Or if by some slim chance he did love you, he would never tel you. He would never dishonor his name by alowing anyone to suspect such a thing."
Powchutu made everything sound so hopeless, and yet, his words were logical and true. Alisha asked herself if she had realy believed she could win Gray Eagle's love and acceptance, if she had reached for that ilusive pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Yes was the answer to her questions.
Suddenly, Alisha thought of Chela. Alisha had to know who Suddenly, Alisha thought of Chela. Alisha had to know who she was in the life of Wanmdi Hota. This uncertainty had plagued her mind in his vilage and at the fort. "Powchutu, do you know of the woman caled Chela? Who is she to Wanmdi Hota?"
He studied her facial expression intently before he replied, "Chela is the Oglala shaman's daughter. She has been chosen to join with Gray Eagle."
"Join?"
"In your tongue, marry..."
She despised to hear him say aloud the words she had feared, but suspected. She had prayed she had wrongly surmised. "He is going to marry her? From his actions, I would doubt his love for her. He captured me and flaunted me before her as his harlot. How dare he! No wonder she hated me so much. I could see the desire in her eyes to have him, but I did not know they were promised. If he is to marry her, then why would he take me and keep me? Why would he treat her so vilely?'
There were intense emotions entwined in her words, more intense than even she realized. Powchutu recognized hurt and jealousy in her face. He knew for sure then, she cared too much, far too much for Gray Eagle. Should I let her think what she must, or do I tel her the whole truth? he wondered. Which wil hurt most?
Powchutu chose to speak the truth. "Gray Eagle did not choose to join with Chela. It is the custom of their people that they join. If he has chosen no wife by his twenty-fifth winter, tribal custom declares he join with the shaman's daughter or another of the council's choosing. He has taken no wife, or woman before. That is until you ... I would also guess she would hate you greatly. She would have been the only woman to have ever known the beloved warrior. It is only a few months before they are to be beloved warrior. It is only a few months before they are to be joined, but you have taken him first. Unlike most Indian women, Chela is known for her fiery temper and possessive nature. Most maidens would give anything t have been in your place. I, too, have heard of Gray Eagle's looks and virility."
She was almost tempted to tel him how much he favored the man he spoke of to her. Alisha wasn't sure if Powchutu's words made her feel better or worse. "But why would he do such a vile and cruel thing to either of us, Powchutu?"
There was an uncontrolable sharp edge to his tone. "It is obvious to anyone how very beautiful and special you are. Many men would trade anything to have you for their own. Gray Eagle is no different in this way. He saw and desired you, and had the power and courage to take what he wanted."
She blushed at the tone of Powchutu's voice. She dared not ask him to comment further. "If I were stil his captive, what would have happened when he joined with Chela?'
"He would either sel you to another, or keep you for himself. Life would have changed very little for you. Chela would be his wife and you would be his ... his witkowin. You two would share him."
Witkowin... She flinched at the thoughts of not only being a slave, but a harlot. "I am glad I did not have to endure such a humiliation. I wil be no man's concubine!" Alisha's tender nature was repulsed at the thought of the warrior's going from her mat to Chela's and back again. Joined in a few months ... Suddenly, she was grateful for Jeffery's rescue, and she resolved she would never again dream of returning.
Alisha abruptly questioned, "Why do you always cal him Gray Eagle instead of Wanmdi Hota?"
Powchutu shrugged as he looked away. He did not want to Powchutu shrugged as he looked away. He did not want to tel her he resented the caressing way she said the Oglala name which she did not do when she caled him Gray Eagle. He spoke his name in English in hopes she would do the same.
Powchutu did not answer and bid her a hasty goodnight. This talk tonight had been painful and enlightening for both of them... but in very different ways.
Each of them lay awake for hours, recaling the things they had spoken of together. Each one was thinking of the one they loved, and of the wide breach between them. Somewhere along the way, each had felt a spark of love... but hers was for another. How could a man fight the ghost of one such as he?
The folowing day, when Alisha heard Powchutu's tapping at her window, she rushed over and peered outside. There he was as usual, leaning against the wal. She smiled to him and sat down. He had some very startling news to tel her this night. First, he asked her if she had witnessed the torture and death of two white trappers recently. He described the two men for her. She recaled the event and its aftermath al too wel. Powchutu told her they had kiled and scalped three Oglala warriors, one of whom was a good friend of Gray Eagle's. She now knew how she had misjudged the situation ... Wrong again...
