Mom Over Miami Part 16

"I've tried. And every time I think I just may have done it-"

"Knock, knock!" A woman's voice wafted through the house from the front door.

Aunt Phiz flinched, then started to lumber up from her chair. "That's the neighbor lady. I'll send her on and stay and take care of Tessa."

"Phyllis? Just poking my head in to say I got all the way over here and forgot my gla.s.ses. I'll be right back."

Phiz turned to call out, but Hannah stopped her.

"It's okay. You made these plans long before I sprang this Tessa deal on you."

"But you deserve some time alone to deal with the destroy-it-yourself sisters and maybe do a bit of soul-searching."

Soul-searching? Destroy-it-yourself? Hannah shuddered to hear them both so closely phrased together. "No, thanks, Aunt Phiz. You get your hair done. Tessa can tag along with me this time."

"Or you could pack your bags and fly away."

"What?"

"Don't you remember?"

Hannah rolled her eyes. Of course she remembered.

But Aunt Phiz was going to tell it anyway. "When you girls were little, I'd come and stay as often as possible. But my work made demands. And there were those times when my husbands were still alive and expected the wifey to put in the odd appearance at home."

"Odd appearance. Have you ever made any other kind?" Hannah chuckled kindly.

"I'd like to think that sometimes I made a welcome appearance?"

"Yes." She could still recall the excitement that ruled their house when word came that their aunt had scheduled a visit. "But then you always had to...you always had to fly away."

"And you used to ask if you could come."

Hannah shut her eyes again. She took in a deep breath, and with it the familiar scent of tea and baby food and home. "Pack me in your bag, Aunt Phiz, and fly me away with you."

"I'd do it now if I could, but you're too big to fit in my bag." She touched the tip of Hannah's nose. "And you have your own husband and family expecting you to make the odd appearance around the house."

"True, and right now I have two sisters who want me to appear at the church in a few minutes-only I won't be the odd one in that scenario."

"One phone call and I can cancel my hair."

"Oh, no, Aunt Phiz. How could I ever live with myself if I were the cause of you canceling your hair?" Hannah smiled, kissed her aunt on the cheek and started taking the baby out of her high chair.

"The baby won't get in the way?"

Hannah pressed her lips to the child's chubby, cereal-slimed cheek. "Never. Besides, it's just two very well-intentioned women slapping some paint on a nursery wall. Nothing I can't handle. Nothing we can't handle together-right, Tessa?"

The baby giggled.

"What a happy, happy girl you are!" Hannah cooed. "Ready to go out and take on the world?"

Tessa kicked her legs and laughed some more.

Hannah had barely gotten the first hint of chuckle out when the smell hit her.

"Looks like before we take on the world, we have to make some big changes. And it won't be pleasant." She just hoped that wasn't an indication of what the rest of the day held for her.

CHAPTER 12

Subject: Nacho Mama's House column To:

Police tape.

In a great big yellow X across the doors of both the baby and toddler rooms!

I'll give you a moment to visualize. (Checking my watch. Humming.) Got it? Okeydoke, now let me ask you something in all sincerity.

Two sisters working together day in and day out, yet never seeming to get any closer to their goal. One morning you arrive to find the scene of their collaboration cordoned off by police tape. What would you think?

Sister-cide, right? Or whatever it's called when female sibs have finally had enough and turn on each other with whatever weapons they have at their disposal.

Thank the Lord all the girls could lay hands on were paint rollers and caulk guns. Jacqui will never get that stuff out of her hair. Cydney's self-designed clothes now have a nifty new color to them-Canary. And as for the nursery suite...

It's curtains for the window treatments. Dirt knap for the carpets. And Noah's Ark is sleeping with the fishes.

Trust me, in this case police tape is a vast improvement.

Not official police tape. No crime committed. No names changed to protect the innocent. This bright yellow-and-black plastic caution tape came from one of those megasize home improvement stores. I'm thinking of wrapping both rooms in it, handing the minister the keys and walking away.

Of course, that won't work. Everyone knows where I live.

Sister-cide. I can't lie-something akin to it has crossed my mind. But today I am counting my blessings that in all our many adventures from childhood on, my sisters and I have never tried to work together on anything more demanding than rescuing Daddy from another wayward adventure.

-From Nacho Mama's House column "Daddy did what?" Hannah pressed her cell phone to one ear and put her finger in the other. And she still couldn't hear her sister over the bickering of the DIY sisters. Tessa wailed. A freshly primped and permed Aunt Phiz who had run to the rescue when Hannah called to report the mess sang as she worked loose the corner of the paint-spattered carpet. "He said what to who?"

"What?" Phiz jerked her head up. "What's that baby brother of mine gone and done now?"

"Baby?" Jacqui stopped wagging her finger in her sister's face long enough to send a disbelieving look at Hannah's elderly spitfire of an aunt. Jacqui stopped wagging her finger in her sister's face long enough to send a disbelieving look at Hannah's elderly spitfire of an aunt.

"Yes. Baby Baby brother." To the dauntless Phyllis Amaryllis, Moonie Shelnutt was and always would be her sweet "baby" sibling, even though they were both well into collecting Social Security. brother." To the dauntless Phyllis Amaryllis, Moonie Shelnutt was and always would be her sweet "baby" sibling, even though they were both well into collecting Social Security.

