Find You In The Dark Part 16

"Are you going to text Rachel or Danny?" Clay asked me suddenly. I looked up with a start, having been lost in my fairy tale thoughts of a happily ever after with him. "Um. I don't know." I answered a little unsurely.

Clay grunted and suddenly pulled off the road and put the car into park. "What are you doing?" I asked him in confusion. Clay unbuckled his seat belt and climbed over into my seat. He pulled me into his arms and kissed my entire face before stopping on my mouth.

"I know what you're giving up to do this. And I love you so much, Maggie. You have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met and I thank G.o.d every day that he brought you into my life." His lips lingered on mine, tasting me.

"But please don't give up on everything else because of me. I've made my choices. I'm okay with them. But your friends deserve to know you're okay. I don't want you to wake up tomorrow morning thinking this is the worst mistake you could have made."

"Aren't you glad I came with you?" I asked quietly, worried he regretted bringing me along. Clay kissed my mouth, his lips lingering on mine. "G.o.d, of course I'm glad you came. But I just don't want you to think you have to cut everyone out of your life because of it. I want you to be happy." He told me. His eyes never left mine and I could tell he really meant what he was saying.

Clay reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out my phone. He put it in my hand. "Text Rachel and Daniel. Please." I looked at him and nodded. I leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I love you." I told him again before scrolling through my contacts until I found Rachel's number.

I sent her a quick text telling her that I had left with Clay. That things had gotten bad with his family and he needed a little breather- a break. I asked her to tell my parents that I was sorry, but that I was okay and I would contact them soon. I knew she wouldn't get the text for awhile, since it was 2:30 in the morning. Just hitting the send b.u.t.ton made me feel better, made my chest not feel as tight.

Clay pulled back onto the interstate after I put the phone away. "Thanks for making me do that." I said. Clay shook his head. "You don't have to thank me for that. You do what you have to do, Maggie. I'll support you the way you've always supported me. We're in this forever." He stated with such certainty, that I believed it all of it.. I knew he loved me and maybe, just maybe, that would be enough.

We drove for another two and a half hours before we pulled off at a small town just over the border of North Carolina. Clay had seen a sign for a Motel 6 off the highway. We were both exhausted and I desperately wanted a bed and a good eight hours of sleep.

Clay pulled into a darkened parking lot. The vacancy sign was flickering, making it all look like something out of a cheesy horror movie. There was only one other car outside the motel.

"You sure know how to wine and dine a gal." I teased as we got out of the car. I was happy to stretch my legs. Clay smiled. "Next time, we'll find something a little nicer. Promise." I put my arms around his waist. "It doesn't matter Clay. As long as we're together." He kissed me sweetly before we went into the lobby to get a room.

The guy behind the front desk seemed uninterested in the fact that two teenagers wanted a motel room at five in the morning. He never once made eye contact as Clay paid him in cash and collected the room key. "There's an ice and vending machines outside." The front desk guy said mechanically. We nodded our thanks and walked out of the dingy lobby.

We found our room and I tried not to shudder as I took in the shabby stained carpet that might have been green when it was new. There was one queen sized bed with a comforter that had obvious cigarette burns all over it and two flat pillows.

Clay put his bag down on the chair that looked as if it had been rescued from a dumpster. "Sorry baby. I know this ain't the Ritz." I smiled. "I'll just keep my clothes on, it'll be all good."

Clay pouted. "Well, that's not exactly what I had in mind." I playfully shoved him. "You are such a guy, Clayton Reed." He kissed me loudly and patted my behind as I went into the bathroom to wash up. I was relieved that it was actually clean. The tub was stained but there were towels and a small, half full bottle of Suave shampoo. I rummaged through my bag to find my flannel pjs. Yeah, they weren't the s.e.xiest thing I owned, but I hoped wearing them might make me feel better.

I ran the water as hot as I could stand and stood under the spray. I used the shampoo to wash my hair and body. When I got out, skin pink from the steamy water, I felt a little better. I then remembered that in my hurry to leave, I hadn't brought any toiletries. No hair brush, no toothpaste. For some reason, after everything, that tiny detail made me want to burst into tears.