"I did not know white men kiled for scalps. I had heard tales and rumors, but for them to actualy be true!" She recaled who one of the warriors was and how even she had grieved for his death. Powchutu nodded yes. Alisha felt queasy at the thoughts of scalping a man, any man...
Powchutu said, "It is done many times. The scalps and jewelry Powchutu said, "It is done many times. The scalps and jewelry are sold at trading posts for souvenirs, as the white man cals them."
His voice became quiet and low in warning, "You have spoken of your actions that day. You must always remember this warning, Alisha, never, never interfere with Gray Eagle's judgment, no matter if you understand it as wrong. This wil bring shame to him and hurt to yourself. A man must pay for his crimes, and that is the way the Oglala punishes those who do wrong. The trappers had to pay for their deeds, just as your own people had to pay for theirs. Your attempted escape proved you had not learned respect and obedience to Gray Eagle."
Powchutu then explained Alisha's beating. "I feel I must tel you, Alisha, it was not Gray Eagle's idea. It was the law of the tribe. It is caled 'icapsinte.' When a slave has earned the trust of her owner, she must never do anything to dishonor this faith. You had earned the trust of Gray Eagle or he would not have left you unguarded. When you tried to escape, you shamed the open show of trust he had placed in you. You proved his opinion of you was wrong. The punishment for such a deed is the icapsinte or slow death. But he only beat you rather than torture and kil you.
"I can only a.s.sume he did the beating himself to try and make it easier for you. It is the custom for the ceremonial chief to perform this punishment for the warrior. Perhaps it wil ease your mind to know the whole truth."
"I did not know or understand these things," she murmured in an anguished tone. "If only I had known you before now, or if you had been in the vilage as my friend. Why did no one try to teach me what to do, Powchutu He chided gently, "Teach your enemy, Alisha? Why should the Oglala tel a white woman what your people do and why? You Oglala tel a white woman what your people do and why? You should know why. Since you are white, they a.s.sume you to think and behave as other whites."
She summoned the courage to ask her most feared and tormented question. She had not even dared to speak the words before. "If only a smal part of what you say is true, then why did he take me to the ... to the teepee sa that night?"
The last few words were spoken so low he had to strain to catch them. When he did, he whirled to face the window. His jaw grew very taut and his slaty eyes blazed fury. Surely he had misunderstood her. Gray Eagle would not have dared to let others use his woman.
He demanded, "The teepee sa? Explain what treachery you speak of."
Painfuly and hesitantly, she related the events of the night Gray Eagle took her there. It was a long time before Powchutu sorted out his own thoughts. When she had brought her tears and emotions under control, he gave the only explanation he could think logical.
"My only guess is he wanted to frighten you, perhaps teach you some. lesson. Gray Eagle is very cunning, Alisha. He chose to use the one thing you would fear the most. If al the other punishments and threats had failed, he had to look for the one thing which would make you do anything he demanded. The lesson could have been to point out the protection he offered you, or to force you to realize you wanted no man but him.
"I do not believe White Arrow harmed you, for I do not think Gray Eagle would alow any man to take his woman. I am sure White Arrow was your true friend and would not have hurt you for any reason. Whatever the lesson, it must have succeeded, for you did say he never took you there again."
did say he never took you there again."
Powchutu concluded before he left Alisha's window, "It appears you and I have suffered at the hands of both peoples, my friend. To know you have had so many like sufferings is somehow comforting. I feel I am not the only person caught in the middle."
Jeffery came to cal on Alisha the next afternoon. They walked to the big shade tree outside the fort. He had so far kept his word to her and made no more pa.s.sionate advances toward her. Al the knowledge Powchutu had given Alisha about Gray Eagle and the Oglala had dimmed her warming feelings for the das.h.i.+ng officer. She wanted his friends.h.i.+p and acceptance, but nothing more. How could she pretend he meant more to her than he did, or as much as he wanted to?
They chatted casualy as they stroled along in the warm sunlight. The sky was a clear azure blue with fluffy white clouds. The countryside was beginning to change, preparing for the coming autumn. In the open, it looked as if the sky and land went on forever and ever in a sea of blue, green and gold. Jeffery leaned against the tree with his broad shoulders and one foot. He teased, "You looked a milion miles away just now. Where did that beautiful brain roam, Alisha?"
