Saar: Stardust And Shadows Part 20

"You're a d.a.m.n good actor, Commander Saar. You fooled me and Maal and everybody else. I hope you're reveling in your many successes."

"How can I enjoy my successes when they might cost me the only woman I have ever loved?"

"On Earth, we call that flaw 'wanting your cake and eating it, too.' In real life, it doesn't work that way. I'll admit, you were a most enjoyable lover. You're good, very good. I should have known no two men kiss and make love exactly alike. But how could I know I was right since you're the only man I've bedded?"

"I never forced you to sleep with me as Ryker; I wouldn't have."

"Mental and emotional coercion don't count. I suppose?" She saw him flinch from that stinging barb. "Why did you leave my old things on the s.h.i.+p? Were they supposed to taunt and hurt me?"

"That wasn't intentional. I honestly forgot about them being there. I took everything with me when I left Grandfather's on Eire when I went to search for you ... Now can I ask you one question and you answer it with honesty?"

Jana grasped a change in his tone and direction. "Perhaps."

"Do you still love me? Do you still want me?"

She stalled to think by asking, "With honesty?"

"Yes."

"Honestly, I don't know. Honestly, even if I do love and want you, I don't think it matters any more. It changes nothing in this predicament."

"It changes everything, Jana. And it does matter. It matters to me, to us, to our future."

"We have no future, Varian; you destroyed all hopes of one."

"I'll repair my damage, or I'll create a new one for us."

Jana tore a strip from the bottom of her dress to use as a cloth for bathing off at the seep. She was relieved her period had come two weeks ago during her stay on the Wanderl.u.s.t, as it would have been a problem for her here. Also, there was another predicament she didn't have to worry about: getting pregnant. The men in this alien world were in charge of birth control measures and when reproduction took place with their charls, they held that power in their hands with the use of three-month injections of Liex, a "no-accident precaution and formula." Varian had told her about Liex before her affair with him, and she was certain he wouldn't allow her to become pregnant with "Ryker's" baby during his charade. He wouldn't do that even to have a hold on her afterward, as people would view his firstborn as the child of his half brother.

"You're certain only Nigel can decode your message?"

"Yes, and I sent it fast and turned it off so Taemin couldn't target my pulses. All we can do is wait and be careful until he comes."

"If he heard you."

"We have to believe he did, Jana. We'll be rescued, so don't worry."

Twenty minutes pa.s.sed as Varian put away their gear and swept the area of tracks visible to optical scanners. His head jerked northward and skyward. "Get into that crevice fast!" he shouted to Jana. "A shuttle is coming this way!" Before she could react and obey, he shoved her into the concealing location he had prepared for such an emergency, the spot where their supplies were already out of sight. He wriggled in beside her and pulled the sticker bush in place, ignoring the painful p.r.i.c.ks on his fingers that brought forth blood.

"Maybe it's Nigel with help."

"Not this quick."

"Taemin must have picked up your signal," she said in rising alarm.

"No, it's just a fly-by check of the area. Stay still and quiet so we can elude their sensors."

In mounting dread, Jana obeyed. She leaned her head against a rock and closed her eyes, her heart pounding. She didn't want to think about their grim fates if they fell into that evil alien's hands. She heard the shuttle as it made a slow circle of the location. She panicked when it hovered a moment above them to study it.

The crevice was a tight fit which held their bodies close together. Jana opened her eyes to look at her ex-lover. Sweat beaded on his forehead and above his upper lip; moisture caused his nose, chin, and cheeks to s.h.i.+ne. They weren't manifestations of fear, as Varian Saar feared nothing and no one, but from his exertions and the heat. As several drops rolled toward his dark brows and sensual lips, he made no move to wipe them away. He remained rigid, alert, and silent. He exuded self-a.s.surance and immense power even amidst this peril. He was a complex and contradictory man of surprising gentleness and strength. He possessed highly developed reflexes, keen instincts, and honed skills.