I gripped the edge of the sink and took deep, gulping breaths, trying to get myself together. After a few minutes I was able to calm myself down. Using my fingers, I combed through my wet hair and then gargled with water. I put on my warm pajamas and left the bathroom.

Clay was leaning back against the headboard, flipping through channels on the ancient television. He looked up when I came out and his eyes softened at the sight of me ready for bed. "Feel better?" He asked, watching me as I put my dirty clothes in the corner of the room.

"Yeah. But we'll need to get toothpaste and stuff in the morning. I forgot to bring some." I went to stand by the side of the bed, not sure I wanted to sleep underneath the gross looking comforter. Clay, understanding my hesitation, peeled the cover back. "The sheets look clean at least." He remarked.

"We're not going to get eaten alive by bedbugs are we?" I asked hesitantly before getting into the bed. Clay looked under the covers. "Well, I sure hope not." I threw a pillow at him. "That's not comforting." I said blandly. Clay grinned at me. "Come on, get in here, this room is freezing." I climbed in the bed, sighing in contentment as I snuggled down into the sheets. At that moment, I didn't care if I was eaten alive as I slept, I was that bone achingly tired.

Clay turned off the television and stood up. He slowly undressed, his clothes forming a pile beside the bed. In nothing but his boxers, he got into the bed beside me. We lay on our sides for awhile, just looking at each other.

"Cute." Clay smirked, fingering the collar of my pajama top. I rolled my eyes. "Sorry, I left my Fredericks of Hollywood stuff at home. I'll remember next time we decide to run away in the middle of the night." I replied sarcastically. At the mention of what we had done, Clay and I both became quiet.

The only sound in the dark room was that of our breathing. Ever so slowly, as if scared I might stop him, Clay reached out to touch my face. He gently traced my eyebrows with his fingertip, touching my eyelids, then running his fingers down to my lips. His eyes came alive with a sudden hunger and desire, but most of all love. My heart picked up as his hand dropped to my collar bone and he traced the curve from one side to the other.

It was so quiet, I swear he could hear my heart beating. He dipped his hand down further, beneath the top edge of my s.h.i.+rt and cupped my breast. He closed his eyes as his thumb rubbed my taught nipple. He hissed a breath in through his lips as he felt my smooth skin and I moaned a bit in response.

Clay opened his eyes. "Maggie?" He said my name as a question and I knew he was making sure I was okay with this. I nodded my head and leaned in to kiss him. The first touch of his tongue as it mated with mine was all I needed to get lost in the heady feeling he unleashed inside of me.

With sure fingers, Clay unb.u.t.toned my top and carefully removed it from my body. He continued to touch my b.r.e.a.s.t.s reverently, his breathing shallow as I arched toward him. Clay bent his head to take my nipple in his mouth, his tongue dancing over the sensitive flesh. I gripped the back of his head as he moved to my other breast.

Clay's hand made its way to the waist of my drawstring pants. He slid his fingers under the elastic, making me shake inside. Gently, he pushed my pants down, moving them lovingly over my hips. His mouth traced down my body as he removed the clothing.

Starting at my ankle, Clay kissed a path up the inside of my leg, licking with his tongue as he savored me. He made tiny moans in the back of his throat as he continued his torturous ascent. Kissing the inside of my thighs, my fingers found themselves wrapped in his hair.

"Oh G.o.d, Clay!" I rasped as he moved his mouth until he was breathing against my hot core. With slow precision, he licked the length of me, suckling to the point that I forgot my own name. "You taste amazing." He murmured against my flesh as his tongue moved inside me. I had never experienced anything like this before. The burn deep in my belly laced fire through my body. Clay's mouth never stopped as I started to buck beneath him. With a violence that surprised me, I exploded against his tongue.

As I lay on the bed, spent, Clay kissed his way back up my body until he found my lips again. I could taste myself on his mouth and it was weirdly erotic. I thought I'd be grossed out by something like that. But I found it to be a strange sort of possession. Like I had marked him as mine.

Clay's hands dipped down between my legs. He rubbed and caressed the sensitive folds until I was panting once again. He took two of his fingers and slid them inside me. He curved them until they were stroking a fire that threatened to consume me. Clay's tongue danced inside my mouth, tasting every inch as his fingers illicited another earth shattering o.r.g.a.s.m from my already trembling body. In the aftermath, Clay rolled me over until I was on top, my legs straddling him as I felt his hardness against me.

