Visits and Sketches at Home and Abroad with Tales and Miscellanies Now First Collected Volume III Part 13

Oui, miladi, le monstre! il dit comme ca, dat he will sing more louder den ever.

LADY AMARANTHE--(_sinking again into her chair._)

Ah! the horrid man!

JUSTINE.

Ah! dere is no politesse, no more den dere is police in dis country.

LADY AMARANTHE.

If Lord Amaranthe were not two hundred miles off--but, as it is, I must find some remedy--let me think--bribery, I suppose. Have they sent for him? I dread to see the wretch. What noise is that? allez voir, ma chere!

JUSTINE--(_goes and returns._)

Madame, c'est justement notre homme, voulez-vous qu'il entre?

LADY AMARANTHE.

Oui, faites entrer.

[_She leans back in her chair._

JUSTINE--(_at the door._)

Entrez, entrez toujours, dat is, come in, good mister.

_Enter d.i.c.k. He bows; and, squeezing his hat in his hands, looks round him with considerable embarra.s.sment._

JUSTINE--(_to Lady Amaranthe._)

Bah! comme il sent le cuir, n'est-ce pas, madame?

LADY AMARANTHE.

Faugh! mes sels--ma vinaigrette, Justine--non, l'eau de Cologne, qui est la sur la table. (_JUSTINE brings her some eau de Cologne; she pours some upon her handkerchief, and applies it to her temples and to her nose, as if overcome; then, raising her eye-gla.s.s, she examines d.i.c.k from head to foot._) Good man--a--pray, what is your name?

d.i.c.k--(_with a profound bow._)

d.i.c.k, please your ladys.h.i.+p.

LADY AMARANTHE.

Hum--a--a--pray, Mr. d.i.c.k--

d.i.c.k.

Folks just call me plain d.i.c.k, my lady. I'm a poor honest cobbler, and no mister.

LADY AMARANTHE--(_pettishly._)

Well, sir, it is of no consequence. You live in the small house over the way, I think?

d.i.c.k.

Yes, ma'am, my lady, I does; I rents the attics.

LADY AMARANTHE.

You appear a good civil sort of man enough. (_He bows._) I sent my servant over to request that you would not disturb me in the night--or the morning, as you call it. I have very weak health--am quite an invalid--your loud singing in the morning just opposite to my windows----

d.i.c.k--(_eagerly._)

Ma'am, I--I'm very sorry; I ax your ladys.h.i.+p's pardon; I'll never sing no more above my breath, if you please.

JUSTINE.

Comment! c'est honnete, par exemple.

LADY AMARANTHE--(_surprised._)

Then you did not tell my servant that you would sing louder than ever, in spite of me?

d.i.c.k.

Me, my Lady? I never said no such thing.

LADY AMARANTHE.

This is strange; or is there some mistake? Perhaps you are not the same Mr. d.i.c.k?

d.i.c.k.

Why, yes, my lady, for that matter, I be the same d.i.c.k. (_Approaching a few steps, and speaking confidentially._) I'll just tell your ladys.h.i.+p the whole truth, and not a bit of a lie. There comes an impudent fellow to me, and he tells me, just out of his own head, I'll be bound, that if I sung o' mornings, he would have me put in the stocks.

LADY AMARANTHE.

Good heavens!

JUSTINE--(_in the same tone._)

Grands dieux!

d.i.c.k--(_with a grin._)

Now the stocks is for a rogue, as the saying is. As for my singing, that's neither here nor there; but no jackanapes shall threaten _me_.

I _will_ sing if I please, (_st.u.r.dily_,) and I won't sing if I don't please; and (_lowering his tone_) I don't please, if it disturbs your ladys.h.i.+p. (_Retreating_) I wish your ladys.h.i.+p a good day, and better health.