Jana's gaze roamed his handsome features. She missed the tiny smile creases near his eyes and mouth, as Ryker didn't have them. She missed the cleft in his chin, that deep and short slash she had fingered many times in days past. She missed the rich sapphire shade of his eyes. She missed the sable color of his hair. She had missed the sound of his deep and husky voice while he was playing Ryker. His strong jawline was stubbled from days without shaving and smudged where he had mopped at his face with dirty hands, as he hadn't had time to wash up after his tasks. The dark hair and dirt made him look earthy and appealing. She found herself aroused by contact with him. She realized they could be dead soon ...

Varian was aroused, too. He knew the shuttle was gone and the area had pa.s.sed inspection. He remained in the tight confines because he perceived his good affect on her. Maybe it was using another trick, but again he had no choice, as he must use every charm he possessed to win her. He turned his head to fuse their gazes. He allowed his eyes to roam her exquisite face, enflamed by her beauty and perfection. He noticed how her tawny hair was mussed. He saw how fear darkened her multicolored eyes of blue, green, and violet encased in a deep green band. He saw glistening perspiration from the heat and the tension of the situation on her creamy flesh. He yearned to kiss that lovely nose and small chin. He craved to feast on her lips. Uncontrollably his left hand reached out and captured the right side of her face between his strong fingers. His thumb drifted back and forth over her parted lips, and drew her head toward his. He kissed her, long and deep and tender. His pulse raced. His heart thudded. His breathing became ragged. His loins blazed with need. "I love you, Jana Greyson," he murmured.

"Don't you think you should be quiet and still? Sensors, remember? Are you trying to get us captured with such l.u.s.tful foolishness?"

"They're gone, and it was one of Taemin's shuttles."

Jana frowned in annoyance. "Is it safe to get out of this crack now?"

"Yes, but it's nice being-"

"Then get out and stop squas.h.i.+ng and fondling me."

He pushed aside the th.o.r.n.y barrier, crawled out, then extended his hand to a.s.sist her. "You didn't enjoy that as much as I did?"

Jana dared not lock gazes with him and give away her excited state. She pretended to brush off her clothes as she replied, "It was nice, but I didn't resist because I was obeying orders to stay quiet."

Varian exhaled in matching annoyance. "As you wish, Jana."

"Good. Thank you. From now on, no stunts like that again."

"How will you know it's over if you don't test your feelings?"

"I don't need to test them or want to test them. Understand?"

"So be it."

As you wish. So be it. Lordy, how many times I've heard those two responses in the past. She needed a distraction from him. "We seem to be stranded alone together for a while and you have my full attention, so tell me how you pulled off this charade so convincingly? How did you know all that scientific and medical information? How did you get your eyes green without contact lens? How did you know Androasian? And use your right hand? How did you always stay one step ahead of me?"

Varian lifted the water container and a rag from her dress. "First, let me get that blood off your beautiful face."

Jana felt her sticky cheek then looked at her hand. "From where?" she asked, then saw his injuries. "What happened?" she asked in alarm. "You're bleeding."

"The bush snagged my fingers in a few places."

"Get the medical kit and let me tend them. Some thorns have poisons or irritants on their tips. I can't let anything happen to my protector because I certainly don't want to be stuck here alone or with you ill."

Jana cleaned his hands with water from the canteen and a strip torn from the bottom of her dress. She applied antiseptic to kill any germs, then an antibiotic cream to prevent infection and to heal the small holes.

As she worked, he jested, "If you keep ripping up that dress, Moonbeam, pretty soon you won't have any cover left. That would be pleasant for me, but it will be much too stimulating for our rescue team."

"I'll try to heed your caution, sir, before I reach the indecent stage. It was pretty and expensive, too, I'm sure, but it can't be helped. I had no choice but to use it."

"That sounds like a familiar quandary and resolution to a problem."

Jana let go of his tended hand and glared at him. "Demolis.h.i.+ng a dress doesn't compare to devastating my life. Which reminds me, you were about to answer some questions for me when that craft interrupted."