Digging into the pocket of his pants on the floor, he pulled out a condom and handed it to me. I arched an eyebrow at him and he gave me a sultry smile. I ripped open the package with my teeth, making Clay laugh. Then slowly, with careful precision, I rolled it down on top of him. Clay moaned and laid his head back, closing his eyes as my fingers touched and caressed him.

When I was finished, Clay carefully lifted me up and I angled myself so that I could slide down on top of him. Clay pulled my mouth back down to his as I held him inside of me. Not breaking our kiss, Clay moved his hands until he held my hips and I started to move up and down, enjoying the control I had.

"I love how I feel inside you." He whispered against my lips as I pressed into him, taking him as deep as he could go. "You're mine. Forever." He groaned as I started to pick up the pace. I broke off our kiss so that I could throw my head back, bracing myself against his chest.

Suddenly, Clay grabbed a hold of me and flipped me on my back, pus.h.i.+ng into me as he laid me down. I moaned loudly as I wrapped my legs around his waist in an effort to keep him buried inside me. "I love you so much." I panted as we moved our bodies together. After weeks of madness and separation, we came together in one beautiful cacophony of need and desire.

Together, like this, I felt we could take on anything. Clay moaned as I clenched myself around him and he kissed me deeply as he went as far as he could into my body. I opened my eyes to find Clay watching me with such tender sadness that it took my breath away.

I reached up to run my fingers over his face. "What is it?" I asked breathlessly, never stopping the perfect rhythmic movements with him. Clay smiled, a truly gorgeous smile. "I just love you so much. Sometimes it hurts." "I don't want it to hurt, Clay. Our love should make you feel wonderful." I told him, even as I almost wanted to laugh at how cheesy I sounded.

Clay didn't say anything more as we each began to build toward a burning explosion. Clay wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my hair as I shattered around him. Finally, he surged into my body one last time as he came and we lay against each other, too tired to move. Clay pushed up on his elbow and brushed my sweat soaked hair off of my forehead. He kissed my eyelids before rubbing my nose with his. I laughed at his affectionate gesture.

He took my hand and placed it over his heart. The frantic beat strong against my palm. "This is all I need. You, me, together." He said, still a little breathless. I picked up his hand and kissed his palm. Clay pulled out of me and rolled us both onto our sides, so that he held my back against his chest.

"Get some sleep, baby." He said quietly in my ear, kissing the back of my neck. So we fell asleep wrapped up in each other, unwilling to think any more of the reality we would find ourselves thrown back into when we woke.

Chapter Twenty-Two.

I awoke the next morning to the sound of my cell phone beeping. I had a moment of disorientation as I tried to figure out where I was. Then it all came back to me. I rolled over to find Clay sound asleep beside me, his hand reaching out as if he had been searching for me in his sleep.

I got out of bed and looked down, realizing I was naked. I went into the bathroom and changed into a clean pair of jeans and a t-s.h.i.+rt. I debated whether I should rinse my mouth out with shampoo but decided against it. Instead, I swished some water and spit it out. I still had demon breath, but it would have to do until we bought some toothpaste.

My cell phone beeped again. I looked at Clay; he hadn't stirred. He looked so young as he slept. The tension on his face melted in relaxation. I smiled at how good he looked laying there in the bed. I found my phone on the bedside table and turned it on.

A new text waited. It was from Rachel. Where are you?!?! Your parents are freaking out! You better call me ASAP! I sighed. I quietly left the motel room. Once outside I dialed Rachel's number. She answered on the first ring.

"WHAT IS GOING ON, MAGGIE?!" She shrieked into the phone. I pulled the receiver from my ear. "Chill out, Rach. You're going to bust my ear drum." I said lightly. "Don't give me your blase c.r.a.p. Why did you and Clay take off? Your parents called me at five o'clock this morning and they are absolutely, 100 percent flipping out! You had better have a good reason for all of this." I could tell she was angry. I would have felt the same way had our roles been reversed. I knew I owed her an explanation.