She replied easily, "To the south of France. I was thinking of how lovely and fresh it is there this time of year. We used to go there on a holiday every year about this time. We .. ." She faltered momentarily. "... My parents and I went a great many places together when we lived in Liverpool. But that seems so very long ago and so far away."
He took advantage of her wistful mood. "Perhaps you can He took advantage of her wistful mood. "Perhaps you can return there some day soon. Nothing is impossible if you want it badly enough. There are always things a smart person can do to get what they want or need in life." He leaned over and picked a large blade of gra.s.s. He began to chew on it as he continued nonchalantly, "You know you wil shortly have to do something about your situation at the Philseys. 'Everyone is aware of the friction between you and Martha Philsey."
Alisha averted her eyes to the puffy clouds. She watched them for a time as they drifted along in the sea of blue. "I didn't realize our trouble was of such interest to everyone. You know I cannot leave her quarters at the present time. General Galt informed me there are no empty quarters available. Where would I go? If I have any other alternative, believe me, I wil grab it. But for now, Mrs. Philsey and I have no choice but to tolerate each other."
He was staring past her toward the mountains. "She might evict you, you know. But, if she did, rest a.s.sured you could move into my quarters with me. A man gets awfuly lonely out here away from family and friends. He needs a special woman to fil those lonely hours. There are other things he needs from a beautiful, vivacious woman too. I could use someone to take care of my quarters and spend those long, cold nights with. You and I are welsuited for each other, Alisha. You could move in with me and we could..."
There had been no mention, not even a hint, about love or marriage. He was merely suggesting she move in with him as his mistress!
The reality of his suggestion stunned her. She cried out, "Jeffery! Surely you aren't suggesting what I think you are? Two single people of opposite s.e.xes sharing the same quarters, surely single people of opposite s.e.xes sharing the same quarters, surely you jest! We couldn't do that? What would everyone say about me then? I would only prove to them they are right about me. No!"
The lieutenant sought to convince her of his good intentions.
"Sure you could. No one in that fort would dare to chalenge my decisions. There is plenty of room for the two of us. I can easily take care of al your needs, financial and otherwise." Alisha needed no interpretation for the "otherwise."
"I am a man of wealth and reputation, here and back East. I can do as I wish and no one, no one, wil dare to speak against me or mine. I need a beautiful, wel-bred, refined woman like you with me. Who is there around here a man of my standing can socialize with? I'l provide you with anything you want or need. In return, you provide me with the companions.h.i.+p I need and want, day and night. I think this would be very pleasant for the both of us. After al, Alisha, you don't have too many solutions for your pressing problems. If you agree, then when my duty is over out here I'l either send you back to England, or take you there myself on a holiday. If you so wish, you can accompany me on the holiday, then return to England when I head back to the colonies. Either choice, your troubles would be over. There is no way you could have a better life here, or find a way to return to England."
She was gaping at him open-mouthed and wide-eyed.
"You're not jesting! You're actualy serious about this! I am supposed to trade my soul for a return trip to England? How dare you, Jeffery Gordon! How could you possibly suggest such a vile, filthy thing to me? I thought we were friends! I'm not some trolop you rescued from the gutters of London! Just because I was taken captive and forced to live with those Indians, doesn't give you the right to treat me like some harlot! Never!" She whirled to storm off. right to treat me like some harlot! Never!" She whirled to storm off. Jeffery roughly seized Alisha's arm and yanked her back to him. "Just a d.a.m.n minute, little spitfire. I think you're forgetting a few things." His face was a cold mask of rage. His grip was like a steel band. She thought for a moment he was going to strike her. His narrowed eyes were flas.h.i.+ng blue fire at her.
"Just where the Hel do you think you'l go when Mrs. Philsey evicts you without a by-your-leave? You can bet she wil, and pretty soon." Alisha noticed that he sonded as if he knew more than she did.
"You come begging for what you now reject. You'l be only too happy to share my room and board then, Just maybe I won't be so obliging when you're ready. You're not exactly the pure, innocent virgin anymore, so don't act like one! I would be gentle with you, Alisha, and that's more than you've been used to. Would you care to hear what those men in the fort think about you? Wel I'l tel you. They think you're nothing more than a used Injun squaw."
Alisha drew herself up in righteous dignity. Struggling to control her rage, she said, "I am a lady."
He cruely mocked her. "Lady! Lady..." He laughed sardonicaly. "I don't believe I see a lady around here, only a tres belle ange tombee."
