The Humourous Story of Farmer Bumpkin's Lawsuit Part 40

She had _carte blanche_ to put in what she liked, except that the main facts were to be that Joe had gone for a horse soger; that he expected "the case would come on every day;" and that he had the highest opinion of the unquestioned ability of honest Lawyer Prigg.

And now another surprise awaited the patient b.u.mpkin. As he sat, later in the day, smoking his pipe, in company with Mrs. Oldtimes, two men, somewhat shabbily dressed, walked into the parlour and ordered refreshment.

"A fine day, sir," said the elder of the two, a man about thirty-five.

This observation was addressed to Mr. b.u.mpkin.

"It be," said the farmer.

The other individual had seated himself near the fire, and was apparently immersed in the study of the _Daily Telegraph_. Suddenly he observed to his companion, as though he had never seen it before,-

"Hallo! Ned, have you seen this?"

"What's that?" asked the gentleman called Ned.

"Never read such a thing in my life. Just listen."

"'A YOUNG MAN FROM THE COUNTRY.'

"EXTRAORDINARY STORY.

"A man, apparently about sixty-eight, who gave the name of b.u.mpkin, appeared as the prosecutor in a case under the following extraordinary circ.u.mstances. He said he was from the country, but declined to give any more particular address, and had been taken by a friend to see the Old Bailey and to hear the trials at that Court.

After leaving the Central Criminal Court, he deposed, that, walking with his friend, he was accosted in the Street in the open daylight and robbed of his watch; that he pursued the thief, and when near Blackfriars Bridge met a man coming towards him; that he seized the supposed thief, and found him wearing the watch which he affirmed had been stolen. The manner and appearance of 'the young man from the country' excited great laughter in Court, and the Lord Mayor, in the absence of any evidence to the contrary, thought there was a _prima facie_ case under the circ.u.mstances, and committed the accused for trial to the Central Criminal Court. The prisoner, who was respectably dressed, and against whom nothing appeared to be known, was most ably defended by Mr. Nimble, who declined to put any questions in cross-examination, and did not address his Lords.h.i.+p.

The case created great sensation, and it is expected that at the trial some remarkable and astounding disclosures will be made. 'The young man from the country' was very remarkably dressed: he twirled in his hand a large old-fas.h.i.+oned white-beaver hat with a black band round it; wore a very peculiar frock, elaborately ornamented with needlework in front and behind, while a yellow kerchief with red ends was twisted round his neck. The countryman declined to give his town address; but a remarkable incident occurred during the hearing, which did not seem to strike either the Lord Mayor or the counsel for the defence, and that was that no appearance of the countryman's companion was put in. Who he is and to what region he belongs will probably transpire at the ensuing trial, which is expected to be taken on the second day of the next Sessions. It is obvious that while the case is _sub judice_ no comments can properly be made thereon, but we are not prevented from saying that the evidence of this extraordinary 'young man from the country' will be subjected to the most searching cross-examination of one of the ablest counsel of the English Bar."

The two men looked at Mr. b.u.mpkin; while the latter coloured until his complexion resembled beetroot. Miss Prettyface giggled; and Mrs.

Oldtimes winked at Mr. b.u.mpkin, and shook her head in the most significant manner.

"That's a rum case, sir," said Ned.

Silence.

"I don't believe a word of the story," said his companion.

Silence.

"Do you believe," he continued, "that that man could have been wearing that watch if he'd stole it?"

"Not I."

"Lor! won't Jemmy Nimble make mincemeat of 'im!"

Mrs. Oldtimes looked frequently towards Mr. b.u.mpkin as she continued her sewing, making the most unmistakeable signals that under no circ.u.mstances was he to answer. It was apparent to everyone, from Mr. b.u.mpkin's manner, that the paragraph referred to him.

"The best thing that chap can do," said Ned, "is not to appear at the trial. He can easily keep away."

"He won't, you're sure," answered the other man; "he knows a trick worth two of that. They say the old chap deserted his poor old wife, after beating her black and blue, and leaving her for dead."

"It be a lie!" exclaimed b.u.mpkin, thumping his fist on the table.