I sat down on the curb outside of our room. "Clay is going through some major stuff right now and my parents were being unreasonable. He needed me." She huffed on the other end. "Not good enough, Mags. Now cut with the bulls.h.i.+t and fess up. Because I swear if you feed me some stupid song and dance about young love I'll bash your head in the next time I see you!" Rachel seethed.

"Fine, you want to know the truth? Clay has bi-polar disorder as well as something called Borderline Personality Disorder. Don't ask me what it all means, because I really don't know. Anyway, he had just gotten out of the hospital before he moved up here and now his parents are in town and threatening to lock him back up. And his crazy moods and temper are all because he's been on and off his meds. Plus, he really needs therapy, but so far has refused it. We're just trying to figure everything out, okay? He needs me! And I need him to be healthy." I finished my rambling explanation and waited for my friend's response.

"Rachel?" I said into the void. "I'm here." She said quietly. I didn't like the tone of her voice. "I had no idea all this was going on. Why didn't you say something sooner?" She asked me.

"It wasn't really my story to tell." I said simply. I heard Rachel cluck her tongue. "But you know you can't save him. He needs serious help. Help from people who know what they're doing when it comes to that kind of stuff. If he's not taking his meds like you said, than there's nothing you can do." She paused. "Maybe his parents are right. Maybe he needs to go somewhere where he can get some major treatment."

I was shocked and deeply hurt by her reaction. How could she side with those horrible people? She was supposed to be my best friend. "No. I can't let them do that to him." I bit out coldly. Rachel sighed. I could almost see the exasperated expression on her face.

"How could you do this to your parents? Don't you think they would have understood if you just told them? They love you and they're worried sick." I felt the guilt flip in my gut. I hated that she reminded me of what I was doing to the other people I loved.

"You just don't get it." I sulked. "Oh, I get it alright. You're on a one woman mission to save Clay Reed from himself. I get that you love him. But there are times when love ain't enough sweetheart, and I have a very bad feeling he's just going to take you down with him. Not that he means to. But that's just what happens." She seemed to be speaking from experience.

"What do you know about any of this? What do you know about Clay and what he's going through?" I asked hatefully. "Listen. My grandmother suffered from bi-polar disorder as well as a slew of other mental illnesses, if you must know. I saw first hand the nightmare she put my grandfather and my mother through. It wasn't pretty. She refused to get help too. And you know what happened?" She barked at me. I was shocked to hear this. I had no idea that her grandmother had suffered from any kind of mental illness. Rachel had never mentioned it.

"What?" I asked quietly. "She killed herself when I was ten years old. That's what happened. And all because she swore she was fine and my grandfather believed her." Rachel's voice broke. I felt cold at her words.

"So don't you see? You aren't helping Clay by enabling him! You need to get your a.s.s back here, and let the people whose job it is to help him do it. Yeah his parents sound s.h.i.+tty, but they just may ultimately know what's best for him - not you." She was being harsh and I wanted to ignore what she was telling me. But there was a small part of me that heard her and knew the advice she was giving me was good.

"And you should call your parents. Hearing from me that you're all right isn't the same as hearing it from you. You have great parents. Don't ruin your relations.h.i.+p with them for some ill-conceived Florence Nightingale complex."

I heard the motel door behind me open. "Maggie? Why are you out here?" Clay asked from the door way. I looked over my shoulder at him. He had put on his pants, but hadn't bothered with a s.h.i.+rt. His hair was rumpled as he squinted in the morning light.

"I've gotta go, Rach. I'll call you when I know where we're going." I a.s.sured her. "Maggie. Seriously. Come home. This is nuts!" She pleaded. I didn't answer her, instead I disconnected the call.

Standing up I shoved my phone in my pocket. "Rachel?" He asked. I nodded, following him into the room and shutting the door behind us. "What did you tell her?" He eyed me warily. "I told her you had some stuff going on and we needed to get away for awhile." I lied. No way could I tell him that I had spilled his entire mental history to her. I seriously doubted he'd want her to know about all of that ugliness.