Alisha's self-control utterly deserted her and she screamed, "I am not a falen angel, nor a falen woman! What do I care what you or those vicious people in there think? You're cruel and heartless, Jeffery. I have never seen this side of you before. But I am glad I did before I made any decisions about how I truly felt about you. To think I actualy believed I could fal in love with you! What a horrible joke!"
horrible joke!"
"Come on now, Alisha," he leered. "You're the only person here who doesn't realize what you face from now on. Stop living in that dream world! Wake up, my dear. Youth and innocence are lost to you forever. You're a woman-act like one!"
"You're vulgar and brash, Jeffery. Al your charm, wit and gentility are specious. You have no honor! Al this time, and al you wanted was a mistress. How dare you place me in the same cla.s.s as Ka... I wouldn't want you for a friend, and never for a husband!"
He lunged like a tiger for the throat. "Husband!" he scoffed.
"Is that what you're looking for? Is that what al this flirtation has been about? You were trying to trick me into asking you to marry me?' He threw his head back and laughed long and hard. "My lovely vixen, you'l search forever for a man who would marry Gray Eagle's leftovers."
She blanched white at his words and stepped back slightly. Then Jeffery forcefuly puled her struggling body to him. He silenced her with a bruising kiss while gripping her in an iron embrace. She could hardly breathe! He backed her to the tree trunk and pinned her to it with his hard body. It took only minutes for her to realize she was no match for him. He planned to do exactly what he was whispering in her ear. No one would dare to come to her rescue against him. She was totaly at his mercy, and he offered none. Al gentleness and manners had been dismissed. The dishonorable lieutenant thought, she'l change her mind after I've taken her a few times. When she learns what it's like to have a real man, she'l change her tune and dance to the one I play. His hands roamed over her body and she was unable to stop him. She fought feverishly and wildly, but his strength was too much him. She fought feverishly and wildly, but his strength was too much for her. With trembling fear, Alisha knew what he was going to do. Wamdi Hota, her mind screamed for help. I can't let him do this to me. She shoved at Jeffery but it was like pus.h.i.+ng on a stone wal. She threw her body at his, trying to knock him off balance. The only thing she accomplished was to further inflame him. His kisses became more and more demanding and his hands more insistent. She reasoned, feign response and perhaps he'l relax his grip. She relaxed into his arms, pressing her warm body to his, and offered her lips to his kiss. He moaned and deepened his kiss, instantly aware of her lack of resistance. He felt her submitting to him.
Loosening his taut grip on her, Jeffery leaned back to taunt Alisha with his victory over her weakness. She smiled up at him while managing to free one of her hands. She determined to wipe his smug sneer right off his proud face. She quickly drew back her hand and delivered a stinging slap.
For a moment, he was completely stunned into silence. She glared at him with hate and contempt, and shouted, "Cochon!
Chien!"
He shook her violently by her shoulders and sneered, "You little vixen! You'l be sorry for that. The only reason the men have left you alone so far is because I ordered it. But I can just as easily and quickly dismiss that order! You'l come begging on hands and knees for my protection within two days."
"How dare you threaten me, Jeffery! I'l never come groveling to you!"
He taunted unmercifuly, "What's the matter, Alisha? Is a white man too good for you, or perhaps not good enough? You'd rather be bedded by that savage than by me, hadn't you?" He rather be bedded by that savage than by me, hadn't you?" He hesitated as he studied those lucid, innocent eyes. "Don't bother to deny it... I can see the truth in those big green eyes." He scoffed contemptuously, "Why, you don't even know what a good pleasuring is!"
Out of nowhere, Powchutu spun him around and shouted his name, "Lieutenant Gordon! You're out of line, Sir." The sir was said with a derogatory slur.
Jeffery looked like the scourge of the devil. He halted his retaliation as he eyed the scout's hand on the handle of his long hunting knife. He had witnessed Powchutu's skil with that blade many times. He furiously backed down.
Powchutu had slipped up silently and secretly. "General Galt sent me to find you. He wants to see you in his office immediately!"
Jeffery was fuming at the scout's arrogant tone, and swore, one day I'l kil you, Powchutu...
"The commander believes there's trouble brewing west of here near the Blackfoot vilage. Would you like me to go tel him you can't come right now because you're far too busy a.s.saulting Miss Wiliams?" He had alertly noticed the influence Jeffery had over the general at times, and mocked him.