Varian took a deep breath and explained.

"I'm amazed and impressed. I would be even more so if they hadn't been used against me, you b.l.o.o.d.y traitor. When and if we get out of this trouble, you won't have an opportunity to do so again."

"The ruse can't be halted until it's finished, Jana. Since you know the truth now, you'll have to a.s.sist me and cooperate."

She looked stunned.

"Or you'll do what? Imprison me? How? On what charge?"

"Of course not! But I'll need your help."

"You need my help to finish your b.l.o.o.d.y mission? If that's true, you should have kept me in the dark until it was over. No way, Varian, no way."

"I couldn't keep you in the Shadows any longer because you've suffered too much as is," he explained. "I was also worried about you getting even closer to Ryker and about us dying with this lie separating us. I was about to confess the truth when I received that deceitful message from Taemin." He told her what the prince had said to compel him to remain silent a while longer. He related how and why the ruse must continue. He surmised to himself that if he wasn't wearing Ryker's face and image, his own would influence her. He concluded he had to finish this business fast and get back his own appearance.

"You want to involve me in your dangerous deceptions? Risk my life again? Are you crazy? I want to get away from you as soon as possible. I'm not going to lie and dupe like you did. How could you do this to me, to yourself, to us? How could you tell such horrible lies about yourself and the past? You tried your best to convince me you never loved me, and I came to believe it was true. You tried to make me fall in love with Ryker when he's dead. You let him replace you in my heart and body."

He decided to provoke her into seeing and admitting the truth. "It didn't take much persuading. You did a good job of that on your own. If you had truly loved me and wanted me, Jana Greyson, you wouldn't have turned to my brother so fast. Real love can't die that quick and easy. Real love is understanding, kind-"

"You don't know what real love is! Besides, how could I turn to Ryker when I was always with you?"

"But you thought you were with him, didn't you?"

"Not until you pulled that cyborg trick! No matter how many times you removed clues or dropped phony ones, I knew it was you and I knew my rescue wasn't a delusion."

"If you believed it was me and you truly came to hate me as you now claim, why did you keep responding to me as him?"

"To evoke a confession or to discover why you were lying. I thought that if you loved me and it was a trick, I could make you feel guilty or scare you into halting your game. But I failed to coax out the truth."

"You know the truth now, so you'll be my partner until it's over."

"Like h.e.l.l I will! This time, you s.p.a.ce rogue, I have a choice in my life. Thanks to your charade, legally and publicly I'm Ryker's widow and heir. I own Trilabs and all of his holdings; me, not you or the Maffei Alliance. As a citizen and free woman, you can't coerce me into doing anything. I don't belong to you or to any alien anymore. You had plenty of chances to win me, but you chose to discard them and me. Now, I have something more important than you."

"What?"

"My freedom. And my self-respect. Things you stole from me."

Varian didn't want to argue those touchy points with her. "You'll have to work with me, Jana. You don't have a choice."

"Yes, I do. If you try to force me to stay with you, I'll expose you."

"And get us killed? Provoke intergalactic war? I can't let you do that."

"Would you kill me to silence me? Is your ruse that vital?"

"You're talking crazy, woman. Of course I wouldn't kill you. And I won't let anybody else harm you. I've saved your pretty skin too many times to lose it now or ever. I have one other option. If you refuse to cooperate, I'll hold you captive until I'm finished. And if you recall, my love, I can be a very demanding captor."

Jana realized it was futile to argue with him here. She would handle getting away from Varian when they were around others and he couldn't stop her. She changed the subject. "What about Andrea? Is she all right?"

Varian grinned, delighted to be on a pleasant topic. "Do I have a surprise for you!" he teased to snare her interest and alter her mood, which he obviously did judging from her look of eagerness and antic.i.p.ation.

"She was taken to Anais as I promised, and is safe. She was told everything about you, except the recent events, of course. Actually, I have two surprises concerning your best friend." He sipped water.