Clay pulled me closer and kissed me. "I was scared when I woke up and you weren't here. I thought...that maybe you had left." He looked at me with a vulnerability that frightened me. I hugged him tightly. "Never, Clay. I'm not going anywhere without you." I told him and he relaxed in my arms.

Clay got in the shower and we looked in the phone book for a place to get some more provisions. There was a Target two towns over. So we got in Clay's car and went to Brookerton. We loaded up on shampoo, soap, toothbrushes and toothpaste. I splurged a bit and got myself a curling iron and hair dryer. I was glad that I had thought to grab my cash card before leaving Davidson.

We went back to the motel room and I brushed my teeth for at least fifteen minutes. I had never been so thankful for toothpaste in my life. I spent some time and curled my hair, letting it rest in pretty waves around my shoulders. Just because we were on the run, didn't mean I couldn't look nice. When I was finished, I sat beside Clay on the bed. He was going through messages on his phone. He looked up at me and smiled tenderly. He touched a strand of my hair. "You look beautiful." He said softly. I leaned over and kissed him, feeling so full of love in that moment.

His attention was pulled back to his phone. "What is it?" I asked, peering over his shoulder. "Ruby texted me last night." He said, turning the screen off. "What did she say?" I asked him. "She wanted to know where I was." "Did you answer her?" I inquired. Clay shook his head. "Not yet. I'm not really sure what to tell her."

We were quiet for awhile. The weight of our decision playing heavily on our minds. "What are we going to do? I mean, we can't stay in this motel room forever." I reasoned, picking at the skin around my fingernails. Clay smirked. "Why not? This is high cla.s.s living." He joked. I lightly punched his arm.

He sobered. "I know you're right. I just can't go back there. My life is over if I go back. Maybe we could find some quiet town to live in. We could get jobs, a place to live. Really start a life together." Clay seemed so hopeful. I, of course, knew that sort of wishful thinking would never happen. I still needed to finish high school. And what about college? Yeah, I didn't think things through very clearly in my rush to run away with Clay.

In the harsh light of day, things seemed a lot less simple and more like a big ol' mess. I didn't respond to his statement. Not sure I could agree with his rosy- colored view of the future. "Why don't we just stay here a day or two. We have enough money for that and then we can figure things out." Clay said, taking my hand in his.

A day or two seemed okay. Maybe just some time to relax and put things in perspective is what Clay needed to make a sensible decision. I could give him that. "Okay." I agreed, snuggling into his side. Clay wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

"This is all I need, Mags. Just you and me, together." He murmured as I listened to the sound of his heart beat under my ear. He made it sound so perfect. But I knew the life we were creating for ourselves was anything but.

"Did you bring your medication, Clay?" I asked after I woke up from our afternoon nap. Clay stiffened for a minute before pulling away. He got off of the bed and walked into the bathroom. I followed him and watched him from the door way as he filled a cup with water and took a drink.

"You didn't bring them, did you." I stated instead of asking. Clay gave me his best charming smile. "I'll be fine without them. I haven't really been taking them for awhile anyway. You'll see. Now that we're away from all that stress, it won't be like it was before. I promise." I couldn't believe he had been lying to me for weeks. I thought he had still been taking the lithium. His crazy behavior started to make more sense.

"What's awhile?" I asked him. Clay frowned. "I don't know. Since early November, I guess. Don't worry about it." Early November!!! I know my mouth hung open. I couldn't believe he had been so sneaky about it.

I felt like such a fool. Here, I had been trying to rationalize everything, thinking he was just jealous, or under a lot of stress. But no, it was because he hadn't been doing what he needed to do to regulate himself- to take care of himself. I wanted to punch him, or scream at him. But I knew that would just make it worse.

d.a.m.n it! Rachel was right. I couldn't do this. I needed to get Clay back to Davidson. This was a tightrope walk, and I knew it was just a matter of time before he fell off and he took me with him. My face must have paled because Clay grabbed me by my upper arms.

"Stop it, Maggie! Don't start worrying about me. I will be all right. Things will be perfect. Just how we wanted them to be. I don't need those stupid pills as long as I have you." His words chilled me. He really did seem to believe that.

When had I become his new medication? And when had I started enabling him? I loved Clay so much, but this was not right. He couldn't replace his medication with me and think things would be okay. He was seriously deluding himself.