"You get your ugly face out of my sight before I forget just how useful you are to us. I'm tired of you interfering in my affairs. You half-breed! One day, you're going to push me just a little too hard and too far..." he warned ominously.
Jeffery was seething in rage at the timing of the scout's interruption. A few more minutes and he would have forced Alisha's submission either by his power or threat. He would have proven to her she had no choice but to accept his offer. d.a.m.n the Indian and his infernal meddling! He released his grip on Alisha's Indian and his infernal meddling! He released his grip on Alisha's wrist.
She leaned back against the tree, limp and quaking.
"We'l finish this later..." His statement was a threat. He stalked off in a black rage to return to the fort. Powchutu gave her a few moments to compose ' herself. He could see how badly shaken she was. He had returned earlier after scouting the western valey area, and reported promptly to the commander on his findings. He had been about to ride out again when he had observed the scene taking place under the tree. He wasn't about to stand by and do nothing while he abused her that way. He had to first overcome his urge and desire to kil him on the very spot he stood. He queled his emotions, for there would be no one to protect Alisha if he were kiled for removing Jeffery from the scene. Powchutu dared to push and bluff Jeffery only so far. He must find some way to get Alisha away from here, to a place where no one knew her or what had happened to her. There was only one catch-he would have to wait until this new crisis was settled. When he had been scouting today, he had been unable to get close enough to the pow-wow to know what was going on, but it was something big and important. He hesitated to guess what a tribal meeting of that size meant. Right now, he had Alisha to think about.
"Lieutenant Gordon wil be madder than a treed bobcat when he learns the commander didn't send for him," he scoffed, then laughed mischievously.
Alisha glanced at him in puzzlement, then burst out laughing.
"He wil be fit to be tied, Powchutu. You had better stay out of his sight and way for a few days. There's too much animosity between you two and this wil only aggravate it."
"I could give you the same warning, Alisha. If my eyes and "I could give you the same warning, Alisha. If my eyes and ears did not deceive me, you are in trouble not only with Jeffery, but with al of Fort Pierre."
She flushed in humiliation to know anyone, even her best friend, had overheard the words between them. "Did he speak the truth? Naturaly, I've heard the little, vulgar remarks and hints behind my back and seen their leering looks. Do they al realy say and think I am... unclean... like Kathy... a... wh.o.r.e?"
He observed the anguish in her eyes. They captured his and sought the truth. How could he lie to her? She watched him closely. He did not have to verbaly answer her, for his expression of pain did.
"But why, Powchutu? Of al prisoners taken, women are the most helpless and vulnerable to strong men. How can we resist their attacks or cruelties? We cannot control our treatment. How can we be held responsible? They have no right to hate or resent us ... no right!"
"I guess from their viewpoint, your sin is in remaining alive, Alisha. Perhaps it has to do with what your friend Ben told you- resist til death. They view life after Indian slavery a dishonor. If not physical death, then death of the spirit and heart. They expect and demand submission to anything they wish you to be or do. They resent, even misunderstand, your pride and self-respect after what you've been through.
"There is one thing I can tel you honestly, even if they consider you unclean: there isn't a man at that fort who would not give his right arm to have you for his own. From what I have seen and learned from my experiences, he speaks the truth, very brutaly but honestly. Perhaps if it had not been Gray Eagle who took you, they might forgive and forget. He is the one man who strikes fear in they might forgive and forget. He is the one man who strikes fear in the hearts of every one of them."
"But that was not my fault," Alisha protested. "I couldn't choose who took me captive. You don't feel this way about me, Powchutu. You are not like they are. I have learned from you that much of my suffering at the hands of Wanmdi Hota was from my own ignorance of him and his laws. Even if many of his ways are stil strange and frightening, I understand why he did most of it. He hates me. They hate me. What shal I do, Powchutu?"
"I do not know, Alisha," Powchutu said, resigned. "I have tried to help you know why you suffered so much at his hands. I wished you to see and know these things so you could deal with them and forget. This thing with your own people, I cannot help you with. I am sure pride and honor was at the foot of many of your troubles in the Oglala camp, but here, they have no true reason to do this to you. I give you this warning, Alisha, knowing these things about him and his ways changes nothing. If he re-captured you this very day, it would be the same as before. You would stil be the enemy and slave, and he, the warrior. Also, he is stil promised to Chela. Never forget this warning, no matter how you feel or believe. You wil always be wasichun and he, Oglala. He could never treat you any other way..."