"If only I had been blessed with a baby brother instead of a bossy sister." Jacqui finger-combed her hair, only to hit a snarl of still-moist caulk mixed with paint. She groaned and drew her hand away.

Hannah and Phiz both saw what was coming, but they couldn't warn Cydney fast enough to stop her frantic spit-cleaning of her tennis shoe and duck.

Th-wapp!

"Oh!" Cydney took the lightly flung goop right across the cheek. "Why you-"

"Watch your mouth. We're in the church, baby baby sister." sister."

Cydney narrowed her eyes and swiped the mess off with the back of her hand. "Better to be be the baby than to the baby than to act act like the baby." like the baby."

"Shh, ladies! ladies!" And she meant that term in the most lenient sense possible. "Please! I can't listen to you, quiet my baby and talk to Sadie all at the same time."

If only G.o.d had blessed her with that level of mult.i.tasking! Maybe then she'd finally get everything done and make everyone happy all at once. She picked Tessa up from the baby seat on the floor, planted the child on her hip and began pacing.

The noise level dropped to a dull roar.

Hannah shut her eyes to blot out everything but her sister's voice. "Say that again, Sadie. Daddy went where and asked for what?"

"He went into the vet clinic with his neighbor's new kitten tucked under his arm and announced, 'I'm here for my cat scan!'"

Maybe it was the ridiculousness of her situation. Or maybe having the image form in her head of her daddy clutching a small furball to his blue sweater, his gray hat screwed down tight to hide the orneriness in his eyes that set her off. Hannah didn't know. And it didn't matter. She had to laugh.

"Great fun for you, sure." Sadie's bristling carried like an electrical current through the lines.

"Besides, if anyone is acting infantile around here, maybe we should look to the person whose immature artistic style belongs stuck up on a refrigerator, not factored into a design scheme." Jacqui shook her head to loosen more caulk.

"Did I catch you at a bad time?" Sadie asked.

"Yes." Hannah moved to the doorway that separated the two rooms. "You did. Excuse me just a second."

She caught Jacqui by the arm and helped her through to the next room, where her sister stood surveying the wreckage that had once been a pair of hand-decorated shoes.

"Jacqui? Cydney? This is an important phone call. It's concerning my family. For the next few minutes, all issues concerning my family will be being conducted over there." She pointed to the toddler room. "All issues concerning your your family will be contained in here." family will be contained in here."

Wham. She slammed the door between herself and the wide-eyed, paint-slopped sisters.

"But then, there doesn't seem to be such a thing as a good time to catch me these days," she told her own sister in the sweetest tone imaginable. "So go on talking."

"Okay. So Daddy pulls this stunt at the vet, and after the giggling died down in the waiting room, he tells everyone there to be sure to let his busybody daughter know that he'd reported for his test as per her orders."

"Did he now?"

"I've been fielding calls all day long."

"Interesting."

"Interesting that Daddy pulled this stunt, or interesting that he actually listened to what I told him and acted on it-childishly-but acted on it just the same?"

"Interesting that when told to get word to his busybody busybody daughter, everyone called daughter, everyone called you you."

Sadie chuckled soft and quick before clucking her tongue. "I guess if he'd said call his celebrity daughter, you'd be the one trying to convince Lollie Mulldoon that Daddy's actions sprang from sarcasm, not a desperate plea for help."

"Sarcasm? What's prompted Daddy to resort to sarcasm now?"

"Not like he needs prompting." Aunt Phiz and Sadie treated Hannah to the remark in stereo.

Hannah blinked.

Aunt Phiz suddenly got terribly involved in not looking like she'd been eavesdropping. She gave the far corner of the carpet a mighty yank.

A long, ominous ripping sound tore through the vacant room as the flooring came loose.

Sadie pressed on. "What usually leads him to sarcasm? He's trying to take the heat off."

"The heat off?"

"Because he doesn't want to have the tests."

"Oh."

Hannah rubbed her forehead, but that didn't ease the tension brought on by the reminder of their father's transient ischemic attacks. He had the first about the time she'd learned she was pregnant with Tessa. The same time they had all learned about the ultimate, heartbreaking fate of their mother.

"What?" The carpet fell from Aunt Phiz's grip, sending a load of musty-smelling dust through the room.

Hannah bounced Tessa on her hip, turning away so she wouldn't show her disappointment and concern to her aunt as she answered the question. "The tests."

"He still hasn't gone for those?"

Hannah shook her head.

Payt had tried to hook Daddy up with the best neurologists in Kentucky for a year now, but the old man always had an excuse to cancel the appointments.

"He says he feels fine," Hannah relayed to her aunt.

"Let's just see if he's still saying that once I get a hold of him." The old gal slapped her hands together. Her ample upper arms swayed and joggled, making her look pretty formidable for a senior citizen with a clown-hair-colored poodle perm.

"You?" Hannah asked.

"Who?" Sadie shot back.

"Me!" Phiz motioned for Hannah to hand her the small cell phone. "Sounds like our Sadie has her hands full. And since you don't seem ready or willing to accept my help, why shouldn't I hie myself down to Wileyville to see what I can do?"

Because you're my help. You came to me. To impose yourself on my life. Not Sadie's. Mine.

Mine, mine, mine.