"Clay, you need your meds." I whispered, trying to hide how appalled I was at his lack of responsibility and maturity. Clay's face darkened. "Don't start with me, Maggie. I told you, I'm fine." He brushed past me into the room.

I had to figure something out. But I wasn't sure how I could convince Clay to go back home. He was certain that being away from Davidson and his parents would make everything okay. He was so, so wrong.

"I'm scared for you." I said, watching him as he pulled a new s.h.i.+rt out of his bag and put it on. Clay's shoulders tensed. "Well, don't be. You're over thinking things again." He said flippantly. I wanted to be angry with him for putting us in this position. For doing this to himself. But I caught a glimpse at the healing cuts on his chest and arms as he pulled his s.h.i.+rt over his head and I just felt sad. I wanted him to be happy and healthy. Maybe I could just give him the few days he asked for. And then convince him to go home. He would listen to me, right? I mean, he loved me.

I went up behind him and put my arms around his chest and buried my face into his back, breathing in his amazing smell. "I love you. You know that?" I stated. Clay turned in my arms and held me. "Of course I know that, Mags. I love you too." I reached up on my tip toes and locked my mouth to his. The taste of him causing the same b.u.t.terflies in my stomach it always did.

Clay broke the kiss and grinned at me. "Let's get out of this depressing room. I want to take you out to dinner. A proper date." I laughed at the giddiness in his voice. "A date, huh?" I raised my eyebrows at him. "Yeah. Let's go paint the town red, baby." He pulled on my hand, tugging me toward the door. Clay tucked his wallet in his pocket and pulled out his car keys. I let him lead me outside.

Soon we were making our way through the tiny town of Gla.s.s Lake. There wasn't a whole lot to it. But there was a restaurant on the north end of town called Elk's Ridge Bar and Grill. Funny name, considering there were no elk in North Carolina.

I ordered a steak and potatoes and he got the chicken alfredo. We ate until we were completely stuffed. We laughed and talked. I loved being with him like this. This was the Clay I loved more than anything.

As I waited at the table for Clay to come back from the bathroom, my cell phone made a ding in my pocket. I was hesitant to check it. I didn't want anything to ruin the great evening I was having. But curiosity won out.

Looking in the direction of the bathrooms to watch for Clay, I quickly got out my phone. There was a text waiting from Rachel. You guys are in some serious s.h.i.+t. Did Clay tell you what went down when he left his house last night?

Feeling immediately edgy, I quickly typed out What do you mean? I tapped my foot in impatience as I waited for the responding message. Two minutes later the phone dinged again. Looking at what my friend wrote, I thought I would be sick.

Well, apparently he threatened his parents with a knife. Destroyed stuff, stole a bunch of money from his dad's wallet and took off. The police are looking for you guys. His parents are threatening to press charges against him. You really need to come home. Otherwise it'll just get worse.

Why didn't Clay tell me about what happened? Again, he was keeping secrets from me! The one person he swore he'd be honest with! I shoved the phone back in my pocket and plastered a smile on my face as Clay came back to the table.

"Ready?" He asked. I nodded, not trusting my voice. Clay put some cash on the table- (his parent's money, I was sure-) and held out his hand for me to take. I wrapped my fingers with his and let him pull me to my feet. He hugged me and kissed my nose. "Thank you for being my date." He said with a grin.

I couldn't help but smile back, despite what I had just learned. "Thank you for asking me to be your date." I replied, squeezing his waist. We walked out of the restaurant, our arms wrapped around each other.

Out in the cold, night air, I felt unsure. I needed to talk to Clay about what I had just learned. But how do I broach the subject? His parents were a sore spot, to say the least, and I knew it would just lead to an argument.

But I had to know why he kept it a secret. Why he didn't tell me the truth when he came to my room last night. Though part of me wanted nothing more than to pretend it was all a mistake. That what Rachel had told me couldn't possibly be true.

We walked down the street a ways and found a small park. We found ourselves at a tiny bench situated in a shaded grove of trees. The air was crisp and chill and I wrapped my jacket tighter around me. Clay put his arm around my shoulders and held me tight against his side. He kissed the top of my head and I tried to relax into him.