"Oh!" said Ned, "do you know anything about it, sir? It's no odds to me, only a man can't shut his ears."

"P'r'aps I do and p'r'aps I doant; but it beant no bi'niss o' thine."

"I didn't mean no offence, but anybody can read the paper, surely; it's a free country. P'r'aps you're the man himself; I didn't think o' that."

"P'r'aps I be, and p'r'aps I beant."

"And p'r'aps your name is b.u.mpkin?"

"And p'r'aps it beant, and what then?"

"Why, you've nothing to do with it, that's all; and I don't see why you should interfere."

"I can't have no quarrelling in my house," said the landlady. "This gentleman's nothing to do with it; he knows nothing at all about it; so, if you please, gentlemen, we needn't say any more."

"Oh! I don't want to talk about it," said Ned.

"No more do I," chimed in his companion; "but it's a pity that he should take up our conversation when he hasn't anything to do with it, and his name isn't b.u.mpkin, and he hasn't lost his watch. It's no odds to me; I don't care, do you, Ned?"

"Not I," said Ned; "let's be off; I don't want no row; anybody mustn't open his mouth now. Good day, sir."

And the two young men went away.

CHAPTER XXVIII.

Mr. b.u.mpkin determines to maintain a discreet silence about his case at the Old Bailey-Mr. Prigg confers with him thereon.

And I saw that Mr. b.u.mpkin's case did not come on. Day by day pa.s.sed away, and still it was not in the paper. The reason, however, is simple, and need not be told to any except those of my readers who are under the impression that the expeditious administration of justice is of any consequence. It was obvious to the most simple-minded that the case could not be taken for a day or two, because there was a block in every one of the three Courts devoted to the trial of Nisi Prius actions. And you know as well as anyone, Mr. b.u.mpkin, that when you get a load of turnips, or what not, in the market town blocked by innumerable other turnip carts, you must wait. Patience, therefore, good b.u.mpkin. Justice may be slow-footed, but she is sure handed; she may be blind and deaf, but she is not dumb; as you shall see if you look into one of the "blocked Courts" where a trial has been going on for the last sixteen days. A case involving a dispute of no consequence to any person in the world, and in which there is absolutely nothing except-O rare phenomenon!-plenty of money. It was interesting only on account of the bickerings between the learned counsel, and the occasionally friendly altercations between the Bench and the Bar. But the papers had written it into a _cause celebre_, and made it a dramatic entertainment for the beauty and the chivalry of England. So Mr. b.u.mpkin had still to wait; but it enabled him to attend comfortably the February sittings of the Old Bailey, where his other case was to be tried.

When Mr. Prigg read the account of the proceedings before the Lord Mayor, he was very much concerned, not to say annoyed, because he was under the impression that he ought to have been consulted. Not knowing what to do under the circ.u.mstances, he resolved, after due consideration, to get into a hansom and drive down to the "Goose." Mr. Prigg, as I have before observed, was swift in decision and prompt in action. He had no sooner resolved to see b.u.mpkin than to b.u.mpkin he went. But his client was out; it was uncertain when he would be in. Judge of Mr. Prigg's disappointment! He left word that he would call again; he did call again, and, after much dodging on the part of the wily b.u.mpkin, he was obliged to surrender himself a captive to honest Prigg.

"My dear Mr. b.u.mpkin," exclaimed he, taking both the hands of his client into his own and yielding him a double measure of friends.h.i.+p; "is it possible-have you been robbed? Is it you in the paper this morning in this _very_ extraordinary case?"

b.u.mpkin looked and blushed. He was not a liar, but truth is not always the most convenient thing, say what you will.

"I see," said Mr. Prigg; "quite so-quite so! Now _how_ did this happen?"

b.u.mpkin still looked and blushed.

"Ah!" said Mr. Prigg; "just so. But who was this companion?"

b.u.mpkin muttered "A friend!"

"O! O! O!" said Mr. Prigg, drawing a long face and placing the fore-finger of his left hand perpendicularly from the tip of his nose to the top of his forehead.

"Noa," said b.u.mpkin, "'taint none o' that nuther; I beant a man o' that sort."