Behind The Tears Part 43

Their uncle nodded. "I'll be right outside if you need me?" he said, then left, closing the door behind him.

Ash looked out the window as Dante pulled up a chair and sat down. They stayed like that for s.h.i.+t knows how long before Ash finally spoke again. "I tried to kill myself again."

Dante tensed. "Did he rape you?" he asked softly.

"No, but he did other things that were close. He..." Ash breathed out. "He would've though, just wuz trying to justify it, making out like I would eventually consent. But he definitely f.u.c.ked with my head. He had me chained and tied up, even said he would keep me like that until I died if I didn't do what he wanted. He drugged me and s.e.xually abused me. He made me want to die, I even begged for death, asked him to kill me. Now they tell me he's not dead. I should've double-checked." Ash lay down and turned over, the look in his eyes sad. "Almost dead is not good enough. Find out what room he's in, cos I need to see him one last time."

Dante shook his head. "h.e.l.l no, if you kill him you'll end up in prison. You ain't goin' there after what you've been through, he is. That's if he survives whatever that prisoner did to him."

"It wuz Tama."

"Didja just say Tama?" Dante asked, not believing his ears.

"Yes, he's alive and roaming about, so you needa warn Nike."

Dante ran a hand through his hair. "Jesus, one rapist goes down and another rises. We can't b.l.o.o.d.y win."

"We never win, that's our problem, we let men abuse us all the time and don't do anything about it until it's too late."

"What're you talking about?"

"Chaz isn't the only sick f.u.c.k who's affected our lives negatively, Craven has too, and everything that is involved with him, like the Joneses. And I won't put up with it anymore, which means we're quitting the business."

Dante felt like Ash had sucker-punched him, what his brother was saying basically a death warrant. He shook his head. "No f.u.c.kin' way, you know what Craven will do to us, and if you wanna quit, I'll take over-he doesn't hafta know it's just me doin' things."

"Do ya really wanna sell drugs?"

"It's never bothered me."

"Well, it bothers me, and has since I started it. And if I died Craven would only cry over losing a cut of his revenue. No, Tiana and Angelo are my concern. And since Hunter signed that b.l.o.o.d.y house under my name, I'm selling it and he can live with it cos it's his debt we're paying off. I'm also gonna ask for a loan from Dida and Uncle Luka to pay back the rest of what Hunter owes that b.a.s.t.a.r.d. And Craven better take the money or I'll load a f.u.c.kin' gun and go shoot the b.a.s.t.a.r.d, cos I'm not having any more men rule my life."

"But I told ja, I'll take over."

"Alone? I don't think so."

"Sledge could help."

"No f.u.c.kin' way! You're not dragging him into this s.h.i.+t. I've managed to keep Craven away from him, you're not ruining that."

"We got dragged into his father's problems, not the other way round."

"That is not Sledge's fault, and he doesn't even know Hunter's his father. And that's another thing. Sledge and Juliet needa be told they're adopted. We can't keep hiding this from them, they have a right to know who their parents are."

"But you said-"

"I know what I said, and I wuz wrong. Even though I love Hunter like a father, he should be treating the twins like his children, not me. I will tell Hunter 'bout what's happening, and if he doesn't accept it, then so be it, I will do it anyway, cos he's not stealing their heritage anymore. They can't go through life wondering why they don't look like us, and why Father treats them differently. They may not be our siblings, but as cousins they are still blood. But, I also want them to know that I will always call them my brother and sister, no matter what."

Dante nodded. "They'll always be my sis and bro too."

"Good." Ash breathed out. "I'm cleaning up shop here, and goin' to turn things around. There will be trouble cos of it, both with Craven, Hunter and the twins, but it needs to be done, cos I'm not playing Russian roulette with our lives any more. And as for Tiana, I want to move to Howick with her and Angelo"

"Howick? Why there?"

"It has good schooling and is a safe, lovely place with lots of beaches and low crime. I want the best for my son."

"How're you gonna support yourself if you're not selling?"

"I have to speak with Tiana 'bout that. She may not even want it, but I'm gonna try to convince her it's the best thing for all of us, and she can't say Howick's a bad place, cos it's not, and it's miles better than where she lives."

Dante smiled softly. "Which means you're not gonna attempt suicide again?"

