Jokes For All Occasions Part 66

APOLOGIZING

"Oh! Are you really a mind-reader?"

"Yes! I am."

"Then I hope you aren't offended. I didn't mean what I thought about you."

DENIED THE PRIVILEGE

_The Child:_ "Mother! Did you buy a ticket for me?"

_The Mother:_ "No, dear! They don't charge for little boys."

_The Child:_ "Is that 'cos we're too little to reach the straps?"

A GOOD PLAN

_She:_ "The Burrowes are having their wooden wedding next week. What can we give them?"

"We might send them a receipt for some of the money he owes me."

ENFRANCHIs.e.m.e.nT OF WOMAN

_First Voter:_ "So Mr. Jones has been elected. You voted for him, of course?"

_Second Voter:_ "No, I voted for the other man. You see, Mr. Jones supported Woman's Suffrage, which I abhor."

FAMILIARITY, ETC.

"I'm so glad to see you. And how did you enjoy your visit to the South?"

"Oh, not very much! There wasn't a soul where I was staying except intimate friends."

REa.s.sURING

_She:_ "Oh! Jack! Are you perfectly certain that you love me?"

_He:_ "My darling! You don't suppose that I have lived for thirty years without knowing love when I feel it."

HOW IT HAPPENED

"What! You don't mean to tell me they are engaged! Why! They never met until a week ago."

"I know it. But they happened, while out rowing together, to get caught in a thunder storm."

A LINGUIST

"She is one of the most remarkable women I ever met."

"In what way?"

"She can keep silence in four different languages."

THE DIFFERENCE

_She:_ "I'm so glad we're engaged."

_He:_ "But you knew all the time that I loved you, didn't you?"

_She:_ "Yes, dear, I knew it, but you didn't."

THE ROAD TO----, ETC.

"Well, what are you sneering about? You don't seem to have much faith in my good resolutions."

"I was just wondering if you had taken the paving contract for the next world."

CLa.s.sIFIED

_Mrs. Bargain:_ "Oh, Ethel! I have just talked Edward into giving me the money for a new hat."

_Mr. Bargain:_ "Which I shall enter in my accounts as 'Hush Money.'"

A SOLUTION