"What? What? Don't keep me in suspense." "She'll be joining you on Darkar soon." He saw Jana's eyes widen in astonishment and confusion. "If you'll agree to become my partner in the remaining ruse, she can live there with you until we marry, then live wherever she and Nigel settle down."

"She and Nigel? What are you talking about?" "It seems my best friend and your best are in love." "Andrea and Nigel? How did they meet? When? Where?" "Incredible and wonderful, isn't it? If Nigel has his way, she'll marry him soon. From what he's told me about her, she's willing and ready. Nigel was on Anais recently, along with Tris and Martella. They told Andrea about you, about us, about Earth's threat, and about our imminent attempt to save it. If you agree to be my partner, I'll have the Earthlings returned to your world and have medical cures implanted in one of the doctor's minds."

"You can block out memory and yet embed information?" "Yes, in certain matters. We'll implant the clues to take Dr. Martin in the right direction. How about cures for cancer and AIDS? Along with saving your world and bringing Andrea to you and helping to get the charl laws changed, will you agree to help me with the rest of the ruse?" "Are you serious?" He smiled and nodded.

"Do you have the power to carry out those promises?" He smiled and nodded again.

Jana thought about his tempting and unexpected offer. "Is that all I have to do?"

"I would like to add 'marry me' to the list but that might provoke a negative answer. But I warn you now, Moonbeam, I'll do everything I can to get a yes to that question, just like you promised on my s.h.i.+p long ago." "Don't push it, Varian."

"I'll even order some how-to-save-your-environment-facts embedded in one of the scientist's minds. It will take only a few weeks. Is it a bargain?"

She could risk becoming his captive to protect his mission or she could accomplish many positive things by a.s.sisting it. And it wouldn't be for long. Did she have a choice? That question caused nibblings of guilt, because she realized she would do just about anything for those goals, as he had done for his. "Supply the medical cures and science facts, reunite me and Andrea, and free the charls and you have a deal."

He waited for her to include, and leave me alone afterward. He was relieved when she didn't. "You'll trust me to keep my word on such an important matter but you won't trust me with your love and marry me?"

"If there's one thing I know about you, Commander Varian Saar, it's that you'll keep your word of honor. You never promised me anything, so you didn't break your word to me. True, you implied promises, but that isn't the same thing, I suppose."

"I've promised never to do it again, so what's the difference?"

"Earn my trust and prove yourself, then ... Who knows? But don't get any false hopes because I truly believe it's over between us."

He was all smiles as he murmured, "We'll see."

Jana frowned and said,. "Yes, we will."

Far away on Rigel, Jana didn't know one of his promises, the one concerning the charls, was being carried out that very moment. Nor did she suspect that the other three were already in progress ...

It was afternoon of the next day when trouble struck the couple. Varian had sent out his coded signal again last night and this morning. So far, no shuttle-foe or friend-had appeared at or near their hiding place. They were discussing his plans for the remainder of the ruse when Varian pulled her to his chest and kissed her with unsettling thoroughness.

Jana heard a sound she recognized and shuddered. She yanked away.

"Give us a chan-" Varian urged.

"Hus.h.!.+ Listen!" As Jana glanced about, he obeyed, but it was suddenly quiet. "I heard a keelar, one of those sand snake creatures."

Varian had been so enchanted by her that his guard had been down for a moment. He looked around and listened. He decided it was a trick to halt his romantic siege. "I don't see or hear-"

The "pssst" sound came again from several directions. She was right. He had become dull-headed and that was foolish and dangerous. Keelars were deadly, especially without an available antidote to their venom.

"They sometimes live and travel in packs. Climb out of their reach. Now!" he shouted and nudged her when she seemed frozen to the spot.

Jana scrambled up the boulders and Varian followed. They watched the ground seem to come alive with movement as the creatures earthed their way into sight. Varian shot one, two, three, but more and more surfaced. The air was filled with their angry hissings.