"True. I wanna live for my family. Chaz is not taking them away from me, and whether he lives or dies, he's not f.u.c.king with my brain again. I wanna make sumpthin' of my life and not be one of those people who are a drain on society. I'm gonna start painting again and I want to go back to school to finish what I dropped out of. So, whatever I do from now on rests with me, not Chaz, not Craven, not Father or Hunter. Me. This is my life and I'm finally gonna live it the way I want."

Dante's smile widened. "Good. Then we'll do it together, starting with Craven. I'll ask Uncle Luke and Dida for the loan, then we'll face the twins together after we get back, say Sat.u.r.day, then you can sort things out with Tiana."

Ash held out a hand. "Thanks, bro."

Dante took the offered hand. "You're more than welcome, and if you needa talk 'bout anything come to me."

Ash nodded, his face clouding over like he was back with Chaz, the struggle in his features telling Dante things weren't going to be easy for his brother. Ash gripped Dante's hand tighter, his expression clearing again, his action saying he was a survivor.

"I won't see Chaz again." Ash cleared his throat. "And since I didn't feel a pulse, I'm gonna think of him as dead, so I'm not gonna worry 'bout him coming near me again."

Dante nodded. "Good." Now, he just needed to do the same: To kill Chaz in his mind, and to live his own life without his memories interfering. He didn't think he would ever completely heal from what he saw, but the wound wasn't raw, just healed over with a raised scar, that was sometimes visible through his actions. But he would try to control himself, and also try to stop before he took things too far-because he wasn't Chaz. He would never be that sick. Ever.

36.

Sledge Thursday The doorbell rang. Sledge got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist, wis.h.i.+ng whoever it was would p.i.s.s off, because he wanted to visit Corey in hospital. He hadn't seen him for a few days, because he'd gone up to Dargaville with Juliet to check on Ash, his brother doing better than expected. But Sledge was disgusted with the police for allowing Chaz to be in the same hospital. Yeah, the man was barely breathing and was probably going to die, but it still wasn't right.

The doorbell went off again. Sledge wished Naf would b.l.o.o.d.y get it, but he knew his mate wouldn't. The cops had arrested Aroha for being an accomplice, which had sent Naf into a depression, meaning the only time he emerged from his room was for a p.i.s.s or the other type in a bottle. Naf was now living on a liquid diet, the type that made his room stink like a brewery.

Sledge trudged towards the front door, his hair dripping water down his back. The bell went off again. "Will ya hold on?" you impatient c.u.n.t. He opened the door a fraction, surprised to find Stella standing on his doorstep, looking like she wanted to puke, which probably explained why she was at the hospital the other day. But why was she here? He'd told her after their drunken one-night-stand that he wasn't interested in a relations.h.i.+p... Actually, no, that happened after Corey had found out. At the time he'd been really p.i.s.sed off with Corey for standing in his way, because Stella was a great lay, the morning-after f.u.c.k definitely memorable, but now he didn't mind, if anything he was grateful, because he'd pick Corey over Stella any day.

"Yes, what do ya want?" he said a bit too gruffly.

"To talk to you," Stella replied, looking like she'd lost weight, which she couldn't afford to, her pale legs and arms practically sticks, ready to snap if the wind blew too hard. She was dressed in a short denim skirt and a leopard print tank top, the outfit making her look like she'd stepped out of Outrageous Fortune-the West Auckland white trash drama.

"Why do ya wanna talk to me for?" Sledge asked, opening the door wider.

Her gaze moved to his bare chest, which was at eye level for her, the girl even shorter than Corey. Sledge smiled. He was starting to relate everything to Corey now, and he didn't mind it at all, the little cutie constantly on his mind.

Stella smiled back, probably thinking his expression was for her. "Can I come inside first?" she asked, her hands fidgeting like she was knitting air.

Nodding, Sledge stepped aside, thinking if she didn't sit down soon she was going to keel over.

Stella headed straight for the couch and planted her skinny a.r.s.e on it, although he was sure she'd prefer to have her face in the loo, throwing up.

"I don't meana be rude, but you really look like s.h.i.+t," he said.

"Thanks, Sledge, you really are a charmer."

Sledge shrugged. "You know what I mean; you look like you wanna chunder."

"That's cos I'm pregnant."

"Congrats I guess, or commiserations, whichever fits the bill."

"It's your baby."

Sledge's face dropped. No, it didn't just drop, it plummeted right through the floor and went straight to h.e.l.l. "No, f.u.c.kin' way," he said, barely forming the words.

"Yes, f.u.c.king way, that's the point, you f.u.c.ked me, now I'm preggers."

Sledge breathed in, trying to grab as much oxygen as he could before he keeled over. She couldn't be pregnant... s.h.i.+t! Corey was going to kill him. He raised his hands to his head. "This can't be happening; this can't be happening..."

"You're not the one puking your guts out," Stella snapped. "So, stop feeling sorry for yourself."

"But it can't be mine."

"Well, it is."

"No, it has to be someone else's; I can't have been the only one."

She bit her lip, looking like she was about to cry. "You are."

"But what about your ex?"

She burst into tears. "Z-Zane's de-dead."

Sledge winced, realising he'd put his gigantic foot into his gigantic mouth. Ash had told him Tama was alive, and last night on the news he'd heard that it was Zane who had died in the riot, the mix up with his age having caused the confusion. "Um, sorry," although he wasn't, because Zane had shot his mate Mikey, almost killing him. "You sure it's still not his?"

"I-I-I'm eight weeks pregnant, so it can't be," she snivelled.

Dammit! Zane had been arrested and thrown into prison about three months ago.

Her sobbing grew louder.

Sledge glanced at the pa.s.sage doorway, then went to sit next to Stella, hoping Naf didn't come out. "Don't cry," he said, patting her lap, and feeling like a doofus for doing it.

She grabbed him around the neck and buried her face into it, her crying intensifying. Sledge held his hands out, not knowing what to do. He wanted to pry her off him, but didn't want to upset her more.

"Um..." He patted her back. "Sorry. Um, s.h.i.+t, um, do ya want sumpthin' to drink or a tissue?"

She shook her head, still holding him tight, the fact he was half-naked making him feel even more uncomfortable.

"Do ya want me to call someone for you?"

"No, I just need you."

"Why? I hardly know you."

She pulled back a little, though she still kept a death grip on him, like she was scared he was going to take off-which he was seriously considering.

"I like you."

"Yeah, so? I like Keira Knightley, but I don't do nuthin' 'bout it."

"You didn't get her pregnant."

"Wish I did, then I wouldn't be poor," he said, hoping to lighten the mood before it hit pitch black.

She didn't even smile, just stared at him with her pale blue eyes, which looked so big in her tear streaked pixie-face, her short blonde hair framing it all perfectly. Even sick she was so f.u.c.king cute, which was probably why his b.a.s.t.a.r.d of a c.o.c.k was already betraying him as it saluted her beneath his towel. He cursed it in his head, telling the p.r.i.c.k it was the cause of all his b.l.o.o.d.y trouble.

She looked down at it, then back at him, her expression almost relieved. "I thought that since I'm pregnant with your baby we could see each other, and maybe, possibly, I could live with you."

So, this was what this was about: She wanted him to support her. He grabbed her arms and pulled them off him. "No, I'm unemployed, so I can't raise a baby, and I've got a ..." boyfriend, "girlfriend, so you can't live with me."

"I'm not asking for you to pay anything, I can support myself. All I need is a place to stay, cos my parents have kicked me out. And you should take a part in your baby's life, and you said you liked me, so why can't you drop whatever s.k.a.n.k you're with to be with me? We were great together."

"It wuz a one-night-stand, and having great s.e.x doesn't mean we should be together."

"But, I've never had a guy act like you did, which means you must really be into me."

"I didn't act any differently than I do with any other chick I've rooted."

"It wasn't just a root! Don't make it sound so vulgar."

"I wuzn't making love, if that's what you're gettin' at."

"But, it felt like it."

"Well, it couldn't have been cos I didn't stick around, and I love my ... girlfriend."

"You can't have been with her that long, unless you cheated with me."

"I've only just starting dating hi... her. And we were friends a long time before we got together."

"But, you got me pregnant."

Sledge held up his hands. "Hold up, you lemme f.u.c.k you, so don't put this all on me."

"Please, Sledge, I don't wanna raise the baby on my own." She placed a hand on his chest, her big eyes begging. Her fingers ran down his stomach and landed on his now, not so interested c.o.c.k, the beggar also thinking this wasn't a good idea.